Mikey was actually pretty funny. He’s always making stupid puns. He’s such a dork. We’re walking together, I guess he wanted to walk me to my house. He’s really nice. In all honesty, he’s really cute but my heart is already locked on someone else-his brother. Mikey made a quirky joke which made me chuckle. He grinned widely, “I feel so accomplished when I make you laugh.”

I wouldn’t be surprised. I barely talk let alone smile. Mikey is walking close to me now, and that’s okay. It’s not like he’s getting close to anywhere else. I stop my tracks, “This is my house.”

“You don’t want to come over?” Mikey asked, his voice and posture hopeful.

I shook my head, “Not today.” It would be too obvious I was creeping on Gerard if I went over today. I hummed softly before saying, “Tomorrow after school is good.” Mikey nodded as he smiled before I entered my house. I shut the door behind me and walked into my room just around the corner. I opened the blinds before tossing my backpack on my chair. I opened up my laptop and logged in. The first page that pops up is Gerard’s profile. He only updated his status once a few hours ago.

7:02 p.m - posted by Gerard Way
I’m heading to the new art museum! :)

I could have gone, but I didn't. If I wanted Gerard to get close to me, I need to make sure that he doesn’t know I’ve researching him behind his back. So I hung out with Mikey.

What I do most of the rest of the day before I go to bed is pin up Gerard’s new selfies (if he took any) on my wall. He rarely does take pictures but when he does, it fills my heart with joy. It might sound odd, but I do masturbate to his pictures and a scenery of my head of him going down on me. It relaxes me, makes me feel absolute complete.

I’m covered in my sweat laying down on the bed naked. My body is feeling numb and my hand hurts from stroking too roughly. I’m breathing very low, staring at Gerard’s picture. I always notice the little things about him. The little lines around his smile, the way he squints his eyes when he laughs.

I give a small smile before putting on some loose marvel pjs and a long faded black t-shirt. My body feels so relaxed. I laid out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before grabbing my phone and texting Mikey.

To: Mikey
10:02 p.m
Hey

From: Mikey
10:05 p.m
Hello! My mom said you can come over.
Do you know my brother?

I paused, staring at the screen for a second.

To: Mikey
10:06 p.m
I met him earlier during the start of the second semester...why?

From: Mikey
10:08 p.m
He didn’t seem happy when I said you were coming over
So I assumed he knew you before

To: Mikey
10:10 p.m
Oh

From: Mikey
10:12 p.m
It’s okai. He usually doesn’t like anyone.

I tucked my phone away under my pillow. I sulked for a bit. Why doesn’t he like me? What did I do? Was it because he thought I took a picture of him? My hands formed into a fist before I punched my pillow in anger. I grunted before digging my face into the pillow and screaming, letting out my frustration. I can feel my eyes water. No. I would not cry. I deserve Gerard, I do. I’ve been nothing but good. I know I deserve him. And I’m going to prove it to myself and him that I'm willing to make him mine.

Notes

xo