My Angel

I walked up to Frank's house and knocked on the door. Two weeks had went by so quickly. A tall man I assumed was his dad answered the door. "Frank!" The man yelled. "I am assuming this is another one of your friends at the door, so get your ass down here!" His dad looked abusive. Just by looking at him I could tell. "Coming!" Frank yelled back. His father studied me. I felt uncomfortable with him staring at me like this. I coughed awkwardly. "Frank!" He yelled again. "Now! Before I--" Frank came downstairs. "Oh, hello, Gerard," he smiled. Frank's dad walked away angrily. "Don't mind him. He's just an asshole." I know what that's like, buddy. I followed Frank upstairs into his room. When I entered, the three guys also in the room stared at me. "Gerard, these are my friends, Ray and Bob," Frank said. I eyed each of them. The one, Ray, had an afro. His hair was really that curly. He looked really nice. The other one, Bob, on the other hand, looked like he could kill someone just by looking at them. He looked creepy. But then again, I should look at myself. "Hello," Ray smiled. I smiled back. He seemed very friendly and I knew we'd get along immediately. He had the most kind smile. I could see us being very good friends. "Hey," Bob said, only looking away from his phone long enough to take a quick look at me. Thank god. If he stared, I might just shoot myself in fear that he would beat me to it. "Oh, and this is BJ," Frank said, standing next to a taller boy. "He doesn't go to school with us. Or school in general. He's nineteen." Why the hell is Frank hanging around a nineteen-year-old punk? That's weird. I don't think I like BJ much. He's got arms full of tattoos, but that's not a bad thing. He has short black spiky hair, also not too bad. He also wore a ton of eyeliner. Like, A TON. He also smoked way more cigarettes than me and he drank alcohol a lot. I'm assuming he got Frank into alcohol and all the bad shit because Frank was drunk and obviously stoned. "Hello," I said politely to everyone. I suddenly didn't wanna be here. I felt a wave of nausea cross my stomach, and I felt like I needed to throw up. "Gerard is here to have some fun, because I am pretty sure he's never had fun before," Frank announced. Now, I really wanted to go home, but I also was curious of what he was talking about, so I just argued my case anyway. "Yes, I have!" I argued. I sat down and crossed my legs. I looked at Frank. "Sure. But not like this, I assume." "Like what?" After Frank's parents left for work (they both had the night shift), we got drunk. I never had gotten drunk but once before, and never did it again and I don't know why! It felt awesome! We smoked some cigarettes, goofed off and talked about music and bands and shit. I ended up not going home until 2AM. I walked all the way home and I was freezing. I snuck in my room by climbing through the window. On my bed, Mikey was waiting up for me. "Gerard!" He exclaimed. He ran to me and hugged me tight. "You're so cold, Gee." He was right. He felt so warm compared to me. But, after all, it was September. And September in New Jersey was freezing. "Ohh... H-hey Mikey," I slurred, staggering over to my bed to sit. I felt very dizzy and needed to sit for a moment. Mikey walked over to me and sat down beside me. After one look, he looked towards the window again. He frowned. "You're drunk." "Y-yeah, a little..." I admitted. I couldn't hide the strong alcohol on my breath. There was no point in lying to Mikey Way. He always knew when I would lie. I wonder how he does that? "I don't like it when you're drunk. Where were you?" He nagged like a worried sick mom. "Don't worry 'bout it, mmkay?" "Gerard..." "Get some sleep, Mikester." Mikey sighed, then silently left the room. * * * Boy, I sure did regret getting drunk. Now I know why I stopped doing it. I woke up with a hangover. Why the hell did I let Frank talk me into doing that? It also doesn't help that I had to get up extra early while mom was asleep so she wouldn't know that I had gotten drunk and had a hangover. She'd chew me out if she knew. Luckily, she was working from 6:00PM to 4:00AM, so she didn't know how late it was when I came home. I almost froze to death walking to school. It was 35 degrees here in New Jersey. I hated taking the bus. I avoided it at all times. Luckily, my house isn't far from my school. My lips were blue when I got inside. I was actually late because I had to stop twice. The first time, because I got nauseous, the second time, because I had to stop to retie my shoes. When I got to school finally, Cholly walked straight over to me in the quick second she noticed I was even at school. "You're late, Gerard," she