It's all tøø real

Nothing.No pulse.
No breathing.
He's gone.
He's gone.
He's gone.
He's gone.
Gone.





I gasped harshly, sitting up as I clutched onto my chest. I quickly looked over seeing Gerard still asleep next to me. I let out a loud sigh of relief, placing my hand on his shoulder, once again reassuring myself he's real. I bit my lip softly crawling out of bed, being extra careful not to wake Gerard.
I quickly put on my jacket, walking out of the door. I looked at my phone as I walked to the car.
3:45 am
I sighed softly I really shouldn't be awake right now. I climbed into the car, immediately turning on the radio. I can't listen to my head right now. I'll just drive myself crazy.
The engine roared as I drove out of the vacant parking lot.

I drove around for what felt hours. Just looking. For anything at this point. I just had this empty feeling in my chest I needed to get rid of. Or is it a knot in my stomach? I'm not quite sure. Everything just feels off.

What if he's right?
What if this is all in my head?
Fuck, he can't be.

I sighed softly, pulling over on the side of the empty road. I put my head against the steering wheel. None of this makes sense.
Then it hit me.
I need to go to the park.
The park where we got engaged.
And this apparent 'accident' happened.
That'll give me the reassurance I need!

I quickly started the car again and began driving back towards Jersey. Gerard shouldn't be awake for hours I'm sure he won't even notice I left.





---




I reached Jersey about two hours later. I'm just a block away from the park and I swear I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. I'm not sure why I'm nervous, but I am. I know Gerards real, but the possibility of him actually being gone is fucking destroying me.

I took in a deep breath and parked next to the park.
I looked over the multiple trees, smiling as memories flooded back.
I then spotted the tree it all happened under.
It still had that odd colored leaf.
I gulped harshly as I got out of the car.
I don't know what came over me, but I just started running towards that tree.
That fucking tree.
It was going to prove to me I'm not crazy.
It's going to prove to me Gerard isn't gone.
It's going to prove that everything is actually okay.

It felt like forever until I finally reached the tree. It all just felt like a dream. I gently placed my hand against its trunk, running it across the rough surface. I bit the inside of my cheek as I pulled myself the the other side.

My heart dropped.
There was a huge aging dent in the middle of it.
I gulped harshly as I let my eyes drop to the bottom of the tree where I found a small handmade cross with a 'G' carved into the middle.
I clutched my chest, as my vision became blurry.
I felt my knees give out.
I hit the ground and I just began screaming.

This can't be real.
This has to be a dream.
He's fine.
He's fucking fine.
He's asleep next to me. Completely fine.

I sobbed heavily into my hands, screaming at the top of my lungs. It wouldn't hurt so fucking bad if this was a dream. I looked up looking for anything to prove to me this wasn't real. I crawled closer to the tree, reaching my hand up to feel the dented area once more. I let out a shaky breath as I slowly stood up, keeping my hand on the trunk. I then place both hands on the damaged tree, just feeling it. No.
No.
No.
This isn't how it's supposed to go.
This wasn't supposed to be real.
He's not supposed to be gone.
HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GONE.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE REAL.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO GET MARRIED AND GO LIVE LIFE TOGETHER. FOREVER!
HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GONE.
HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GONE.
HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GONE

He's not supposed to be gone.

Notes

I'm so sad. Fuck, I'm so sad.

This chapter hurt to write.