Give Me Hope In The Darkness

Vee, Frank and I sat in Mikey's living room as we waited for him to decide what he wanted to do on this particular rainy Sunday. The rain hadn't stopped since the end of Friday's first therapy session and the weatherman reported potential flooding in the area. Vee sat upside down on the sofa, her legs hanging behind the cushions as Frank lay spread out on the floor, moaning at how bored he was. I sat by myself on the red love seat, tapping my fingers against the armrest watching as the rain attacked every little speck of our street. If I was honest, I was perfectly content with what I was doing, unlike the others. I'd much rather have been here than nurse my father's hangover. He and his new work friends were going to watch a midday football match at the local bar so he'd asked for as much peace as he could from me. My decision then was to see what Mikey was up to after being told specifically that Gerard was never home on a Sunday. 'He'd probably found himself in someone else's bed this morning after a long night of partying.' (Frank's words exactly).

Gerard's sudden change of heart on Friday left me unsatisfied. He was forceful, like he felt as though he needed to be in control of our conversation. At times he seemed compassionate, patient even and he'd apologised, on his terms. Not being told to by Mikey but none of that excused why he behaved as he did because he didn't tell me why and that's what I'd asked of him.

As soon as I'd laid in bed that night I'd fallen asleep...quicker than I'd had done in a very long time. I dreamt of him. The dream made no sense however but I knew it was him. I'd felt the intensity of his stare. I didn't know what he was thinking and how I wished I knew, but his act was so confusing. If I could even call it an act. I felt as though when I came to one conclusion about him, he loved to surprise me with another.

“I'm so bored” Frank moaned into the floor, his body still.

“We know.” Vee replied, exasperated.

“But I'm bored.” I rolled my eyes at the both of them. Since Mikey had disappeared to wherever he was in the house fifteen minutes ago, this is all they'd been saying to each other.

“Jesus Christ Frank if you say that one more time I will personally cut off your manhood...well whatever speck you have of it anyway.” Frank paused, a muffled moan coming from him only seconds later.

“I'm too bored to reply to your childish ways.” How ironic.

Since Friday, my face had healed quite quickly. I was shocked at the results when I woke up this morning. I was expecting a constant black and blue by at least Monday but the bruising had swollen down, the colour turning a sickly yellow however my cuts were still intact. If Monica hadn't been wearing jewellery, I'm fairly certain my face would almost be completely healed. I'd managed to cover most of it up by make-up however. I hadn't seen my mother since Friday and my father had been out or asleep. I wasn't complaining at the arrangements.

“Oh, Dakota, how'd your parents take your face?” Vee asked, a question I thought I'd never hear again directed at me.

“They were pretty upset.” I lied. I wasn't quite sure of the reason why I was lying but I was. Maybe it's because I didn't want their sympathy if they were to know I was constantly alone in that house. I'd already told Mikey that lie when I saw him yesterday as I was outside having a cigarette. “They wanted to call the school but I made them back down. What's the point? Nothing can be done about it.”

“Sadly...” Frank answered as he sat up, clicking his neck as he did so. “You are very right about that.”

Frank had also talked about the amount of times he'd been bruised and battered but nothing had been done about it because there was nothing we could do. The bullies had too much influence in our school. It was safest to keep our heads down but honestly, with a spirit like Vee's, an attitude like Frank's and a compassion like Mikey's...we were screwed.

“Did your mum force you back home when she saw your face?” Frank asked with a yawn.

“What?”

“You know...the reason you left so quickly on Friday-”

“Oh, yeah that.” I'd almost forgotten my excuse about meeting my mother in town when in fact I ran to get away from Gerard...and to go to therapy. “No. She did that weird shouty whisper in the cafe, we got a couple of strange looks though.” I chuckled nervously hoping they'd buy it but it seemed they'd stopped paying attention anyway. Phew.

“Guys!” Mikey shouted suddenly, bursting through the living, knocking over a lamp as he did. Frank jolted upright to the abrupt noise however Vee stayed put. Mikey was breathless as he leant on his knees for support, going into his back pocket for his inhaler.

“What?” Frank asked, his eyes flickering between the three of us.

“Gerard just agreed to take us to the mall!” Mikey exclaimed, completely ecstatic to this news. Frank's smile widened as Vee's eyes bolted open.

“What!?” Vee asked as she sat upright, her straight hair all over the place and her face bright red. “He barely ever agrees if he's not going out...” Frank held out a finger to her, silencing her.

“Don't over think this.” Frank said as he stood, checking his pockets. “This is good news. When are we going?”

“Gerard's just getting dressed-”

“Gerard's here?” I asked.

