As always, the weekend was over too quickly and I was depressingly back at school sooner than I'd hoped. I'd decided to ditch school on the Monday however, too frustrated by everything that was going on around me and too afraid to face the guys after what Mikey and I had talked about on Sunday.

I was embarrassed beyond anything else on Mikey's part. I wish he'd never of found out anything about it but I knew at some point one of them would. It was an on going cycle of always being afraid of the unattainable...happiness.

I wondered if Mikey had told Frank or Vee anything about our conversation but I doubt he had.

Mikey seemed to know how to keep a secret...unlike Gerard.

I was angry above anything else and I knew this time it wouldn't fade as easily. How and why did he tell Mikey everything about me when he wouldn't tell me any details about himself?

It was selfish. Extremely selfish. He probably used me as an escape mechanism of having to talk about himself. I know he was going through a difficult time, what with the waiting game with his Grandma but still... hoped he hadn't gone into anything specific but telling someone I go to suicide group therapy pretty much spells it out...

DAKOTA CAREY – 'FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION.'

I guess I should thank Gerard really. Him doing all these shitty things makes it easier for me to drift away from everyone else and when summer comes...well, it will be better for everyone.

I just hope my dad would eventually be able to see that.

---

“So Dee, are you excited?”

My mother asked as we sat in the coffee shop, the same one Gerard and I had gone to a few times before. I wasn't thrilled to go out after school, seeing as all I had wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up but it was either here or at my moms house.

And I certainly didn't want to be anywhere near Hugh.

It was busy for a Wednesday, everything just seeming claustrophobic. I noticed a few people from my classes but they didn't seem to see me or they just simply didn't want to acknowledge me.

I managed to get hit in the face again at school, only this time by Jason. I wasn't surprised. It was my fault. I'd called him a 'fucking asshole' and things just spiraled out of of control from there. I had a large bruise forming along the edge of my jaw line which I'd managed to excuse as an 'I walked into a door' moment.

My mom didn't seem to notice it.

“Excited for what?” I asked as I stirred my hot chocolate slowly, the clank of the spoon almost hypnotic.

“What do you mean for what Dee Dee?” She chuckled. “Your birthday!”

I looked up at her, startled.

Today was November 26th.

My Birthday was this Friday, the 28th.

“My birthday?” Her smile slowly disappeared and her brows furrowed together.

“You forgot?” I shrugged.

“I guess I did.”

“Well...” She continued. “What do you want to do? Something with your friends perhaps?”

“They don't know it's my birthday.”

“Well you can tell them you know Dee.”

What most mothers don't seem to understand is that a lot of people don't like to celebrate their birthdays. I for one, was one of them. I didn't understand why I should be celebrated. I didn't do anything.

I can understand everyone elses birthday but not my own.

It seems to be the most pointless day of the year for me.

Sounds pretty cliché, huh?

“It's not that simple mom and besides I'm really not that fussed.” I argued.

“You should be fussed! You're a senior in high school and you're turning 18! That's something to fuss about.”

“Mom, please, I really can't think about my birthday right now.” I stressed, placing my head into my hands. She was then silent for the time being, the only sound being the bustle of the people about us. My mother just didn't know when to stop. She would just push and push until you wanted to scream or rip your hair out.

You couldn't win.

“Donnie might be coming this weekend.” She countered with a tight smile.

“Might being the operative word mom.”

“Give him the benefit of the doubt here hun. He works so hard.” She replied hastily, rushing to the defense of her dear son.

“Well he shouldn't promise to see me when he has no real intention to.” I answered, remembering the moment my heart fell when Donnie promised he'd come and visit me in the hospital but never did.

I haven't seen him in nearly eight months.

“Well...he said he'd try his best Dee. You can't blame him for wanting to be completely devoted to what he wants to do with his life.”

I'm certain that was a slight dig at me for still not knowing what I wanted to do. Just because Donnie knew what he wanted to do from a young age didn't mean that I had to know. My moms life belief is to always be prepared which means to know what you're going to do next.

I knew what I was going to do...but it certainly wasn't going to help when it came to matters such as a career.

“Just think about it hun...maybe he'll bring his new girlfriend?”

Girlfriend? This was news to me.

“Girlfriend?” I looked up startled. “Donnie has a girlfriend?”

“Yeah. He called me about her a few weeks ago. He seems keen.” Her smile was so bright, it was almost blinding me. She clasped her hands together and placed them on her chest. “I hope he's happy with her.” She sighed.

“Don't start planning the wedding mom.” I muttered as she rolled her eyes.

“Just be happy for someone Dee...for once.”

For Once...

Thanks for the advice mom.

After my mom had excused herself to go to the bathroom, just as we were about to leave, my brain felt as though it were going to explode. It suddenly hit me that I had way too much homework to do in one weekend, something that in theory would take me months to complete.It was maths...algebra...something that I could never get my head around, no matter how many times I've tried to run through it.

Annoyingly, it seemed to be the only sane thing I could think about although it was still ripping my brain apart.

I was leaning against the window of the coffee shop, having to shuffle out of the way of people, somehow still being in the way when I saw a familiar face.

My heart went straight to my mouth, my pulse quickening as though I were having a panic attack.

He was the last person I wanted to see.

Gerard had already noticed me as I leant awkwardly, trying to act as though I was not in fact affected by his presence. He was making his way over to me, his strides purposeful yet still detached. His dark hair was falling across his eyes and I suddenly felt afraid.What on earth was I going to say to him?

