I'd spent the majority of the following week to myself, not overly enthused by the idea of running into a certain Way. The conversation we'd had was lost to me. Confused and baffled me. I put it at the back of my mind where I also felt it prodding at every thought, but for the most part, it was forgotten. That was until I kept seeing him from a distance, much more than I had before. I hated living next door to him.

I'd spoken to my brother on the phone that week also and he apologised profusely for not coming to see me but I knew he didn't come on purpose. Why would you want to be around your messed up little sister? I didn't blame him. He'd asked me how school was so far and of course, I lied. I lied to my parents when they asked, even when Donna asked. I didn't have the energy to tell them what was going on for I was certain that I would break down. I took it out on myself most of all, knowing I deserved everything I got there.

I went into town with my mum on a particular day that was constant with it's cloud and rain but I didn't complain. That weather made me sane. That day she was explaining to me a little more about the group therapy but I didn't pay attention. The only part I listened to was how I was going to get there. I was fairly certain I could somehow, if I left a little earlier than she suggested but she promised to take me on Friday.
We'd also officially unpacked everything, not that there was too much to pack, but it was finished, which my dad was relieved about. He hadn't gone out as much this week and I'm not too sure what the reason was for it but I was content to have him around the house, considering how easily Gerard was able to get on our property last week. It was my fault really for not leaving the gate locked. It didn't stop me from being a little on edge whenever my dad left though.

I had gone over to Mikey's house with the others once I was certain that Gerard wasn't there and we practicality did what we'd done the last time I was there. Mikey had thought Gerard and I had reconciled whatever had happened between us and he seemed glad of it. I didn't want anymore confrontation about it so I simply stated - “He apologised and I accepted it. Nothing more to it.”

I'd ran into Donna as well and she was surprised to see me there, seeing as though I hadn't been there for over a week. I had a great time hanging out with Mikey, Frank and Vee, although I didn't tell them about every run in I had with Jason or Natalie (Monica's best friend). I wasn't sure why I didn't talk to them about it. It was probably because at my last school, I went through all of this by myself and I wasn't ready to suddenly make myself an open book to people. They were all so open with me to the extent that I felt guilty for who I was.

Why did I have to be this way?

---

By Friday, I was shattered, the thought of going to group therapy making me queasy and the idea of school just depressing. I was woken up by the sound of shouting coming directly from the kitchen downstairs and it was like momentarily time-travelling to about three years ago.
I tried to ignore it as much as I could as I showered,rearranged my bag, placing this weeks homework inside, along with my sketchbook and pencils and also getting dressed. It didn't work of course. I wonder why my mum was even here this early.

I made my way downstairs, seeing my parents standing just as they had in the old house, in battle stance, but they didn't notice I was there as I was half hidden behind the wall.

“I thought you said you were going to sort yourself out?!” My mother screamed as she threw an empty beer can at my dad. Shit.

“I don't need sorting out Jane.” He sneered.

“I beg to differ-”

“Oh of course you would. You think you're some saint that's never done anything wrong in her life! Well let me tell you Jane...you've destroyed this family!”

“YOU destroyed this family with your drinking and your laziness Tony. No wonder Donnie wanted to get away. Don't start throwing the blame over to other people just because you're an apparent victim of divorce.” Jesus, this conversation had escalated so quickly.

“Get out of my house.” My dad cut across. “I don't want you here so get out. NOW!” I hadn't heard him raise his voice in is so long, it frightened me and I moved myself completely behind the wall.

“No Tony! I'm here to speak with my daughter-”

“Oh, the daughter you abandoned?” He laughed. “This is my house and I want you out!”

“I did not abandon her Tony-”

“You moved six hours away from her, a week after her grandfather died. A week Jane and you didn't even stay at the funeral. You didn't visit her when she was first in hospital and under observation in January because you were on fucking holiday...of course you abandoned her. You chose your special little Hugh over everything else, including our marriage.” I could feel my dad's rage from the other side of the wall. I prayed that no-one could hear them. I hoped the Way's couldn't...our houses were relatively close to one another's...I would be beyond embarrassed if Mikey asked about this. I needed to stop this before glass was thrown.

“What did you want to talk to her about-?”

“It's none of your business-”

“Good morning.” I sighed, walking into the room, acting as though I'd heard nothing of their argument. My dad looked at me wide eyed.

“Mornin' little one.”