“Yeah, Ray must have given him a lift home last night or something.” Mikey waved his hand dismissively, completely oblivious to my reaction. Gerard had been here the whole time. Why did I feel as though I'd been slapped in the face? I had to remember to remain calm. The other's knew nothing about Gerard and I's relationship...if I could even call it that. We weren't even friends but we were beyond acquaintances.

Of course, before I could think of a way out of the situation, Gerard waltzed into the living room, yawning as he did so, his petite nose scrunching up. He was wearing what he normally would however his hair seemed a little less wild. Vee scurried into a sitting position as she watched him, of course over analysing the situation. Was there anything to analyse?

“What's the catch?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“Huh?” Gerard asked with another yawn.

“You never take us out unless you want to go somewhere...even then it's difficult to persuade you. So what's the catch?” Gerard rolled his eyes at her. He hadn't even noticed me yet but I felt myself sink lower into the cushions, hoping they'd all forget I was even there before they left.

“Jesus Vee, what's with the interrogation? I want coffee. You guys want to do something so we all might as well head to the mall...and I need to pick up a few art supplies.” He answered simply, sitting down on the sofa beside her as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked exhausted. Frank moved to sit beside me but as he did, I noticed Gerard's eyes open slowly and find their way to me. He winked at me and straight away, the smirk was back. It took all my strength not to throw one of the cushions at him. I raised an eyebrow towards him, attempting to indicate that I was hardly interested in his presence but that only made his smile bigger.

“Where's mum Mikes?” Gerard asked.

“With Grandma.” Mikey answered as he picked up his wallet from the coffee table. There was a silence as Vee watched Gerard and Gerard watch me.

“I'm just going to ignore your wierdness today.” Vee said suddenly as she stood from the couch, stretching and already making her way to the front door. “Come on!”

“She's in charge now.” Frank muttered as he followed.

We all began to make our way out of the room, Mikey and Frank walking a head of me but before I could reach them, I felt the hairs stand up on the back on my neck.

All of a sudden, Gerard grasped my hand, his fingers interlocking with my own. The sudden warmth I felt was unexpected. I'd thought that if he were to touch me, I'd want to get as far away from him as possible but, this contact was welcoming to me. I glanced at Gerard but he was looking down at the floor, leading us out of the room and into the hallway, his steps much slower than the others. I didn't know how to describe it. This in no way changed my outlook to his infuriating attitude but...I wasn't sure what it was. No one had ever really held my hand in this way. I feel stupid even thinking about it. It's a simple gesture, surely?

He gave my hand one more gentle squeeze, his thumb making a soothing circle on my knuckles before letting go and locking the front door behind us. I didn't wait for him as I scurried away from the porch and to the mustang, the rain appearing heavier suddenly and I hoped the others couldn't see my blush. Mikey was already standing beside the passenger door as Vee and Frank waited behind. I stood beside Frank as he shot me a smile. I hugged myself, trying to stop shivering from the rain as Gerard finally made his way to the drivers side. We all clambered in and somehow, I'd found myself directly behind Gerard. He rolled down his window as he lit a cigarette and offered the packet to Frank and me, his arm angled directly in front of me.

“Smoke away.” He muttered.

“Thanks Gerard.” Frank smiled as he pulled one out of the box, fumbling with his lighter.

“Dakota?” Gerard asked. I gladly accepted it, my fingers accidentally brushing against his and I jolted back once I had the cigarette in my hand. Soon after, Gerard reversed out of the drive way and away from our street.

Throughout the drive to the mall, Mikey, Frank and Vee were talking animatedly but I couldn't find myself to focus in on anything they were talking about. All I could focus on was the fact that Gerard was so close to me. My stomach was always unsettled whenever I was around him. I watched as the smoke drifted out of the window, the scene soothing when mixed with the harshness of the rain. Gerard hummed every now and then to whatever he'd put on via tape but Vee normally told him to be quiet which he ignored and disregarded with a chuckle. Vee was joking of course. Non of them minded Gerard's presence.

After what felt like hours, I was relieved when Gerard found a parking space and we all scrambled out. Gerard told us to go on ahead of him as he finished his cigarette. Frank ran ahead of us all, leaving Mikey, Vee and I to walk alongside each other. He really can be too energetic.

“Seriously, what's up with Gerard?” Vee asked, looking between the both of us. “He never shares his cigarettes...ever!”

“I really think you're over analysing Gerard's behaviour today.” Mikey chuckled.

“I'm not. There's something up with him. It's weird. I don't think he's ever been this nice.”

“It was one cigarette Vee. You really make him out to be a sociopath sometimes.” Mikey replied.