scolded. She began walking away, and I tried my best to follow. We finally made it to her office. She didn't even bother to look at me. She just went through some paperwork and I made myself comfortable in one of the chairs. I figured I should speak first, now that we were in her office. "I'm sorry," I said weakly. I never was late. I was always too early. Never late, never on time. So, this was a first. I knew she was just pissed off over the suicide attempt incident. I could tell. I could always tell. She looked over me a few times. "Gerard Way, you're hungover, aren't you?" She asked. It wasn't really a question though. She like, stated it. Like she was there when I got drunk. But she kept looking at me with those cold, empty eyes of hers. Fuck. "Gerard, tell me. Do not lie. Are you hungover?" She pressed. She was giving me that agitated look she always gives me. That look annoys the crap out of me. Worse then Brendon ever has. And bitch, like I would answer your question truthfully. "No," I lied. I tried to remain eye contact, so she didn't get suspicious. "Gerard," she sighed. "I'm not in the mood today. Just tell me." This is why I dislike her. "I'm not lying," I lied, still keeping eye contact. I am a pretty good liar, even though I don't lie that often. But everything went to hell from there. Suddenly, I felt a strong wave of nausea cross my stomach. I was about to vomit. I covered my mouth and ran towards the bathroom. "Gerard!" She yelled. She followed me casually into the bathroom where I was busy throwing my guts up into the toilet. She obviously knew I was lying now, even if she was too stupid to see that before. I was throwing up, which sucks pretty bad, and now I was gonna get in trouble. Fuck my life. "Why were you drinking? You're underage," she pressed again. Will you ever shut the fuck up, Cholly? I continued vomiting for about 3 minutes. By the time I was done, she was about to walk out. "I'm going to let your parents know, Gerard," she said. She was writing something down but I couldn't see what. "No, no, no, no, no! Y-you can't!" I exclaimed, blocking her path. How could she do that? She really is a bitch. She's more of a bitch than I make her out to be. That's pretty bad. "Why were you drinking?" She asked again. I fucking despise her. She's a witch. I know she says stuff just to get me to tell her things I don't wanna talk about. She threatens me. I hate it. "I made some friends... They wanted to drink. So I did," I admitted. That was the truth, actually. No lies were needed. Awesome. "Well, at least you made some friends, Way." Then she walked out. Okay, I'm scared. I can't trust her. And if she rats me out, I'm fucked. *** I decided on going to Frank's house again. I just didn't need any of Tobias' bullshit today. I knew Mikey would be pissed because of last night, but surely I would make it up to him somehow. He would get over it eventually. I knocked on Frank's door. I was expecting his asshole of a dad when a woman, I'm assuming his mom, came to the door. She smiled at me. Why? I dunno, and maybe I never will. "Is Frank home?" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. His mom didn't look intimidating. She actually looked very sweet. "Frankie!" She called. Frankie? Oh fuck, that's insanely cute, considering the fact that Frank is insanely cute as well. "There's someone here to see you!" Frank came running down the stairs. "Hey," he smiled at me. Oh my fucking god, Frank just smiled at me. His smiled is so cute! I know I sound like a teenage girl being all dreamy over a crush or something, but Frank is really cute. Not that I have a crush or anything. I'm not gay. Why is he so hot? God. Wait, I just, I'm not gay. Shut up, Gerard, you're not gay. Just keep your cool. Ignore all his cuteness and you'll be fine. Act like how you act with Lindsey: calm, shy, sweet... Oh fuck, no. Don't do that. Don't treat him like a crush! Because he isn't! I couldn't reply. I probably look like a dumbass. "Frankie, who's this?" His mother asked, politely smiling at me. I smiled back, even though I look like an antisocial, sad, depressed, suicidal emo mess. She probably thinks I'm creepy. I know it. I know things. I can always tell. I guess she probably thinks I'm just a weird little freak. "Gerard," he replied. He glanced my way. I met his gaze and blushed furiously at myself. It was only a little bit of a blush. A slight pink color, nothing TOO obvious. His mother smiled at me politely. "Well then, hello, Gerard," she said. She kept looking me over a few times before inviting me inside. I walked inside and stood there awkwardly. "Can I get you anything, honey?" I shook my head and then Frank invited me up to