It's all tøø real

I clung onto him. Or at least I tried.
It looked like I was holding onto him, but I couldn't actually feel it.
It's like it was all really just in my head.

I let out a shaky breath, before pushing Gerard away. Gerard raised his eyebrow,

"What's wrong, baby?" He stepped towards me once again.

I stepped away quickly,

"D-don't! You're not real! You're not fucking real!"

Gerard let out a soft sigh, "So what?"

My eyes widened. He admitted it. He fucking just admitted he's not really there. What kind of sick game is my own head playing on me?!
I clutched onto my chest, my heart tightening at the realization.

"So what if I'm not real, Frank? Who cares? We've been fine for almost a whole year why can't we just live the rest of our lives like that?" Gerard questioned.

I gulped harshly, "Because I didn't know you were fucking dead, Gerard! How am I supposed to live with some figment of my fucking imagination? You're not really here! I can't keep convincing myself that you are! It's crazy!"

"It's really not that hard." Gerard simply stated.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Gerard. You're dead. You're not even really here!"

"But you're still having a conversation with me are you not?" Gerard pointed out, his eyes reaching mine, a small smirk planted across his lips.

"Oh my god.. You're right." I breathed out, turning away from him, "I'm fucking crazy," I blurted out, tangling my hands in my hair as I paced around, "I'm fucking crazy!"

"Awe, don't say that, sweetie. You're not crazy. Just, imaginative."

I ignored Gerard's statement as I continued pacing around the room mumbling, "I'm fucking crazy." Over and over.

Gerard sighed, obviously getting annoyed with me at this point.

"I need to go back to Mikey. I need fucking help. I need that medicine."

Gerard's head popped up, "No you fucking don't! If you do that I'll have to go away again! Don't you fucking dare, Frank!!!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. He's right. If I get help I'll lose him again. Even if he is just in my head, I can't cope without him. He's the fucking air in my lungs I can not lose him again.
I looked up at Gerard with teary eyes,

"You're right. I can't lose you again."

Gerard crossed his arms, a proud smirk plastered across his cheeks, "Told you."

"But. What do I do? I can't lose you, so I can't go back to Mikey.."

"Let's just keep running away. We can live in different motels until we save up for a house or even an apartment and we can just live our lives like we were before, except this time, there won't be anyone to mess it up."

I sighed heavily, letting my gaze hit the ground. I don't know if I can live with Gerard knowing he's not real.
"Of course you can, silly."

"How'd you know what I was thi-"

Gerard rolled his eyes playfully, "I'm in your head, Frankie. I know everything you're think, sweetie."

I gulped, "Oh. Right."

Gerard smiled, leaning up against a chair, "So, what do you say?"

I looked up at Gerard cautiously, "Yeah. That's what we'll do.."

Gerard completely stood up, throwing his arms up, "Great!"

I glanced over at the bathroom, knowing what I needed to do.

"I need to pee really quick, so I'll be out in a second and then we'll get back on the road."

Gerard nodded, watching me enter the bathroom. As I slowly closed the bathroom door I heard Gerard call out,

"You're making the right choice, Frankie. We're gonna be really happy! Just like we used to be!"

I quickly locked the bathroom door, sucking in a sharp breath before I began digging in the backpack I had left in there. I searched frantically trying to find my pills. I let out a loud sigh when I finally found it.
As I clutched onto it I heard a loud bang against the door,

"Don't you fucking dare, Frank!!"

I gasped, quickly unscrewing the lid as fast as I could, spilling a few pills onto the bathroom floor in the process.
I can't live on knowing he's dead, but I also can't live without him.
So I won't.
I quickly shoved 13 pills into my mouth swallowing it down with some water, ignoring the continuous banging.
I then gulped down 11 pills.

Then 5.

7.

9.

8.

"This isn't how it's supposed to end, Frank!" Gerard shouted from the outside of the door.

I dropped the pills as I leaned against the bathtub. I think that's enough.

"This isn't how it's supposed to end!!"

I squinted my eyes, slightly. Everything was becoming blurry.

"This isn't how it's supposed to end!!"

I slowly closed my eyes, as I faded from in and out of consciousness.

"This isn't how it's supposed to end!!"

I clutched onto my chest, I knew I was about to go. All that could go through my mind was Gerard. Not my family. Not everything I'm leaving behind. Just Gerard.

"This isn't how it's supposed to end!!"

I felt my head droop to the side as everything began to fade to black.

This isn't how it's supposed to end..

Notes

This isn't the end.