I hadn't spoken to him properly in over a week.

He stopped, standing there right in front of me, watching me warily, seeming to already know that I was angry with him. He wore his usual attire – the faded skinny jeans with the leather jacket and sneakers, his cologne overwhelming as his eyes were vigilant.

His lips twitched slightly before he spoke.

"Hey."

"Hi." I replied, looking down at my feet.

"Ho-...how are you?"

"Fine." I could see out the corner of my eye that he didn't seem convinced by my answer. He never seemed to be fully satisfied whenever I spoke. He snorted ungracefully before he replied.

"Well, yeah I'm amazing!" He faked smiled which caused me to glare at him. "I'm on top of the world thanks for asking."

"I don't need any of your sarcasm right now Gerard." I said between my teeth.

"Who said I'm being sarcastic?" He replied, placing a hand on his chest.

"Gerard...I know."

"Have you been listening to rumours again?" He continued but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. His dark eyes held no warmth...not like they usually would. They weren't twinkling with humour.

I could tell he was hurting but it was still no excuse. He'd hurt me and I couldn't let him get away with it that easily. He had to learn that whatever he'd found out about me was to be kept between us. He'd promised me he wouldn't say a word.

"Gerard..." I sighed.

"Yes Dakota?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry about your Grandma."

He paused, his whole body froze as his eyes widened. Gerard must not have been aware that Mikey had told me that. He looked away from me, obviously trying to move away from the conversation...something that was purely about him. He cleared his throat, preparing to say something but nothing ever came out.

I felt then as if I'd stepped too far.

"Gerard?"

After what felt like forever, I spoke and his eyes once again fell onto the bruise and I couldn't help but roll my eyes to his reaction.

“Again?” He asked, his voice scratchy. I replied with a silent shrug, annoyed that he was already switching the conversation from himself to me.

“An honest attack from a door.” I murmured.

“Oh really? Did this door have dick written across it's forehead while wearing some shitty jersey?” He retorted.

“What do you care Gerard?” I snapped, tired of his mood swings. He seemed stunned by my sudden attitude as he took as step back but I'd had enough. Either he was going to leave me alone or treat me like a human being.It was his choice.

Before he could reply however, a girl suddenly appeared beside him, linking her arm through his as she stared at me cautiously. She was about my height, her hair blue and her face...well on point. She was beautiful. Really beautiful and I involuntary shrank, my heart twisting.

“You ready Gerard?” He continued to stare at me, his expression confused. But as I turned my head away from him for a second, I saw my mom, whom I'd momentarily forgot, approaching us but she hadn't seemed to notice I was talking to anyone.

So, before anything could be said, I bolted towards her, steering her clear from Gerard and this mysterious girl while I heard him shout my name.

“You ready?” I asked my mom desperately.

“What's the rush Dee?” She replied, looking over my shoulders suspiciously.

“It's just...I have...erm...I have a lot of homework to do.”

That was most likely one of the worst excuses I'd ever come up with.

---

“Why didn't you tell us?!” Vee exclaimed, hitting the side of my arm, which of course hurt more than it should have, as we sat around our usual table in the cafeteria.

“I don't know! I guess I don't really care for my birthday.”

“Well we do!” Frank added. “I mean, you haven't even given us enough time to get you a decent birthday present.”

“I don't want anything Frankie.”

“That's what everyone says!” Mikey added. “I try and be humble but hell, everyone can see right through me when it comes to matters such as the birthday!”

I appreciated their enthusiasm, I really did but I was in no celebrating mood. Just like my mother, they didn't seem to acknowledge my distaste.

“Honestly guys, it's okay-”

“But it's not. This will be your first birthday here...with us and we wanted to make it special.” Vee pouted.

“You guys have thought about my birthday?”

“Of course we have! If we're all misfits, we're misfits together!” Mikey smiled encouragingly at me.

“We're like the musketeers but cooler!” Frank added.

“There were only three musketeers Frank.” Vee sighed, pulling Franks hat down to covers his eyes but he didn't seem to mind. He simply giggled instead.

“Seriously though Dakota. We care that's it's your birthday.” Mikey said, patting my shoulder comfortingly.

Since our conversation, Mikey has been more...I can't think of the right word but...motherly? As weird as that is. If I'm in one of those moments, he just kinda pats my arm or smiles a little longer at me.

He's a good buddy.

And he definitely hasn't said anything about our conversation to the guys.

“Well...I guess this is a perfect time to announce then that my cousin invited us to another college party!” Frank screeched with such excitement, I thought his head was going to explode.

“No way, when!?” Vee replied.

“Tomorrow, which suits us all perfectly! We can have a party with Dakota without have to make much of an effort! No offence.” He beamed. “So...what do you think?”

They all turned to me expectantly, their eyes wide and hopeful.

How could I deny them this?

“I think...that we're going to get absolutely pissed tomorrow night!”

Notes

Hello Hello Hello!!!

I am so thrilled by the feedback that I've received from this story and I'm floored by how enthusiastic you guys are. I'm really sorry for the late update but I've been stuck on this chapter for a while...seeing as it was more of a filler and that I'd already had over half of the next chapter done. Also my new job is the WORST by the moneys good so I can't afford to loose any of that right now.

The words are a little all over the place...I'm not entirely thrilled with this one but I think I just needed to post it.

I hope you guys are okay!