My Angel

From the first moment I stepped in this school for the first time, I knew I was hated already. I didn't have any friends except my brother. Not even at my last school. I was treated like I didn't exist. I was only acknowledged by teachers and the principal. Oh, and the janitor. I was pretty much a loner. I talked to no one really. Only my brother, Mikey. I hated everyone at my last school for the way they all treated me. I hated everyone at this school as well. Mikey wasn't in the same school as me. I was expelled from his school. The reason being I got into a lot of fights. Oh well. I sat down at my desk in science class while it was empty. Class started in five, so I figured I had nothing else better to do than wait. I had been at this stupid school for about a year. Still had no friends. Probably because I didn't want them so I was purposely being an asshole towards everyone. Or maybe because people just didn't like me. Either way, oh well. At least I didn't have a partner to get on my nerves. Mr. Williams walked in and was startled by me at my desk. "Gerard," he said. He casually placed paperwork into his desk drawer. He sat down at his desk and started filling out more paperwork. "Early again?" I nodded and sighed. "Why don't you talk to anybody, Gerard? You've been here a year and I think you might've said three words to me the entire time," he said. He ran his fingers through his hair. I mean, Mr. Williams is nice and all, but he's weird. He seems like he's so interested in everything when I know he isn't. He raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged. He sighed and shook his head. "Maybe if you talked to people more, you'd have a friend. Why are you so antisocial?" I rolled my eyes. Antisocial? Really? And yeah, right. Talking would only make my life even worse. I'm completely okay with being quiet. I don't understand Mr. Williams sometimes. I didn't really like him. His daughter, Hayley is... Crazy. That's all I can say. She tries to chat with me but I ignore her. She is too weird for my liking. "People like me don't have friends," I said quietly, not making eye contact. I started to play with my fingers, trying to show him I was bored. "People like you?" He questioned, perhaps surprised I spoke. He got out of his chair and walked over to me. I looked up but then looked away. I sighed. "Loners." "Gerard, are you okay?" Yeah, sure. I'm completely okay. I don't wanna kill myself because everyone hates me at all, Mr. Williams. Yes, I'm overreacting, but I know myself, I can't deny that I am very suicidal, stressed out, depressed and pissed off. It's kind of obvious, you know, probably written all over my face. "Hayley could be your friend if you'd let her," he sighed. He knows I'm not particularly fond of his daughter, so why push her on me? He shook his head as I snorted at his comment. I don't fucking care. I don't want that crazy girl as my friend. Why the hell would you dare to suggest something so completely fucking stupid? Oh that's right. You are stupid. And now I'm back to not liking him again. We have a mutual understanding of each other. When I'm pissed at him, he backs off and I do the same. And eventually, I think it clicked in that tiny little brain of his that his daughter was a fucking weirdo, because he didn't dare say a damn word about when I snorted at his dumb comment. "Well, there is a new kid," he announced. "You could befriend him. He's 15. Not too young, won't get on your nerves. He's actually very polite and I'm sure you two would probably get along okay if he just ignored and looked past your rudeness and..." He trailed off. But he was right. I was rude. I was rude for a reason. He shook his head. "I'm sorry." I sighed and looked out the window at the falling snow, wondering what this new kid was like. Just because he is fifteen and I'm seventeen doesn't mean we'll get along, of course. He could be my mortal enemy. Actually, I already had one. But besides the point. We could hate every little thing about each other. In fact, to prove a point, I was going to purposely ignore this kid and be as much of an ass as I could towards him, just to make sure he understood. Now other than Mikey, there was one person I liked, but moving on from that subject... Five minutes of silence passed. All of the students started piling in, one by one. There was probably about fifteen kids, including myself, in the room. "Everyone, please welcome our new student, Frank Iero," Mr. Williams said enthusiastically. I didn't look up. I didn't want to know what he looked like. "Hi, Frank," everyone sighed. God, this school was so enthusiastic! I mean, they're practically jumping out of their seats in excitement! I chucked quietly to myself, amusing myself with the sarcastic comments in my brain. "You're partner will be Gerard," he said, pointing to me. Must be a mistake... I was still lost in my sarcastic thoughts when I looked up and realized who he was pointing at. Oh dear god. He was pointing