Once inside, I don't know what happened but it did and far too quickly for my liking. We were standing in a circle, Frank bouncing up and down, discussing times one minute and then they were suddenly gone.

“Guys-” I tried to call out but they were already out of ear shot.

“Gerard's car. TWO HOURS!” Frank shouted, people giving him strange looks, as he and Mikey ran off to the Game store while I saw Vee head towards a big brand clothing store. I didn't know who to follow. I hated clothes but I couldn't actually see where Mikey and Frank had disappeared to. I only knew that they went to the Game store because they were talking about it on the way here.

I didn't dare move in case I'd get lost somehow. I was known for doing that quite successfully. I figured it'd be best if I stay near the entrance, the people, the noise and the sheer size of it intimidating.

“Looks like you're stuck with me sugar.”

I turned abruptly to see Gerard smiling as he put his hands in his pockets. I don't know what it was but he seemed somewhat...shy? There was no humour behind his smile. It seemed genuine. Or he was tired. I'm sure he was just tired. He would jump at the opportunity to laugh at me.

“Uh...” I answered him as I glanced around the mall, some people walking in front of my view of Gerard.

“Coffee?” He asked as he held out his hand. Do I take it?

“Come on.” He smiled. I bit my lip nervously, watching him again, awaiting some kind of outburst but he just rolled his eyes, extending his hand out a little more. I approached him timidly, just placing my hand in his own before he interlocked our fingers and started making our way towards Starbucks.

“You're buying though.”

“There she is.” He chuckled as he gave my hand another squeeze.

We eventually made our way inside, the queue surprisingly short, however when we stood together, he never let go of my hand. He casually stood, with his other hand in his pocket as I however could feel my cheeks flush crimson. What on earth was Gerard Way doing to me?

I noticed some girls from school walk in, the ones who were friends with Monica and Jason and I quickly turned into Gerard, placing my other hand against his, hiding my face against his shoulder. I peeked behind me to see that they were too involved with themselves. I visibly relaxed as Gerard stared down at me bemused. I removed my other hand, hoping he'd let go but he kept his grip.

“How was your party last night?” I asked, before he could comment.

“Wasn't that interesting.” He shrugged. “I was expecting there to be more booze but the guy who threw the party didn't buy enough beer, so pretty much half of them were sober.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Couldn't it have been fun if you were sober anyway?” I asked.

“Not when you only went there to get drunk Dakota.” He smiled, his eyes flickering down to me for a moment. “And besides...I didn't like the company I was in.”

We eventually made our way to the front of the queue, the young barista staring at Gerard with a seductive look. I pulled a face, trying to contain my laughter at the effort she was trying to make to herself look 'sexy'. Gerard didn't take notice well, I didn't think he did as he turned to face me, squeezing my hand, asking what I wanted. He was surprised by my choice of mocha as he went for the large black coffee.

“Names?” The young girl asked.

“Gerard and Sugar.” He smirked.

“Wait-” I began but Gerard had let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, his hand effectively covering my mouth as he pulled me into him.

“Next!” The girl said once eyeing us suspiciously.

“Thank you.” He answered, moving us away from the counter and to the corner of the cafe to sit at the booth, the leather seats plump and clean. I shoved his arm off of my shoulder and slide into the booth, curling myself against the window, still hiding myself from the girls. I glared at him but the smirk was back. He sat across from me, his arms folded on the table as he watched, his eyes ignited with amusement.

"Ass."

“What is with you?” He chuckled.

“I don't know why I'm surprised. I had a feeling you would do something to embarrass me.”

“It's hardly embarrassing Sugar.” He rolled his eyes. “But the name's stuck so you're going to have to deal with it.” I groaned.

“Don't you ever call me that at group though. I'll never hear the end of it.” I warned, pointing my finger towards him. He nodded in agreement as he rested his face on his palm.

“So...you're going to come back?” I nodded.

“My mum would probably kill me otherwise.” I muttered. “Before I could even get to myself.” He. paused

“You shouldn't say stuff like that.” He answered looking at me with a grim expression.

“I can say whatever I like.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“Fine.” He sighed. “I'd rather you not say that kinda stuff around me...”

“Why-?”

“Gerard and Sugar!” The barista called to which Gerard laughed and suddenly disappeared.

I slid further down in the seat, trying to wrap my head around everything in my life. I felt lost. I didn't know what Gerard was up to but I sure as hell wanted to find out. Maybe he really did just want to be friends? But, I'm not good enough to be around. I was lucky that Vee, Frank and Mikey were kind of a package deal and that they had each other more than anything else but why was Gerard suddenly interested? How could he intimidate me so much? I hated this.

