The Light Behind His Eyes (Frerard)

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so happy taking a bubble bath as much as Gerard. He managed to find some Mr. Bubbles bath soap and a rubber froggy that squeaks when you squeeze it, and is now all chipper bathing himself while singing some little song he made up about being a “frog dad”. It may come off as ridiculously silly and childish to some, but to me, it’s honestly so adorable and heart-warming to see him enjoying himself so much doing something as simple as taking a bath, his whole body engulfed in pink soap suds as he sings and plays with the rubber frog, having the resemblance of a young child playing with his toys in the bathtub. It’s like he’s living a precious moment in the childhood he never really had.
“Sounds like he’s really having a blast in there,” Mikey laughed, head nudging to the bathroom door down the hall as we both sat in the living room. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy, to be honest...,”
“I know,” I smiled. “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone so happy taking a bath, really,”
“Same here,” Mikey nodded. He glanced up at me, giving me the same warm smile from earlier when he and Gerard were finally reunited. “Frank...thanks again, man. I really appreciate all your help,”
“No problem, Mikey,” I replied, giving myself a mental pat on the back, feeling accomplished. “I just knew from when I first saw him that one night that I just had to do something. He needed help,”
“I know he did, Frank,” Mikey shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t think he’d come this far. I thought for a long time he was beyond help, really. Turns out I was wrong. Someone is here, able to fix him, and now he’s made progress, and because of that...I feel kinda bad,”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because…” Mikey looked down remorsefully, sighing. “Because, I’m his brother. I tried my hardest for so long, but nothing worked. I just gave up. I gave up on my own brother. Then you come along, trying to do the same. I kept telling you not to, and to stay away. You didn’t listen. You kept going down there behind me and Ray’s back. You really, really wanted to help him. You cared so much for him. You were so determined to fix him. And now, here he is, upstairs and happy as a clam. He’s still got a long way to go, but he’s still a whole different person than before...and I feel guilty that I had no part of that. I feel like shit, knowing I gave up on him, thinking he was hopeless, when all this time, I was wrong…”
I frowned at seeing Mikey beat himself up so much like this. Sure, it was kinda shitty of him to give up on Gerard and leave him to rot in the basement, but that’s because Mikey’s already fought too much to help his brother. I do believe he’s tried his hardest, but as it turned out, nothing worked. I think it’s also because he just couldn’t bear to see his one and only brother so damaged, like the time he saw him in the mental hospital years ago. All this time, Mikey hid Gerard like a skeleton in the closet (or, basement in this case). He didn’t wanna be faced with his failures once again, nor did he want anyone else to see for themselves. He couldn’t help his own flesh and blood brother, but some stranger living in the same house did, and because of that, he feels ashamed.
“I feel like I could’ve done more, y’know?” Mikey continued, guilt-tripping himself some more. “I could have been a better little brother. We were separated for so long growing up, but still. I just feel so pathetic, so dumb, so worthless. I was proven wrong...and I hate being told I’m wrong, really…”
“Mikey,” I said, my tone serious. “Don’t say that. I understand what you’ve been feeling. I really do. You tried your hardest, man. I believe you did,”
“I know I did, Frank,” Mikey refuted. “I know damn well I did. It was just so hard, y’know? When Gerard came here to live with us, there were just times we couldn’t face each other, because he’d look at me and start having flashbacks of what happened to us, and he’d just lose it, like that time I saw him in the hospital. I just couldn’t bear to see him like that. It hurt too much. I feel like a coward, knowing you saw that side of him. I kept warning you about how dangerous and mentally unstable he is, and...that’s why I grabbed the knife and opened up the basement door. I thought Gerard was trying to hurt you again, when I heard you both screaming like bloody murder. I didn’t want Gerard to hurt anyone anymore, or even worse, kill someone. But despite Gerard being like that, you kept coming back to him this whole time, you see what I mean?”
“Yeah, I do,” I sighed, cringing at the horrible memories of Gerard going into hysterics, hurting himself and fighting the voices in his head, like what happened just hours ago on the stairs. “But still, Mikey. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You should be happy that Gerard’s changed so much for the better, even though you are right; he still has a long way to go. But you know what? This is your chance, man. This is your chance to help him more,”
Mikey and I sat there in silence. Mikey continued to glance down at the ground, looking deep in thought. He glanced back up, nodding a little.
