I’m about to go to English class but Bert texted me saying to meet him at his locker really quick. I have completely ignored Gerard except for when he updates me about Mikey. He’s doing okay, but they want to keep him there because he apparently has suicidal tendencies. That would’ve been a good thing to know before I moved in with them so I can help keep an eye on him if he’s acting weird. At least I know now, though. I walk up to Bert’s locker and give him the handshake we made up the other day. We both giggle while I watch him get things he needs from his locker that he will need for his next class.
“What do you have now?” Bert asks.
“English ironically.” I answer while I watch him fumble with everything he’s carrying, causing me to chuckle.
“Shut it.” He giggles, “What about after that?”
“Silent reading obviously and then Math.” I sigh.
“I have social studies. Wanna skip with me? Go out for a cig?” He suggests. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.
“Yea just meet me at the back door after lunch then.” I say just above a whisper so no one else finds out and tells.
“Why can’t I just sit with you at lunch?” He asks another question.
“Because Gee will be there and that will cause even more drama.” I say in an obvious tone.
“Right, well you better get your ass moving if you have English. You’re already going to be late.” He winks and I wave goodbye while I walk off to English.
I take my time walking because like he said, i’m already going to be late and I don’t want to wear myself out and get sweaty. Wow, that sounded really gay Frank. What if Gerard get’s mad at me for being late and embarrasses me in front of everyone? No, I don’t think he would do that to me since he knows the slightest things can trigger my anxiety. He probably also doesn’t want to risk me ignoring him even longer for such a thing.
The thing is, I really do want to talk to Gee and be close to him but this is all just so new and kind of scary to me. Not only have I ever been in an actual relationship, but if Bert wasn’t the one to have seen us, Gerard would’ve already had his ass in jail and I would’ve been expelled or something. The slightest mistake can cause life long struggles and miss opportunities. Gerard could be in prison for possibly a good fifteen years of his life. I couldn’t imagine myself living with the fact that it was my fault he’s in jail.
If it weren’t for me telling Gerard that I was homeless and that my dad left, he wouldn’t have let me live with him and we could’ve just continued the school year like how it was going beforehand. I wouldn’t have caused Mikey to be in the hospital right now and for Gerard to be stressing more than ever. How can Gerard still love me after all the pain I’ve caused? How could Gerard love me at all? Maybe it’s just that he pities me. He feels bad for the little gay boy with a druggie of a mother and a daddy who walked out. I would feel bad if I was in his shoes too. All of a sudden your student is telling you about his personal issues and that he’s homeless. What are you going to do, just say you feel bad and see him leave to go sleep on the cold, damp streets for another night? No, of course not. That would be a heartless act.
I finally walk into his class, at least five minutes late and everyone turns to look at me. Their expressions become confused as they look at my face and of course, that’s when I notice I must’ve been crying while thinking about all that. But can you blame me for crying? Not to sound selfish or narcissistic but I’ve had a pretty rough life compared to other seventeen year olds.
I notice Gerard looking at me with a very concerned and worried expression but I just choose to ignore everyone, keeping my head down while I walk to my seat.
“Sorry guys but today might be a boring class. You are going to read chapter five through seven then answer the questions. Basically i’m just letting you have the period to do homework in class so there’s less for when you go home.” Mr. Way explains while handing out the packet of questions. This seems easy enough.
Once it’s all handed out to everyone, Gerard takes his seat at his desk, starting to write something. I open up my book and begin reading. I then see a piece of paper slide under my book and I instantly know it’s from Gee. I pick it up, beginning to read it. “I hope you’re okay. Please talk to me when we go home. Luv you! ;)” I sigh, putting the note in my hoodie pocket. I really should talk to him about how i’m starting to think negatively. He really might help me.


I’m now done with lunch, waiting at the back door for Bert. I see him walking up to me, noticing his crotch area is wet and begin to consider that he might be so high that he doesn’t even realize he peed himself. That thought made me laugh. He walks up to me and we quietly go out the door and walk to a secluded area where we wouldn’t be caught.
“You were laughing at my wet crotch, right?” Bert guesses, tilting his head at me while he passes me a cig.
“Kinda. What happened?” I wonder, chuckling once again.
“This dude got mad at me for confronting him about how he treats girls like complete shit. So he fucking poured milk on my pants. It was pretty funny to me so I didn’t bother fighting back although, I wouldn’t mind knocking a few teeth out of that dick.” He explains while lighting our smokes.
“Oh shit. You did a good thing for being the bigger person and not fighting back.” He nods in agreement.
“So how’s you and Gerard?” Bert asks, while taking a drag.
“Eh, not that great. I started thinking some shit when I was walking to his class and next thing I know, i’m crying. I’m still ignoring him and Mikey has to stay in the hospital for a little while longer.” I explain with a sad tone.
“That sucks. You said Gerard is stressed out right? Well maybe he needs you. I mean, his brother is in the hospital, he’s really worried about you from what I can tell, and he seems all alone. Even if you just sit in the same room as him, it would probably mean a lot to Gerard.” He says with a confident tone for coming to that conclusion.
