“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

Bollocks.

Complete and utter bollocks.

I was living in the same night.

I had been for years.

And my current state of mind was not helping me.

I felt as though i'd been shat on twice and then boiled alive. My mind was fucked, everything was fuzzy and I couldn't think straight...not even for one single thought. I thought I'd gotten over the worst of it but it turns out that I was still pretty hungover and I regretted it badly.

Badly

It feels as though this is the worst one yet but I wasn't sure.

My brain was lying to me.

And had been for a long time.

“Where the fuck did you get to last night?” Someone shouted, slapping their hand down onto the table which caused my head to lift abruptly from it's place. I squinted at the culprit...Vee and clutched at the side of my head, wishing I could shout back at her but I was sure it would've made my head explode.

I can't deal with this right now.

“Keep your voice down Vee-”

“I will not, we were all fucking worried!” She continued as she placed herself across from me in the coffee shop, Frank and Mikey scooting into the booth too, waving lazily at me. They all looked awful...nearly as bad as I felt, and were still wearing the same clothes from last night.

“I'm sorry, alright?” I offered pathetically.

“Not good enough.” She said, her hair askew and her eyeliner smudged as she folded her arms across her chest, glaring at me through her blue eyes.

“Look, she said she was sorry, alright?” Mikey croaked as he re-adjusted his glasses, giving me a lazily smile.

“I don't care, she gave me a fucking heart attack!”

“Fuck sake Vee, you've only just sobered up like the rest of us, you didn't even know she was missing until an hour ago.” Frank interjected, leaning his elbows onto the table so he could rest his chin on his hand.

“Well...I...” She sighed at a loss for words. “Whatever. BUT I DID have a fucking heart attack an hour ago.” Frank rolled his eyes and gave me a grin.

“You okay though?” he asked.

“I'm good.” I smiled back at him. “Only...I just feel as though an elephant is bouncing up and down on my skull.”

“You look like shit.” Vee said.

“At least I've showered. Where did you guys get to?” I sighed, attempting to change the subject of my appearance. “You look as though you haven't even been home yet.”

“Nope.” Mikey murmured. “Somehow, we all ended up back at Rays, Derek included-”

“Ah yes...Derek.” Vee sighed.

“Don't get her started again.” Frank groaned.

“What do you mean get her started? Just because I'm in a mature relationship and you're not-”

“You've been with him...what? A month-?” Frank asked, slightly annoyed by her tone. I could understand Frank's annoyance with her always talking about Derek, the college guy, but I could also understand why Vee did. She was excited...and happy. It's was nice to see.

“Hardly a mature relationship.”

“Whatever.” she repeated which seemed to be her hangover argument. Mikey paused a moment, looking between the both of them one last time before he nodded and continued.

“So yeah, it must've been about 5 0'clock when we left the party...and Ray offered to take us for coffee in the morning...so we just ended up there.”

“Not entirely true.” Ray said suddenly, appearing out of nowhere with a tray of coffee, him looking nearly as rough as the rest of them. “It was the only way I could make sure they spent the night somewhere safe.”

It was then that Gerard appeared beside him with both our drinks in his hands. Instead of looking at me, he looked straight at Mikey, barely being able to contain his laughter at the expense of his brother.

It was true...Mikey really did look a mess.

“Don't worry, I called ma and told her you were with me.” Gerard added.

He turned and smiled at me as he slid in the booth beside me, Ray pulling up a chair also at the end of the table. Gerard handed me my hot chocolate, his fingers lingering a little longer than they should have as I noticed the word 'sugar' written on the side of the cup. I rolled my eyes and slide down the seat. Since this morning, Gerard and I seemed to have a somewhat deeper understanding of one another, his grandmother basically being the ice breaker and we managed to speak a lot of how we actually felt...in moderation of course.

I wasn't going to shout to the heavens that I was suicidal.

I suppose he also took pity on me for when he realised I was still slightly drunk when I met his grandma. I sat in the car, him promising to drive me home after but I told him that I thought I was going to vomit a whole ocean of Bacardi. He said I needed coffee.

Good coffee.

And here we are.

“When did you get here?” Mikey asked his brother, surprised at his presence.

“I brought Dee down.” Gerard shrugged as he put an arm around the back of the seat, scooting closer to me.

“Did you?” Vee asked, raising her eyebrows in my direction. I widened my eyes and shook my head at her, willing her to say no more.

“You look like shit Mikey.” Gerard added as he sipped at his coffee.

“We've already established we look and feel like shit.” Frank said. “I'm just worried 'cause I haven't been sick yet.” I furrowed my brow in his direction.

“Frank, you should be glad that you haven't been sick yet...not worried.” I chuckled.

“I normally feel better after I've been sick.” Frank groaned, explaining somewhat.

“Maybe it's your punishment?” Ray added.

“Punishment for what?”