“Yeah…” he muttered, pushing his glasses up with a finger. “I guess you’re right, Frank. This is my time, and you made it possible,” he smiled. “Thanks again, man,”
“You’re welcome, Mikey,” I replied. Down the hall, Gerard is still enjoying himself in the bathtub, water and soap suds splashing as he continues to sing his heart out about being a frog swimming in the water with other frogs. The more I listened in on Gerard’s enthusiastic bathtime session, the more I thought about how he was earlier when he insisted on taking a bath upstairs, outside of his comfort zone when he could simply just go back downstairs and shower there. Taking a bath was one of the first things he wanted to do when he finally came up here. It was clear he was desperate to get clean, but why did he simply refuse to do that downstairs, in the shower? I guess he just prefers baths over showers that much, but it just doesn't seem right to me. He did also mention that the shower downstairs doesn’t work. The few times I went to Gerard’s bathroom to take a leak, the shower looked like it was never used; there’s no shampoo, conditioner, body soap, or even a washcloth in there; instead it’s just cluttered with more trash. It looked like it was in just about perfectly good shape, aside from the garbage. Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about this too much; I could be needlessly digging way too deep into this whole matter, but something here just doesn’t add up…
I excused myself from the living room, walking down the hall and downstairs to Gerard’s basement. I treaded past the living room and kitchen there and down the small hallway to the bathroom. I flipped the lightswitch inside, then proceeded to toss aside some of the debris in the shower. After doing so, I turned the knob on the shower wall, water pouring out of the head with ease. I waited a few minutes to make sure there was warm water, then waved my hand in it, feeling the temperature. There is definitely warm water available for him. This shower works just fine (at least, it looks like it. I’m not a mechanic, by all means). There’s nothing wrong with this shower whatsoever, meaning Gerard lied to me. There’s something else he doesn’t want me to know, something that a part of me wants to know, but another part doesn’t, considering some of the very dark and ghastly things I already know about him…

After Gerard finished his bath, he insisted that he spends the night up here, to all of our surprise, mine included.
“I really wanna stay up here for as much as I can,” he said, ruffling his hair dry with a damp towel, his body clothed in clean black sweatpants and a navy blue pullover hoodie. “I feel like I’d be letting you down if I went back downstairs again, y’know?”
“Are you sure, Gerard?” Mikey asked, clearly stunned as much as I am. “You don’t have to sleep up here if you don’t want to. You can go sleep back in your bed downstairs, if you’re more comfortable with that,”
“No,” Gerard said flatly. “I wanna stay up here a little longer, for the night. It’s the better thing to do, anyway,” he turned to me, giving me a smile. “I wanna be up here with Frankie,”
“Alright,” I smiled back, blushing a little. “If you wanna stay up here, that’s cool,”
“Yeah, that’s fine, but…” Mikey paused, looking around the place a little. “Where’s he gonna sleep?”
“Hmm…” I muttered, stumped. I looked over to Gerard, who just shrugged his shoulders.
“Anywhere’s fine,” he said. “I’ll sleep on the floor, if I have to,”
“No, Gerard!” Ray refuted, rummaging through the closet for some sleeping bags. “That’s not good for your back, you silly goose!”
“What about the storage room?” Bob suggested. “He could sleep in there,”
“That’s not gonna work,” Ray sighed. “Too much stuff is in there. It would be too cramped and cluttered for him,”
“Yeah, Bob,” Mikey chimed in. “Gerard can’t sleep in there. All our instruments are in there; Ray’s guitars, Bob’s drum set, and my bass, and I don’t want him touching any of that-”
“Hey!” Gerard pouted, giving Mikey a dirty look. “I’m not gonna touch anything, you-”
“Guys, guys!” I cut the Way brothers off before a conflict could possibly erupt. “It’s okay! He can sleep with me in the futon, alright?”
“Really?” Gerard turned to me, his eyes full of glee. Everyone else looked at me like I was outta my mind.
“Uh...Frank,” Mikey said shakily, brow furrowed in bewilderment. “You sure you wanna do that?”
“Yeah, I don’t mind. It’s better than him sleeping on the floor, anyway, right?” I turned to Gerard, who nodded in approval.
