I woke up the next morning with the same routine and feelings however this time I knew what I was getting myself into. I was dreading going back into that school. My skin scrawled just thinking about the people there. I felt like I was suffocating.

I thought back to my last school and how I felt when I made my first cut. Adrenaline was pumping through me, my heart racing as I locked myself away and held the new, sharp razor to my wrist. I felt eternal release in those mere moments but once the wound began to heal, I felt numb, like I was never alive.

As I sat in bed, wrapped around my sheets, I was debating the thought of skipping. It sounds silly, I know but every incident that had happened to me ran through my mind. The bullies, the harm, my parents divorce, my grandfather's death, the group therapy and even Gerard.

I replayed each encounter I'd had with Gerard; every look, every thought and eventually to the moment we met. What had I done to make him think like that? I'd given him no reason to believe such a lie about me. He didn't even know me. In a strange way, he was worse than the bullies. Maybe I should've listened to my mum.

I cursed myself for even thinking he was attractive. He may have been physically, but from first glance, his personality seemed ugly. I now resented Vee and Frank for even suggesting the Gerard was 'alright' in their terms. Yes, he has his problems, as do I but I don't go around judging people before I've even met them. Was it just me he'd done this to? Was I really that fucked up?

I was enraged by the fact I lived next door to him. The thought of even seeing him made my blood boil. I shouldn't care this much but I do. It was probably because he was Mikey's brother, someone that I actually got along with. I tried to ignore it, I did, but Gerard's smirk and dark eyes were literally branded in my mind. I spoke to him for at least thirty seconds, not even that but he riled me up in ways I didn't think anyone could. I just had to ignore him if I didn't want to go into another downwards spiral.

---

The next few days consisted of the same routine; go to school, get thrown into a locker or be beaten a little and before I knew it, I'd completed my first week of school. Mikey had invited me back to his house on numerous occasions but I'd somehow manage to find a way out of it without him thinking too much into it. He was disappointed but I think it would be beneficial to all of us if I steered clear from the Way residence.

If something bad were to happen to me then I suppose I wouldn't be hurting them as much. In a sense, it was also good that my father was always out of the house and that my mother didn't even live with us. She had a new life with Hugh. She was happy I'm sure with or without me. I even hoped for my father to find someone to be with, as depressing as the concept was, purely because it be even more official that I'd never have a 'real' family anymore. I really wished my grandfather was still here. I think since the day he died, I'd been wishing for it.

I'd also seen Gerard in the same manner as I had the first few days I was here. He always took a glance at my window whenever he would smoke outside on the front porch, however I'd learnt to kneel by the window so he could barely see me. I was pretty sure he still could though. I also saw him when I went into town one day after school to pick up a few more art supplies. He'd noticed me and began to walk towards me but I'd already made a run for it, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

I was overwhelmed by my constant fluctuation in emotions here.

On Saturday night, Vee, Frank and Mikey had gone to Frank's cousins house for a party. They'd invited me but I wasn't really in the partying mood. I had so much homework to do and I'd gotten into an argument with my mum. It was unavoidable really seeing as though I had a lot to say about the group therapy but she was even angrier than I'd expected her to be. I got so defensive because Hugh was there and he agreed with every single thing she'd said, the same with my mother whenever he'd said something. Some people may argue that it's a typical teenager phase but I knew it wasn't. My mother only wanted me to go so she didn't feel guilty about leaving me anymore. It was all for her. I knew I'd get nothing out of it.

It was about one o'clock in the morning and I was completely alone. My dad was still out and I wouldn't be surprised if he was going to crash at Ben's house seeing as though he lived closer to the bar than we did. I was in the back garden, leaning against the house as I watched the stars twinkle and shine above me. My grandfather used to say that every star in the sky was a lost soul to the earth and the reason people go to heaven is because they were all fallen angels to begin with.

I've never been an angel. I was most likely going to hell.

Ugh. Can anyone feel this lonely? I tried to stop the tears before they began to cascade down my face, inhaling from my cigarette slowly, trying to calm myself. I didn't know one person that understood how I felt. There were times I wished I would just tell Mikey or Frank but I always stopped myself. Why would they want to be associated with an actual wrist-cutter? They'll probably be victimised far more than before.

What I admired though is that they never acted like the victim. They were so strong whereas, at the end of everyday, I was reduced to tears and pain, physically and mentally.

I pulled up my sleeve, once again tracing the scars and wounds and I wished things had turned out differently for me. I had a caring father but he was never there. My mother had abandoned me. Although she would never admit it, she did. She was an incurable romantic, never bothering to pick up the pieces after she'd broken something that was apparently important to her.

“I wish you were here...” I whispered as I brushed away a few of the stray tears.

“Wish who was here?”

I whipped my head around to unfortunately be met with none other than Gerard Way who was leaning against the high, wooden picket fence that separated our homes. He was dressed in dark jeans, a bowie shirt and a leather jacket. He had a lazy grin plastered onto his features with an unlit cigarette hanging from it. I just wanted to rip it to shreds.

Why hadn't I locked the gate?

I could feel myself scowling as I took a drag from my cigarette. I really didn't want to deal with this now.

“That's hardly any of your business.” I spat as I crossed my arms. He continued to smirk as he held up his hands in surrender.

“Just a little friendly chit chat.” He replied as he walked a little closer to wear I stood. “Besides, I thought you were talking about me.”

“Sure.” I rolled my eyes. “You wish.”