his bedroom to hang out. We somehow ended up getting on the subject of death. "I believe that death comes for you in the form of your fondest memory," I said. Frank nodded and then we sat in silence after that. I ended up breaking the silence. "Oh yeah, speaking of death, by the way, I'm sorry again, for the way we met, Frank. I was just being an idiot over Lindsey. I hope you forgive me." He pulled me into a hug. And for some strange reason, I got turned on. I knew it was only a friendly gesture and that he wasn't into me, or at least I hope he isn't, anyway, but I guess his body pressed against mine was arousing. Anyway, I instantly reciprocated and he hugged me tighter. I don't know if this was his way of saying, 'I forgive you', or what, but it felt nice. I really felt safe in his arms. I felt good. "I forgive you. And I'm so glad that you're my friend. You're one of my best. And if everything went different, we might not have became friends as easily. But promise me you'll never, ever, do that again," he said softly, meeting my gaze. "Promise me, Gerard." "I promise," I sighed out. I smiled and then he hugged me again. He made me feel warm and tingly inside. I never wanted this sensation to end. *** Over the past couple of weeks, Ray and I were becoming good friends. I learned that we have a lot in common. He told me as well, that Frank's birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks. "But what to get him?" I said to myself, trying to think clearly. What would Frank like? Hmm... "Well, BJ is taking him out to the movies," Ray said coolly. He picked up his phone and started texting. When he was done, he smiled big. "You could get him a signed 'Misfits' CD! Frank would love that!" "But I don't have a whole lot of money," I stated. I sighed, before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Frank got me hooked on these cancer sticks. I've been hiding them from everyone except Ray, Bob, BJ and Frank. But that night I got drunk I also got hooked on cigarettes. But part of me didn't mind. I hated myself already so I didn't care about my lungs too much. Ray frowned. He kept opening his mouth as if he was going to speak and then closing it as if what he was going to say was a bad idea. He did it for about five minutes straight. Then he shrugged. I sighed. What am I going to do now? I have nothing to get for him. I guess I'll figure it out eventually. *** Did I ever mention how much I fucking hate Bert McCracken? Well, I do. He just fucking slammed me into a wall. I am about to snap on his ass for this. I drew a fist back to punch Bert, but someone came up behind me and pushed me to the floor. Bert then straddled my hips and pinned me down. Like always, I fought. I struggled and struggled and was trying to squirm as much as possible. No luck. I ended up doing what I always do. Tensing up before quickly falling limp under him. I was pretty much letting him do whatever the fuck we wanted to me. I hated being pinned down and straddled. So I gave up. I surrendered. I submitted. Like always. Bert kept hitting me and I just laid there, doing nothing but yelping and groaning and grimacing. It was fairly easy for him to do whatever. I just closed my eyes tight. Eventually, he was pulled off of me and sent to the principal. Someone helped me up. When I saw his face, I was a little surprised. "Patrick? Patrick Stump?" I said, blinking a few times to made sure he was still there. Patrick went to Mikey's school. So why was he here? I was really confused as fuck. Patrick was cool with me. He was just Mikey's friend though, not mine. "Yes, it is I, Patrick Stump. Hello, Gerard Way," Patrick replied, smiling. He brushed me off then stood back and looked over me. "Your face is gonna bruise bad." Thanks for pointing that out, Patrick, as if it wasn't obvious. "You're like, what? 5 ft something? 5 ft 4? 5? I'm pointing out the obvious, too, now. What are you doing here?" I asked curiously. He just stood there silent for a moment. He looked down, as if ashamed. "What?" I pressed. "I got expelled," he said awkwardly. He looked up at me, then blushed. "You wanna know why, don't you?" I nodded. What could it possibly be? What is he embarrassed about? He remained silent for a moment, then he looked away from me. He sighed. "Well, I got caught having sex with a girl that goes to this school, but they didn't know she went here. Then I got expelled." Patrick blushed furiously at himself. "Who the fuck was it?" I pressed. Who the fuck could it even be? Like, not trying to be an asshole, but who would be like that with Patrick? I don't get it. He's really weird. And short as hell. But okay. "Hayley Williams," he replied, blushing harder