“Alrighty then,” Ray shrugged, grabbing a pile of blankets from the closet. Mikey just walked off, clearly still perplexed that I’m willing to share my futon with someone I’ve known for less than a week. Ray handed Gerard the blankets and pillow, who began to set up his place to sleep for the night, next to me.
“See you guys in the morning!” Ray sang, retiring to his room for the night.
“Night, Ray,” I said, getting under the covers.
“You sure you wanna let me sleep with you here?” Gerard asked, spreading his blanket out on the futon. “I tend to toss and turn a lot. I pretty much do kung-fu in my sleep,”
“It’s fine. I think I’ll manage,”
“Oookaaayyy,” Gerard sang, smirking. “If you say so, Frankie,”
“Whatever, man,” I yawned, noting to myself it’s about time I call it a night and get some sleep for work tomorrow morning. “I’m gonna crash, got work ahead of me,”
“Okay,” Gerard laid his head down on his pillow, facing me with a grin on his face. “Goodnight, Frankie. Sleep well,”
“You too, Gee,” I said, shutting my eyes.

“Frankie…,” a familiar voice called, laughing. “Come look here,”
I opened up my eyes, finding myself lying on the cold, grassy ground in what appears to be a wooded area, seeing myself surrounded by dead trees and bushes, my body greeted by the windchill of the outdoors. There’s something odd about this place. Everything’s bleakly shaded, lacking any color other than shades of black, white, and gray, like in an old black and white film.
Alright, I said to myself, just what the hell is going on? Why is everything such a depressing, bland, neutral color? How did I get here in this place? Who’s calling my name? The last thing I remember was falling asleep on the futon, next to Gerard. I scanned my surroundings, finding an old withering wooden sign. “Welcome to Monroeville Park” is what it says, painted in bold, black letters.
Wait a minute...Monroeville Park? The place where Gerard hung out with Ray when they were both in high school? The place where Gerard snapped and murdered those...
I felt my insides churn when my eyes came across something on the ground near me; something I never thought I’d ever see; something that seriously scared the living shit outta me-Ray, Bob and Mikey all sprawled on the floor, their bodies horribly mangled and covered in a black liquid that I can only dreadfully assume is their own blood. I screamed, jolting to my feet as I felt just inches away from puking. I covered my mouth, gasping in horror when I got a better look at my dead friends, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Ray’s lifeless body was sprawled near a tree, with a large open wound on his torso and back, his entrails spilled out as if someone had carved him open and gutted him like a fish. Bob laid on his back, his dead eyes wide and facing me. His throat was slashed open like Ray’s torso, with his tongue hanging out from the open gash, resembling a twisted, fucked up version of a necktie. Then I glanced over at Mikey’s corpse, whose head was absent. His head was cut clean off of him, nowhere to be found. The stump of his neck spurted blood, further soaking the soil on the ground in it.
Oh my god...they’re all dead...they were all murdered...there’s so much blood…
My friends were fucking murdered!
Nauseous and mortified by the grisly murder scene in front of me, I dropped to my knees, covering my tear-drenched face with my hands and screamed, wanting to disappear. I felt something warm and thick on my face. It’s not the tears. I looked at my hands. It’s blood...
What the fuck happened to Ray, Bob, and Mikey?
Who killed them?
How?
Why?
What the hell is going on?
Am I going crazy? No, I can’t be! I’m not crazy!
This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking happening-
“Fraaaankie…” the voice called again in a sing-songy voice, still laughing. “Come here, Frankie...I have something to show you…”
Wait a minute…
I know that disturbed, child-like voice.
I know that twisted, unsettling laugh.
It’s Gerard...and he’s laying right next to his brother’s dead body, curled up in fetal position, his head rested on the corpse. He’s holding something in his arms. His back is facing me, his head a mass of long black hair, his body clothed in what appears to be a suit.
Oh, my god...oh my fucking god…
Gerard killed them all!
“Oh my god…” I cried, my mouth still covered with both shaking hands. “Gerard...what have you done?”
“Come here, Frankie,” Gerard cooed. “Come look, I have something I wanna show you!”
He just doesn’t understand, does he? He murdered Ray, Bob, and Mikey. Just killed them all mercilessly in cold blood, and here he is, all laughs and smiles. He’s enjoying this! He feels no remorse for what he did!
