Just as I had expected that Saturday morning, Gerard Way was nowhere in sight. When I'd woken up, I had reached out to sheets beside me, only to find them cold and empty. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to be near Gerard almost all the time and when he disappeared that morning, it put things back into perspective.

Its a repetitive concept but I should have listened. I should stay away from Gerard. Everyone has said so! So why can't I seem to do it, physically and mentally?

What is it about Gerard Way that makes me desire his company so much?

It's been nearly a week since I last spoke to him and things were starting to become more blurred in my perception of events. Maybe everything that had happened between Gerard and I was merely nothing more than a clash of two people. A passing moment in life, something that just doesn't survive long. I had of course seen him when I went over to Mikey's after school but he didn't hang around long enough to speak to me. I realised then that my fear of being left by people was happening again, only this time I didn't realise why it was affecting me so much.

I've known him two months, we've dealt with pretty dark things together and then he kissed me...that's when we started to drift. Maybe he was worried that I'd get attached so he decided to drop everything. I don't know. He still smiles when he sees me but it's broken. It's not natural. I've wondered so many times whether or not I should talk to him about whatever he's going through but I decided against it. There's nothing more annoying that someone trying to force you to speak to them when all you want to do is avoid them.

And that's what Gerard Way was now doing to me.

The following Saturday, I dedicated my whole time to Frank, Vee and Mikey. My parents that week had been arguing non-stop and even Hugh got involved which led me to nearly being slapped again...only this time by Hugh himself. I had already made a run for it out of the house before he could touch me. The frustrating thing was that Hugh and I were in the kitchen when the incident happened so...I doubt my mom would believe me. She knew how much I hated Hugh and she probably thought I would make some shit up about him just to get back at her.

I guess I'll just have to admit defeat.

---

That Sunday, the guys and I had decided to head to the park. It was quiet, away from our homes and it would give a chance to have a few cigarettes without being caught. Mikey and I were leaning against a large oak tree , listening to music through shared headphones while Frank and Vee had gone off to challenge each other on the jungle gym.

The past couple of days, like Gerard, Mikey's mood had changed and had become more versatile. He was quiet, disconnected to most..he just wasn't as happy as I had assumed he would be about Kate...that's a fault on my part.

You should never assume that someones okay.

“You okay Mikey?” I asked stupidly.

I could already tell he wasn't of course but what exactly do you ask in these circumstances?

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

He paused.

“No...” He eventually sighed.

“You wanna talk about it?” I offered. He simply shrugged.

“Everything's gone a bit south. What with Gerard and my Grandma...I just...I don't know.”

Mikey had told us on Wednesday that his Grandma was starting to feel unwell. They didn't know exactly what was wrong with her but it was taking a toll on the Way residence, also considering that their dad hadn't been back yet.

They needed some stability.

Gerard hadn't said a word to me about it so it was obviously stressful for him too but...he's just shut me out.

I would've been there for him if he'd told me.

“Do they know what's wrong with her yet?”

“No. It's like I said to Frank, it's just some stupid waiting game. It's frustrating.”

“I know.” I murmured, entwining my finger together. “It will be okay though Mikey.” He scoffed.

“Doesn't feel that way from where I'm sitting.”

“It's the worst thing...knowing someones unwell but not being able to do anything about it.” I said, memories of my grandfather rushing to mind.

“Gerard doesn't help.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my eyes widening slightly to mention of Gerard.

“He's back to partying all the time. Locking himself away...God, why is it when the going gets tough he just pisses off!?” Mikey asked rhetorically. “I mean, he slept 'round some girls house last night.”

Oh.

My heart felt as though it just dropped into my stomach.

Gerard Way with another girl. The night after he'd slept in my bed.

Why did the thought make me feel sick?

“How...how do you know?” I choked but Mikey didn't seem to notice.

“I overheard him talking to Ray on the phone.” He shook his head angrily, pulling out his earbud. “Whatever Gerard is doing again...he is not my brother. Not like this.”

“I...I guess it's just his coping mechanism Mikey.”

“It's a terrible coping mechanism! I mean, my moms extremely worried about him. She doesn't need all this shit...He was fine and now...I don't know. Ever since Halloween he's just been...back to his normal self.”

Halloween...