than before. "You know her? I mean, you should. And fuck, I really like her. She likes me, too. Now I can be here with her, but the reason is embarrassing. She just showed up that day to tell me she liked me and then she kissed me. We went into the bathroom and a teacher came looking for us." I nodded slowly. They're perfect for each other. They both are weird as fuck, so yeah. I couldn't imagine Patrick and Hayley together, though. I mean, I really couldn't. Whatever. "Pete fucking cheered me on, man," he laughed. He brushed the hair out of his face. "I can't even imagine what people think of me now. They probably think that I'm an idiot for doing it at school, which I am, but maybe I'll be a legend to that school since it never happened before." Patrick leaned up against the lockers. He looked up at me. "Well, I don't know what to say to you, Patrick, but hopefully you are a legend now," I said as politely as I could. I mean, Patrick's a great guy, but he's weird. But yeah, I'd hang out with him. "Why don't you go talk to Hayley? Let her know you're here." "Okay. I will. Nice seeing you, Gerard." And with that, he walked away. I made my way to the cafeteria, finally. I sat down at my usual table without grabbing anything to eat. Everyone kept string at me and pointing and I didn't know why. I pulled out my phone to look at my reflection. I was fucking bleeding, out of my nose and mouth and I had bruises on my face. I looked like I just got ran over. Fucking hell. Frank walked over to sit with me.. He gasped when he saw me. "Gerard? Are you okay? What happened?" He asked quickly. He got up and instantly started wiping the blood off my face with his napkin. "Was it Bert again? Fucking hell. It was, wasn't it? I'm going to fuck him up. I swear to god--" "I'm okay now," I interrupted. I looked up at him and smiled. He looks cute when he is pissed off. Wait, shut up, Gerard. He still looked mad, but then he smiled back at me. He sat down the opposite side of where I was sitting. "So," he began. He looked at me and smiled again. "Guess what?" He added excitedly. He was just gushing. "What?" I asked, trying to think of what it was. I literally had no fucking idea. I just kept thinking he was going to say that he had a girlfriend and then I could stop fucking obsessing or whatever the fuck I was doing. He's just so perfect, and I owe him my entire life. He saved me, and I owe him everything. "Ray and Bob AND BJ are getting transferred here!" He exclaimed. He smiled the widest grin ever. "Isn't that great? It's just so fucking awesome. Like, Ray is the only one who's been my friend for like, ever. Bob's cool. Creepy, but cool. He likes me and Ray. We get along fine. And BJ... Oh god, I miss him. Of course I miss him. He's my fucking boyfriend and..." I stopped listening. Boyfriend???? Frank is gay??? What??? Oh my god... Why did he fucking choose BJ to be his boyfriend?? God... Oh my fucking god. BJ? Really? I can't believe Frank is gay. How could I not see-- "Gerard?" Frank's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He looked at me funny. "You alright?" "You're gay?" I asked, hoping I heard him wrong. He can't be gay. He just can't. I hope he's not into me, because oh god... I would really give into him if he asked me out or something. Please, god, please don't be gay. I'm not a homophobe, I just don't want to be gay. I will not allow myself. No matter how much I am attracted to Frank and no matter how cute he is. But then he proved me right. I did hear him right. "Yeah," he blushed. He bit his lip and looked down at the table. He was so embarrassed. I didn't wanna make it worse. I smiled at him and outstretched my arm across the table to reach his face. I tipped his chin up to look at his face. "It doesn't matter to me, Frank. I'm not homophobic. As long as you're happy, I am," I half-lied. Everything I said was true except the fact that I was happy. I wasn't. I hated myself with a passion. Fucking hell, I tried to commit suicide just weeks ago. That's all I really need to say. I hated myself so much, that I couldn't allow myself to be happy. Maybe I was for a few seconds here and there, but I'd just go back to nothing. "Really?" He asked, beaming. His head popped up. He smiled and blushed so deep a red, that he looked like he got really bad sunburn. He was fucking scarlet or something. But him blushing made me blush. I took his hand and looked him in the eyes. "Yes, Frank. Your happiness is very important to me," I said, blushing a deeper red color than before. I smiled and looked down at the table. When I realized I was holding his hand, it made me blush ten times worse. I quickly let go of it and pushed my hair behind