This man is sick.
This man is insane.
This man is a murderer.
This man is a monster.
This man is a freak!
Feeling myself fume with rage, confusion, and fear, I stood up and stormed over to Gerard, grabbing him by the shoulder and jerking him violently to face me.
“Gerard!” I screamed. “What did you-”
I gasped and fell back when I saw his face. His eyes are wide with bloodlust and hysteria, his pale face still bruised. A single drop of blood poured from his nose, streaming down his cheek. He is smiling wickedly from ear to ear, revealing his chattering teeth. He’s holding a severed head in his hand. It’s undoubtedly Mikey’s…
Or, is it?
The hair on the severed head is black, instead of a blondish-brown like Mikey’s. It’s also slightly longer. The head’s eyes were wide open, all bright and marble-like and horrible, staring back at me like a mounted deer…
Wait, those eyes…
Those aren’t Mikey’s eyes…
Those are my eyes…
That’s my hair…
That’s my head Gerard is holding!
“Isn’t it beautiful, Frankie?” Gerard cackled, still smiling.
“Gerard…” I gasped, my whole body trembling.
“It’s beautiful...just like you, Frankie!”
“GERARD!” I screamed.

“Frankie! Frankie, wake up!”
I opened up my eyes, gasping for air. I screamed when I saw Gerard, swatting away his hand on my shoulder, my sweat-drenched body kicking and flailing and nearly falling outta bed.
“Frankie!” Gerard grabbed me. “Frankie, it’s just-”
“Get away from me!” I screamed. “Get away from me, you freak!”
I suddenly froze, realizing I’m no longer dreaming. That’s what it was. A dream. A really fucked up one. One that actually terrified me, despite usually having a spine with bad dreams like that-
Oh no...I called Gerard a freak…
I looked up at Gerard, seeing the tears starting to soak up his hurt, hazel eyes. He backed away from me, his body curled up and shaking, like a lost puppy.
Goddamnit, Frank...now look what you’ve done!
“Gerard, I’m sorry,” I reached out to him. “I didn’t mean to-”
“No!” Gerard flinched, slapping my hand away. “You called me a freak, Frankie…”
“I didn’t mean to, Gerard!” I refuted, feeling my heart sink. “I didn’t mean to do-”
“I am a freak!” Gerard cried, darting outta bed and down the hall, retreating to his basement, back in the dark. His wails and sobs echoed throughout the house, slapping me in the face for what I just said to him.
That’s it. I’ve done it again. I hurt Gerard. I let myself call him a freak! I broke him, shattering him to pieces.
“Fuck!” I hissed under my breath, slamming my fist down on the bed. “Goddamnit! God fucking damnit!”
“Whoa, what’s going on here?” Bob said, emerging along with Ray from their bedroom, both looking irritated and only a quarter awake.
“Frank, what happened?” Ray asked, tired eyes scanning the room. “You woke us all up! Where’s Gerard?”
Before I could answer, I saw Mikey walk in the room as well, and the bitterly unpleased look on his face just tells me he already knows what happened.
“G-guys,” I stuttered, all eyes on me. “Guys, I-”
“Frank,” Mikey hissed, interrupting me. “Just look what you’ve done…”
Unable to justify myself for the awful thing I just called Gerard, I hung my head down, continuing to curse at myself for being such an asshole. I have no words. I have no right to defend myself. I deserve to be guilt-tripped. The one and only person that meant so much to Gerard just pushed him away, leaving him all alone once again.
“Screw this, man,” Bob snorted, walking back to his bedroom, leaving me with Ray and Mikey. “I’m going back to bed,”
“Seriously, what’s going on here?” Ray asked, his tone full of frustration as his eyes glanced back and forth between me and Mikey. “I woke up and heard you guys screaming. Can anyone please tell me-”
“You don’t know, Ray?” Mikey interrupted. “Frank hurt Gerard. He hurt my brother. He called him a freak, loud and clear, Ray. I heard everything,” He looked back at me, resentment brimming in his eyes. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Frank. Don’t even bother going back down there to him. He doesn’t need someone like you…”
“Mikey!” Ray revolted, waving his hands in front of him. “Now, just wait a minute-”
Ignoring Ray, Mikey stormed down the hallway and back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut. Ray turned back, looking at me for answers.
