But I Love You

Last night was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I’m not usually one to go out partying, and hang around a bunch of drunks and smoke weed, or whatever it is people my age do. I hate the whole idea of getting high and drinking actually. It’s irrational and could cost you your life.
Instead, I hung out with Gerard and Mikey. We built this huge fort in the living room and made popcorn and played video games or watched movies. Gerard would tease me a lot, like when I went to stand up to get a drink, he would grab my ass. Then when I would come back, he would grab me by the waist and hold me tight. I’m not saying it was bad. In fact, it was a little too good. I could tell we were getting more used to each other, and it warms my heart just to know that.
Mikey decided to sleep in his bed because he said that it’s better than sleeping on the hard floor with Gerard and I, and in which we are very annoying. Thanks Mikey! It was actually very comfortable when we finally went to sleep. We got extra blankets and pillows to put as comfort under us, and since Winter is starting, Gerard thinks I need every piece of fucking clothing on me, or I’ll get a life threatening illness. Since I knew I would physically die if I fell asleep in heavy pajamas, we agreed on wrapping us up together like a cocoon in a huge comforter, and put the heat up to a thousand degrees. I was still very hot, but I didn’t mind as much as I would have because I was thinking more about the way Gerard was holding me, and how close our bodies were together, or that feeling we get when we touch each other.
I was still asleep when Gerard had woken. I must have been in a deep sleep because I didn’t feel that motherfucker get up or anything.
“Frankie, Frankie wake up!” Gerard comes running towards me and jumps on top of me.
I groan, “what?”
“We are going to go out today to get you new clothes and more comic books and posters and everything!” He beams.
“Isn’t that a little risky? Going out together?”
“Well not if we be careful. If we see anyone from school i’ll just walk to the other side of the store or act like I bumped into you.”
“Okay, that’s simple enough.”
“Now get your ass upstairs and get dressed!” He pulls me up and pushes me toward the staircase.
Of course, I do what he says. I put on a Nirvana shirt and some tight black skinny jeans. I then go brush my teeth and run my hand through my hair till it’s good enough. I slip on my shoes and go back downstairs, into the living room. Gerard looks up at me and his breath hitches.
“What?” I ask, embarrassed.
“Your jeans. They’re just...tight.” He stares at the bulge in my pants.
“Uh….Thanks?” I blush, shifting awkwardly.
He laughs dryly, “Well, Frankie are you ready to go?”
“Yes.”
He stands up and we both yell goodbye to Mikey. He grabs the keys and I follow him out to his car. He puts the key in the ignition and looks at me with a beautiful smile.
“I can’t believe this is finally happening.” Gerard blurts out.
“what do you mean ‘finally’?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Well… I’ve liked you for a long time, Frank. I also daydream a lot and most of them always involved you.”
“What do you daydream about?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Well...This is more of an actual dream than a daydream because I fell asleep on the couch but one time I had this dream about how we were at school and it was early in the school year, like maybe the second week, so we weren’t really even talking to each-”
“Gerard just get to the actual story already!” I cut him off, anticipated.
“Okay fine!... So we were at school and the day seemed normal but then I hear from the other teacher that there’s a guy with a gun on the school premises and I started to hear shooting and screams. The first thing on my mind was making sure you were safe, even if that meant I would get hurt. I look up what class you were in at the moment and then I run to you, not caring what the consequences would be if people noticed my feelings towards you.” He stops talking for a moment and starts to shake a little, with tears swelling up in his eyes.
“It’s okay, Gerard. You don’t have to finish, Baby.” I rub his arm, comfortingly. I do want to hear the rest of the story, but I care more about him being happy.
“No. I have to finish the story now. It wouldn’t be fair.” He wipes his eyes and I sigh in relief.
“So I get to your class, it was History I think. I see you on the floor and I run over to you….Th-there was a shot wound in your leg and arm and you were barely breathing. I collapse next to you and turn your head so it’s facing me. I tell you how beautiful I think you are and how much you mean to me even though I only knew you for a little while. A faint smile grew across your lips and I saw you take your last breath. I woke up right after that.” He bursts into tears and clings on to me.
“Shhh, Gee. It’s okay. I’m here now, right? We are safe as long as we have each other. I just can’t believe it took us this long to finally even notice anything towards each other.” I try to comfort him as best I can. I’m not really good at the whole comfort and advice thing.
“I know, Frankie but it just seemed so fucking real! I guess it was more a nightmare than just a dream.” He laughs airily.
Gerard lets go of me and wipes his eyes again, “Okay enough of the sad shit. Time to have some fun.” He gains his usual confidence back.