at ME. Why me? What makes you think it's okay to give me a partner I don't know? He could stab me if I drift off into sleep! Yes, I'm being a drama queen or what the fuck ever. But I don't know him and he could be a fucking axe murderer and damn, I looked up and saw him. He's fucking hot as hell, a mess but so damn hot, and shit, I'm not gay but dear god, he is fucking beautiful and dammit Gerard, snap out of it! I blushed. The new kid, Frank, nodded and took his seat beside me. Fuck. Now I'm stuck seeing this beautiful mess all semester. * * * I got done eating and headed straight for my locker. I felt someone creep up behind me as I pulled my books out. Oh dammit. I fucking bet you it's-- "Hi, Gerard." I was fucking right. He interrupted my thoughts. And fuck, I made the mistake and turned around and was not surprised to see Brendon smiling at me with that annoying fucking smile he has, it wasn't even funny. I knew it was Brendon fucking Urie. I know things. And one of those things are to be able to know when Brendon was nearby. Like, there was a special thing about Brendon that I noticed, like his scent or something. Like he smelled like watermelons and pancakes or something fucking weird like that. I'm not sure. I just fucking know when he's close and it makes me cringe. "What the fuck do you want, Brendon?" He frowned. "Geez, anyway, I wanted to know what you were up to." I scowled. He just looked away and smiled again. What the fuck does it look like, dumbass? Honestly, he's just... Oh god... Not the brightest lightbulb in the box? That or I'm just fifteen billion times smarter than him. And yes, I know I'm an ass. Probably the latter though. I was probably ten times smarter than more than half of the dumbasses in this hellhole. I don't like Brendon. He's annoying as hell. Also in love with Hayley. Or actually, never mind. I think he's gay. Or maybe he just appears to be. Hmm... Probably gay. "I'm busy," I said annoyed, slamming my locker door closed. What the fuck does he want from me??? Go away! And as soon as that thought was present in my head... "Oh, okay," he said understandingly then he walked away. Okay, don't tell me what you were really here for, retard. He can probably read my mind and knew I wanted him to leave. It doesn't matter. Brendon's gone! Yasss! I found myself saying "yeah!" out loud. Thank god he was gone. I know I should jump at any opportunity to make friends, but Brendon Urie was not about to become my friend. I'd rather die alone. I know I only dislike him really because of his brother, John being associated with Bert, but what the hell ever. He's still annoying anyway. I closed my locker. I stood in front of it thinking about what Mr. Williams said. I wondered what the new kid thought of me already. I knew we barely knew each other and we never spoke, but still, I wondered if he liked me. If he didn't, I'd be okay with it, I guess. I'm okay with being hated. I'm used to it, actually. To be honest, I would be friends with anyone if I wasn't extremely hated for no fucking reason. Well, I take that back. I'd be friends with anybody except Bert, Brendon, John and their friends. Lindsey doesn't count, because I like her, she's nice. Other than them, I wouldn't care. I turned around at the sound of footsteps. I saw the new kid standing at his locker, unaware of me cautiously studying him. This fucking beautiful bastard... Dear god. What the hell? I'm not gay! Stop looking, Gerard, I know how much you want to but force your eyes away from this beautiful masterpiece, dammit. He is a work of art. I took a minute to think of something to say to him, but dammit, I forgot his fucking name. Why can't I remember?!?! He's too pretty for me to just forget his name!!!!! I stood there staring at him, feeling ridiculously stupid because I didn't know how to start a fucking conversation with someone who I barely knew and it didn't help that I forgot his fucking name. He turned around and saw me. He wasn't expecting me to be behind him, I suppose, because he looked startled. "Hi," he said politely. He waved and smiled at me. He smiled at me, Gerard fucking Way, antisocial, lonely and sad to look at. I was a fucking mess, a wreck, and he SMILED at me. I think I just fell apart... From happiness, of course. I gulped. "Hello." I tried to hide the excitement in my eyes. Of course I was super happy about the thought of someone possibly liking me and wanting to be my friend. Especially someone as pretty as the new boy. He smiled and walked away. Oh, okay then. When I got home, I told Mikey all about my day, like usual. He seemed thrilled that I could possibly make a new friend. He smiled as I talked. Then he told me about his day. He apparently was in a fight and his friends helped him out. "At least you have friends, Mikey," I sighed. "You have someone there to help when you're in a fight. I have no friends at school. When someone fights me, I have to fight all by myself." Which was true, but that may change within