“I mean it sugar.” He defended as I stared at his feet, agitated at how close he was standing in front me. It was then I could smell the alcohol practically gushing from his pours. I had to wrinkle my nose slightly to get away from the overbearing smell.

“Don't call me sugar.”

“Well...” He chuckled as he swayed slightly. “What should I call you?”

“How about my name? Or were pissed when you found that out?” He laughed again which made my blood boil.

“Wow. I really did piss you off, didn't I? I thought Mikey was being dramatic. I suppose my brother told you about my little...drinking habits.” He asked as he lit his cigarette, blowing smoke directly into my face.

“I didn't take you to be a smoker.” he muttered more to himself than to me when he eventually noticed the cigarette in my hand.

“Why did you think I wouldn't be pissed?” I began quietly, not wanting to wake anyone. “You insulted me. You don't even know me and you embarrassed and insulted me in front of people I'd only just met. And Mikey didn't tell me anything. It's all about what other people have said.”

“Oh, so you're listening to other people? Judging me before you got to know me?” He gasped, pretending to be hurt. “How could you?”

“As a matter of fact, I didn't even bother taking into consideration anything about what people had said about you. It was only when I met you that I realised : wow, this guy really is an asshole-”

“And I suppose you want me to be apologetic for calling it out how I saw it?”

“You didn't see anything! You don't know anything about me Gerard and I will continue to stress that. You can dislike me for whatever reason you can think of but don't judge me from nothing.” I answered, flicking away my cigarette butt over in the nearby hedges, ready to go back inside.

“Jeez sugar, calm down, would you? We wouldn't want to make a scene and wake up the neighbours.” He grinned. The only reason I would have to wake up the neighbours would be by a fist fight.

He licked his lips as he stared at me and I was suddenly so concious of how I presented myself.

“I told you not to call my sugar.” I stated with a slight nod.

“S'fine.” He laughed softly. “I think it's suits you though...I don't normally call people sugar anyway but fine...what was your name? D- something? D...dora? Diane? You know what, I'll just call Dee...” He rambled.

“What did you want Gerard? Why are you over here, terrorizing me?”

“Well...” He sighed as he placed a hand against the wall beside my head, his body heat radiating onto my cheek. “Firstly, I think terrorize is a little strong, don't you Dee? I think of it as chit chat. And secondly, I initially came here to apologise and all because Mikey wanted me too.” He whispered.

“While you were drunk?” He shrugged.

“Either way.”

“Okay...”

“So I'm sorry, okay?”

I didn't believe him for a second. He had a smirk on his lips obviously displaying his insincerity to the whole situation. Perhaps if he were sober he may have been able to use his poker face to his advantage.

“Apology not accepted.”

“What?!” He complained. “Why?”

“Because you don't mean it. What's the point in apologising if you aren't actually sorry for what you've done.” He rolled his eyes before he moved his arm away, turning his body away from mine. The wind began to pick up speed that caused me to tighten my jacket around me.

“You know what I find rather amusing?” He spoke after a while of stumbling.

“Please enlighten me.” I answered as he turned around.

“I think you try and give off this 'I'm so hard done by' vibe and it's sickening if i'm honest. You know, I'll admit it though, you've got the whole thing going for you, the sad eyes, the dark clothes and all. You're getting the sympathy vote from my brother for sure but you won't get it from me.” He paused as he waited for me to shout back, attempt to defend myself at least but I couldn't. I don't know how Gerard did it but he made me feel worthless every time I spoke to him and surprisingly, this was only the second time. He didn't even have to say much. No one ever did to make me realise how worthless I indeed was.

“Let me guess, you were teased or something at your old school..., you got family issues, huh?” He asked sarcastically. “It seems to me that you are entirely oblivious to the world around you and it's actual problems. The smallest things make you want to get all the attention in the world. Well...sugar, I aint buyin' it.”

We stared at each other, our faces incredibly close and I actually hadn't even noticed they were during his offensive speech. At this view, I could see how long his eyelashes were as they brushed the skin that was underneath his eyes. It was rare to notice as we attempted to make direct contact with each other the entire time, the sound of our breaths heightening over everything else. My fists were clenched as I held my ground, my lips pressed tightly in a straight line as I tried to channel every fibre of anger into my eyes.

“Look...” I began just wanting to put distance between us. “I don't know who or what made you like this Gerard but I suggest you go home. I don't want you anywhere near me seeing as though you've continued to insult me without knowing a goddamn thing about my life. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and give you another chance-”

“You never even gave me a chance sugar.”

“That's because you didn't give me one.” I spoke calmly. "And don't try and turn this on me." He almost seemed annoyed at the revelation of his past comment. “I'll tell Mikey that you apologised so it'll be easier for him. ”

“Easier for him?" He scoffed. "You should steer clear from me anyway sugar.” He smirked.

“That's not the first time I've been told.” I shrugged but before he could retort, his brows furrowing his confusion, I'd walked away and into the house, locking every door downstairs and making my way back into my room.

As I stared out of the window, it was at least five minutes later that I eventually saw Gerard leave and go into his own home. My stomach was doing back flips at the random encounter I'd just had with him. I was surprised at my own tongue however I was still oblivious to everything he'd accused me of being but I tried to push it away.

In the end I couldn't sleep that night...not one minute.

Notes

Here's chapter 8! I'm not moving their relationship too quickly am I?

Thanks again for those who read it! Take care <3