“Happy Birthday Dakota.”

Apart from the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car, there was absolute silence. I looked between the cake and Gerard in confusion, my mind a complete blur as I tried to take in my surroundings and of course, I was coming up blank. I didn't recognise anything. I had no idea where I was, no idea why I was here...wherever 'here' was and I especially had no idea why I was with Gerard.

I was certain however of the dull ache resting at the back of my mind, indicating to me that I had a skull-splitting headache on the way which wasn't going to help my frame of mind in any way shape or form. I wrapped the blanket tighter around me and slowly shifted upright in the seat, my movement slow and wary as Gerard waited for my reaction. It was if he was holding his breath. I shifted my eyes straight to his and he was watching me cautiously, his eyes bright in anticipation which caused my heart to stop, although only for a moment. I hadn't been this close to Gerard since last week when he'd slept in my bed after being completely and utterly pissed. I was so close to him that I could practically see my reflection in his deep, brown eyes, those eyes that were, at this second, calculating my every move.

I took a slow, deliberate breath as I tried to form a coherent sentence in my mind, Gerard's eyebrows rising in anticipation as I did.

“Where am I?”

My voice sounded strained, almost as if I were in complete distress whereas I was rather relaxed, given the circumstance. I deciphered that it must be the alcohol from the night before, it's presence still littered around my body.

“A gas station outside of town.” He replied, sounding confused by my response. I nodded, showing him that I'd heard but at that moment, nothing was adding up in my mind...still.

“What time is it?”

“Just gone seven.”

“In the morning?” I asked stupidly as I then noticed the sky becoming lighter in the distance, it contrasting the already grey coverage.

“Yeah...” He replied wearily. My mouth opened and closed a few times before I was able to think of something else to say, something that would hopefully not make me sound stupid.

“Why am I here, Gerard?”

It was then his turn to be at a loss for words. His mouth copied what mine had done a few moments before just as he averted his gaze from me. I could instantly tell that at that moment, Gerard was deeply uncomfortable with whatever situation was going on.

“I don't know.” He eventually answered.

“You...don't know?”

“Yes...no! I mean...” He sighed, moving the coffee and cupcake away as he scooted closer to me, his arm moving to rest against the back of my part of the seat. His head turned completely to face me, his head lowered but his eyes burning right into mine.

“I'm sorry...” He whispered. “Dakota, I am...I mean it. I don't know whats wrong with me, I swear, my head it's...fuck...look, I know I've treated you like shit and taken advantage of your kindness but I didn't mean to...push you awa- I mean...I never meant to-...God...this harder than I thought it would be.”

“What is? Apologising?” I murmured. His lips twitched slightly.

“It's just because I have so much to apologise for.” He shrugged sheepishly.

“That you do.”

“I know.” He replied as his hand suddenly reached up to caress the side of my face, his thumb tracing the edge of my cheekbone which caused my skin to set alight, my body suddenly becoming overwhelmingly warm.

How could I be so pathetic?

It's almost as though the way Gerard's sudden mood swings occur, the same happens to me. One moment, I want to be a thousand miles away from him but whenever he was like this with me...just us, he would the only person I wanted to see that day.

“We can't keep doing this to each other Gerard.” I cleared my throat, my mind once more turning blank.

“Doing what?”

“Torturing each other.”

“Torturing's a little strong Dakota.”

“Is it?”

He smiled warmly at me and continued. “But I know I have to stop treating you like this...and you...need to talk to me more.”

“Talking just seems to have gotten me into trouble lately.”

“I can tell.” He spoke, although his voice was slightly darker as his finger traced the edge of my jaw where the bruise from Jason was slowly disappearing. “But I mean you actually telling me how you are.”

“The same goes for you...and you actually being able to keep your mouth shut about certain subjects...” He closed his eyes momentarily as he continued to touch my skin, his fingers sometimes wondering to the back of my neck. The gesture seemed far too intimate for whatever we'd established ourselves as in the past but it was nonetheless soothing.

“I said I was sorry.”