a few days. But I still was lonely for the time being. "I'm sorry, Gee," he said, trying to comfort me. "Did you try becoming friends with that new kid? You know, you said he might like you, right?" His voice was filled with worry, I'm assuming because he might've thought that I was gonna forget about trying to have friends. But still, I answered truthfully. "Kinda... Not really..." He looked at me, then he kind of smiled. "Try, Gee. You need a friend besides me. What's the worst thing that could happen?" He was right, but he was also wrong. Very wrong indeed. Trying to make friends was the worst thing I could do. I wasn't stupid. I didn't plan on dying just yet. The new kid could come up and ask me if I wanna be his friend, but that probably was not likely. I would probably end up rejecting him and then we'd hate each other like it was supposed to be. I wasn't meant to have friends for a reason. I was an outcast and I was fine with that. I understood my life was supposed to be miserable. I would be an idiot not to accept Mikey's advice, but I would be if I didn't avoid it. God, I don't know what to do!!!!!! *** I went to school pretty early. I had nothing else to do besides wait for class again. "H-hi, Lindsey..." I said, eyes locked right on Lindsey Ballato, probably the prettiest girl I'd ever seen in my entire life. Lindsey was always nice to me, despite her asshole boyfriend. She looked extremely cute today. Her hair was done nice, she had on nice clothes and she smelled like fucking roses. "Hey, Gerard," she smiled as she turned to face me. Oh God, she's beautiful. "What's up?" She added. I tried not to blush or stutter or do anything that would embarrass me. I didn't need that at the moment. "I-I..." I began. I was super fucking nervous beyond belief. I started to talk again, but then, of course... Bert walked inside with his buddies... I panicked. "You what, Gerard?" She asked. I looked at Bert. "I-I gotta go... Like, right now... Bye," I said nervously. She looked at me funny, then I guess realized Bert was at school. I saw Bert coming right over and I took off. I hid in the bathroom... In the stall, just sketching Batman. The bathroom stall was the one place I could hide. It was always locked and there was a small gap that I was skinny enough to fit through but I doubt anyone else could. Thank god for that. So I retreated there. I wasn't in the mood to fight, well, get beat up because Bert is a fucking maniac, I swear. But if I was, I'd totally kick Bert's ass, like seriously. Suddenly, I hear the door open and someone comes in. It was the principal, Jennifer Cholly. Cholly knocked on the stall door. "Gerard? Is that you?" She asked. She took a step back and leaned up against the counter with the sink. She knocked again. "Yeah..." I replied. I was not in the mood for her to talk to me again. I seriously didn't like this bitch and she was evil. Swear to God. She acted as though she cared but didn't really. She doesn't give a damn about me and it's okay. I know why. You know why? Because I suck and no one likes me. "Why are you hiding in the stall again? Is it about Bert McCracken?" She pressed. "Yes. Please go away." I was trying to be nice and not sarcastic but she was making it very hard for me not to blow up on her. I was just moody today. "Gerard, you should make some friends." Hello, lady! I've only been trying my whole fucking life! I've given up already! Deal with it! Geez! Do you not fucking understand?!?! Do you not see how much I try???? Well, actually I know that I don't try. But I will!!!! God!! Get off of my fucking case, bitch!!! "Gerard?" I don't wanna talk to her. She aggravates me. She hates me, I swear. I am not too fond of her either. But whatever. I don't care if nobody likes me. I was meant to be alone. But she doesn't understand me. She doesn't know anything about me. So, I remained quiet, of course. She walked out the door without saying a word. I wish I could just die. But of course that can't happen, because if I were dead, they'd have nobody left to torture. I heard Bert walk in with his friends. It wasn't hard to notice them, as they were talking so fucking loud it was ridiculous. But dammit, they found me. I suck at hiding. They caught me after all. I was scared out of my mind thinking of everything they'd do to me. "Way," Bert called out. "I know you're in here. Come out and play." He kicked open the stall door and smirked. HOW THE FUCK DID HE KNOW WHICH ONE I WAS IN?!?!?! Creepy!!!! And dammit, now if I live, I gotta fix this fucking lock. Fuck you, Bert, you asshole. