“Don't think too much about Dakota.” Gerard said, his arm resting against the back of the car seat, as his fingers delicately played with my hair. I peeked up at him, my mind completely dazed and my soul overwhelmed.

“I don't understand you at all Gerard Way.” I repeated, as I had done so many times before

He smiled slowly at me, this time, the smile reaching his eyes.

“You're probably the only one who does understand me Dakota."

---

(The Day Before - Friday 28th November)

The beauty of Fleetwood Mac was playing in my room as Vee and I were getting ready for the party that Frank's cousin had miraculously managed to get us invited to. My birthday, so far, had actually been...well, good. It had finally reached my favourite weather, Winter, in that when I wake up, the first thing I would rush towards would be a blanket or a dressing gown; all across the front lawns, they would be littered with delicate flakes of frost and that when I took a deep breath outside, it looked as though there were a constant circulation of smoke, captivated in my lungs.

It was perfect to me.

I'd woken up feeling just as tired as I had been when I fell asleep but what was waiting for me was a hot cup of coffee and a bacon sandwich, lovingly from my father. My dad had given me your typical 'daughter' card, which was fine but with a hell of a lot of money in it. 'I want you to get anything you want.' He'd said which I didn't know exactly how to respond to. He'd also given me the first record he'd ever bought with the bands signature on it. I was touched. My dad treasured it and now he was giving it to me.

My mom had brought me a new silver chain for my necklace and had attempted to persuade me to go shopping with her to which I replied with a 'maybe' but she seemed pleased enough with my answer.

It was only nine o'clock and I already felt as though I'd been given too much. I didn't feel as though I deserved anything from anyone.

This is why I didn't like my birthday. As humbled as I was to my families attempts, I just couldn't seem to be pleased.

It was worse when the guys gave me my presents at school. They'd all pitched in and brought me a balloon, which was sweet, but Monica then popped it during art with one of her 'slutty' fake nails. (I know you shouldn't really call people sluts but she deserves it). Vee got a detention for after school because she ended up throwing red paint over her dress which caused a 'cat fight' in the middle of the classroom...me, somehow managing to be dragged into it also while being left bruised.

Mikey and Frank had given me a joint present of a voucher to a clothes store that has a lot of band tees and records...it was amazing. Vee had given me everything Fleetwood Mac related and a matching bracelet that said 'misfit' on it.

Donnie managed to call me after school but only for a five minute phone call. He sounded so over the moon about everything that was going on in his life that I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. I know, it makes me a terrible person but...I was still human and I was still unsure if he was going to turn up this weekend. He gave no hints away that he was going to.

Vee was applying her eyeliner after taking a big gulp from the beer she'd managed to steal from her dad's own stash, when she asked me something which threw me completely off guard.

“So whats going on with you and Gerard now?” I'd dropped the red lipstick and slowly turned to look at her in the mirror. I cleared my throat desperately, attempting to not sound on edge.

“What do you mean? Nothing's going on...”

“Oh come on Dakota.” She groaned as she turned around to face me. “I know just as well as you do that something is obviously going on with you two.”

“We've already had this conversation Vee and nothing is going on-”

“Really? So the past week, I'm the only one whose noticed the awkward tension in the air whenever you two ended up in a room together for what, two minutes?”

“Vee, you're looking too much into it. I'm awkward with everyone.” I tried to excuse.

“You know what Dee, just 'cause it's your birthday doesn't mean you can keep whatever it is a secret.”

“Okay Vee, that's enough.” I laughed, trying to sound breezy but completely failing.

“I've said this to you before. It's okay to you know...like Gerard...he's a good looking guy. I thought he was hot when I met him but he's not really my type.” She began to ramble. “I mean, he's seems as though he's your type and all-”

“Vee.” I sighed. There was a moments silence.

“You like him.” She stated. I fell onto my bed with a groan.

“I don't know.”

---

We met up with the others soon enough and we were partying ridiculously to the point of 'idiosm' (not a word but still). Vee was once more making out with Derek but seeing as though we'd met him now and he seemed nice enough, I wasn't too worried about her. We were all pretty drunk by half 10 and I mean, the stumbling stage and becoming involved with the someone what mosh pits. When we first arrived of course I was my usual scared self, staying in the corner and all but seeing as Frank stayed by my side the whole time, I managed to remain slightly more comfortable.

Ray had appeared at one moment and he'd turned up when we were drunk, it seemed to be the most important moment of the evening. The music they were playing was actually good and Frank had dragged me to the 'dance floor' to which all we did was jump up and down manically. My frame of mind was simply 'if people wanted me to enjoy me birthday' well I was just going to get drunk.

I forced any thought of Gerard out of my mind.

