But I Love You

It’s been a couple minutes of us staring at each other like fucking idiots. He never answered me question either. How could Mikey do this? he was supposed to be like a brother to me, not go and fucking kiss me! Doesn’t he realize how much Gerard and I care for each other? How could he do this to Gerard? Gerard has done so much for him from what I’ve heard. He let Mikey live with him, beat up all of Mikey’s bullies, helped him when he was at his lowest. The list goes on and on.
“Either you get the fuck off me and tell Gerard what you just did, or I will.” I snap at him. I know Gerard is going to get angry. I just hope it doesn’t end like how he got angry with me the last time.
He instantly gets up and walks to Gerard’s office, me following right behind. He’s walking slow so I go ahead of him, barging into the office and running to Gerard’s desk. He immediately looks concerned and gets up, then holds me a little. “What’s going on, Frankie? Is everything okay?”
“Ask your brother.” I say as Mikey finally walks in. I cuddle into Gerard’s side a little more.
Gerard looks over at Mikey, with even more concern. Mikey is standing there, twiddling his thumbs and looking everywhere but to Gerard or me.
“ Mikes, what happened?” Gee asks.
“Well...I sorta….kinda….uhm... Kissed Frankie?” Mikey hesitates.
Anger in Gerard’s eyes grow. He looks down at me and asks, “Frankie, did you agree to this or say it was okay?”
“No. I just got over saying how much I love you. He just all of a sudden leaned down and kissed me.” I leave out the part about when Mikey said he’s in love with me. There’s already enough drama that’s about to start.
Gerard steps forward to Mikey, causing me to be pulled too. “What the fuck Mikey?! Frank is mine! I’ve waited for him since the day I laid my eyes on him! Why do you always have to do shit like this to me?! Whenever I find happiness, you have to go and ruin it!” Gerard yells. He tries to move even closer to Mikey, but I hold him back.
“No, Gee. Don’t hurt Mikey. hurting each other will only make things worse. I’m already full of panic, please don’t make it worse.” I say the last part because I know if he were to do anything for anyone, he would do it for me.
He looks down at me again and his face softens. “Then we’ll have to talk about this tomorrow or something. I’m too upset right now.”
We all agree and before Mikey leaves he looks me dead in the eyes. “Y’know Frank, I would never punch you and scream at you like how Gerard did. I’d never make you feel so sad and low to the point where you would cut yourself over me like how Gerard did.” He turns around and goes into his room, leaving me with a now very worried Gerard. Thanks a lot, Mikey!
“Frankie….. Frank what does he mean?” He whispers. I try to make a run for the door but he’s too fast and catches me. He grabs my arms and I try to yank them away. He’s too strong so I can’t. It’s not because it hurt my cuts, it’s just because i’m not ready to tell Gerard.
He quickly turns me around, grabbing a firm hold on my waist, then guides me out of his office and into his room. Once we are in there, he shuts his door then pulls us both to his bed. I climb in, laying down and get comfy because why the hell not. I can’t avoid this anymore. Plus, Gerard should’ve known by now. I was too caught up in other stuff to even realize that he doesn’t even know.
I stay limp while he gently pulls up the sleeves of my hoodie, being careful not to hurt me. We both stare at the old and new scars. I really do regret doing this to myself, but every one of them have a reason on why they are there. I’ve been cutting since I was twelve, and now i’m almost eighteen. All these cuts have a backstory behind them. There all from different time periods in my life, from when I finally realized i’m never going to see my dad again, to when my mom told me to kill myself so I did try, up until that night when Gerard hurt me. I can’t even wear short sleeves anymore, or go to the beach without feeling like everyone is staring at my scars.
“The new ones are from that night aren’t they? I made you get to the point to where you had to take a razor to your skin. Oh god…I’m such a fuck up.” Gerard looks at me, tears rolling down his cheeks.
I wipe off his tears, pulling him closer to me. “No don’t say that, Gee. You’re perfect to me. It wasn’t your fault at all, it’s my own. It’s not because you hit me or yelled at me, it’s because I was the one who caused you that anger. I didn’t listen to you when you said to stay away from Bert. Remember in class you told me if i’m near him again, there would be punishments? Well, I got my punishment.”
“It wasn’t my intentions to ever punish you in that way.” He sniffles a little.
“I know Gee...I know. I forgive you completely for that night. I just want to push things like that passed us and look forward to our future together.” I say softly, trying to make him calm down.
“You might forgive me but I don’t forgive myself. I never will, ever. All I’ve been attempting to do is make you happy and healthy and I completely did the opposite.” Gerard says with a shaky voice.
I don’t really know what to say to this. In a way, what he’s saying is really true. I can’t stop him from never forgiving himself nor can I disagree with him doing the opposite of making me happy and healthy. But that was just one night. A night that really sucked of course, but we are able to have so many good happy nights together.
“Well...Maybe you need to learn how to control your anger just a teeny tiny bit?” I say with the most innocent voice and puppy eyes so he wouldn’t get upset with me for suggesting this.
“You're right, honey. I guess both the Way brothers seem to have some minor anger issues.” He lightly chuckles.
“About that.... Even though Mikey kissed me and all, please don’t hurt his feelings or anything. Family is extremely important and I don’t know what I would do if I saw you guys start hating each other because of me. I need you both in my life.” I say firmly, making sure he knows i’m serious about this.
“Mikey and I have gotten into fights like these before. Don’t worry, it only brings us closer together in the end. I would never do that to you.” He kisses my forehead, making me blush a little. I had completely forgotten about us not being with each other until now, and honestly i’m not going to bring it up unless I have to because I miss his cuddles and kisses.
“How about tonight you sleep in my bed with me. It can get lonely at times and knowing I have you there is really comforting.” His eyes look full of hope.
“I’d love that, Gee.” I smile, getting an overwhelming feeling of happiness because I feel so loved.

The rest of the night went really great. Gerard and I stayed up late baking things just for fun. There was a pan of brownies that we forgot about though, and we almost set the house on fire. It was scary at the time but once we both calmed down, we started laughing so hard we cried. Mikey didn’t come out of his room at all. Not even when the smell of smoke from the brownies filled the house and the smoke detector went off. Now I regret making a really big deal out of this because he could just be finding out his sexuality and what not, but that doesn’t make up for saying he’s in love with me. I decided to push those thoughts to the back of my mind for now because the only thing that was important to me was spending time with Gerard.
Once we got the smoke alarm to shut the hell up, and all the smoke in the house was gone, we decided to go to bed. I was kind of looking forward to tomorrow because I have an art project that’s due and I put a lot of hard work into it.

Little did I know that that day would change my life for the next two months...

Notes

Hey guys! Oh jeeze, I made ya'll wait 23 days for this shitty chapter. I hope I can make up for it in my next few chapters cuz shit's gonna go down. I hinted to it at least twice in this chapter.

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Also, rest in peace Bowie. It's so tragic but now he is back to where ideas and talent is formed and remade again.