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me out and pushed me against the wall. This was typical Bert. He always did this to me every chance he got, it seemed. "Eventually, I'll grow bored, Way, and I will end you. But not today," he said. "Oh, no, not today. Today, we'll have some fun!" Oh dear god. Not in the mood. Why did I talk to Lindsey?! Could I have been any more stupid?! He pushed me down onto the floor, hard. I temporarily blacked out. Bert told his friends to hold me down. His friends, John, Thomas and Steve, held me down like Bert told them to do. Bert punched me hard in the stomach. I tried to hide the fact that I was in pain, but he hit me hard and I grimaced. He then began kicking me. "You gonna cry, faggot?" He asked. There was an evil spark in his eyes. It was one of the most terrifying things I ever saw. Bert was a fucking evil, terrifying maniac. He scared the hell out of me everyday. "Shut... Up..." I managed to choke out finally. "I-I'm n...not... A-a..." "If you're not one, why do you wear makeup, bitch?" He pressed. He grabbed my hair and spat in my face. Then he let go of my hair. My head hit the floor. "L-leave... Me... A-alone..." I wheezed. I felt close to losing consciousness and there was a throbbing in my head. But I couldn't pass out now. I'd die. That was for sure. Bert would make sure he beat me to death. But at this point, I really didn't care. I just wished I could've seen my angel again. Yes, that boy was definitely an angel, no, he's not actually mine. I just wish he was. Wait... "You know, I probably don't have to worry since you are a fag, but stay the hell away from Lindsey. I'm warning you, Way." "Fuck... You..." Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuuck! I am officially an idiot. Why the hell am I so stupid?????? Oh fuck me. I am officially dead now, too. Oh well, at least the world will forget about me easily because no one really knows me anyway. But yep, I guess I have a death wish... And now I am about to die at the hands of Bert McCracken. Yay me. He started choking me with every bit of strength he had. I could feel myself slipping unconscious. He kept beating me harder and harder. I kept crying out and screaming in pain and yelling at them to stop. They all just laughed as Bert was close to strangling me until I was dead. Well, he was strangling me, and I was close to falling unconscious. He kept hitting me and his friends kept kicking me... Until Lindsey walked in. "Bert!" She yelled furiously. "Why are you doing this again?! Just leave him alone for once!" She was really pissed off. I looked up at her and smiled, for she was my only hope for living. She looked down at me, then back to Bert. "Stop it, now," she growled. She fucking growled at him. This is so fucking awesome. She's making Bert her bitch. Hells yeah! And oh Lindsey, this is why I like you. You always help me out. Well, you try anyway. You're so nice to me. "But Lyn... It's so fun to watch him squirm while I beat his little faggot ass," he pouted. Then he sighed. "Lyn, lighten up. It's just this fucking emo loser that no one cares about." "Stop," she said. She was furious. But Bert just looked at me again. "He is not an emo loser, so just leave him the fuck alone, Bert. You don't want to get caught and expelled, do you? If not, I strongly recommend that you just stop right now. And stop calling him a faggot, damn it." "Who's fucking side are you on, Lindsey? Mine or his?" Bert yelled. He slammed his hand into one of the stall doors. "Huh, bitch?! Who's side are you on?!" "Yours, babe," she sighed. She looked down at the floor. She looked disgusted with herself. I wanted to hug her and tell her thank you and tell her I was okay, but I couldn't move. I was being held down. Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't dare try getting up. Bert punched me in the stomach again. But this time, I threw up. Steve, John and Thomas let go of me immediately, grossed out. Lindsey looked at me with guilt, as if she was the one who hit me. Bert laughed. "Remember, Way. I will end you eventually." He scowled, but then smirked at me. "Let's go, Lyn." He and his friends walked out. Lindsey turned to look at me before she left me all alone. I could still see the stab of guilt in her eyes. Lindsey was very nice towards me all the time, but we seldom spoke because of Bert. I don't see what she sees in him, honestly. She let her eyes linger on me for a moment before turning her back towards me again. "I'm sorry, Gerard." She left. By the time I walked all the way home, my hands were numb. It was snowing. I didn't dare to face Lindsey on the bus, so I walked. I was so embarrassed because I vomited right in front of her. So I decided to avoid her. My torso was so sore and bruised, as was my face. It hurt to walk. It hurt to breathe. I decided I was going to go to bed straightaway so my mom and stepfather didn't notice. I didn't want mom to do anything that would end up making Bert come after me. But as soon as I walked in, she walked right up to me. "Gerard, are you depressed again?" She asked softly, stopping me. "What the fuck happened to your face, Gee?! What happened to you?!?!" I shook my head in reply. How did she even come up with the depression thing? Is it THAT obvious? How'd she know? I attempted walking to my room again, but again, she stood dead in my tracks. "Tell me what happened to your fucking