“For making out with Chloe, duh.” Vee laughed, shoving him slightly.

“Why is that punishment?” I asked, confused as Gerard twirled a piece of my hair.

“Because ten minutes after you locked lips, she went upstairs and had sex with Liam.” Ray continued lightly, as though it didn't seem like a big deal...on the other hand, it was for Frank. He stared at Ray, his eyes wide and his mouth twitching.

“She did what!?” Frank continued as we all laughed at his horrified expression. “Aw, shit! I...fuck.”

“What?” Mikey asked, chuckling still.

“I...I can't believe she did that. I can't believe what I said I did!”

“What did you say?” Gerard asked.

“God... I said we had a special connection or some shit like that. She was so hot.” He groaned, placing his head into his hands.

“Is this the same girl you were eyeing up ? The one you were adamant you had a chance with?” I asked.

“Well I got her to make out with me, didn't I!?” He argued. “Tell me...did she give me any hickeys?” He continued, pulling down his collar and revealing his non-bruised neck.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Vee laughed, pulling his collar back over half his face as he tried to swat her hands.

“Shit.” Frank sighed, running his hand through his disheveled hair. “One of us should have stayed sober.”

“Why? We all had a laugh. And besides, it was Dakota's birthday.” Mikey explained.

“Yeah! But then I wouldn't have made myself look and act like a complete and utter twat in front of Chloe.”

“Frank...” Gerard sighed. “You would have done it sober too.”

---

Gerard dropped me home about an hour later and we said goodbye in the least friendly of ways (I think because Mikey was there)...just a simple nod at each other and a knowing smile. I didn't want to say goodbye to him and I hoped he didn't want to say goodbye to me. I just wanted to be near him...now officially knowing how I felt about him.

It was strange now, whatever was going on between us. I still wouldn't know what to call us and I know, trust me I know that I sound like a broken record but it was how I felt...and besides, I liked him more than he would ever like me.

It felt as though for the time being some little weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

I guess things didn't seem too bleak. For now.

I waved at them from my porch before opening the door to find a very impatient mother practically standing in the doorway, causing me to jump and shout 'fuck'; my mother's face couldn't be any further from happiness.

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” She asked, tapping her foot against the floorboards.

“Out.” I shrugged, once regaining my breath as I shut the door.

“With Gerard Way?” She asked, unimpressed. My eyes widened as I shook my head quickly.

“No...I...I was out with Mikey and the guys...Gerard just said he'd drop us back.”

Which wasn't complete bullshit.

“Dee?” My father suddenly called from the living. I quirked a quick smile at my mom and turned to find him.

“Hey dad.”

“You have a nice time at the party?” He asked as he took a sip from his tea.

“Yeah, it was good.”

“What party?” My mom asked, crossing her arms as she looked between us.

“Oh Jane, it was only a small gathering-”

Small gathering...sure Dad.

“Yeah, Frank invited me for my birthday.”

“I wish you would have told me.” My mom continued. “You said you didn't want to celebrate your birthday.”

“It was only a party...not even my party. I'm 18 now so-.”

“Still not legally allowed to drink though.” My mom threw at me.

“Jane honestly, don't act as though you never touched alcohol before you were 21.”

“You would defend the drink.” My mother spat but before my dad could respond an extra voice pulled us all from our conversation.

“You alright chuck?”

I turned to find Donnie, almost my estranged brother, standing in the archway of the living room, his arms crossed and a somewhat guilt-stricken expression on his face. Like me, his eyes were dark, but his hair was on the lighter side, like my moms. He was taller than all of us and near gangly and annoyingly had the Carey cheekbones that I wish I'd inherited from dad...he was the prettier of the children.

When Donnie was a baby, everyone would marvel at how beautiful he was and how his eyes shone...when I was born, they all praised the pram I was in...not me.

“Hey Donnie.”

I walked towards him and hugged him tightly around the middle, my face pressed into his chest. It wasn't until I saw him had I realised how much I missed him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. No matter how pissed I was that he near abandoned me when the shit hit the fan...he still had protected me through the horror of the divorce...as much as he could.

“You didn't tell me you were coming down?” I asked as I stepped away from him.

“Thought I'd surprise you for your birthday.” He beamed, pinching my cheek.

“Isn't it wonderful?” Mom said as she came over and joined us. “He thought he'd come down for a few days.” She continued, hugging him again.

“Mom it's not like I'm going to disappear out of thin air.” Donnie groaned patting her back comfortingly. We all knew it that Donnie was mom's favourite...I think dad was even aware of it when I turned around and caught his expression. He smiled, almost sadly at me.

“Now, what do you say we all go out for dinner tonight?”

Notes

I'm so sorry for the late update! Things have been all over the place. This chapter is more a filler as I'm trying to map out how I should write out the rest of the story. It's so annoying, I know what's going to happen but it's just writing it!

I hope you guys are okay!