my ear with the hand I was holding his with. Kinda like an excuse of why I had to let go. "You know, you're a really amazing friend, Gee." "Thanks. Same goes for you." "You're a beautiful person, you know that? You have the sweetest things to say and you're a sweetheart." I just laughed. I couldn't stop myself. I just can't believe he kinda called me 'sweet'. I'm such an asshole towards people and he just called me 'sweetheart'. Wow. Part of me feels flattered, actually. "What? What's so funny?" He asked. He looked at me funny when I continued laughing. I waved it away. He shrugged and went back to eating his lunch. "Hey, why aren't you eating?" "Oh, I'm not hungry," I lied. I really WAS hungry, but like I said, I hate myself so I don't care. Death would be better than getting punched in the face by Bert again. Damn. That shit hurts. He's like the man with the iron fists. Swear to god. No lie. "Okay," he sighed, unconvinced. He looked away from me and never made eye contact with me for the rest of the day. I'm fine with that. I didn't want to look him in the eyes. I couldn't. I just felt that I might've broke down if I had. I couldn't breakdown in front of Frank again. It was enough that I was having a breakdown when we met. I couldn't do it again. I wouldn't allow myself to. When I walked in the door, no one was home except Mikey (thank god!). I didn't want to deal with mom on my face today. Or Tobias in general either. I walked into Mikey's room, not knocking like usual. I wish I hadn't. Mikey blushed hard and jumped away from the girl he was making out with. "U-uh... Gerard, I-I..." He stuttered. He kept blushing harder as I stood there, mouth agape. He looked down at the girl. She had bright red hair and she was dressed like a punk: Converse shoes, skinny jeans and a band tee. "I'm sorry, Phoebe." "It's fine," the girl -Phoebe- replied. She waved to me and smiled. "I'm Phoebe. And you must be the famous Gerard that Mikey here always talks about." I blushed. He really does talk about me to his friends? He better say half decent things about me then. "He's not talkin' smack about me, is he?" I inquired, smirking like hell. I couldn't help but to hear her giggle. I turned to Mikey. "You better not be, bro, or else I might just have to tell Phoebe here about your special love for unicorns..." "I'm not talking smack about you, Gee," he said with all the sincerity the could muster. "You should know that. And I don't--" "Don't lie. You do love your unicorns, Michael. I'm sure Phoebe likes unicorns," I interrupted. I looked at Phoebe. She quickly nodded and then giggled. "See? No need to be ashamed, Mikes. And I'm sure you must talk some smack about me..." I laughed. "Well, I don't. I don't have a reason to," he replied, shaking his head. He looked at Phoebe and the looked at me again. "You're a really great brother. And by the way, what the hell happened today?" I sighed. "Well, I got punched by Bert today, also slammed into a wall, then I ran into Stumpy. Did you know he goes to my school now?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He shook his head. "Surely you know why he was expelled though, right? He WAS going to the school you are going to. He told me why. It's kinda badass." "Yes, I know. Phoebe knows. Pete knows. Everyone knows. It is kind of badass. It sucks at the same time, though. Anything else new?" "I found out that Frank is gay." His jaw dropped. "Your friend, Frank? Iero? He's gay? Well, I never met him, but I suspected this. From the way you described him, he sounds gay. It also sounds like you have a crush--" "I do not!" I snapped, blushing like hell. I, of course, was lying. I DID have a small, teeny tiny crush on him. VERY teeny tiny. Like, pea size. About half a pea size. I don't know. Phoebe and Mikey giggled at my red face. "Your face is telling me that your lying. And if you mention my love for unicorns or threaten me like that again, I will not hesitate to find Frank and tell him so," Mikey smirked smugly. I wanted to slap that smirk right off his fucking face. I shot him a dirty, 'I fucking wish you would jump off a cliff, you asshole' look, then walked out of his room. I was not about to let him tell Frank anything. I would rather surely die. Mikey walked out and chased after me, still smirking like hell. "I will fucking kill you if you don't keep your damn mouth closed," I snapped. I shot him a death glare. I pulled out my sketch book and began drawing. I looked up at Mikey to find him still smirking. "What do you want from me, Michael?" "Stop Lego-stepping, Gerard. I won't say a damn word to Frank if you don't to Phoebe," he said smugly. He turned to walk out the door. I laughed and he