face, and don't lie to me, Gerard, or else," she warned. "Principal Cholly told me you were depressed. Do we need to take you to the therapist again?" She inquired. She gave me that look of concern mixed with the look of sadness. She was worried. But one thing remained in my head that she said. Fucking Cholly. I should've known. I swear, between her and Bert and pretty much everyone else I knew, I was ready to explode. Well, except for Mikey, Lindsey and the angel who's name I do not know yet. Everyone else should just... Ugh. "No," I wheezed. "I'm fine." I tried to sound as convincing as possible. Nothing worked. Mom saw right through me as if I were made of fucking glass. "Gerard Arthur Way! What's wrong with you? Tell me what happened, now!" She finally snapped. "Nothing." She gave me a stern look. "Gerard, tell me, please." "Donna, he's fine," my stepfather interrupted. "He's just being a pansy. He only wants attention." Fuck you, Tobias, I hate you. I didn't like my stepfather, Tobias because he was an asshole. That's the only word to describe him, I think. He married my mom after my dad died. Mikey doesn't like Tobias either because he was abusive. Especially towards me, of course. He was always threatening me for no reason. Saying I only wanted attention and that's why I acted depressed. I wasn't suicidal though, well actually that's a lie but no, I never dared to try committing suicide yet. That would be unfair to Mikey. I couldn't leave him. That would be selfish. I gave Tobias a dirty look before retreating to my bedroom and locking the door behind me. "Gerard!" Mom called, but I ignored her. I wasn't in the mood. A little while later, Mikey knocked on the door. I knew it was him from the way he knocked. When I unlocked it, I laid back down. Mikey came to sit next to me. He tapped my shoulder and rubbed my arm in a comforting manner. I looked up at him. "Gee, are you okay?" He asked, his voice quavering. "Oh my god, what happened to your face?" "Fight," I answered wheezily. "I think you should go to the hospital, Gerard," he said very seriously. I don't think I've ever seen Mikey be so serious and so worried. He really did care about me a lot, and I knew that. Of course. We were close from the time we could even be close. Mikey was like my only friend. I knew he had other friends, like Pete Wentz. But Mikey and I were special. We were brothers. We obviously knew everything there was to know about the other. We could never be separated. Well, at least not for more than a week or so. Even then, we'd miss each other a lot. Like when he went on his school camping trip. I mean, I know he's fourteen and I'm seventeen but who cares? We liked a ton of the same things and we weren't but three years difference in age. We had a special brother bond. "Gerard," he whispered as I had started to drift off, as his comforting rub on my arm was calming me. My eyes snapped open. "Gerard, you should go to the hospital. Please. I don't think you're okay. You certainly don't look like it." "I-I'm fine, Mikey..." I lied. I wasn't even convincing myself. And I definitely knew I wasn't convincing him. He shot me the fiercest look I had ever seen. He smacked me in the arm. "Ow..." I groaned. I rubbed my arm where he hit me. It hurt bad. I never knew someone as skinny as my brother could hit so fucking hard. "Gerard fucking Way!" He yelled furiously. I was so not expecting him to say THAT. I stared at him astonished with my jaw probably through the floor. "M-Mikey!" I exclaimed. I couldn't help but to giggle a little and I tried to hide the slight smile I had on my fucked up face. "Well?!" He snapped, throwing his hands up in an aggravated manner. "I want you to understand that I am dead serious!" "W-well, you saying... 'fucking' is... kinda a-awesome," I admitted. "But I-I'm okay. Seriously... It's all... Good." "Oh right, because getting almost beaten to death is a good thing," he snapped again, words dripping with sarcasm. "My middle... n-name is... 'Arthur', in case... you forgot," I said jokingly, trying to change the subject. It really was not helping me whatsoever. He gave me a dirty look, then looked away. "Shut up," he snapped again. I could tell he was just upset that I didn't wanna go to the hospital. But I still couldn't help myself but to laugh. He shook his head, then let out a frustrated sigh before turning his back towards me. "I wish you'd just listen to me, Gee." We sat in silence after he said that for about five minutes. I just dozed off when Mikey shook me hard and my eyes snapped open. "Gerard, you need to go to the fucking hospital!" He yelled. Really? I thought we've been through this, I'm fine. I raised an eyebrow. He was dead fucking serious. I shrugged. "I-I already... Told you, M-Mikes... I'm okay," I choked out, ignoring the fact that he cursed again. He raised an eyebrow skeptically. I closed my eyes to try to sleep and he smacked me. "Gerard, no! You can't sleep right now! You stopped breathing! You need to