It's all tøø real

I don't know how long I've been laying here. All I know is I've stopped crying.
Everything hurts.
It's like there's this black hole in my chest. I don't understand. It feels like it sucks me in even more with each breath I take.
I can barely see anything.
It's all blurry.
It's so dark.
I can hear my heart pounding harshly in my chest, but it feels like it's completely stopped.

I stared up at the dark sky, ignoring the barely audible voice. It's probably fake anyway. I clenched my eyes shut as the voice got louder. Clearer. I grit my teeth together as I pressed my fists against my ears,

"Stop I know you're not real. Just stop! I can't take it!"

But it didn't stop.
It sounded like it was next to me.

"Excuse me, sir?"

I let out a shaky breath, opening my eyes slowly, only to be met with a blinding white light.
I groaned loudly blocking the light from my eyes as I studied the figure in front of me. It was a tall man. He was wearing a police uniform.
I scrunched my eyebrows together, slowly reaching over, placing my hand on his shoe. I needed to know if he was real.

The man gave me a weird look as he moved his foot, "Um, sir, please do not touch me."

"Are you real?" I quickly asked, not taking any risks.

The man crouched down shining that fucking light in my eyes again, "Of course I am. Are you alright, sir? Have you been drinking or taking any drugs?"

I groaned angrily, pushing his flashlight out of my face, "I'm not fucking high. Leave me alone."

"Well, I can't do that. The park is closed. You have to leave." The man sighed, standing back up.

I felt my heart clench.
I can't leave.
I can't confront Gerard.
Or well, what I thought was Gerard.

I gulped harshly looking over at the small wooden cross once more. I can't.
The man let his eyes fall over to the cross as well and then he gasped,

"Oh my god. You're Frank!"

"Yeah. I am. Why do you know that?" I snapped not even turning to him.

"It's me. Bob. We went to high school together." None of this was ringing a bell. "I heard what happened and I am so-"

"Don't. Don't you dare fucking apologize. Please."

The man, or well Bob sighed, taking his hat off, "Well, I know you don't want to, but you have to leave. I'm sorry, but it's just the law."

I felt panic begin to rise in me once more, "No please. I can't go back to him. Please. I don't know what I'll do!"

Bob raised his eyebrow, crouching down to me once again, "Who? Did somebody hurt you? Do you need to come down to the station?"

I let out a soft sob, "No. Nobody hurt me."

"Then who can you not go back to, Frank?"

I looked up at him, letting out a wearily whisper, "Gerard."

Bob's eyes widened, "Frank. Gerard is dead."

"I know! I fucking know!" I screamed out, "I just didn't know that until now." I sobbed

Bob sighed, he obviously didn't know what to do in this situation, "Look, Frank, you need help. But you cannot stay here. Why not go to a family member or friend? Is Mikey still in town? I can take you to him."

"No!" I quickly blurted out, "I, uh, I have a place to go. Thank you officer, Er Bob. It was nice to see you." I quickly said as I stumbled to my feet, making my way back to my car.

I shoved my hands in my pockets. I can't go back to Mikey. He'll just rub it in my face that he was right. I can't do that.
It was like he could just tell I didn't want to hear from him because the second I got into the car he called me.
I groaned pressing the phone against my ear,

"What Mikey?"

"Nice to talk to you too." Mikey sighed into the phone. He sounded exhausted, "Come home, please. I can get you help. We can get you through this."

"You know what Mikey? Why don't you just go back to your perfect little life. Just let me fix this myself. Just go enjoy your wife. Please."

Mikey let out a small chuckle, "Kristen actually left me a few weeks ago. She said if all I was going to do was put my focus on finding you that I wasn't worth her time or effort."

I gulped harshly, "I'm sorry to hear that." I broke up Mikey's marriage. Just because I wanted to run off with my fucking imaginary boyfriend.

"It's fine. Just. Come back. We'll get through this."

"No. I'm sorry. I can't. Not yet. I'm so sorry Mikey. Fuck, I'm so sorry." I then abruptly hung up.

I threw my phone phone into the passenger seat and began driving back.






---






Mikey tried calling the whole ride back. Of course I didn't answer. I needed to get back.
I parked quickly, causing the car to take up two spaces. I didn't really care. For fucks sake I was the only one parked in the parking lot anyway.
I ran up to the room bursting in. Gerard turned towards me a small smile spreading across his lips,

"There you are! I was so worried! You just left with no note telling me where you were or anything!" He sighed out, quickly wrapped his arms around me.

I froze, gulping harshly.
I didn't feel his touch.
I couldn't feel him.

I couldn't fucking feel him.

Notes