“What happened, Frank?” he asked. “I’m sorry about Mikey, he can be a real jerk sometimes-”
“No, Ray,” I interrupted, shaking my head as I felt my eyes tear up. “He’s right. Gerard doesn’t deserve me. I called him a freak. I hurt him. I broke him again…”
Giving in, I covered my face, arms hugging my legs, my whole body curling up. I wish I could just vanish forever in a dark place, where I’ll never be found. I deserve to be all alone, left to rot.
“Frank,” Ray sighed, sitting down beside me on the futon, putting a hand on my shoulder. “He’s not broken. He’s just-”
“Yes, he is!” I yelled, voice muffled from my head buried in my legs. “Do you not know what he’s been through, Ray? Horrible people in his life made him that way, and I just made it worse, when he was slowly being fixed by me! I took what I was fixing and just ruined it all again! I’m so pathetic!”
Defeated, Ray sighed, looking down. He knew what I did. There’s no way in hell he can defend me. I’m the one that called Gerard a freak. I’m the one that broke him again. Mikey has every right to be mad at me, and Ray knows it.
“Frank…” he said. “I know you didn’t mean to call Gerard a freak,”
“I still did it though!” I refuted. “I’m still guilty! I still made him cry!”
“Just because you say something doesn’t automatically mean you actually mean it, Frank. After all, actions do speak louder than words, y’know. I heard all that commotion going on earlier. It was like you were having a bad dream or something, and Gerard was trying to help you; he wanted you to wake up,”
“What?” I asked, perplexed. “How do you know?”
“You kept screaming and crying, saying Gerard’s name over and over. You were screaming that people were dead, or something like that. You said there’s blood everywhere. You kept asking Gerard what he did, and he kept calling your name, begging you to wake up. It was at that moment I think I knew what was going on, despite trying to sleep…”
“I know…” I said, kinda stunned at Ray. “It’s just that...I did have a bad dream, you’re right about that. I dreamt that Gerard murdered you all, you, Bob and Mikey...and me…”
“Oh, dear,” Ray gasped, covering his mouth with a hand. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious,” I replied. “I remember being in this park, finding your bodies all mangled and shit, and then I found Gerard on the ground near Mikey’s body...and Gerard was laughing and smiling, holding my head. It was in Monroeville Park, where he…”
I suddenly stopped, wishing I did so earlier. Ray doesn’t know what Gerard did, does he?
“Wait…” Ray said, eyes wide. “Monroeville...that’s where Gerard went to school. That’s where...he killed those kids,”
I guess he does know, which is sorta a relief, I think.
“Oh my god, Frank…” Ray turned to me, face full of utter shock. “that’s some fucked up dream you had. It’s like in that dream, we got murdered, instead of those guys that bullied Gerard…”
“Yeah...that’s pretty much what happened,”
“I see…,” Ray sighed somberly, looking down at his folded hands. “I always knew there was something wrong with Gerard. I remember him from high school, y’know,”
“I know, Mikey told me. He told me you would always meet up with Gerard at Monroeville Park and hang out with him there, even though you and I went to a different school than he did, right?”
“Yep,” Ray nodded. “That’s how I knew Gerard,”
“What was he like?” I asked, curious. “What was he like in high school?”
“He…” Ray paused, looking like he’s trying to carefully put each and every sentence together, slowly and diligently as possible. “He was like...the best way I can put it is that he was pretty much no different than he is now, y’know?”
“Yeah, I see what you mean,”
“Yeah. I remember when I first met him. We were both seniors, I think. I remember I was taking a little stroll through the park, then I found this guy, sitting on a bench under a tree all by himself, drawing in a sketchbook. I looked at what he was drawing, I couldn’t exactly remember what it was, but it was really good! I complimented him on his drawing, and he just looked up at me shyly. He didn’t speak at all. He never really did, til I got to know him better later on. I didn’t even know what his name was until he finally spoke to me much later! I saw him and how he was, and I told myself ‘Ray, you gotta talk to this guy. He needs someone’.”