He stayed there until the song ended with it's sweet final tune, and his lips eventually left mine but stayed tantalizingly close. His breath was once more stroking my lips, his nose rubbing mine slightly as his hands moved down to rest at the bend between my shoulder and my neck. I slowly opened my eyes and was met with the brightest brown eyes I'd seen yet from him. They were ablaze with something I couldn't put my finger on. My brow furrowed, confused as to what on earth had just happened.

He laughed, breathless.

“If I'd known this was going to keep you quiet, I would have done it a long time ago.” he murmured against my lips, kissing them softly again.

“Dakota?” He asked, his voice wary.

“I...” I breathed but nothing could come out.

I was in shock.

Gerard was my first kiss.

Gerard Way kissed me.

Why had Gerard just kissed me?

Have you spoken to him?” He suddenly asked, pulling me from my daze

“Erm...”I coughed. “Not really since Frank's birthday.”

Lie

“Maybe you should talk to him.”

No.

No way.

“I don't think I should get involved Mikey and besides, I hardly know Gerard!” I argued.

“He says you know him pretty well.” He argued back. It was my turn to become slightly pissed.

“What has he exactly been saying to you Mikey? Because he hasn't said a hell of a lot to me but he seems to tell you every damn thing!”

“Woah, Dakota, calm down.” Mikey said, raising his hands, looking worried at my sudden outburst. “He says that you guys talk about stuff that you've been through. And again that you understand him!”

“Hardly.” I said between my teeth.

“He said...look, Dakota...I promise that I'd never tell the guys this but...he said that you go to group together.”

All I saw was red.

“WHAT?” I screeched.

“Look, I'm sorry! He was drunk and he told me!”

“He had no right to tell you that. Drunk or sober! I asked him not too.” I stressed, crossing my arms against my chest.

I couldn't believe Gerard. He ignores me but decides to tell everything about me to Mikey. He promised me that he would never tell anyone, anything that I didn't want him too. I didn't want the guys knowing this. To know that they really were friends with a fucked up girl.

Oh my god, what must Mikey think of me.

I'm so embarrassed.

I can never trust Gerard Way again.

Every time I see a little hope, he just creates more havoc for me – mentally.

“He didn't say specifics but...I know what the group is.” He shrugged sheepishly but I refused to look at him, angry tears threatening to spill over. “It's okay Dakota. I don't judge you...please don't be mad.”

“Well I am mad Mikey! I'm fed up with your brother.”

“What has my brother done to you?” He asked, suspicious. In that moment, every gesture, every moment that Gerard and I had shared came to mind.

“Too much.” I whispered.

“Dakota...has he- has he hurt you?” He asked, his voice raising in shock.

“No! ...I mean...I don't know anymore Mikey.” I said, running my hands through my hair, trying to rid myself of the headache that was Gerard.

“Dakota-?”

“Seriously, he's just annoyed me...by telling you that.” I offered, trying to calm down as I wiped away some of the tears. He didn't say anything for what felt like forever.

Poor Mikey.

He obviously didn't know that Gerard and I had spent a lot of time together which is why I seemed to be all over the place at that moment in time. Everything just seemed to be crashing down again.

My heart just ached.

He especially didn't need any of this considering his grandma wasn't well.

I wish I'd never forgiven Gerard for the bar incident.

“Can I ask you something?” He said, once I'd calmed down.

“Sure, Mikey.” I replied, lighting a cigarette.

“Did you guys actually make-up? You know, when I told him to apologise?” I paused and pursed my lips.

“I didn't accept it.”

“Why?”

“Because he was drunk when he said it and it wasn't sincere. I just said we'd be civil for your sake...but then he found out I went to group and was a bit messed up...so...yeah. We've just had the odd encounter here and there. Mikey, it seriously doesn't mean anything. I'm just angry that he told you.”

I hoped Mikey bought my lie. Whatever Gerard and I had was much more than the odd encounter. I decided against telling him about the kiss because that would just complicate everything even further. I never wanted to feel something for someone...ever, seeing as though I had a plan.

Gerard had fucked that up for me too.

“Can you just ignore every thing Gerard has told you about me?” I pleaded, holding onto Mikey's arm. He nodded slowly, looking slightly concerned by my desperation.

“You can talk to us too you know.” He offered, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

I can't Mikey...I'm sorry...

I just can't.

Notes

Hello! Sorry for the late update! My internets been down and then to top that off, the document deleted half of the chapter so I had to re-write it! I hope you guys are okay and thanks agin for the comments!! XD <3