But I Love You

I just got back from lunch (which I didn't eat) and I haven't felt good all day. Not because of the food I ate last night or that I didn't sleep good.
In fact, that was the best sleep I think I've ever had and the most comfortable bed I have laid on. Not to mention the food amazing.
I have a horrible migraine, I feel very weak, and i'm the verge of an anxiety attack and the feeling won't go away. Also, Gerard hasn't gotten out of my thoughts. I really want to see what cuddling with him is like. Both of us only in only our boxers with him holding me tight like he's protecting me from everything, that our lives depended on being with each other.
I hope he's thinking stuff like that too. I want to be the only thing that he thinks about. I'm not exactly sure why, but let's face it, I have feelings for him. There, it's said and done. And by what Mikey told me, he likes me too...for a while now. I'm starting to sense it too. Since last Friday actually.
Half of my head is saying that it's not right and illegal...well obliviously. But the other half is saying that I can be happy with him, which i totally agree because ever since I've noticed that things were different between me and him, I have been the happiest I have been in a while.

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear Mr. Jones yell at a student for drawing instead of reading. Jesus Christ, that fucker needs to just back the hell off sometimes. Then I get an amazing idea.
I slowly stand up, trying not to get dizzy, and walk over to him.
"Mr. Jones?" I ask
"What?" He snaps
"Umm...Can I go see G-Mr. Way? He told me to come during silent reading to get extra help on the homework." I lie easily
He shrugs "I don't care."
well then..."Thanks."
I turn around and walk out the room and down the hall. I'm walking very slow, making sure i don't get dizzy or that my legs get even weaker. Why the hell does his room have to be at the other side of the long ass hallway?!
I finally get to his room and he's grading papers like always. He doesn't notice me so I whimper a little making him look up.
"Frankie!" He gets up quickly and runs over to me, helping me to his desk chair, the most comfortable chair there is at the moment.
"I d-don't feel good Gee. My head hurts and i'm about to have a panic attack or something. I'm dying!" I exaggerate a little.
"Stay here Frankie. I'll go get some aspirin from the nurse. Just close your eyes and relax till I get back."
Before I can even nod, he runs out the door and down the hall to the nurses office. Me and the nurse don't get along great. When I first came to the school, in ninth grade, I got bullied sometimes and I guess she was getting sick of seeing me because she would roll her eyes or sigh if I ever walked in to her office.
So one day I confronted her. I basically said how I didn't want to be in there everyday either and that I have the same amount of hate for her that she has for me. From then on, even if I would get bullied, I didn't go back to see her if i got hurt. I just dealt with it myself.
Now I just keep my ways and don't even like to think about going back to ask her for help, even in situations like this. Yes I feel like i'm dying but I would rather be dead then be near her again. It's her job to help students and treat them with respect even if she hates what does for a living.
Gerard finally comes back with two aspirins and a water bottle. I take them quickly and wait for them to kick in.
"Sorry that took so long...She was hitting on me again like what every female does in this school. I swear if I get hit on one more time, i'm gonna go up to the microphone and scream 'I'm gay!'" He says out of breath
I giggle, "So in about an hour i'll be hearing a distant scream from you. An hour and a half tops." I joke.
"Yep. Pretty much."
We both share a laugh then I rest my head back and close my eyes. The pills are already taking affect, but still settling in. Gerard pulls up a chair and sits in front of me. I am really starting to appreciate him way more. Now that I think about it, he really has helped me with school since the beginning of the year and now with all this recent stuff like staying with him and being here for me right now.