go, now!" He yelled and tried to drag me off the bed. "Let's go! If you don't want mom to know, I'll call Pete's mom and she will meet us outside, okay? Otherwise, you better tell her to take you to the hospital or I will!" "B-but Tobias..." "Screw Tobias." "I-I can't go... I'll just take... Some of Tobias'... P-pills and I'll... Be okay... I... I promise. B-but you need... To sneak me... Some." Mikey sighed and nodded. He only took about five minutes and brought me back a bunch. "I wasn't sure how many," he said, gesturing to the pills he had set down beside me. He sat down and looked over me a few times, then looked away. "T-this is f... fine," I replied. I took some in my hand and put them in my mouth and swallowed them dry. I screwed up my face at the feeling of them hitting the back of my throat and also at the taste. I rolled over on my other side, facing the wall. Mikey put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed lightly. "I hope you know I'm not leaving." His eyes were locked on mine, as if that was a promise. A silent promise to never leave my side as long as I hurt. "I-I know." * * * The weekend passed quickly. I stayed in my room all weekend. I only opened the door for Mikey and only ate when mom and Tobias were gone. When I was walking to school this morning, I was hoping Lindsey totally forgot I threw up the other day. I was already too embarrassed because she almost saw me get beat up by her stupid boyfriend again. I hadn't seen Lindsey since then. She was apparently sick with the flu. So part of me hoped (as bad or mean as this sounds) she was still very ill and at home so I could delay seeing her for a bit longer. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't mind seeing Lindsey. No, of course not. I love her. But I still was embarrassed. I mean, she was my friend when Bert didn't want her to be. When I got there, I saw Lindsey and immediately went straight over to apologize. I know I had nothing to be sorry for, but I felt like I did. I felt like I got her in trouble. When she saw me, she wiped a tear away. I looked at her in concern. Did Bert do something? If he did, I swear to god I will end him. Well, I would at least die trying. When I approached Lindsey, she looked away from me. I began speaking immediately. "Lindsey, I'm so sorry for everything that happened last time I saw you. I--" "Gerard, stop. Please. Don't embarrass yourself, okay? Look, I can't be your friend anymore," she cut me off. Wait, why???? What??? "W-what? Did I do something wrong? What did I do?" I started to cry a little. I blinked away the tears before they could fully form. Why was she acting this way? Why was she doing this to me? I looked away from her. I saw the new kid standing close by; he looked concerned. But why? I'll ask later. "Y-you... Gerard, please, listen. I can't be your friend. Just go away and leave me alone. This is hard, but I never wanna see you again. I-I hate you. Goodbye, Gerard," she said softly, blinking away tears of her own. But, I don't know why was she doing this. What did I do? I can't lose her. No, no, no... I can't. Never. She can't hate me, can she? She's lying. "No you don't..." She spat in my face. "Is that enough proof for you?!" She snapped. She slapped me across my face and I just blinked stupidly. What the hell is going on?? I found myself running away to the bathroom. Maybe I was hallucinating. Ever since Bert slammed my head onto the table and I had to have stitches last year, I've been seeing weird things and blacking out and hallucinating. One time, I hallucinated Mikey falling and when I asked him if he was okay, he gave no response. I blinked a few times, and he wasn't actually there. So, maybe this was one of those times and maybe Lindsey was a hallucination and maybe that's why the new kid looked at me with concern. I hoped she wasn't ending our friendship. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle her hating me. That couldn't be true, could it? I wasn't hallucinating. I looked out again and Lindsey was crying. And now I was, too. I crawled under my stall and sat there. I found my old razorblade and knew this was the last straw. Between everything, and then Lindsey, the love of my life, says she hates me and never wants to see me again, and the depression on top of that, I was done. I sobbed for a minute before silently saying goodbye to Mikey. I knew he'd hate me for this. I could only hope he would understand. But I knew how selfish this was and how angry Mikey would be, but I decided to do it anyway. I started to cut into my wrists, trying not to cut too deep, as if part of me was changing my mind about taking my own life. But then I heard the door open and I jerked, causing me to accidentally cut very deep. I quietly sobbed and I knew it wouldn't be too long before I bled out and died. I just wondered who was coming in here. Probably Brendon or Cholly or... Someone. Anyone except for who barged in. My angel. "Gerard?" He called out. I felt a sweep