We've been driving for about thirty minutes now and I have been silent. Gerard tried asking me what’s wrong and I tell him the honest answer which is “I don’t know.” I’m just feeling off for some reason. Like something bad is going to happen but i’m not sure what. He finally gave up after the third time he asked, muttering to himself that it’s just my teenage feelings acting up.
“Where are we going?” I finally talk.
“To the mall.” He states.
“Are you serious? Gerard every fucking teenager on the planet goes to the mall on Saturday! I know you’re old but I still thought you had some common sense in you!” I say the last part sarcastically, of course. Twenty-Six isn’t old at all. Hell, Forty isn’t even old to me.
“Look, Midget, I know that. This is a test to see that if we can get through this, we can get through anything else that comes with people finding out about...whatever it is we are doing.” He defends himself. That actually is a very smart idea and I almost feel bad for doubting him.
“Okay, okay! No need to call me names! But I swear if one thing goes wrong, I’m leaving the country and i’m going to raise alpacas. I’ll change my name to Alfred.” I try to emphasize my point.
“Sounds like you took time to think about that, Alfred.” He jokes.
“Well you always need a backup plan in life.” I say contently.

We finally find a parking spot and park. Gerard gets out of the car and I do the same. I then feel him grab my wrist to pull me closer to him. He leans me against the car a little and before I know it, he’s kissing me. I kiss back, our lips dancing with each other's. I want this moment to last forever, but unfortunately, of course when I mentally say that, he pulls away.
“Mmm… Wish I could show you off to everybody, Frankie. I would show them how beautiful you are and make them all jealous that you’re all mine and I don’t like sharing.” He stares at me in awe.
“One day, that’s exactly what we’ll do.” I nod in agreement. We walk into the mall, both of us being very aware of our surroundings. Gerard is walking a little bit behind me so nothing is too suspicious. Once we know that the coast is clear, we sit at one of the benches for a minute.
“Okay, Frankie. This day is all about you. You need some new clothes, including underwear and socks, a new pair of shoes, and maybe a new phone because the one you have is a piece of shit and can’t even make a proper call.” He rambles mostly to himself. Sometimes I swear he acts more like a dad than a ‘teacher you have but also kind of boyfriend but not even sure’ figure.
“We are going in Hot Topic first.” I demand.
He rolls his eyes, “You’re such a emo teen but whatever. I was too.” He jokes.