Since Wednesday, I barely thought about him. I refused to. He was obviously seeing some girl and I didn't want to know any of the details. Mikey didn't bring him up either, seeing as he knew I was extremely pissed off with Gerard for telling him that I went to group. Of course I didn't go tonight because it was my birthday and my mom had managed to agree to it eventually. My dad still didn't want me to go to group because he feared it would do more damage than good. -”If's she's going to go to therapy, at least let her go to a one to one...” He'd said which my mom was still ignoring.

“Isn't this awesome?!” Frank had shouted while he held my hand to lead me to the kitchen.

“Yeah...thanks for inviting me Frankie.”

“It's your fucking birthday! Of course I was going to invite you!” He laughed, shoving me ahead of him.

“You know, I genuinely hate my birthday but this year, I have alcohol!” I laughed to which he giggled in reciprocation.

“Of course you do! Hey, do you think I should go and ask out that girl.” I turned around, walking backwards still to see the bright blonde haired girl that Frank was talking about.

“I don't know Frankie...she goes to collage.”

“Yeah but I'm a catch! Look at me, I'm adorable.”

Being the clumsy person I am, as Frank was making me laugh too hysterically to really concentrate, that mixed with the alcohol, I'd managed to bump straight into someone behind me. They'd gripped my shoulders, attempting to steady my already wavering stance and just as I was about to apologize, my mouth clamped shut at who i'd bumped into.

“Gerard!” Frank beamed as I took an unsteady step away from him, his hands finally releasing my shoulders.

Oh no. Please not today.

“Hey Frank.” Gerard lazily waved.

Why is it when I've just stopped thinking about Gerard, he magically appears? He looked between the two of us, his eyebrow raising as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you guys the same thing.” Gerard countered, just as Mikey appeared.

“Oh hey Gee!” Mikey smiled as he handed me my next drink while then taking a weary look between us.

“Hey-”

“Seriously this party is like totally the best thing ever!” Vee appeared as she screamed in my ear, her hand still outstretched and holding onto Derek's. I nodded half halfheartedly at her.

I would have said the same thing five minutes ago.

“Dude, Gerard...what are you doing here?”

“I go to college with these guys. You don't. What are you doing here?” Gerard asked again with more emphasis.

“My cousin invited us and its this ones birthday!” Frank laughed as he wrapped a drunken arm around my shoulders. Gerards eyes met mine in their normal state of confusion whenever something was mentioned about me but I tried to ignore it.

“Birthday?” I gave him a shrug but just as he opened his mouth to speak, Vee took hold of my other arm and dragged me away from the little hoard of people that had suddenly appeared.

“Girl time!” Vee shouted back to their confused glances. She pulled me outside and as she did, she pulled out a packet of cigarettes from her purse, offering me one quickly.

“Girl time?” I asked incredulously at her. She shrugged with a wry smile on her face.

“It seemed as though you wanted to get away from Gerard and quick.” She offered.

“Oh...thanks.” I murmured as I willingly light up the cigarette, trying to stand still. Although I was no longer beaming, I was still drunk.

“So...”

“So...” I replied warily.

“I've seen the way Gerard looks at you.”

“Like a mental person?”

“No like a person he likes.”

“Vee, come on, I'm drunk and it's my birthday. I don't want to keep having this conversation.” I moaned as I stumbled again.

“Whatever.” Vee chuckled as she stubbed out her cigarette. “Sober and alive, we are going to have this conversation. Now...I'm gonna go find Derek.”

“Don't let your lips fall off!” I called after her as I wrapped my arms tighter around my torso, feeling the sudden chill. Honestly, Vee was complete hung up on him. She couldn't spend thirty seconds without him.

Now I was left to my own thoughts. This was dangerous ground. I could easily walk away and disappear forever, especially being drunk because I could easily get lost but no one would know – not in their current states.

“Daydreaming again?” A voice said which startled me into stumbling again. “Woah, easy there.”

“For christ sake Gerard!” I complained, pulling my arm away from his touch. “Do you have to keep appearing out of thin air?”

“Sorry.” He chuckled as he pulled out a cigarette of his own.

“I hope this won't be a reoccurring situation for us.” I mumbled.

“You mean when the last time we were outside the party?” He joked, raising his eyebrows with that little smirk.

“Don't get any ideas.” I warned.

“Wasn't planning on it.” he shrugged as I stared at him in complete bemusement. “What?”

“How can you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Acting as though there is no reason whatsoever for me to be pissed off with you.” This time he looked startled.

“What are you talking about?”

“Seriously?” His laugh held no humour but he appeared to not be understanding a single world I was saying. “Just forget about it.”

