If I was dead

Frank's pov

Gerard cried all the way home, the police came and I had to explain what happened. When I tried to touch Gerard he flinched away afraid. When we got home he walked to his room and shut the door, I wanted to help him but he was afraid. I stood in the hallway listening to his quiet sobs, I knocked on the door softly, no response. "Gee?" I said and slowly opened the door, he was on his bed curled up in a ball facing the wall. "Gee, I'm here for you." I said sitting on the edge of his bed, he sniffled and scooted away. "I won't hurt you." I said softly putting my hand on his side, his whole body jerked away and he whimpered. I pulled away and sat at the end of his bed for a while listening to him sniffle. "Gee please talk to me, I'm here for you." I begged trying to get him to at least look at me, I scooted closer but kept distance between us. He sat up and practically jumped into my arms, I fell back into the bed, he hugged me as tight as he possibly could and cried into my chest. "Shhh Gee, it's okay now." I said stroking his hair, he just cried into my chest as I held him.
He cried until he cried himself out, it was three in the morning when that happened. He whimpered in his sleep, I couldn't calm him down, I just had to listen to him. He had a fist full of my shirt in his pale hand, his head on my chest. I didn't sleep at all because I wanted to be awake if he woke up.
It wasn't until ten in the morning when he started to wake up, his whole body was shaking. "It's okay Gee." I said softly, he jumped pulled away looking at me scared, he scooted away from me to the other side of the bed. "I'm not going to hurt you." I said trying to comfort him, he was terrified of me, all of the progress, him opening up to me, him talking, all of that was gone. He slowly got up on shaking legs and left the room, he was afraid of me now, this is all my fault, I shouldn't have left him alone. I talked to Ana and she told me to give him space, I wanted to pcomfort him so badly. Gerard spend all of his time in his room crying quietly, he would only come out if he needed to use the bathroom or get a drink.
Gerard was in the bathroom, he forgot to shut the door all the way. He took the razer and cut ten new red streaks across his arms. He just watched as the blood stopped dripping, he cleaned the blood up and roled his sleeves down. When he noticed me in the hallway he looked down so his hair was covering his face, tears dropped off of his cheeks. I closed the distance between us and hugged him, he melted into my touch and cried into my chest. We stood there for a few minutes, I led him to my room and I laid down. He instantly crawled on top of me which surprised me but I didn't stop him. He hugged me nuzzling against my neck, just him touching me felt so good. "Frankie." He said quietly, it was barely a whisper, I looked up at him as he pulled away, he must realized he was sitting on top of him because he started to blush. "It's been five days since we've talked." I said touching his cheek as the blush crept up his neck, he nodded and slid off to lay next to me. "Sorry." He said cuddling against my side, it was like he was trying to comfort himself. "It's okay, it's not your fault, it's my fault. I should've been with you, I thought you hated me." I said nuzzling against him now, he shook his head and kissed my cheek. "I just... When he did that... It was like Robby all over again." He said as his voice shook, I kissed his neck and pulled him back on top of me, he looked down at me questionly. "I like it when your on top." I laughed making him blush, he slid off a little with his head on my chest. "I uh... I didn't mean to see you in the bathroom..." I said trying to clear up what I saw, he tensed up and nodded his head slowly. "Your to perfect to hurt your self, your beautiful." I said kissing his head, he was crying again, please no. "I didn't..." I was cut off by him kissing me passionately, his mouth open, I took the invasion happily. He grinned up against my thigh letting out little maons against my mouth. "Gee we don't have to do this after what happened." I said ago his mouth, he didn't stop kissing me or grinning against my thigh. I got on top of him kissing and sucking his neck making him moan again. "You make me feel like I'm worth something." He said and looked at me smiling, wait something wasn't right, his pupils were shot and his eyes looked shiny. "Gee, are you okay?" I asked concerned and got off of him, he nodded and pulled me back for another kiss. "I only took two sleeping pills." He said kissing me again, he never acted like this, I kept kissing him but didn't let it go any farther then that. He ended up falling asleep against my chest, oh Gerard why do you do these things to yourself? He was kinda stoned, fuck I wouldn't blame him for trying to numb the pain.

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