“Well,” I said, smiling a little. “You did the right thing,”
“I know I did. I saw him, and he looked so vulnerable, so lost and alone, the poor little thing. I remember he always looked disheveled. His clothes were always tattered and dirty, his hair was a mess, he was always shivering and shaking like a leaf, even in the warm weather. I think it was his face that was the worst, though…”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“His face told a story,” Ray said, shaking his head in remorse. “A really sad one. He had bruises all over his face, like someone was hurting him. I swear, there were a few times he even had a black eye whenever I saw him! He had these doe-like eyes that just screamed ‘I need help’, and when I saw him like that, that’s when I knew that I couldn’t just leave him. He needed someone. He needed a friend. I think that’s what you saw in him when you snuck down the basement that one night, Frank. You know?”
“You’ve got that right,” I agreed. “That’s exactly what I saw in him, Ray. That’s why I was so eager to help him. I didn’t just see someone that was a freak hiding in his basement. I saw more than that. I saw someone that was just...so beautiful…”
As I spoke, my mind pictured Gerard on the first night he and I met in the basement, during the party upstairs; radiant hazel orbs for eyes, snow-white skin, jet-black hair, an immense amount of talent, and possibly the most breathtaking and gorgeous smile ever seen on someone’s face.
“That’s true, Frank. He definitely is a very special guy, and that clearly got overlooked by too many people, which is just sad,”
“I know. It is really sad that not a lot of people were able to see that in him. A lot of people hurt him and picked on him. A lot of people took something so beautiful and damaged it…”
“You’re right,” Ray frowned. “I knew he was damaged. I could see it in him. I knew he was being bullied at school. I also knew from the way he was that there was something going on at his home, like he was being abused or something. He never really told me anything about his personal life, though. He was always very secretive about it, especially his home life. Whenever I asked him a question about what was going on at home or whatever, he just flat-out avoided it. I definitely knew for a fact something was wrong with him when he snapped and killed those kids. I didn’t get to see him until years later…”
“Mikey told me you found him living out on the streets, like you did with me. Is that true?” I asked.
“Yeah, it is...except he wasn’t in a bar like you were, Frank. Gerard was living in a cardboard box in an alleyway,”
“Mikey told me that, too. What was he like when you found him?”
“Oh my god, Frank…” Ray frowned, his eyes full of genuine sadness and remorse. “He looked awful, a complete wreck. Much worse than he did when I first met him in the park. I swear, I cried when I saw him again, all alone in that small box he barely fit in…”
“Really?” I said, feeling my heart sink. “Was he that bad?”
“Yeah, he was. He looked like he hadn’t showered in so long, plus his clothes were in tatters and he was so skinny, like it’s been so long since he’s eaten anything! At first, I didn’t recognize him, but then, I saw those eyes...I remembered those doe-like eyes he had, those sad and hollow eyes full of pain...and it all just slapped me in the face. It was Gerard in that box in a dark alley, not just some stranger,”
“Did he say anything to you when you saw him?” I asked, picturing what Ray must’ve been wearing that day he saw Gerard. I can only imagine…
“Honestly, Frank...he did, but I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about,”
“What do you mean?”
“He, like...he kept talking in word salads, ranting and rambling a bunch of nonsense, talking to the thin air. Can’t really remember what much of it was, some mumbo-jumbo about police cars and people coming after him to stick needles in his head, something like that, but...fucking hell, man, he clearly wasn’t all that well in the head. It was so heartbreaking to see him so messed up like that…”
“Oh,” I nodded, frowning. “I see. How did you get him to come home with you?”
“It took quite a lot of convincing and reminiscing. He didn’t recognize me at first, since it’s been so long since we last saw each other. I think after he finally recognized who I was, he decided to tag along with me. I just couldn’t leave him like that. He needed help...badly. I woulda felt like such an ass if I never decided to take him home with me, but...sometimes now I kinda regret doing it, knowing how he is…”
“I understand,” I nodded. “He really does worry me sometimes. There were times he went totally bonkers and it scared the living shit outta me, you know?”