I knew I could have talked to my grandfather about this. Why did he have to leave?

I wish I was with him.

“Monica's not going to be happy when she sees that your face is nearly healed. If anything, she helped you look better.” Cecilia, I think, said as she stood by the booth, the others watching and giggling from the queue.

Where was Gerard now when I needed him?

“Thanks for your input.” She seemed unsatisfied with my answer.

“You know you're never going to fit in here. Even with your freaks, they don't even want you-”

“You can fuck off now Cecilia.” Gerard said suddenly as he placed our drinks on the table. How did he know her name?

“Oh, Hi Gerard.” She smiled sweetly towards him.

“Whatever, off you go.” He continued as he sat down.

“Did this freak ever tell you that Monica says Hi by the way?”

“I really couldn't give a fuck about what Monica said...now piss off.” Cecilia glared at him before storming off back to the other girls. Eventually after a few more glares, they left.

“Can't wait for Monday now...” I muttered.

“Mikey told me it was Monica.” Gerard stated simply as he reached for his coffee. I didn't answer him.

“Does she have something to do with why you were so cold to me when we first met?”

“I'll tell you one day.” He muttered. I sat back in my seat, deciding to try and ignore Gerard. His mysteriousness was beginning to get old now.

“What are you thinking about?” I look up, startled, to be met with a concerned Gerard. I didn't think he was even capable of being concerned.

“A lot of things.” I answered as I reached forward to take a sip of my mocha. He raised an eyebrow.

“Like what?”

“You said you didn't want me to talk about particular things when I'm around you.” I muttered. He sat there for a moment, studying me, his eyes squinting every now and then.

“Fine. Forget about what I said. Talk to me.”

“And why would I do that?” I asked.

“You obviously don't want to talk to anyone about your problems and I know your barely going to say anything about it in therapy...so sugar...I'm your only option.” He smiled as he placed his hands on his chest.

“I don't need to talk about it-”

“That's what you think. But you do Dakota.”

“Do you like talking about this kinda shit with people?”

“Well...No-”

“So why are you being hypocritical?” He seemed stunned by my response as he pursed his lips.

“Because you're different.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have the chance to get better. I've reached a point in my life where there's no going back.” He answered simply.

“You're only four years older than I am.”

“True but, I'm stubborn.” He smiled as he took a sip of his coffee. Gerard Way certainly was a confusing human being. I said nothing, except stare, like Vee, most likely over analysing this.

Once Gerard knew I wasn't going to say anything, he continued. “Anyway, Mikey said your parents were displeased with your appearance when you came home.”

“I lied.” I blurted out before I could even think.

“About what?” He seemed genuinely puzzled.

“My parents never saw the bruises.”

“How? Did you just literally hide in your bedroom for the past two days?”

“My dad hasn't been home really and my mum's off somewhere with her new husband.” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“So you were alone?” He asked softly. I glanced up at him, certainly not prepared at how one simple statement could cause an overwhelming amount of sadness. I really was alone.

I hummed in response.

We sat there for a few minutes, just sipping at our drinks as I peered around the cafe noticing families, friends and happy couples. It made my heart swell (in a horrible way) to know that I'd never have something like that.

“I want you to promise me something.” Gerard said pulling me from my thoughts.

Promise him something? What on earth did he want me to promise? I raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him as my lip trembled, my physical state trying to fight against my emotional one. He took a deep breath before he answered.

“I want you to promise me that when you think the word is falling down, you'll come and find me.”

I was not expecting that.

“I don't want your pity.” I hedged. He furrowed his brow.

“I'm not pitying you Dakota.”

“Then what exactly are you doing?”

“I'm waiting to get a real smile out of you.” I stared at him, dumbfounded but his little smile caused my lip to twitch. Before I knew it, I was smiling, looking down at my mocha. “See...I'm not that bad.”

“I don't understand you.” He smiled sadly.

“I think we already covered that topic.”

“So...what are we then? Are you my counsellor now?” He chuckled and shook his head.

“I think we're classed as friends by now, don't you think?”

“Friends?” He nodded.

“You'll get bored of me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.” I warned.

“We're both as fucked up as each other, right?” He smiled.

“Yeah, but-”

“I know you a lot better than you think I do.”

It was then, he lay out an arm on the table, palm up and lifted his sleeve, a fraction of an inch and already I could see the beginning of a scar directly above his vein. I watched feeling another bout of sadness wash over me. He cleared his throat, most likely uncomfortable with my stares. He composed himself as he pushed his sleeve down suddenly, then he held out his hand.

“Friends?”

Notes

Hi guys, I hope you're okay. I'd love to know what you think of this chapter. I'm a little wary about it <3