Give Me Hope In The Darkness

“They really are going for it this year.” Frank sighed as he moved the sludge that apparently was called food around his plate.

“Are we that surprised that they would?” Vee asked as she twirled a finger in her tendrils. Frank shook his head, grimacing as he eventually pushed his tray into the middle of the table.

“I thought senior year was meant to be the best of all school years.” He complained.

“That's exactly why they're doing it though Frank. It's their last year. They probably won't get the chance again to make people feel inferior to them. Once their in the real world, hopefully they'll get a taste at what they've inflicted on us.” Vee pointed out as Frank rested his chin on top of his folded arms.

Like Frank had said, the bullies were really going for it. Since my first day, I've been shoved into lockers, been beaten, had rubbish thrown at me and mocked in front of crowds in the busy hallways, as had the others. I had no idea what I'd done to make them hate me so much but then again, Frank, Vee and Mikey had never done anything to them. The didn't really need a logical reason to pick on us. They didn't like the fact that we were so different to them; with our own opinions and with our own values. Their ego's were too big and if there was a potential person to bruise it, they would put them in their place. It was the horrors of high school I suppose and once you're chosen, you can't escape until you've officially graduated. Nothing had changed since my last school. It was as though I had a sign on my head, declaring to everyone that I was an easy target to be made fun of. Nothing was logical to me anymore, nor was it ever.

I sat there, reading 'Wuthering Heights', thankfully the book we had to study in English and I decided to make a head start on my homework, while the knowledge was fresh in my memory. Mikey had gone to the library to get his done, seeing as though he mentioned he was always too distracted when he was at home to actually do the work. If I was honest, I was like that. All I wanted to do was in lie in my bed and listen to music when I got home so, it seemed easier if I do the work now and save myself a great deal of annoyance. I was too lazy to actually go to the library.

“Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you--haunt me then. The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe--I know that ghosts have wandered the earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!”

“Do you actually like that book?” Frank asked from across the table, pulling me away from one of the most beautiful speeches in all of English Literature.

“It's one of my favourites.” I smiled at him.

“Why? The characters in that are crazy!” He continued with a chuckle.

“That may be but what's a good book if there isn't a little bit of crazy in it?”

“Not to the extent where they destroy everyone else's lives to make theirs bearable. It's cruel! Seriously, that Cathy is a bitch. If I ever had a girlfriend like that, she would be dumped...immediately.” I giggled. “What did Heathcliff ever see in her?”

This was my one issue. If there was ever an opportunity to talk about Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship then I would seize it. Vee and Frank would probably want to throw the book at my face by the time I was finished.

“Cathy was one of the first people to ever show Heathcliff what it's like to be wanted. Her father, yes he was kind but he sadly died and left only Cathy to truly care about him. They are both such passionate people and when the realities of society pulled them apart, it made Cathy realise that she wanted riches and acceptance. If she were to marry Heathcliff, as she stated, it would degrade her. I believe she did love him when they were younger but that love turned to jealousy and possession, like Heathcliff's did to her. Basically, if they couldn't have each other then no one could, not entirely. That's why Heathcliff was so eager for Edgar to die. He waited in the wings for her but she never came to him. Her memory drove him mad. Cathy wanted the best of both worlds. She wanted the riches but she wanted the passion that her and Heathcliff had. I think Heathcliff just always wanted that acceptance. The acceptance that only Cathy gave to him. It's tragic really to have a love that drives you mad. I don't think many people ever find an all consuming love like theirs was. That love made them selfish and drove them to their bitter ends...”

“Why didn't she wait for him though? If she loved him that much?” Frank interjected. I shrugged.

“She wanted it all. She didn't know if Heathcliff was ever going to come back to her. He left when she said 'it would degrade me to marry Heathcliff'. If anything Heathcliff mentally is still a child in that he's naive to anything but Cathy.”

“I really think you should just do my homework for me.” Frank smirked at me. “You know that book too well.”

“You can never know a book to well Frank.” I answered, a little embarrassed by my Literature outburst.

At the end of the day, after a short run in with Jason, I didn't catch Mikey on the way home but I was happy to walk alone. I suspected he was let out of his lesson a little earlier than expected. I walked in somewhat peace, occasionally being on edge with nearly every step I took to the sound of other footsteps or the engine of a car. Once back in the Portland, the bullies had followed me home, shouting insults and had thrown pebbles at me. It seemed pointless in my view as I hadn't bothered to retaliate but obviously they thought differently. The world was one messed up place. Some people are in denial when they claim that life has everything to offer. It only offers a great deal to some.

