When Will Anyone Notice?

It’s the evening and we are heading to our next state to play in. Things have definitely got harder by living on a bus. We get each others clothes all mixed up, which isn’t really a big deal as we all do that anyway, but it is a big deal when we don’t know which underwear is whose. Also, we are running out of food and necessities for living. Sometimes I pretend that i’m living in the Great Depression and Gerard and I have some sort of fucked up romance. I don’t know, I think living on a bus also makes you go a little crazy.
Speaking of going crazy, I think either I or Gerard has. Maybe even both. I’ve just never seen Gerard act the way he acts towards me. I didn’t know that if I got him as a boyfriend he would be able to act horribly to me. And honestly, i’m starting to think that if I would’ve known that he would act the way he does towards me, I would’ve just kept him as my best friend. I would rather suffer the distress I was in before, then the situation i’m in now. Why can’t he be my boyfriend and my best friend? Why is it that since we became something more, our personalities towards each other have to change?
You might be wondering what he has done. Well, to sum it up, when he meant no talking to other boys, he really fucking meant it. There was this fan who was a guy that came up to me when I was walking back to the tour bus and he asked me for a picture. I knew in that Gerard didn’t want me to talk to him, but how could I just say no? I love my fans, each and everyone of them. Unless of course you’re a murderer or something but in this case he wasn’t. He was just a teen who simply wanted to meet me. So of course, I took the picture with him and talked to him for a little while. It was all completely innocent, no inappropriate words, not even swearing.
Once we finished our discussion, I continued walking and right when I got onto the bus, Gerard comes at me, pulls me by my waist like he always does, then drags me towards the back of the bus. The guys looked at us weird and I don’t fucking blame them. Keep in mind that every time he grabs my waist, he seems to hold it tighter and tighter each time; I don’t know how. So at that point my waist was just all bruised and swollen. It hurt. It still does right now as i’m sitting here.
Gerard then started saying how I wasn’t supposed to be talking to male strangers and how I “broke the rules”. I then asked how he even saw me in the first place and he said he had a surprise for me and that he was going to wait and smoke a cigarette. As he was smoking, he saw me talking to the fan.
“Gerard it was an innocent conversation, I swear!” That’s all I dared to say to him the entire discussion because I know he doesn’t like it when I talk back to him.
He then proceeded to knock us both down to the floor and he climbed on top of me, holding down my arms so I couldn’t move. “You do not talk back. Don’t you realize i’m just trying to keep you safe and happy? How many times do I have to get mad at you till you finally fucking realize this?!” At that point I started to have tears stream down my face. Did it look like he was keeping me happy or safe? I mean, my whole waist is all fucked up and could get infected if he rips into my skin one more time, he’s always yelling at me that I don’t listen or anything. Since when was he my dad? Since when was there “rules” in a relationship that you have to follow or you get punished? I also never found out what the surprise was.
He has done other things but that one stands out the most to me. But right now, things seem to be calm. Gerard is in our bunk, either reading or sketching and Mikey, Ray, Bob and I are in the front just hanging out.
“So Frank,” Bob begins. “Whats with you and Gee?”
I can not risk Gerard getting mad at me for telling them we are together. I think he would hurt me more than he ever has. “Uh nothing much… We got pretty closer--” I get cut off by Gerard yelling my name. How the hell can this fucker hear us?!
I sigh, going back to where the bunks are and slip in the one Gerard and I share. He’s laying down and has a sweet smile on his face so I figure he’s in a good mood. I cuddle into him and he wraps his arms around me.
“Baby, what were you guys talking about?” Gerard aks in an overly sweet voice.
“Well Bob asked me how about you and I and all I said was that we are getting closer again.” I explain, trying to keep my voice steady or else he’ll think i’m lying. My voice is only shaky because i’m so scared about what would happen if I say something wrong.
“Okay… You better be telling the truth. I know you don’t like it when I get upset.” Gerard explains slowly. If he knows I don’t like it then why the fuck does he always put me through it?
We lay there for a little while not exactly cuddling because the guys are in the other room. But then, he suddenly sits up and pulls up and begins to stare at my body. “Do you ever think about losing some weight?” Gerard asks. Is that an insult?
“Uh...No. I’m pretty comfortable with the weight i’m at. Why, do you want me to?” I ask, suddenly self conscious.
“Did I ever say that? I was just asking a question.” Gee snaps.
“Well why did you bring it up in the first place?!” I yell, getting very angry. I don’t give a shit anymore. Let him get mad, he’ll see how much of a mistake he made if he does.
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! All I do is ask a question and now you’re just twisting my words! Just shut your ugly ass up.” He says in a tone that makes it sound like he’s the innocent one.
“Fucking make me, Gerard!” I say, knowing i’m really pushing his limits.
“Y’know what, just leave me alone. You can go have a tantrum somewhere else. I’m not dealing with it.” He suddenly gets a bored look on his face and literally pushes me off the bed.
My eyes fill with tears and I just sit there for a moment, confused about how someone can change moods so fast. I stand up, blinking away the tears in my eyes and mutter, “I love you too, Gerard.”