“That doesn't make it hurt any less when I found out you told Mikey.”

“I know...”

“Why do you do it Gerard?” I begged, hoping to at least finally get an answer from him. If I'm planning to be around for at least a few more months than I'll need to know why Gerard's treated me this way. It would be closure.

“That I can't tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't know it myself.” I sighed, this time closing my eyes, subconsciously leaning my head into his hand.

“Do you not remember the last thing I said to you before you left last night?”

“You said that you thought we shouldn't hang out anymore.”

---

“What? You can't go home yet, it's your birth-”

“I'm not in the partying mood anymore.” I said, quickly turning away from him.

“Dakota-I”

“I don't think we should hang out anymore.” I blurted which caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

Of course I'd hinted that we shouldn't do so but I'd never said it to him directly.

There was silence between us, my mind running wild with endless possibilities of what he'd say next but I didn't expect him to do what he did.

He nodded slowly and turned around and walked away without giving me another look.

---

"Exactly...but here we are...Why are we here?” I whispered.

“I don't want to lose you...” My eyes widened, my chest suddenly becoming heavy as my mouth ran dry. “...as a friend.”

Friend.

My whole body deflated, my chest no longer heavy but a sense of rejection fell over me. Again.

A rejection that I never wanted to feel but seemingly only did with Gerard.

“Is that what we are?” I asked incredulously.

“Yeah...” He replied unconvincingly as he shifted his gaze out of the window.

We were heading into our usual escape route of conversation. The same one we'd always end up fighting over.

“But we're certainly not normal people which makes it a very dysfunctional friendship. It will keep us on our toes.” He continued, trying to lighten the mood.

It was so strange that no matter how many times Gerard made my hopes rise and fall, even though I mentally begged him not to do so and to not feel this way, I still found him a far better person than me and that he deserved so much better.

Maybe I would think differently if I knew I wasn't going to disappear one day in the near future.

The same sinking feeling in my chest appeared as I was finally admitting to myself what Vee had said to me so many times.

“You like him ...”

“Dakota, it's okay to like him...”

But it wasn't okay. None of this was okay. My life simply wasn't okay.

I'm not okay.

“You're the reason he's in a good place at the moment.” She stated confidently. “You're probably one of the most important things in his life right now too.”

“What makes you so sure Vee?” I asked, placing my pencil down on the table to turn my full attention on her.

“When you know, you know.”

And I knew. I liked Gerard Way more than I should've ever let myself too.

I like him too much to the point where I wanted him to kiss me again.

---

Before I could even finish, his hands cradled my face as delicately as they could as his mouth claimed mine, with a deep passion that knocked me breathless. His lips were soft, delicate and I felt as though I were to faint from the impact. His fringe tickled my forehead, as his fingers moved to the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. I didn't know what I was doing. I was frozen, my eyes automatically shutting in an attempt to keep myself sane as my hands gripped his upper arms for support.

I felt alive. The most alive i'd ever felt in my short life.

My mind was blank.

I only felt fire.

---

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, pulling me from my state of mind, the blush in my cheeks heightening as I wanted to hide myself away. I don't think I could now look him in the eye.

“Nothing.” I murmured.

“Are you sure?” He whispered, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck, his fingers rubbing soothing circles on the delicate skin.

My whole body shivered.

“Gerard...I really don't think we should-”

“Please, before you saying anything...here.” He suddenly twisted his body, reaching into the backseat of his car before he pulled out a Polaroid camera, attached to it, a large red bow. He held it out for me, smiling encouragingly for me to take it.

“Gerard, I couldn't-”

“I didn't have time to wrap it and all, seeing as though I had no idea it was your birthday but I thought the bow was pretty cool-”

“Gerard, no this is too expensive.” I shuffled back trying to make my point.

“I didn't spend a thing. I promise. I was given this two tears ago and I don't use it.” He shrugged, quickly bringing the camera up to his eyes as he snapped a photo of me.