of joy overcome me for a moment. But then I realized that I was in the middle of committing suicide. I tried to remain as quiet as possible, but I kept sniffling. I gave myself away. He already knew I was here anyway. So what was the point of trying? "Are you okay?" I just started sobbing. "Can I come in?" He asked. I heard worry in his voice. Why was he worrying about me? We hardly knew each other. I was surprised he knew my name, since I totally forgot his. Which reminded me to ask. "W-what's your name again?" I whimpered, trying hard not to keep crying. I was a failure at stopping myself from crying today. It just wouldn't work. I began biting my lip. I started to feel lightheaded. Oh crap, I forgot. "Frank," he replied. "Can I come in now? Please?" He was begging. Why was he being so nice to me? I didn't deserve it. I was such a horrible person that even Lindsey hated me now. I didn't even know Lindsey was capable of hating, because she's so kind. But, back to Frank. Frank... What a nice name. I'm glad I know now. I'm glad I found out before I died. "I-I don't think you wanna do that," I responded. I'm sure he didn't. I had written stuff on the walls that was very depressing to read. Plus, the last thing this angel needed was to see someone die. Especially someone he hardly knew but was worried about. And well, now I had to ask: "Why are you being so nice to me, Frank?" "Because. You seemed real upset with that girl. Was she your girlfriend?" I laughed. "I wish. Nobody loves me. I'm just a stupid coward that hides from the world because I don't deserve to live." "Yes, you do!" He said angrily and he stomped his foot. He stomped his foot, like a five-year-old kid who's mom told them they couldn't have candy. "No one deserves to die! Not even you! Look, now I know I don't know you too well, but you seem nice. And you're not stupid. And any girl would be lucky to have you. They just don't see that yet. They don't see that you're a good person. I could see it when I first saw you. You have good in you. And you don't deserve to die. Will you please let me in?" I was stunned. That was an amazing speech. It made me lose control and I started bawling my eyes out. I never knew anyone who thought that well of me. Pretty much, no one's ever said that to me. Mikey might have. But nobody else made me feel like that. For once, I felt... Happy. For the first time in awhile, I felt happy. The real kind of happy. He crawled underneath the stall. He stood up and brushed himself off. Then he looked down at me. Mostly my wrists are what caught his attention. He gasped and covered his mouth. When I realized what he was staring at, I freaked out a little. I looked down. "Gerard... What did you do?" He asked quickly, grabbing my wrists. He looked at me and I felt ashamed. I was so fucking selfish! I was about to abandon my little brother and leave him all alone to fend for himself with mom and Tobias. How stupid am I really?! I'm so very selfish. I'll never forgive myself for this. "I-I... I didn't mean to cut this deep," I whimpered. I truly forgotten all about my suicide attempt. I dropped the bloody razorblade and it fell to the floor. Frank looked at me with an anger burning in his eyes and I instantly got scared. Now he definitely would hate me. I mean, this was my first attempt, so I was doing good until now. But now, I felt really lonely. Even though I wasn't alone, I felt like I would be shortly. Then Frank did what I never expected. He took off his shirt and wrapped it around my wrists. And my god, he was so beautiful. He had tattoos, yet he was only fifteen. This was strange, but I didn't question it. I couldn't stop staring at his body. He was just too attractive. I lost all my words. Stop it, Gerard. Not gay, remember? Remember???? Don't look. Look away. Oh, but I can't help it. He's too pretty. Oh god, my straight self is gonna fucking kill my brain for thinking I was gay and looking at him. Fucking fuck me. "Hey, my eyes are up here, honey." I blushed so hard, my face must've looked like a fucking fire truck. I looked away and he laughed at me. I was so embarrassed. But he was beautiful. Man, maybe I really was gay. I shouldn't feel so attracted to him. But then what the fuck is up with me liking Lindsey?!?! I have no fucking clue but I know that any chance of me and Lindsey being together was over now. She hates me. "I-I'm sorry," I mumbled. I looked up at his torso again and I couldn't help but to smile at him. I looked into his eyes. God, they were beautiful too. They were hazel, kind of like mine, but only they were... Perfect. He smiled back at me. "Don't be sorry, I was only fucking with you. I don't mind if you look. I just wanted to make you smile," he admitted, still putting pressure on my wrists. His smile was like, the cutest thing ever. I swear. Okay, I'm probably definitely gay, with the love of my life being a girl, though. He looked at me with those piercing hazel eyes of his. He looked into my eyes this