“Oh, good morning sweetie.” My mother answered as I walked over to the coffee pot to fill up my flask. “Did you sleep okay...?”

“Not really.” I shrugged as I leant against the counter and watched them both. For the most part, they looked ashamed of themselves. I hoped they were. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Oh, well...” She cleared her throat. “ I just wanted to remind you that the group therapy starts at 4.30 and...look honey, I know I said I could give you a lift but I been asked to cover someone this after noon.” She continued apologetically. My dad scoffed as he began to make his way out of the room.

“It's okay.” I shrugged, trying to keep any panic away from my features. I was worried about getting lost most of all and late. I didn't want to be the last one there. I'd worry about the actual group session when I got there.

“Are you sure-?”

“Honestly mum, it's fine. I can make my own way there...”

After another five minutes or so of clarification, Mikey knocked on the door announcing it was time to leave seeing as though we were already a few minutes off schedule. I said goodbye to both my parents but as soon as I shut the front door, I heard them screaming at one another again. I looked at Mikey, embarrassed but he seemed oblivious to it or he was trying to help me out by ignoring it.

We met with Frank and Vee on the way to school, somehow picking up swiftly from where our last conversation ended. It was all about the music and the band Frank was trying to get together. He was so enthusiastic about it.

I was also thankful that the others hadn't noticed my red-rimmed eyes. I didn't think I could deal with the questioning.

Soon lunch time arrived, after a painful morning of Maths, English and science, and I had just made my way out of history, heading straight into the bathroom to prepare myself for sitting with the guys. I had to keep a brave face on. I couldn't let them know I was suffering as much as I was. My parents screaming voices continued to replay in my mind. They still had no idea about my situations or of Gerard and I's little encounter the other day and I planned to keep it that way. If Gerard wanted to tell Mikey then so be it but I wanted no part in it. Mikey thought me and Gerard were on good terms now anyway.

I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my dark hair was all over the place, my eyeliner slightly smudged along the bottom. I wiped it away, attempting to make myself look presentable. It was far more difficult than I'd hoped it would be. Giving up, I exited the bathroom and bumped straight into Monica. Literally. What I found so confusing though was that the corridors were completely empty.

How long had I been in the bathroom for?

“Watch it emo!” She shouted as she pushed at my shoulders, leaving me unbalanced.

“It was an accident.” I answered pathetically. I was now angry that I hadn't walked straight to the cafeteria, then I wouldn't be having this problem. I was so out of it, I barely knew what was going on. It had been a few days since I'd taken any of my anti-depressants. She scoffed, placed both hands on her hips and looked from me to the bathroom door. A small smile creeping on her features.

“Well, would you look at that...just finished slitting your wrists some more?” Monica questioned. I sighed.

“No, now would you get your head out of your ass and let me pass-”

“You really don't get it around here, do you?” She sniggered as she grabbed my arm, squeezing at the cuts, her nails digging in through my jumper. I attempted to keep a poker face but I was screaming on the inside.

“Get off me...”

“I was gonna be nice, since it was your first week and all but you're crossing the line by talking back to me-”

“You are no better than me-” I tried to say but she'd slapped me hard against the cheek, her ring most likely leaving a small cut.

“You gonna give me the whole 'we're all human' crap. No thanks...” She continued, slapping me one more time.

“You do know people have been talking about you...don't you? Your dad's pretty much at the bar every night, wanting to be away from you. About how your mum left you and got remarried and that she was relieved to be away from a pathetic excuse for a daughter.” I stood still, unable to fight back as my inner fears were being presented right in front of me. “You're worthless...”

“I was lucky to get away from those freaks you call your friends...” I spat in her face.

No one disrespects them. She could say all the horrible things in the world to me but she wasn't to talk about them.

“You bitch.” She seethed as she pushed me into the bathroom, shoving me against the cold, tiled wall, my head thumping and aching.

It happened so fast. This time, instead of the casual slap I thought she'd give me, she punched me, hard, in the same place she'd slapped me earlier. She'd then brought her fist to my lip and yanked out some of my hair as she'd tried to keep my head in place. I pushed at her shoulders, trying to get her away from me but I was weak. I had no energy.

She stopped, smiling at me as she patted my cheek. “Say hi to the Way's for me.”

I was then left alone.

I wiped away at the blood, gasping every time I touched the tender skin but I refused to look in the mirror, horrified at what I might look like.