stopped to look at me. "I just realized that you have no idea what Frank even looks like," I smirked. I was satisfied that I probably won this battle. But that all changed when he smirked back. "What?" "I don't need to know, Gerard. I know his name. I can just go up to your school and fucking ask for Frank Iero." "Dammit," I mumbled. I sighed out, then looked at Mikey. "Just please don't say anything, okay? He has a boyfriend and I'm not in the mood to get punched or made fun of." "Fine, I won't. Just don't say anything embarrassing about me to Phoebe. Or to anyone, for that matter." "I won't. I swear to god." "Good. Hey, by the way, Pete's coming to fucking sleepover tonight." "Alright. And stop cursing." "Not gonna fucking happen." The rest of the night passed quickly. I dreamt about Frank. All the talk about me having a crush on him made me dream about him. When I woke up, I crawled out of bed to get ready for school. I grabbed some clothes to grab a quick shower. I was just washing my hair when someone barged in. I assumed it was Mikey, so I just rinsed my hair out and started to put conditioner in, but then I dropped it when the person talked. "Sorry, Gerard, I just need to privately talk to you." It was Pete fucking Wentz. My jaw dropped. But I realized he couldn't see me, and I let out a sigh of relief. "What about?" I inquired. If it's private, it's probably about Mikey because if it wasn't, he could just ask him and save me the trouble of being embarrassed. "It's about Mikey," he sighed. See I told you? I looked out at him and he didn't notice, but he was blushing like hell. Oh my god, he looked like a motherfucking cherry. I quickly went back to conditioning my hair. What could this be about? "Okay," I said, waiting for him to speak. He just sat there, silent. I was growing very impatient. "Look, spit it out, Pete. It's almost time for me to get out and I don't like being naked in front of anyone. Just tell me what the fuck is going on." "I-I..." He paused, then gulped. "I really might be in love with him." Holy shit. Oh my god. Oh fuck. Dear lord. Sacré bleu. Oh God. Holy crap. Every word that could express what I was feeling ran through my head. My jaw dropped. I stopped what I was doing and just stood there. I was fucking shocked as hell. Oh my God, Pete Wentz is gay and loves my brother. "Umm..." I finally spoke. "You DO know that he has a girlfriend, right?" That's all I could think of to ask. "Yeah, I know... And she's really cool, too. Just please, Gerard, please don't say anything to Mikey about this," he begged. "I never planned on telling anyone, but I needed to get it off my chest. I love Mikey more than anything else on this planet and I don't want him to know. He'd laugh. Now that he's fifteen and has a girlfriend, he's happy. I want him to stay that way. He's straight, too, so that would make things awkward between us and I don't want that. I want him to just stay the way he is: cute, funny, fucking adorable in those glasses... I want him to continue liking me. I don't want awkwardness and I don't want Phoebe to feel threatened or anything. So please, please don't tell him." "I won't," I replied eventually. I turned off the water and just stood there. I was not about to get dressed in front of Pete, especially now that I know that he's gay. God, that would be awkward. I don't want him checking me out or something creepy like Pete would do. "I don't have the right to tell him. That's your right to want to keep it a secret, not mine. I promise I won't say anything." "Thanks, Gerard. You're awesome. Thanks for listening. I'll let you get dressed now," he said. He walked out of the bathroom and I stepped out of the shower. I recollected my thoughts and got dressed. This is an awful secret to have to keep, but I will for Pete. I need all the friends I can get. I walked to school. It was cold out again, and my lips were blue when I got there. I was early again, as usual. When I walked through the doors, I was a little startled to see Frank and BJ making out up against the lockers. Of course, they were on mine. I have to admit I was a little jealous. No one else was around. Not unusual. I walked over and cleared my throat. "You're on my locker," I said nonchalantly, trying not to look. BJ backed away from Frank, who was pushed up against my locker. Frank blushed a bright red color and then moved away from my locker. "I see you've been transferred already." "Yeah... Sorry, by the way," BJ laughed. Frank giggled and wrapped his arms around BJ. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I sighed. I collected my books from my locker and started walking to math class. I was pretty jealous, if I must admit, and I didn't want to seem that way. I was trying to act like I didn't care, even if I did. Suddenly, getting punched by Bert seemed fifteen times better than watching my friend kiss someone else, because yes, I did have a crush on my angel. No one besides Mikey would ever know about it though. Frank took ahold of my arm and stopped me. I shivered under his touch, then looked at him. "Hey, you okay? You seem upset about something and you never even said 'hi' to me," he stated in concern. I waved it away and tried to free myself from his grip, but he tightened his grip on my arm. "What's wrong? You acted like I didn't exist. And your lips are blue. Are you cold? Gerard, talk to me." I sighed. I looked away from him, but he kept trying to make me look at him. I finally looked him in the eyes, then looked away again. "What did I do?" He inquired. He gave me a perplexed look. "Tell me if I did something. I'll try to fix it, okay? Please, Gee. Talk to me." I shook my head. "You did nothing," I half lied. He made me jealous, that's what he did. I also was still upset with myself for the suicide thing and because I let myself like Frank. I wasn't supposed to do that. "I just have a lot going on right now... My brother, Mikey, his friend, Pete just told me a really fucked up secret that I have to keep. Maybe I'll tell you one day. Maybe." I tried to play it off. It appeared that it worked, I guess. "Oh, okay," he sighed. "So why didn't you talk to me? I was standing right there." I shrugged. I broke free and began walking away again. He just stood there, watching me leave. I didn't look back. I couldn't. If I did, I'd tell him what's really going on with me and then he'd tell me to stop hating myself and I can't. I just can't do that. When I walked into the classroom, I saw Ray. I hadn't seen him in a little couple of days, so I walked right over to him. "Hey, Ray!" I exclaimed, hugging him. I smiled as big as I could. He smiled back just as big. Ray was the nicest person you'd probably meet. He was easygoing, funny and fun to be around. "I was actually going to look for you around lunch. What's up?" He pulled the ear bud out of his ear. I heard 'Buddy Holly' by Weezer blasting through the tiny speakers. He turned off his iPod and smiled at me again. "Oh nothing much. You? And it's good to see you, Gee," he replied. I shrugged and then sat down in the desk next to him. I nonchalantly lit up a cigarette and took a drag off of it. "You're gonna get caught, you know. Just saying." "Yeah, I'm sure I will eventually," I said casually. "And nothing much is going on with me, either. My brother's friend, Pete told me a fucked up secret involving my brother and I can't tell anyone. Well, I could tell you, but I don't think you'd care." "Fire away." "Well, Pete came in the bathroom while I was showering and told me that he's gay and in love with my brother. It was really awkward, Ray." Ray just sat there laughing. He kept laughing and laughing. "Wow," he finally said. "It's not funny. But the fact that he came into the bathroom whilst you were naked and showering and then he told you he was gay is hilarious." I laughed, then took another drag off my cigarette. Then I heard footsteps approaching. "Shit!" I whispered. I didn't need to get caught smoking on school property. I didn't need to get caught smoking in general. I don't wanna go to prison or something! "Ray! I don't wanna go to prison! Do you know what happens to a guy like me in prison? What do you think happens to a guy, to a fucking cupcake like me in prison? Tell you right now; get fucked long and hard all night long and it's gonna sound like this..." I started making weird noises and Ray laughed. He laughed hard. "It's true! I've never been fucked and I don't think I really want to. Especially by a thug in prison." I heard the footsteps coming closer. I panicked and put out the cigarette on my arm and shoved it in my pocket. Then I saw that Frank and BJ were walking in. Aw shit! I panicked for fucking nothing! Now I have a cigarette burn on my arm that hurts like a motherfucker! Ray just continued to laugh at me. I scowled. I just shook my head. "What's so funny?