“Woah, come on Dakota, don't be like that-”

“Don't be like what?! You do shitty things but I somehow manage to forgive you because you think I 'understand' you but for sucks sake Gerard I don't understand anything you do! You make me feel like complete and utter shit!”

“Dakota-”

“No! Don't Dakota me! You had no right to tell Mikey anything about me that I told you in confidence or that you found out!” He looked down at the floor and pursed his lips, seeming to finally understand his mistake. “I told you I didn't want the guys to know about group at all.” I finished, my voice a little quieter.

“I'm sorry.”

“You never should've done it.”

“I was drunk.”

“That's your excuse for every shitty thing you do to me. 'Oh sorry Dakota for being a dick, I was drunk.” I mimicked him as best I could but I noticed his lips twitch. “I've had enough Gerard.”

He looked up and took a step towards me but I took one step away.

“Look...” He said, his voice deftly quiet. “I know I can be the worse person in the world Dakota but I don't do it with the intention of hurting you. That's the last thing I want to do.” I didn't reply but continued to stare at him, trying to fight back my tears of anger and frustration.

“Please don't cry.”

“How was your date?” I asked which seemed to catch us both off guard. I was hoping that that wasn't one of the reason I was angry with him.

“Date? What...you mean Claire?”

“If thats her name.” I replied childishly as I wiped away a tear but all he seemed to do was laugh. “Stop it Gerard!” I complained.

“I wasn't on a date with Claire.” He said, once he'd finished laughing. “She's in my art class...and she's gay. Like super gay and she's a good friend of mine.”

Oh.

Well that's different.

“Is that another reason your mad at me? Because you thought I was on a date?” He asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“No!” I said a little too quickly. “I-I was just-wondering is all. It has nothing to do with why I'm angry with you.”

“You seem to be angry with me all the time.” He shrugged, stepping towards me again.

“I'm going home.” I replied, the first thought coming to my mind before I could make a fool out of myself again.

“What? You can't go home yet, it's your birth-”

“I'm not in the partying mood anymore.” I said, quickly turning away from him.

“Dakota-”

“I don't think we should hang out anymore.” I blurted which caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

Of course I'd hinted that we shouldn't but i'd never said it to him directly. There was silence between us, my mind running wild with endless possibilities of what he'd say next but I didn't expect him to do what he did.

He nodded slowly and turned around and walked away with giving me another look.

Without wanting it to...my heart sank and I began to shed involuntary tears.

I shouldn't have said that.

---

I was shaking, but not in the sense that you'd expect. I felt pressure on my shoulder as a noise was repeating itself over and over.

"Dakota..."

It said but I couldn't exactly understand. I'm certain much of it had to do with the hangover I already knew was building itself up. I knew at some point my stomach contents would release itself.

“Dakota.”

“No.” I moaned, attempting to role over but the pressure pulled me back.

“Come on, you can keep your eyes shut but just give me your hands.”

“If I do this, will you leave me alone?” I asked the unknown voice, everything sounded muffled and out of place.

“Yes.”

"Fine..."

So I relinquished my hands and I felt myself being pulled into the sitting position, my eyes still glazed shut. A cool glass was handed to me and I felt an involuntary shiver.

“Take these, they'll make you feel better.” The voice replied as it placed two small little objects into my hand. I was too tired to care what I was taking but I took them anyway, followed then by a large portion of water.

“Can I go back to bed?” I moaned sleepily.

“No.” It chuckled, but put these on and take my hand."

Soon I had fluffy socks on my feet and a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, and I was being dragged away from my bed. At some point I felt as though I were floating but I took no notice of it. I was too tired to care.

What a strange dream this was.

Eventually I felt the cold hit my face and the sound of the front door being shut as I was continually being dragged down the steps. Whoever it was, they squeezed my hand comfortingly and the next thing I knew I was sitting in a car, my head already hitting the back of the seat in exhaustion.

“You can sleep now.”

“Thank fuck.” I murmured but I all I remembered next was the sound of that familiar laugh.

---

“Dakota?”

Not again.

I just managed to fall asleep again!

I felt a tickle across my forehead as a hand was placed behind my ear.

“Dakota, wake up.”

Gerard?

I slowly peeled my eyes open, the blanket just above my chin, as I wrapped it tighter around my body. I turned slowly to find him staring at me apologetically as he continued to play with my hair.

“Gerard?”

“Hey.” He smiled as his eyes searched my face for any inclination to how I felt.

"Did you kidnap me?"

“Sort of.” He chuckled.

Suddenly in front of me was a hot cup of coffee and a small cupcake with a lit candle sitting on top. I looked at him again confused and he simply shrugged.

“Happy Birthday Dakota.”

Notes

Here you go!