But I Love You

I hear footsteps up the stairs, knowing it's Gerard. I close my eyes pretending to be sleeping to see what he does. The door creeks open and quiet footsteps over to the dresser to change. Man, I want to see his body. A little peek won't hurt right?
I slowly open one eye then the other one just enough to barley see. My thoughts haven't failed me either. Gerard Way is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Yes that sounds cheesy and I always used to think that when other people say it, but now I understand. He has his shirt off and he's bent down a little to find a shirt.
Once he picks a shirt, which is a Misfits shirt, and puts it on, he turns around to me and i immediately close my eyes again. He walks over to me and kneels down a little.
"Hi Frankie," He whispers so i wouldn't 'wake up',"I missed you in class today...It wasn't the same without you."
I then feel a soft, loving kiss on my forehead. I "sleepily" turn so i'm facing him and cuddle into his blankets that smell just like him. I open my eyes seeing a smile form on his face.
"Hi Gee!" I say excitedly. I mean, I am very happy he's home.
He giggles, "Hey Baby Cakes...I got you something on the way home."
Gerard goes over to the desk and picks up a gift bag with tissue paper in it. He then comes back over to me and I take the bag and open it.
It's a huge fuzzy brown teddy bear and he's holding a big red heart. I laugh and put it next to me, then hugging Gerard.
"Thank you Gee! I love it."
"I'm glad. It isn't much but I thought it would be alright just for a way to show you how much you mean to me...Like whenever you're sad or i'm away and you miss me, you can cuddle with that so your not all alone."
"It's amazing. No one has ever done that for me before."
"Me neither."
We break the hug and he sits down next to me on the bed. He goes to hold my hands but then puts his hand back down nervously. With the confidence i'm having right now, I grab his hand and hold it tight making him grin.
"So we have a lot to talk about..." His grin quickly fades away.
"Yea, we do." I agree.
"Well I don't know how to start this, so maybe actions might be speak louder than words?"
"uhm....I guess?"
Gerard then rolls over on top of me and kisses me hard but affectionately. I take a second to really process what he's doing, and then kiss him back. It's filled with our want for each other but also our love.
The electricity flows back through us making me put my hands on his waist and pull him closer to me. He has his hands in my hair, playing with it.
We finally break apart, catching our breath.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that. Since the first day you walked into my classroom, I wanted to kiss you." He says with a growing smile.
"Why?"
"Because you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen. You don't even understand how much you mean to me, Frankie." He says firmly.
"It's funny how I think the exact same thing towards you...We have the same thoughts."
"I've always thought that...just a week and a half ago, you couldn't give less of a shit about me."
"The thing is I don't anymore. And I know everything we feel towards each other is wrong in so many fucking ways, but now that we are in each others life, I can't imagine us not being with each other. Even if it's just as casual friends. God I don't want it to be just that but it would still be something and i'm willing to go with anything bad that comes with...whatever we are doing."
"I am too...But we can't just be with each other so quickly. We still have to get comfortable and trust each other. You know, things like that." He confirms with a lot of dread.
"Yea...I guess you're right. It's just already really hard, if you know what I mean." I say almost whispering.
"I know. Trust me, I fucking know. I want you so bad, baby. But not yet."
"Can I at least get one last kiss till we are finally together?"
He stays silent, thinking. "I don't think that will be so good, Frank."
"Right. Well i'm gonna go to my room now...I probably won't come out so see you tomorrow morning I guess." I say getting up and grabbing my teddy bear.
"Frankie ple-"
"What? I don't have anything else to say. Not to mention I just asked my fucking teacher to kiss me because of my selfishness and made everything awkward. The conversation is over now." I walk out of his room and into mine, shutting my door rather loudly.
Of course i'm being stubborn and acting like a twelve year old. But I can't help it. I don't know how else to act because I feel like this is the only way to act at the moment. How could he fucking kiss me and then say we can't be together yet? He's been waiting longer than me for this!
How could he let me stay at his house, to live with him and his brother, and then say he doesn't fully trust me? What could a person like me do? I can't even walk without tripping over the other foot. I guess this means that I can't trust him and you bet your ass i'm going to be a bitch whenever he brings up shit like that. Maybe i'm taking all of this wrong but I don't care. I'm not in the mood for explanations.
I lay down, pulling the soft blankets over me and my new teddy bear. I decided his name should be Barry. I cuddle Barry close to me and realize how tired I am. It would probably just be good to sleep and forget about everything. I close my eyes and quickly fall asleep.
The last thought I had was of how much i'm starting to dread everything about Gerard and I.

Notes

Hey guys...sorry this is so short. it's just like a filler chapter. It will be important for the next chapter, trust me. I hope you enjoy! I will try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible because of how short this is.
Thanks for all the comments and stuff!