time. "We should get you to the nurse." I nodded. "I'm sorry we had to meet this way." *** I got some stitches at the nurse's office and Frank and I talked and spent the rest of the day together. I enjoyed speaking with him, actually. He's not so bad. He doesn't hate me. For once, likes me in this damned place. Now, counting Mikey and not counting Lindsey, since she says she hates me now, I think I have two friends. Okay. It's a start. Frank had also asked me to come over and meet his friends sometime. Their names being Ray and Bob. He said they were cool and were into music. Frank played guitar. So that's why his hands are pretty then, huh? When I got home, I told Mikey all about Frank. Mikey seemed pleased that I made a friend. I told him how Frank wanted me to go over and meet his friends, Ray Toro and Bob Bryar. He beamed at the thought of me being happy. I guess for once he felt like he didn't have to worry so much about me. I swear, if Mikey didn't look out for me and worry about me and make sure I don't do anything stupid like try to commit suicide, well, again, I probably would've been dead a long time ago. I felt like I couldn't leave Mikey. Like he needed me. And I need him. We look out for each other. "So you say his name is Frank Iero?" He inquired. He raised an eyebrow as I lightly blushed barely enough to really notice. "Weird name." "Yeah, it is weird," I agreed. Oh, but also beautiful, because it belongs to an angel. Yes, Frank is an angel. My angel. But, then again, he's not mine. He's just a pretty angel that gives me hope to keep living. I think I'm gay now. Wait, no. Yes. No. I don't fucking know. But Frank is really an angel now. He saved my life and I owe him. I feel connected to him now for some reason. "I'm glad you have a friend, Gerard," he said sincerely. He just looked so happy for me. I guess he hadn't looked this happy in forever. Since before dad died and before I started getting depressed. "Well, I wouldn't say he's my friend yet. We just met." That was a lie, I knew better. Frank was like an instant best friend for me. I was happy about that. Like, I don't know how to say it. Like, he became my friend the minute he said I didn't deserve to die. "Okay, Gee," he sighed. I knew he wasn't convinced because he kept smiling. "He's pretty cool though. Only a year older than you. You two would probably get along well. Maybe Pete would like him, too." "I'm not sure. Speaking of Pete, I gotta call him and tell him mom said, yes I could come over to spend the night." "Oh. Okay." "Hey Gee?" Mikey said, starting to blush. "What are you up to now, Mikester?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, which only made him blush harder. "Who said I was up to anything?" He asked defensively. "Geez, calm down. I was playing. Now, since you got all defensive, what the hell are you up to?" Mikey gulped and began blushing even harder, like he was embarrassed of asking me whatever the hell it was he was thinking. "Tell me, or I'll take your glasses," I threatened, trying to sound serious. I couldn't help but smile. "I-is there, you know, any pretty girls at your school that, um, would consider going on a date with, uh, you know, me...?" He finally spilled out. "Um, I think there's... Hayley Williams, Amy Lee, Alicia Simmons, uh... Fuck, I don't know. The only girl I really notice is Lindsey Ballato, Bert's girlfriend," I replied. "But she hates me now..." "Oh, okay," he said. He looked away, disappointed, I assume. "Sorry she hates you, by the way." I shrugged it off. "I'm sure I can see if there's anyone else." "Mmkay." "I'm sorry." "For what?" "Not paying more attention to the girls in my school, I guess." "It's cool. No big deal." He smiled. I could see a small feeling of disappointment on his face. I smiled back. Mikey deserved someone who was gonna treat him right. Unlike his exes. One broke up with him because her best friend said that she was uncool for going out with a "nerd". One cheated on him with Mikey's old bully, who got expelled. The last one broke up with him because he was "too busy" to call her everyday. A lot of girls are mean and careless. But not Lindsey. She is so nice and she cares even though she knows Bert gets mad at her for sticking up for me. I don't know about it now though. Mikey got up off my bed. "I'm gonna go see if dinner's almost ready," he said, walking towards the door. "Mmkay," I replied. "Sorry I couldn't help." "You're fine," he smiled. "It's actually not important." "Okay..." I said, unconvinced. "Later, you should tell me about this Alicia girl." I nodded. Then he walked out. I picked up the phone to call Frank and ask him when he wanted me at his house specifically. I knew it was sometime after school next week or so. But I didn't know the exact time. I dialed Frank's number and waited for him to pick up.

Notes

Please ignore the lack of giant spaces or whatever because that's how it came out when I pasted it.

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