I go to rest my hand on his desk when I feel his hand resting at the same spot already. I accidentally put my hand over his and I immediately feel like electricity is running through my body. I quickly open my eyes, keeping my hand there, and look at him. He's looking back at me too with wide eyes and I can tell he feels the same as I do.
The electricity feels good, like we are meant to be holding hands. It makes all my pain go away, physically and emotionally. I no longer feel like i'm the verge of an anxiety attack nor do I feel my migraine. Instead I feel joy overcome me and a sense of want.
I realize that we have been staring at each other and keeping our hands together for a while now. I let out a breath that I was apparently holding in and slowing move my hand away. As soon as we loose that contact I feel all the pain rush back into me, even worse than before. The electricity is now gone and I want the feeling back so bad already, but I just can't take his hand again. Not yet at least.
I groan and hold my head. My eyes swell up with tears, so i cover my face a little, trying to hold it in. Of course I deserve to cry after all this shit that's going on with me. Between not feeling good, what's been going on with Gerard and I, and most of all, the guilt of not realizing how he feels about me and how I feel about him.
All these thoughts are going through my head. Why didn't I realize this earlier? Why does our hope-to-be-relationship have to be illegal and so wrong to people? Will I really end up being happy with him, or will it all go wrong? Will Gerard ever confess how he feels about me, or will I have to make that move?
Okay, now i'm really starting to have an anxiety attack. All these thoughts and feelings are extremely overwhelming. I burst out in tears and it's getting really hard to breathe. Why does all this shit have to be happening to me?
"Aw sweetie come here," He gently picks me up and carries me to the rug in the corner of the room where all his books are. He then lays down and pulls me on top of him. The electricity quickly rushes back through our bodies, making me feel slightly better.
"It's okay, Frankie," He begins with a sweet and caring voice, "This is all really crazy, I know it. But you have me now. I'm right here honey, everything will be okay. I promise."
I nod in return, still crying really hard. He lifts up my head so i'm looking at him right in his big, beautiful hazel eyes. He gives me a sad smile and wipes my tears with his thumbs.
"You're so strong. After everything that's happened to you, you've managed to keep it altogether. My brave little Frankie. Just give me till I get back home to let me talk to you, alright?"
"okay." I breathe out, calming down. Usually my anxiety attacks last for at least an hour, but Gerard calmed me right down. No one has ever done that before, not even Bob.
Speaking of Bob, I also feel bad about him. I've been ignoring him since everything started happening between Gee and I. He's tried to call me and text, but I never answered. I'm scared he'll find out about me and Gerard having feelings for each other and that i'm staying with him. What if we doesn't want to be my friend after and he tells someone? I can't risk Gerard's job and future over this. He would go to jail for fucks sake! And with the ass he has and those big innocent eyes, he wouldn't last a week in there.
Although, if Bob really was a true friend to me, he would understand and keep his mouth shut about it.
"Gerard, as much as I love laying with you like this, someone will eventually pass by and see us."
"Right." He says with disappointment. I get off of him, loosing that electricity we share again. I hear him quietly whimper when i'm completely off of him like he misses the skin to skin contact with me.
"I think you should go home with Mikey today. You need some rest and time to yourself to think. I want you to get better before I come home."
"Yea I would like that." I respond. He sits up, pulling out his phone and calls Mikey. Once the phone call ended he turns to me with a smile.
"He'll be here in twenty minutes. If anyone questions say he's your cousin...But hopefully you two will get close enough to call each other brothers." He says the last part more to himself than me.
"I would like that too." I say with a smile.
He smiles back and stands up, walking to his desk and picking up green construction paper, then going to the door and covering up the window on it. Nice idea, Gee.
"There." He breaths out, sitting back down next to me.
"Gerard?"
"Whats up?"
"Uh...Do you think I could lay in your bed till you get back home? To be completely honest I'll miss you and I think I would feel better if i'm cuddling with your blankets." I say with all honesty.
He smiles, "Of course you can, angle."
I blush at the pet name. I don't understand how some people don't like nick names like that. I always thought it was so cute when I would hear couples call each other cute names.

For the next fifteen minutes we sat there in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was comforting really. We said goodbye and he even gave me a quick hug. I then went to my locker to get my backpack and up to the entrance to wait for Mikey.
Once he got there, I jumped in the car and drove back to Gerard's house where I rested till he came home.
about thirty minutes after school ended, I hear the front door open and footsteps up the stairs.
We'll just have to see where this conversation will go.

Notes

Hey guys! sorry for the kinda late update...the last two days of school were busy and i just wanted to get it over with....I hope you enjoy and i really do appreciate everyone who subscribes and comments or even just reads some of the story. It makes me feel more confident in my work. I do have a long way to go with writing very good stories and the feedback really helps with it. So basically what im trying to say is just a huge thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this story and all the ones I will make in the future! ily guys!