I walk in first and look around just to see if anyone from school is there. Once I deem it safe, I go get Gerard and we look around at the clothes. I’m picking out pretty much everything I see and I can tell Gerard seems very happy that i’m having fun with him and not mad at all that i’m costing him a fortune.
“Gee?” I tap his shoulder.
“What’s up, sweetie?”
“It’s just that I don’t want you to spoil me over this. I know I need clothes and stuff but paying the bills matters more.”
“Aww, baby I know that. Mikey and I discussed it and he usually helps pay rent and he said that he can pay more on the bills this time.” He kisses my forehead.
“Okay...I promise i’ll go looking for jobs next weekend to help you guys. It wouldn’t be fair for me to stay with you for free.” I say reassuringly.
“No. Please don’t. I want you to just stay there and have fun because I know things were and still are tough for you. Just let me spoil you for a little while.” He pleads.
“Fine.” Is all I can think of saying. I mean, if you were in my position with a beautiful, caring man named Gerard Way and all he wanted to do was make you the happiest person alive, you would agree to it also.
About a half an hour later, we finally finish in Hot Topic and go pay for it. The man looks at us and smiles as we put all the clothes on the counter. He seems like he’s in his twenties. It takes a little while so he decides to make conversation.
“Are you his cousin or something?” He asks. Do I even remotely look like Gerard in any way? No.
“No, this is my baby boy.” Gerard replies. Jesus Christ, he just has no filters!
“Oh.” Is all the man says, with a look of confusion in his eyes.
Embarrassed, I stand behind Gerard and wait till he pays for everything. It costed a total of one hundred and seventy dollars. You don’t understand how bad I feel. Gerard didn’t seem phased whatsoever but guilt is weighing me down. Once we get the bags, I walk out before him and once I see no one familiar, I wave my hand for him to come over.
“Gerard i’m so sorry. You can return some of the stuff. We aren’t even finished yet and it’s already way too expensive.” I rush out.
“Frankie don’t worry about it. If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t have payed for it. I was expecting to pay a lot today anyways. Taking care of a kid is a lot of money.” He calms me down.
“I’m not a kid. I’m almost an adult.” I say firmly.
“You heard me in there, you're my baby boy.”
“Okay kink freak.” I joke and he chuckles.
“Are you hungry? It’s about lunchtime.” He questions.
“Yeah, I could go for some pizza.” I suggest.
Gerard grabs my hand and pulls me to the food court. It’s usually very crowded at the food court so this time we have to be extra careful.
“Go grab a seat more in the corner, I’ll be there once the pizza is done.” Gerard says.
“Okay.” I answer.
We go our separate ways and I try to look for a seat in the back but they are all taken. There’s only a few more tables left and they are exactly in the middle of the food court. Maybe Gerard could just sit a couple tables away from me. That seems to be the only option available.
The pizza is done faster than I thought and Gerard spots me. He walks over to me carefully, trying not to drop the food.
“Nice place to pick a spot.” He shoots sarcastically.
“Everyone in New Jersey is here right now! All the seats are taken.” I cross my arms.
Gerard rolls his eyes and already knows to sit a few tables down. I quickly get up and take three slices of pizza, then go sit back down at my table. Since we are kind of away from each other, we just enjoy the cheezy heaven in silence. Everything is going good until of course, something has to go wrong.
I meet eyes with that guy, Bert that I met yesterday. He offers me a dazzling smile and mutters something to his friend before walking over to me. Gerard notices and out the corner of my eye, I see him raging. He doesn’t get up to move though. He just stays in his seat looking like Bert is his prey and Gerard’s about to attack.
“Hello, cutie.” Bert says and decides to sit at the seat across from me.
“Uh...Hi.” I shyly say. Bert gives me weird feelings. One minute he looks just like a regular guy, and then the next he looks like a fucking model. Almost as good looking as Gerard. Almost.
“Whatcha doing at the mall all alone?” He asks.
“I just stopped here to get some food, I was walking around the area.” I lie.
“I see,” He responds before realizing Gerard is a few seats away.
“Oh hi, Mr. Way. It’s weird to see you out of school.” Bert giggles.
Gerard gets up and struts over to us, taking a seat right next to me. This is unbelievably risky.
“Yes, it is weird isn’t it? Quick question, have you ever been mad when someone tried to take away something that belongs to you and that thing means more to you then life itself?” Gerard grips the table, his knuckles turning white.
“Oh um… Well there was this one time my friend stole my pack of cigarettes. Those things are like my lifeline.” Bert looks like he’s in a fantasy while he says that.
Gerard rolls his eyes and I can hear him mumble ‘idiot’ under his breath.
“Well I gotta go, Frankie. I’ll see you on monday.” Bert says with another dazzling smile which makes my heart flutter...No Frank, you don’t have feelings for him.
“O-oKay.” I say once again, shyly.
Bert gets up and walks back to his friends, then out the food court. Gerard is still angry and I can understand.
“That dumb fuck didn’t even question us. We could fuck in front of him and he wouldn’t realize anything.” Gerard says in a serious tone.
“Well we are certainly not going to do that...I mean in front of him. I’m not asexual or anything…” I say awkwardly. God dammit, Frank.
Gerard giggles at my awkwardness and quickly kisses my cheek, “I know what you mean, Frankie.”
After that incident we decide it’s best to go home and finish the shopping another day. We blared the Misfits while driving and once we got home, Gerard and I took a nap together while Mikey went out with his friends.
I’m starting to really love the Way residence.

Notes

Hey guys! It's been a long time, I KNOW! But hopefully i'm back with regular updates. School can just be a pain in the ass. I've decided that I should make Gerard's dream an on going theme in this story because as I was writing it i swear a billion ideas popped up in my head for it. Also, am I the only one that got season one American Horror Story feels from the dream??? I am? Okay...
Rate, subscribe, and comment because it makes me happy! Even if you just want to write a random word makes me happy...Idk why but it really does!