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling. They walked a little closer. "What? We wanna know now! Tell us! No one else will know!" Ray just laughed harder. I shot everyone a dirty look. When Ray stopped laughing for a minute, he started talking. "Shit, Gee, tell Frank and BJ what you just told me," he said, chuckling like a little bitch. "Or I will, actually. Gerard here was smoking and heard you guys coming and..." He continued to tell the rest of the embarrassing motherfucking story. I scowled as hell just listening to how stupid I sounded. When Ray finished, they just laughed and laughed and Ray laughed all over again. "Wait, you mean to tell me you've never had sex?" BJ asked, finally calming down. That's what he got out of that? Not that I just fucking burned my arm? This little bitch... "Like, ever? So you're a virgin? You don't look like a virgin. I can see why you're pissed off all the time. Shit. I can't remember my days as a virgin." I lightly blushed. Barely anything noticeable. I shook my head. BJ laughed again and then whispered something to Frank. Frank laughed and nodded. He walked over to me and leaned down close enough to whisper in my ear. I blushed deeper. "So, I hear no one's taken proper care of you, honey," he whispered, smirking like a motherfucker. His breath was warm on my ear and neck. I started to get aroused. He tangled his fingers in my hair and pulled so my head was tilted up. He leaned in closer to my ear. "How 'bout I'll take you somewhere private and fuck you harder than you ever imagined all night long? How does that sound, honey?" What the fuck is he doing? He must be fucking kidding me. I blushed fire truck red and BJ snickered like hell. I knew this was a joke. But why would Frank do this? It's fucked up. It's like he's teasing me, yet making me uncomfortable. I pulled away from him and got up. I ran to the bathroom, crawled underneath my cubical door and sat there. I felt nauseous. I was probably seconds away from throwing up, when someone came in. "Gerard?" Frank called out worriedly. I remained silent. I saw him walk up to my cubical and stand there. "Hey, Gerard, I know you're in there. Are you okay?" "No, I'm not okay, I promise," I answered, groaning. That was really wrong of him to do. Even if I hate myself. Even if it was a joke. I felt like throwing up. "Why would you do that to me? I'm not comfortable with any kind of sex type thing. I thought you knew." It's true. I'm not comfortable with anything involving or relating to sex. I don't know why. "Fuck," he said frustratedly, faceplaming himself. His banged his head on the door, then walked away. "Damn it, I'm so sorry. It was only a joke to make you get embarrassed even more and blush harder because your gay friend was 'coming onto you'. I didn't know. Honest. Please forgive me." I crawled out quietly. I walked up and hugged him from behind. He turned around to face me and I pulled him tighter into my chest. "It's okay, Frank," I whispered, gently pulling away to meet his gaze. "I'm okay. You didn't know. I forgive you, okay?" He nodded and I hugged him again. I hate lying to him. I'm not o-fucking-kay, trust me. I have fucking problems, and I will admit that. "Okay, Gee," he sighed. He smiled at me and grabbed my hand. "C'mon, we'll be late. Let's get to class." *** As I was walking home, like always, I heard someone creep up behind me. I knew who it was. I smelled the watermelons. I turned around and found no other than Brendon Urie standing behind me. "What, Brendon?" I sighed. I really wasn't in the mood for his crap, but decided on not being an asshole. "What's up?" "Can I talk to you?" He asked nervously. "I really just need to ask..." "What?" I inquired. I was now very curious. Brendon doesn't ask me anything really. Maybe he realized how annoying he is and changed. "Why don't you like me? Why are you so mean towards me?" He questioned. I stood there, mouth agape. Wow, he's asking me a good question that I can't answer. I don't really hate Brendon, I hate John, his brother. "I don't know," I replied honestly. I really don't know why I hated Brendon. I just stood there and Brendon started to speak. He told me that his brother abuses him, and a bunch of other shit that made me super fucking mad at John. Brendon is actually a nice guy. I can't believe I was treating him like crap. I hate myself ten times more now. Apparently, Brendon is in love with a boy named Ryan and Ryan goes to Mikey's school. He met Ryan through Patrick, and fell in love instantly. So I was right. Brendon is gay. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think I like Brendon now that I understand him and why he acts the way he does. "Hey, Bden, why don't you come hang out with us?" I said nonchalantly. "Mikey's there, Pete, Mikey's girlfriend, Phoebe, Patrick, Hayley, Ray and Bob. C'mon. It'll be fun. Invite Ryan." Frank was out with BJ again, and so they couldn't be there. He nodded. And off we went to my house, Brendon texting away to his crush, and me thinking about Frank.

Notes

Okay so, btw this fic is completed, I've just got to post them all.

Xoxo

PS you will probably see extra notes in the content part at the very end. Please just ignore them.