I made my way into the cafeteria, slowly, the table Monica was sitting at filled with laughter and jeers. I looked up to see Frank staring at me, horrified, as did Vee and Mikey. I smiled at them, feeling my lips crack and I cursed under my breath, bringing a finger to my lips. I sat across from the two boys and they continued to stare open mouthed at me.

“Hey...”I croaked.

“What the hell happened to you?” Vee questioned.

“Nothing...”

“Well your face didn't look like that this morning.” Frank joined in, his voice angry.

“Just drop it, okay?”

“How?” Mikey asked, confused. “Why would we anyway, we're your friends.”

“Please...I don't want any trouble.”

“It was Monica, wasn't it?” Mikey asked through clenched teeth after a moment of silence around us.

“Yes, now just forget it-”

“No, we won't!” Vee interjected. “If that bitch messes with one of us, she messes with us all.”

“This isn't some kind of movie Vee. She started saying some things to me, I spat on her and she punched me a couple of times...no big deal.” I stressed as I pulled out my flask, instantly offering it to Frank first, which he accepted.

“No big deal my ass...”

“Please. Let's just drop. It's probably just a one time thing.”

“She's very good at those.” Mikey muttered underneath his breath. I looked at them all individually as they glared at Monica's table.

“Will you guys tell me what happened?” I asked timidly. Mikey shrugged, his eyes ablaze.

“We were friends and now she's a bitch. End of.”

“Oh...I'm sorry-”

“Don't wanna talk about it.” Mikey sighed, shaking his head as though he were trying to forget something. “But seriously, come straight to us if she does anything else. We'll sort it.”

“I can take care of myself guys...”

“Of course you can.” Vee said placing an arm around my shoulders. “But what's the point in having friends if they don't help you?”

In moments of pain, I always remembered something Audrey Hepburn used to say

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters.”

What a load of bullshit.

After school, it was just Frank, Mikey and I that went back to the Way's. I was too tired to come up with an excuse whereas Vee just flat out stated that she was going to hang out with her sister.

We arrived at about half three and walked in casually, the guys asking if I wanted them to help clean my cuts and such but I declined...they can't be that bad...can they?

I was thankful Donna wasn't there seeing as though she'd probably kick up a fuss and definitely call my parents. As Mikey and Frank jammed a little in his room, Frank leaving his guitar over here from Wednesday, I tried to think of excuses to tell my parents. I wished Monica had at least just punched me in the stomach or something then it wouldn't be such a big deal. This was going to be difficult to hide.

“I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.” I said, standing from the bed and making my way out of the room. Once I'd reached the bright white room, I shut the door, leaning against it as I prepared to look at the damage. I hesitantly walked over the mirror that was above the sink, just by the door, but I couldn't help but gasp and instantly begin to cry.

I looked horrible, even worse then I normally did. My cheek didn't look swollen but I knew it was. There was a deep, blue, black bruise that curved all the way up to my eyebrow. I even noticed the small cut that was clustered amongst the bruise, a little bit of dried blood still there. I must have been hit in the same place at least five times.

I removed my jacket, clenching my teeth as the jumper stuck to some of the cuts, and upon glancing at the old scars, I noticed that some of the cuts had definitely been reopened my Monica's finger nails.

I was disgusted at how I looked. Ashamed even. What good was I to anyone?

The door suddenly burst open and an exhausted looking Gerard entered the room, his hair covering most of his face.

“Oh, sorry-” He began but was instantly quietened by my face, his eyes wide due to my horrific appearance. I stared back at him, not entirely sure what to do. I was looking directly at the boy that helped make me feel worthless. I sniffled, not registering that my arms were on display until his eyes danced across the cuts, his mouth open and he seemed speechless. I quickly yanked my arm away from his vision and placed my jacket back on.

“Excuse me.” I mumbled, trying to push past him. He looked right at me, his eyes filled with...sympathy? I wasn't sure but I wanted none of it.

“Dakota-”

I cut him off as I shoved past him, walking straight into Mikey's room with a fake smile plastered on my face.

“Hey, guys, I forgot I'm going to meet my mum in town at about half four so I better get going.” They didn't seemed phased by the lie but Mikey stopped me before I could leave.

“My brother could give you a lift if you want? He's heading that way anyway-”

“No, it's fine. I'll see you guys.” I rushed over, giving them quick hugs before running down the stairs and out of the door.

This was not happening.

Notes

Hey sorry if the chapter isn't great, hope you guys are okay <3