“Exactly, Frank. I was so devastated when I found out he killed those kids so long ago. It was all over the news, it was crazy! It shocked me even more when I found out he got sent to a mental institution instead of prison, but then again...knowing how he is, I shouldn’t really have been so surprised. It really boggles my mind that he got out, you know? I dunno how he was able to leave, considering the state he was in, especially when I saw him out in the streets that one time,”
Gerard was right. Ray doesn’t know the truth about how he really got out. He wasn’t discharged, let free to go. Gerard escaped from that hospital. How? I really don’t know, but I must say, I gotta give him props for being able to escape from such a place and stay off the radar for so long…
“But, you know what, Frank?” Ray said suddenly. “I’m still happy he’s here. Same goes for you,”
“Thanks, man. Woulda never happened if it hadn’t been for you,”
“Well, of course! You know what, Frank? I’ve got a feeling about something…”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I think you and Gerard have like...some sort of special bond, you know? Like it was fate that brought you two together, like this whole thing with you and him was meant to be,”
“I dunno about that, Ray,” I sighed. “I really hurt his feelings. I still feel so shitty for doing that to him…I need to tell him I’m sorry,”
“Hey, it’s alright,” Ray patted me on the back. “Just give him some space. That’s what he needs. I don’t want Mikey to give you a hard time any more than he already has. I’m sorry for doing the same too, giving you grief about going down that basement. I didn’t realize how much you ended up helping him, how much you’ve made an impact on his life. You really wanted to help Gerard. You went down there, despite all the odds. I must say, you’ve got balls of steel, Frank,”
“Thanks, I guess,” I laughed. “I should really get to bed. I gotta get up early for work,”
“Yeah, good idea,” Ray nodded. “I’ll talk to Mikey when I get the chance, tell him to chill out, y’know? Tell him your side of the story,”
“Alright. Thanks again, Ray,” I yawned. “Guess I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Sure, if I’m still here when you’re up,” Ray stood up, walking to his bedroom. “Goodnight, Frank,”
“Night,” I laid back down, trying my hardest to fall back asleep, despite all that just took place. I’ll never forget that awful dream I had earlier. I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to sleep well for a while after that. I can only hope it’s nothing more than an oddly coincidental, fucked up dream, and not a sign that maybe getting Gerard outta the basement was a horrible idea...so much of one that, in fact, it could end being deadly…

The rest of the week consisted of me working long eight hour shifts at the Tragician, followed by coming home to get warm smiles from Ray, and cold glares from Mikey. I so badly wanna tell Mikey to stop looking at me like that and fuck off, but I decided to just keep my mouth shut. I’m not dealing with it at all. All I wanna do is be left alone. Ray was right. Gerard does need some space. I just hope he’s okay, though. I really hurt him by calling him such a name. He probably got called that name way too many times, so much that he just can’t bear to hear it anymore, and when he does, it feels like a stab to his already broken heart. Accident or not, I still feel like a piece of shit for calling him a freak, even days later after it all happened. I miss him so much, even after only a week, which has felt more like months to me. That’s how long time has dragged on for me. I never thought it would hurt so much missing someone. It hurts so much that it almost feels like a piece of me is missing, and it’s hard for me to find it again.
I also still am really freaked out after that nightmare. I wonder if Ray told Mikey anything about it. If so, what does he think? Does he agree that it’s more than just a coincidental and really messed up dream, or does he think I’m just as “crazy” as his older brother is?
After working at the Tragician on Saturday, I decided to stop by the local grocery store to pick up a few things, like coffee. I also decided to not take the taxi again in order to save money; taxi fare can be ridiculously expensive sometimes. With my two bags of groceries tucked in each of my arms, I walked home in the semi-warm weather. I say semi-warm because it is still fairly cold, but not that cold; my best guess is that it’s somewhere in the 50’s right now, which of course is not that bad, considering it’s in the middle of December in New York. I don’t know if I should consider myself lucky or what.
As I walked down the front driveway to the house and searched my pockets for the spare pair of house keys Ray gave me, my eyes came across a man, sitting on the front porch, smoking a cigarette; a man wearing a navy-blue hoodie and black sweatpants, his long black hair uncombed and messy, his face pale and bruised, his hazel eyes sunken...
Wait a minute...that’s Gerard sitting outside on the porch smoking a cigarette!
I just about dropped my groceries on the hard asphalt ground when I saw him. He looked up at me, his eyes apologetic.
“G-gerard…” I stuttered, my jaw unable to stay shut. “You...you’re outside?”
“Frankie…” Gerard stood up, not acknowledging the question I almost never thought I’d be asking him. “I missed you…”

Notes