Upon arriving at home, alone, I went straight up into my room, once making a cup of coffee, and finished off any stray pieces of homework that had to be done by the end of the week. It was only Wednesday but I really didn't want to risk forgetting something and having to then stay behind at school to finish it. I hated it there. The atmosphere inside it was eerie, as though there we so many more bad memories than there was good.

My mind then drifted to what high school might've been like for Gerard. Did he hate it as much as I did? Was he bullied? Gerard and I were classed as friends but I barely knew anything about him. He was still a complete mystery and I didn't know if that was good or bad. I wondered how I would react if he'd told me everything about himself and about how he'd gotten to where he was now. Did we experience some of the same things? Still, no one had told me exactly what had happened between Monica and Mikey.

I needed to stop being so curious about him.

I had then moved onto focusing on some of my sketches that I'd begun the week before. They were of nothing and everything really. They weren't anything specific but they certainly meant something to me but I couldn't put my finger on it. Having put my music on beforehand, I didn't realise anyone had come home until the vinyl had stopped playing. I heard raised voices instantly and I knew a 'battle' had begun between my parents. I looked at my clock and it read eight o'clock. I really was in my own world. Sighing and pushing the sketchbook off my lap, I walked out of the bedroom but not before I'd skimmed my fingers across the ivory knitted jumper that still hung on my wardrobe. I hesitantly made my way down the stairs, sliding my fingers along the oak bannister but stopped when I heard another distinct voice that I despised. Hugh.

Why was he here? My mum had promised that he wouldn't come round. How would Hugh feel f my dad just turned up to his house? I would not allow him to speak horridly to my dad. I needed to protect him. I felt as though I would always have to protect him. My father was hurt by the love of his life however my mother doesn't see it that way. I didn't really know what she thought but how would she feel if the situation was reversed? My dad wasn't a horrible husband. He sure as hell was an amazing father. Sure, he drinks a lot but he isn't violent. He barely drinks in the house!

Clenching my fists, I hurried my footsteps into the living room to see Hugh shouting at my father and he, standing there frozen as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“- you made it easier for her to leave! She didn't want to be here. She hates you Tony! You're a low-life-”

“Get out Hugh.” My father sneered.

“No! I'm here for support. Something you never gave to her.”

“You need to get out of our fucking house.” All heads shifted my way, my mother's out of shock to my 'vulgar' language, my father, almost in thanks and Hugh in complete rage.

“Dakota-” My mother began.

“No. You promised me that he would never come into this house. I don't want him here and I'm pretty certain Dad doesn't want him here.” I argued.

“She's right. Now get out. You too Jane if you're going to side with him.”

“What on earth did you ever see in this man Jane? Your daughter here even has his horrid temper!”

“Do not talk about my daughter like that!” My father roared. I turned to my mother, who stood there, closer to Hugh than to us.

“He has no right to talk to my dad like he's-”

“No right? This man made your mother miserable.” Hugh interjected, his voice laced with venom.

“And you and my mother were the cause that made me miserable.” I shouted back at, stepping towards him, my finger pointed directly at his chest. “Do you think you're an angel somehow in this Hugh?”

“You should talk to me with respect.” he answered.

“Respect? Ha! I don't respect you. I hate you and I hate what you did to our family. Hell, if you'd have just left us alone and stayed with your own wife-”

“That's enough Dakota!” My mother shouted, grabbing my arm to attempt to calm me down.

“No! It's not enough! Don't you see he's scum?”

“Don't you dare talk about him like that!”

“So you defend him but not your daughter and the father to your children? Well done mum, you are outstanding.”

“Dakota, I mean it. Calm down.”

“For christ sakes mum, do you not see how fucked up this situation is?”

“Mind your language-”

“He cheated on his wife! He began an affair with a married woman! The same woman he'd cheated on years ago! You bloody talked to him throughout your marriage to dad! Don't you see that he's a disgusting excuse for a human being! I can't believe my own mother would stoop to his level-” I didn't even finish the sentence.

A hand came colliding with my cheek, a loud smack echoing in room. It went silent. The drop of a pin could be heard. I gripped my cheek, slowly turning to face my mother, her eyes wide and filled with -fear?

“Dakota-”

“Forget it. You've obviously chosen Hugh over everything in your life.” I said before I ran out of the house, voices calling my name behind me.

I didn't look back. I refused to. I didn't want to be near that house. I never wanted to see my mother again.

Notes

Sorry for a late update! Hope you guys are okay <3