“Gerard!” I complained, trying to take the photo away from him but he simply laughed and threw it on the dashboard. “Ugh...it's still too much-”

“It's not Dakota. If anything, it isn't enough. Just think of it as something that can outweigh the bad memories with the good.” He answered, placing the camera in my lap.

“I don't know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything.” I smiled sheepishly at him.

“Thank you...”

“You're welcome.” He replied, placing his arm once more around the back of my neck as his fingers delicately played with my hair. “Don't think too much about Dakota.” I peeked up at him, my mind completely dazed and my soul overwhelmed.

“I don't understand you at all Gerard Way.” I repeated, as I had done so many times before.

He smiled slowly at me, this time, the smile reaching his eyes.

“You're probably the only one who does understand me Dakota.”

I slowly stroked the edges of the camera suddenly overwhelmed by the effort that Gerard had gone to this morning.

Yet I was still so upset and mad at him.

Or was that simply my current state of mind?

Or is it because I hadn't taken my tablets for the last few days?

“You keep daydreaming today.” he pointed out as his fingers curled around my hair.

“I have a lot to think about today.” He didn't reply straight away...it was as though he were trying to pick his words very carefully. The rain had lightened slightly and the atmosphere not so awkward...on his part. Since my momentary realisation of my 'like' for Gerard, I suddenly didn't know how to act around him...well, I never really did.

“Dakota?” I hummed in response, only moving my gaze to the windshield. “This is probably a lot to ask but...could you do something for me?”

I slowly looked at him, my brow rising in confusion. What on earth could Gerard want from me?

“I want to take you somewhere.”

“This isn't where you wanted to take me?” He laughed softly and traced my jaw one last time.

“I want to introduce you to someone.”

---

My heart was beating so fast that I had to hold the side of the car door as I waited for Gerard to come around my side. I didn't shut the door straight away as I was hoping that I might've been able to talk Gerard out of it but he seemed adamant that he was going to do this.

“Gerard.” I stuttered as I held onto the frame. “I really don't think this is a good idea.” He leant his elbows on top of the door and stared at me a moment, amusement surrounding his eyes.

“Dakota. Don't sweat it, you'll be fine.”

“But I really don't think-”

He gave me a sudden look, a look as though he were 'warning' me to stop being such a wuss.

“I think I'm hungover.” I continued pathetically.

“Yet you still look beautiful.” He replied nonchalantly. My heart stopped.

Beautiful?

He stood up straight and pried my fingers off of the door as he went to shut it. He began to walk away but I stayed put, my mind racing but my mouth unable to say anything coherent.

“Please...I don't-”

“Do you trust me?” He sighed as he turned to face me, his hand slightly stretched outwards me.

“She won't like me.”

“She'll love you.” He countered with another little sigh. “Please...”

I closed my eyes and groaned internally. I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of this so easily. I stepped towards him and placed my hand in his but before he moved away, he leant down and kissed my cheek softly.

Could I really trust him?

“Oh god.” I whispered under my breath.

Gerard, still tightly gripping my hand, led my down the path that was surrounded by rows and rows of rose bushes, and up the small burgundy coloured steps that stretched out onto a quaint porch.

“Ready?”

“No.”

But he didn't listen. He simply opened the door as though it were his home and called out loudly.

“Grandma?”

“Gee, is that you?” an old yet sweet sounding voice replied. Gerard turned and smiled at me and from there, led me towards the sound of the voice. The hallway was small and covered in pictures from black and white staged photographs to baby Mikey and Gerard pictures. There was a whole lifetime but into minimal photographs.

“Hi Grandma.” Gerard said suddenly, pulling me from my own world. We'd now reached the back of the house, the kitchen much brighter than the hallway and Gerard hands squeezed my own one last time before he let go to greet the woman sitting at the table.

“Hello dear.” The woman said placing her hands on either side of Gerard's neck and bringing his face down to kiss him on the cheek. “Where have you been this last week. I was starting to wonder whether or not you were getting bored of me.”

“Never Grandma.” Gerard chuckled, taking hold of her hand. “How are you feelin'?”

