But I Love You

I talked to Bert about what happened last night between him, Mikey and Gerard. I reminded him of Mikey’s depression and he instantly remembered and felt like a jerk. And if we’re being completely honest, he should feel like that. I mean, that basically was the whole reason Mikey ended up in the hospital and whatnot. But, he said he would make it up to Mikey and I know for sure he will. When he does or says something wrong, he always owns up to it. Bert even went as far as apologizing to Gerard during lunch. I think Gerard likes him a little bit more for that now, so that’s a good thing. He said he has a plan to make it up for Mikey, so I guess that’s all he has to do now. He’s keeping it top secret for some reason, and I can’t really imagine what in the world he’s thinking of doing. I mean, they barely know each other.
Anyways, there has been some type of rumor going around school that everyone is all surprised about. But, since i’m the emo, loser kid- or whatever you want to call it- I have no idea what the rumor is. I think Bert would know. He’s kind of popular because he’s the tough punk guy of the school. I think his popularity has gone down some since he started actually hanging out with me, though. He doesn’t seem to be that affected by it so I don’t really give a shit either.
I’m a little urgent to find out what this rumor is because there hasn’t been this big of a reaction to something like that in a while. So I decide in between classes to walk to Bert’s locker to find out what the fuck is going on. I see him but he doesn’t see me. I decide to take this as an advantage and try to scare him. I tip-toe up to him and carefully raise my hands up, grabbing on to him and yelling “Boo!”
His reaction is completely priceless. He screams so loud that the entire hall goes dead silent and everyone stares at us. He drops his books in the process and bangs his head on the locker door. Some of the teachers run out and that causes me to lose it and burst into hysterical laughter. Everyone just rolls their eyes and some mutter a small “fuck you” before they go to their classes, including the teachers. Hey, at least I was entertained by that.
“Dude what did you do that for?!” Bert says, annoyed while he picks up his books.
“When there’s an opportunity, I take it.” I let out a small giggle.
He looks at me and lets out a frustrated sigh. “Your laugh is annoying.” Bert states.
“Your existence is annoying.” I defend myself, acting like a child.
“Whatever, man. Is that the only reason you walked to the other end of the school?” He asks.
“Nope. I actually need information that I think you can provide me.” I say, feeling like a spy.
“And that is…” Bert and I start to walk back to where all the senior classes are.
“What’s this huge rumor going around school?” I inquire.
“Oh uhm… I don’t think you need to know.” Bert says, nervously.
“Just fucking tell me, douchebag.” I demand.
“Okay well… At a school a few towns over, there is this whole deal with a student.” He begins, but doesn’t finish.
“And that deal is?” I hint for him to continue telling me.
“Everyone found out that there was a teacher and a student relationship. I think the teacher is already in jail or going through the court shit and the kid is expelled or something.” Bert says fast, but I still understand what he’s saying.
I stop in my tracks, swallowing nervously. That could’ve been Gerard and I. We could be in there shoes right now. It’s weird how it was only a few towns over. I can’t imagine what they are feeling and going through right now. This just means that Gerard and I have to be even more careful, if that’s even possible. There’s just so many thoughts going through my head that I don’t even know what to say.
Bert looks back at me, realizing that i’m not next to him anymore. He walks back over to me and pats my shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay Frankie. Gerard and you are careful, no one will find out. Don’t worry about it, alright? Gerard is protective, he makes sure everyday that him and especially you are completely safe. You have him next, yeah? Write him a note or something about what’s going on and i’m sure he’ll make you feel better about it.”
I nod, letting out a shaky sigh. “Your right. He-- we have everything under control.” I say to myself more than Bert.
“Okay, well if anything goes wrong just text me. We’re already late so I gotta go.” He pats my shoulder again and walks to his class.
I practically jog to class because this is the second time i’m late and even if it’s Gerard, he’ll still make me get a detention. I open the door and notice everyone is just talking amongst themselves and Gerard and writing something down. I sit down at my seat and Gerard looks up and smiles. I notice his hair's a mess and he seems really tired and stressed out.
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly.
He doesn’t answer for a moment. He looks like he’s trying to figure the question out himself. “Honestly, I don’t know. Are you?” He says truthfully.
“My mood kinda went down a little while ago and now that I see you’re like this, I feel kind of even more crappy.” I pout a little.
“Did you hear about that student?” I ask after he doesn’t answer me, seeming to feel guilty or something.
Gerard lets out a nervous laugh. “Why do you think i’m like this, sweetheart?”
I look around, my expression becoming sad. I lay my eyes on him and sigh. “I don’t want you to feel like this because of me.”
“It’s worth it. All these bad feelings that we have both been through will all be worth it in the end. That’s what keeps me going.” Gerard begins to reach out his hand but quickly puts it back down, realizing that there is a class full of people that he has to teach.
He mouths “I love you” to me before he gets up and catches the class’ attention. Everyone goes silent and looks at him, waiting to begin our lesson.
“Good afternoon to you all. So we are kind of off to a late start, my apologies. Because of that I think we should just go over any questions you have about the book or the class I guess. I would like to see how you all think i’m doing as a teacher.” He runs his hand through his hair and leans against the mantle connected to the white board.
A few hands go up but I get distracted by just watching Gerard. His little smiles and laughs are just so beautiful, along with everything else of course. He looks a little less stressed out so I think our little talk just helped him. How am I so lucky to have found a man who is so beautiful inside and out? Sure, he has some pretty bad mood swings, but no one is perfect. Relationships have there ups and downs all the time. There are a lot of downsides and obvious risks to our relationship, but like Gerard said, it will all be fucking worth it. No, we can’t show off and kiss in public, but in less than a year, we’ll be able to do that all we want. It just makes me more excited about our future.
Then, a certain question shocks me out of my little daydream. “Are you still together with that guy you mentioned a few weeks ago?” A girl asks.
“I am. I don’t think we’ll be splitting apart anytime soon, either. In fact, one of these days I might just ask him to marry me.” Gerard answers. I grow a smile from ear to ear and get the urge to just run up to him and give him the biggest fucking kiss ever. Of course I can’t act upon that, right now. But once we get home, that will be the first fucking thing I do.
I never thought about marriage. It was certainly a thought when I realized that Gerard and I were becoming more serious, but it still never really was a topic I took a lot of thought into. Now that i’m imagining it, though, I think Gerard and I would throw a great fucking wedding. There wouldn’t be too many people (Obviously, we both have no friends) and it would just be really beautiful and romantic. Or maybe we don’t even need to throw a wedding at all. We could instead spend the money traveling or something. Or we could buy a house in the woods. Gerard has mentioned a few times that he wants to live in the woods for at least five years. Whatever we plan on doing, I know it will be worth it and it will be the greatest time of my life.
I can’t wait til the day comes that Gerard actually proposes to me.

Notes

Hey guys! I'm so fucking sorry for the lack of updates. All these exams are driving me crazy and I wasn't happy with anything I was writing. I think I tried to write this at least four times before I finally just made this, and I'm still really upset with it.

Anyways, I hope you are still enjoying this!

Comment, rate and subscribe so I can feel better about myself lol.