“I can see where you’re coming from but even if he informs me about Mikey, we just end up getting into an argument. If he asks me what I want for dinner and I don’t know he’ll get upset with me. That’s why i’m not talking to him, i’m just sick of us fighting over nothing.” I say with exasperation.
“You seem tense. Want some weed?” Bert asks with a straight face. I thought we were having a serious conversation?
“Bert you’re all I have to talk to at the moment. Stop joking around about this.” My tone becomes frustrated.
“I’m fucking serious, dude. I’m just trying to help. I wouldn’t give my precious weed to anyone unimportant, y’know.” He chuckles a little to himself.
“I don’t know… I’m only seventeen and I don’t want to get addicted. What if I do something stupid?” I say with an unsure voice.
“It’s not fucking crystal meth. You aren’t going to go out killing people. Also, if you’re seventeen how the hell are you a senior?” He furrows his eyebrows.
“I started school at a younger age because of my birthday. You know what, give me a joint. I wanna see what it’s like to get high.” There’s a first time for everything, right?
He pulls out a joint from a separate cigarette box. That’s quite a clever idea to hide them in there if I do say so myself. “It’s only one joint so it’s not going to get you really high. Maybe it will though because it’s your first time smoking this. Just try not to make it obvious that you smoked this, yeah?” He passes it to me.
I nod and take the joint. He lights it for me and I take a drag. I cough a little, not really used to the burn in my throat compared to cigs. It’s definitely different and with every drag I take, I feel way more relaxed. I haven’t felt this calm in a long time, it’s nice to feel like this again even though it’s temporally. Hopefully when I go home Gerard won’t suspect anything. That’s about the only thing i’m worrying about at the moment. I don’t exactly feel giddy or angry, just happier and calmer than usual. I could get used to this but I know to stay away from the shit. Once in awhile is okay but everyday can lead to more harmful drugs. I don’t really know why i’m agreeing to smoking this though, maybe just because i’m a stupid teen.
The bell rings after a few more minutes, meaning it’s time for my next class which is Science. I’m really not in the mood to learn what the powerhouse of a cell is so I say my goodbyes to Bert and walk to Gerard’s car. Hopefully it’s open because if not, i’m screwed. I’ll probably just sit behind the car instead though because I am not going back into school. I know I’ve been missing school more than usual and I really would’ve went back inside but I probably stink of Marijuana and cigarettes. Bert doesn’t have to worry about things like that because it’s become a normal thing to teachers and students. Even if no one could smell it they would still probably expect him to be high because no normal person acts the way he does. Either that or he just needs to be locked up in a mental institution.
I get to Gerard car and try opening the door. Locked. God Dammit of course this is my luck. I kick the tire out of frustration and immediately regret it right after. Now I have a hurt foot too. I look around the car and notice a window slightly open. My arm seems small enough that it could fit but i’m a little scared because it might get stuck. This whole situation is giving me a headache. Isn’t weed supposed to make you feel calm or something? I guess I am calm, just frustrated.
You know what, fuck it. I squeeze my arm through the window and try to reach for the lock. This hurts like hell but it would probably be worse if I wasn’t slightly high. After a few minutes of trying to reach it, I finally do and quickly get inside. Thank god Gerard parks in the back of the school because if he were to park in the front, I would’ve been caught seeing as there are at least twenty windows at the entrance of the school.
Seeing as I’m stuck in this car for another three hours, I get Gerard’s emergency blanket from the floor in the backseat and cover myself with it. He keeps it here just in case the car were to ever break down and we had to sleep in the car for a night. Also, it’s the middle of winter so it’s cold as fuck out. I pull it over me, cuddling up in the huge blanket feeling like i’m a little baby. For the next three hours, I go on my phone or just daydream, thinking about random silly things.


After the agonizingly slow three hours, I finally hear the drivers door swing open and a humming Gerard get in. He doesn’t seem to notice me because he’s looking around, seeing if i’m walking out. He checks his rear view mirror and screams. I laugh at him because he jumped so high that he bumped his head on the roof of the car.
“Frank never do that again. I thought you were some killer or something.” He says out of breath while holding his chest where his heart is.
“Haha. You sounded like a hyena.” I giggle, forgetting that I was trying to ignore him.
He rolls his eyes, starting the car and making our short journey home. It feels cool to lay down while the car is driving. Makes you feel like you're flying, but that could also just be the weed. The car ride is silent, but I know it won’t be silent once we get in the house.
We arrive home and we both go inside. It feels different not having Mikey here to greet when we walk in. He would always be in the living room waiting for us to get home. It’s like he was excited that he didn’t have to be alone when we came home. Maybe that’s what it is, he’s just lonely. I know what it feels like to be all alone. It doesn’t feel good. It makes you feel drained and worthless. You start to think you're alone because you aren’t worth anyone else's time. Like they have better things to do than be around you.