“Much better dear, just tired,” She waved her hand in the hair, her deep brown eyes rolling and somehow then ending up in my direction. She paused, a small smile playing at her lips. “Who's this?” She continued as she nodded her head at me.

“This...” Gerard began as he took a step towards me, gesturing for me to come closer. “...is Dakota.” His grandmothers eyes widened suddenly as though in recognition.“Dakota! Oh she's very beautiful Gerard...you're very beautiful.” She smiled, holding out her hand to me. Gerard placed his hand on my lower back and prompted me forward. I willingly placed my hand in hers and she pulled me closer. “It's so lovely to finally meet you.”

"And you Mrs-"

“Oh, dear, no Mrs!” She scolded playfully. “Just Elena, please.”

“It's nice to meet you too Elena.” She smiled warmly at me before looking up at Gerard.

“Don't just stand there dear, get this girl a drink-”

“No, please I'm fine-”

“We'll both have coffee and be sure to make yourself one.” Elena said, her point strict but voice still soft. She gestured for me to sit down beside her around the small squared, table and continued once I sat down. “So you two have much plans for today?”

“Not really.” Gerard replied as he waited for the kettle to boil. “It was however Dakota'a birthday yesterday.” Elena turned at me expectantly.

“Really? Did you have a nice day? Anything exciting happen?”

“Erm...it was a good day...Frank's cousin invited us to a party which was...fun.”

I subconsciously flickered my gaze to Gerard to see he was watching me with a somewhat solemn tone.

“Well I hope Gerard looked after you.” Elena said. “Those parties can get out of control. I remember once when Gerard-”

“Grandma, please.” Gerard groaned.

“What? You mean you haven't told her the gruesome stories?” The woman chuckled.

“He's barely tells me anything.” I countered which Gerard shot me a warning glare playfully.

“And yet he makes you talk about yourself?” She guessed with her brows raised. I nodded in return. “He's always been that way.”

“Please...” He groaned again, bringing over the coffee mugs.

“Thank you dear but honestly, you need to open up more.” Elena continued as Gerard sat across from me. “Dakota seems very willing to know about you and from what you've told me about her, she seems ever so kind.”

“You've talked about me?” I asked, surprised as Gerard looked between us sheepishly.

“Not really-” He began but his grandma cut him off.

“He said that you'd met at the support group-” My eyes widened at the mention but she patted my hand reassuringly. “-I don't judge dear, I promise...he said that there was something very special about you.”

“She's a friend Grandma.”

“Is that code for something these days?” Elena countered with a smile playing at her lips.

“No.” He sighed as he brought the coffee up to his lips.

“Well I beg to differ about the way you talk about her-”

“Grandma, I swear, we're just friends.” He laughed nervously. “Maybe you should readjust your hearing aid and maybe try wearing your glasses.” He joked.

“Cheeky!” Elena laughed as she slapped him on the arm. “I'm blind but not that blind and my hearing aid is just fine...But tell me...how do you feel about my grandson?”

My eyes widened as I sat more upright in my seat. Gerard looked at me and laughed.

“You don't have to answer that-”

“Yes she does.” Elena continued playfully. “So...?”

“Erm...he's nice...very stubborn and very mysterious.” I laughed, answering her.

“Mysterious?” Gerard asked, his face littered with humour.

“Well, remember one of the first things you told me? 'You should steer clear of me'.” I mimicked which made them both laugh.

“Well you were the one who told me I was a jerk!” He replied.

“And you were! A big jerk!”

“You weren't rude to her, were you Gerard?” Elena replied, shocked at her apparent grandsons behavior. I hid my smirk behind my coffee mug as Gerard glared at me.

“Not rude per say...I just...I-”

“Gerard, I'm shocked!” Elena continued.

“I admitted that I was wrong!” He countered in defense.

“Eventually.” I muttered, which of course, Gerard heard.

“Well I hope you've been treating her right since.”

Gerard looked at me, all trace of humour leaving his eyes. His eyes softened as my grip tightened on the mug.

“I'm trying.”

Notes

It's a long one! I hope you guys are okay! <3