I go into the back, knowing that’s the only place I have to be alone, other than the bathroom. I sit down and start thinking again. I seem to do this a lot now that I’ve been with Gerard. What happened to the Gerard that took me out on our first date? What did I ever do that made him change his perspective on me? Does he really even love me and want to be in a relationship?
Maybe I should write him a letter. I know it sounds weird and cheesy but it’s the only way I can get through to him. I’ve waited for so long to be able to call him my boyfriend and I’m not giving up this easily. I’m fighting for what I want. Even if we have to go to couples counseling, i’m very willing to do that. But for now, i’m going to go with plan A and see if a letter will work. We obviously have some sort of communication problem so I won’t get anywhere if I try to talk to him about this.
I know Gerard can be better than this. I know how loving, caring and sweet the real Gerard is. Why I don’t know is why he is covering it up with a bitter, angry and abusive personality. Is he trying to be more tough? If he is, for what reason? I understand that he might want to be in control of this relationship and I am fine with that, but he doesn’t need to change the way he is to make sure he stays in control. Maybe if I just break up with him he will realize how much of a stupid piece of shit he has been. I don’t know, I am left with many options right now.
Perhaps I should call my mother and see what she would do about this situation. But I also know that If I tell her about the way Gerard has been treating me, she will hunt this tour bus down and kill him. She does deserve a phone call though. I haven’t talked to her in at least a month.
I pull out my phone and dial her number. I hesitate for a moment, just hovering my hand over the call button. I then just click it before I change my mind and put my phone up to my ear. It rings a few times before she answers. “Frankie!” She cheers.
“Hi Mama,” I giggle at how happy she is to hear from me. “How are you?”
“I’m doing good. Your dad is doing fine also. How’s life on the tour bus for you?” She asks.
“Well that’s kinda what I wanted to call you about.” I admit to her with a sad voice.
“What’s wrong, honey?” She inquires with a worried tone.
“I’m not really supposed to say anything but I kinda had a mental breakdown about Gerard and somehow we ended up together. At first he was the best but now...I don’t know if I should tell you.” My voice begins to get weak the the tears in my eyes come back.
“Baby, you can tell me anything. You know I want all the best for you in the world.” Mom says in a soft tone.
“Okay,” I take a deep breath, then continue. “Recently he’s been… Hurting me mentally and physically. I wouldn’t say it’s abuse. But he calls me names and all around my hips are swollen and sore because of the way he grabs me. He doesn’t let me talk to certain people anymore. It’s just...it’s horrible, Mama.”
“Frankie, that is abuse. If you saw that happen to me with your father you would call it abuse, wouldn’t you? You need to get out of that relationship-” She begins but I don’t let her finish.
“No mom. Do you realize how long I have waited just to be happy again? He does make me happy...just not when he’s like this. I love him and I will not just give up this quickly and easily.” I say with dour.
I then hear footsteps right outside the door and before she can say anything else, I shush her. Usually if I did that to her, she would get mad at me but this time she understands. The door then opens and Gerard walks in, taking a seat next to me. I get sudden panic, thinking that he heard everything I said. I look at him, trying my best to keep a calm expression and he just gives me a guilty smile.
This happens every fucking time. We fight. I walk away crying. A little while later he comes to me and says he’s sorry. This getting really old.
“Uh...I gotta go now, Mama. Love you.” I say while still looking at Gerard.
“Okay. Frank. Please call me later. I love you too.” She hangs up, knowing not to say anything or push the limits with Gerard being right next to me. I put my phone back into my pocket and Gerard instantly pulls me up onto his lap. I let out a loud whimper because he once again grabbed my fucking waist.
“Oh god. Sorry, babe.” He moves his hands so there on my back now. I just nod in response.
“What were you talking about with your mother?” He asks.
“Just random things I guess. I haven’t talked to her in a while so I decided to give her a call.” I say casually, trying my best to hide my lying.
“Oh okay…” He looks around the room and sighs. “Look, Frankie. I’m sorry I yelled or asked you about your weight. I think you’re perfect. Everything about you just takes my breath away.” He pulls me closer so my head is nuzzled in his neck.
This is why I can’t break up with him. He might yell and hurt me, but when he says things like that it makes me feel so special. Every relationship has there ups and downs. I don’t care what people say, I don’t call this abuse. My mom thinks she understands what she’s saying but she really doesn’t.
Am I still going to write the letter, though? Yes. Because I know this is going to happen again. I really don’t want to fight with him again, though. Maybe I should just stay with him at all times and listen to everything he tells me. Okay, that doesn’t sound that good but if it’s what I have to do then I’ll do it. All I know for sure now, is that i’m happy right in this moment in his arms while he calls me things like “Beautiful” or “Perfect”.
“I love you, Gee.” I whisper to him.
“I love you too, sweetie.”

Notes

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. I was sick so I didn't want to do anything. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though!

So what do you think about the story so far? Is Frank being an idiot?

Don't forget to comment, subscribe and RATE PLS OMG!!

^.^