That’s how I feel with my mom and dad. My father left because we just weren’t worth his precious time anymore. I was finally old enough to start understanding things better and I was able to do more things on my own. I no longer needed to have help with simple things like knowing what to wear or needing to know how to tie my shoelaces. He thought that’s all he was meant to do, but it isn’t at all. He was supposed to help me when i’m going through things that mom couldn’t understand. He was supposed to encourage me and tell me I can do anything if I really try.
What really hurts the most is that my mother wasn’t half bad while my dad was around. She was one of the best mothers you could have. Some of my favorite childhood memories are with her. How every Sunday night she would take me out for ice cream because she knew how much I hated going to school the next day. Or how every summer we would go to New York and visit family. She was completely in love with dad. When he left, she didn’t know how to cope so she drowned all her sadness and sorrow into toxic things. She didn’t realize it would become an addiction, or how it would take away her only son. She didn’t realize it would become such an unhealthy addiction.
Maybe the reason why Mikey felt such strong feelings towards me could just be because I actually liked talking to him and being around him. He’s said that he was bullied, so I must be one of the first people to actually be a genuinely good person to him other than Gerard. He finally found a friend that treated him with kindness and respect and he just didn’t know how to handle it. He could’ve over thought everything, making him think that we must have something special, when it’s really just a brotherly friendship. This is only making me feel worse, if that’s even possible.
I sit on the couch, waiting for Gerard to come and bombarded me with a thousand questions. He comes over and gently takes a seat next to me. “Frank you stink of weed. Please don’t tell me you are high?” He says cautiously. God fucking Dammit.
“I must’ve sat next to someone who was smoking it or something.” Wow, lying is getting easier and easier. I hate it.
“Okay… So, you want to talk to me about anything? I almost cried when I saw you walk in like that.” Gerard says softly.
“Would you stop fucking acting?! Stop pretending you care!” Suddenly I grow very angry. I’m just sick and tired of being fucked over.
“Frankie I do care. Do you really think I’d let just anyone come live with me when I knew almost nothing about them? I’ve cared about you since the first day I laid my eyes on you.” Gerard explains with a very calm voice.
“Okay so if another student told you they lived on the streets, you would just say sorry and let them leave? That’s idiotic, Gerard.”
“No, I would convince them to tell the school so they can go into a foster home. But with you, you’re just different. I couldn’t let myself see you go into a foster home with guardians that could possibly abuse you. Frank, I don’t know how to put it in any other way, but you’re just….special. I had to know that at least someone would treat you right and the only way I would know is if I take care of you. And during this short time, I’ve learnt that I love you, Frankie. I really do.” Gerard explains with a pleading tone.
“Liar. No one loves me. I’m unlovable. I just fuck everything up. I made Mikey go into the hospital for christsakes, and I made you get so angry that you had to punch me. Just stop lying to me, Gerard. I can’t take it anymore.” I start to sob. I’ve built up so many feelings and pain that I just can’t take it anymore.
“Aw baby, Frankie come here.” Gerard pulls me onto his lap and I bury my head into his neck. “I love you, you’re amazing. I love your smile...your laugh. You are beautiful Frankie, and if anyone tries to tell you different, I want you to fucking punch them. I’ve never told anyone other than my family that I love them, and to tell my own student that I do must mean something, right? I can get in so much trouble if anyone were to find out about us, and i’m risking it all for you. Doesn’t that show love? I’ve never felt these strong emotions towards anyone else but you. I love you Frankie. You can disagree and fight all you want. It’s not going to get you anywhere.” Gerard rambles on slowly while I cry into his neck, making his shirt get soaked.
“R-really? You really m-mean that?” I stutter out, lifting my head to look into his eyes.
“I do, sweetie. I really do.” He kisses my forehead.
I rest my head back on his chest, taking deep breaths and calming down. Gerard starts singing Superstar by The Carpenters while I start dozing off. I just want to stay in his arms forever. It’s the only place I feel safe.

Notes

*This might be important to the story so you should read*
Hey guys! So just in case you're wondering why Bert is in this all of a sudden and what not, it's because every story always makes him look like the bad guy. This might sound stupid but I just wanted to change it up a bit. I realized that I am not happy with how I portrayed him earlier in the story.I find it odd when people actually like Bert in real life but still make him the bad guy. At first I was just going along with how he usually is in stories but it makes me sound unoriginal. If any one knows me, they know I am anything but that. Bert's music has actually helped me a lot and he really actually is a genuine, nice person that I look up to. Yeah there might be controversy with him and Mcr but that's none of our business. He's going to be good in this, he's going to help Frank a lot in some obvious ways and also some very twisted ways. The bottom point is if you hate Bert so much then just fucking unsubscribe. He's literally just another character.
Okay now that the rants over, I hoped you liked this chapter! I kind of hate it and love it at the same time, idk. Comment/rate/subscribe ^.^
BTW this chapter is way longer than expected but I kinda like the change.