Mikey was getting too excited for me coming over after school. He kept mentioning playing video games and eating pizza-both sounded very fun and something I would be interested in doing. Though, my only interest is seeing Gerard. I wonder what he wears when he’s not in school. Usually in school, he wears black skinny jeans and a heavy hoodie with a band name on it. His hair is always messy but it suites him. I saw him at school today. He glanced at me but paid more attention to the girl he talking to.

I know a lot about Gerard. A lot. Though, there is one thing I don’t know. His sexual orientation. I’m starting to believe Gerard is hetero or straight. He is always hanging out with her. Her name is Lindsey or Lynz. How beautiful she was. Long thick black hair, dark brown eyes and a dark shade of red lips. She’s always getting Gerard’s attention. If she heads one way, he offers to go with her. If she gets lunch, he’s always by her side, picking up her carton of milk. He’s like a puppy in desperate need of an owner.

I’m slouching in my seat, watching Gerard in a distance in the cafeteria. Lindsey is picking at her food, making her fork dance around her food as Gerard smiled at her, sitting fairly close. I’m disgusted by them both at the moment. I’m staring down at my food, wanting to throw it against Lindsey’s face.

Mikey is talking about who knows what. It wasn’t until he mentioned Gerard when I clicked in. He continued from his comment, “Gerard is getting more and more distant from everyone.” He paused, “I have no idea why but it’s not my place to say why even if I did know.”

I looked over to Gerard who was staring at Lindsey who was paying more attention to her food rather than anything else. I now know what Gerard’s face looks like when he’s in love. I murmured, “I can’t wait to hang out after school.”

Mikey grinned, “Me neither.”

During art class, Gerard sat in front of me and started to scribble on his paper. I kept glancing up from my drawing before purposely breaking the lead. I sighed as I set it down. I leaned over my desk and tapped Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard turned around, “Yeah?”

“Sorry, my pencil broke. Can I borrow one?”

Gerard glanced over to the corner of the room, “There’s a pencil sharpener over there ..” He chuckled very lightly, amused by my stupidity. I almost smiled, “Yeah, right-sorry to bother you.”

Gerard looked at me, “You’re friends with my brother?”

“Yeah,” I muttered, “Is that okay?”

Gerard scrunched up his nose, “Nope.” He was obviously being sarcastic but I chimed in, “Oh, darn-that sucks.”

Gerard grinned, a more acceptable smile.

He said, “It’s fine. But it’ll be cool if you don’t mention about-”

“I wouldn’t.” I almost shouted, “Why would I mention that?”

Gerard’s smile faded. He muttered, “Ok, I get it. Calm down.” He turned his back to me again. Shit. I fucked it up. He was actually starting to like me and I let my anger attack me. I slouched in my seat. I’m such an idiot.

After school, Mikey and I walked side by side heading to his house. He was talking about his day, “There was a guy in my class who kept looking at me. He just .. kept staring, you know? It was weird-but it’s fine.” He smiled, “He’s just some weirdo.” He looked at me, “So how was your day?”

I paused, “I-uh-it was good?”

“You say it like you don’t know.”

“Well, I’ve never been ask that question.”

“Not even by your parents?”

“My parents are rarely home .. “ I frown.

Mikey frowned too, “I’m sorry about that. Don’t worry, I’ll ask about your day everyday.” And even if I was kind of in a shitty mood, he made me smile. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, “Don’t worry, buddy. I got you.”

I laughed a bit.

Even if Mikey can be annoying at times, he was really sweet. Throughout my years in high school, he’s my first real friend. When we reached his house, it was simple but cute. Rose bushes, one story house, and cute little wind chimes clinking in the wind. We entered in his house and the first living thing that greeted me was a cute little dog. It looked like a mutt but who the fuck cares it’s a fucking puppy. I dropped my bag on the floor and scooped up the pup, cradling it in my arms. Its tiny tongue scooped up my cheek over and over again. I laughed as Mikey picked up my bag and grinned at the scene.

I asked, “Can I take the puppy to your room?”

Another voice said, “His name is Max.”

I looked up to find Gerard in sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He looked at me, “Max is my dog so if you’re going to take him anywhere, you ask me first.”

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Bullshit. Mom and dad got Max for both of us.”

“Well mom and dad aren’t here and I’m the oldest so fuck off, Mikey.” Gerard growled.

I felt the tension between the two. We all stayed quiet with the occasion napping from Max. I carefully set him down before grabbing onto Mikey’s arm, “Let’s just go.” We walked into Mikey’s room. Mikey set his bag down, “Sorry about that. We don’t really get along.”

“Why’s that?”

Mikey looked down, “I’m not sure.”

Mikey and I did what he wanted to. We play video games, ate pizza, and drank beer. I didn’t really like it but it was soothing me down. I was getting buzzed so I walked out of the room, walking toward the bathroom. A figure stopped me. Gerard sighed, “Are you and my brother drinking?”

He looks so pretty. I reached for his hand, taking it in mine. I said softly, “Thank you for saving me. I owe my life to you.”

Gerard flushed, “D-don’t touch me.” He reeled his hand away, “It’s not a big deal .. ok? Just .. just don’t touch me like that again.”

I tucked in my lips and pushed him against the wall. He let out a weak cry. I kissed his neck, making his body cringe. His hands pushed against my chest, urging me away. He growled, “I’m not gay,”

My headache was getting worse and I was losing my balance. I slurred, “I love you so much.” Now my mind is saying all my secrets, and I needed to keep it shut but the blood rushing through my body is making me confess. I grabbed onto his shirt, “I love you so damn much,”

Gerard moved away and shouted, “Get out of my house you-you-faggot.”
I froze, “Faggot?” I stared at him, “What’s wrong with you? What is this? The fucking 50’s? You can’t just fucking say that word you asshole.”

Gerard’s face relaxed, “Wait, hold on-I’m sorry-I didn’t-”

“No, fuck you.” I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth, “You need to be taught manners.” I stumbled past him, “I’m going home,” I felt his hand grab my shoulder. He said, “You’re drunk, you shouldn’t go out-”

I moved my shoulder away, “Fuck you, you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Gerard called after me, “Frank, I’m sorry-stay here-you’re going to get hurt.” His voice rang in my head as I walked out into the fresh air. The warm weather pushed against my body. I forgot my backpack but Mikey could just bring it to school for me. I was making my way down the sidewalk, hearing steps running up from behind me. Gerard caught up to me and stepped in front of me, “Frank, I didn’t mean what I said. I was just scared-you can’t just grab me like that-go inside with Mikey where you’re safe-”

I growled, “Stop caring so much about me. You’re only making my obsession worse.”

Gerard paused, “Obsession?”

Fuck. I used the word. I shook my head, “Just leave me alone.” I started to walk past him, but I tripped over my shoelace, landing in Gerard’s arms. He said softly, “Frank .. come back inside.”

He’s so cute. Yeah, so cute. He cares so much for me-but he’s straight. But he’s mine. We’re meant to be. I will go inside, I am going inside. We’re walking through the door. And once this headache is gone, I’m going to make sure Gerard knows that he does love me-he just needs some convincing, that’s all.

Yeah.

Just some convincing.

Notes

I didn't edit well, sorry for errors xo