Touch Him Again, And I'll Kill You

“I saw him today. The first time in six months, I think. It was..satisfying. He’s okay now. Well at least I like to think he is. He’s with someone new. Some jock type, I don’t know his name. Never seen him before.” I paused, listening to the slow beeping.
“We didn’t talk. We almost did, but I could form the words that I wanted to. I have a feeling that it won’t be the last time I see him. I don’t think I could keep myself from trying to see him. The last six months were hell for me and him both. I can’t do it again. God, you look so pale. But I have such high hopes that you’ll be okay. This is only temporary, Mikey. I promise you, we will figure this all out.”
I heard the door open, and I turned around in my chair. “Hey, Gerard. Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours have been over for about thirty minutes now.”
I gave her a sad smile. “Thank you, Linda. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I leaned down and gave Mikey’s cold forehead a small kiss, then followed Linda out of the room.
“Any news?” I asked her. “I’m sorry Gerard, but there’s nothing. He’s been comatose for six months. I don’t know how else to help him. I think it’s time to start thinking about some other options.” She said solemnly before handing me a small packet of papers.
I shook my head. “Fuck no. I will not kill my baby brother like the pills he downed almost did. No, Linda. You know I can’t.” I said, shaking my head.
“You don’t have to Gerard. Just think about what’s best for him.” She said before handing me the papers and walking off to help another patient.
I folded the papers up and stuck them in my pocket before heading to the elevator.

The ride home was short and silent. I was alone with my thoughts, because I really did have a lot to think about. I needed to see him. I needed to talk to Frank. I feel like we have a lot of unfinished business we need to resolve.
Once I was home, I walked up to my room and closed the door. I could hear Jimmy and Lindsey talking in their room. I pulled out my phone and sat down on my bed.
I stared at his number for a while before I finally pressed call.

Frank’s POV
“I don’t know, Frank. These pink sheets are kind of gay, and that’s coming from me.”
I laughed at Max as he pulled the sheets off of my bed.
“Whatever, dude. I think they’re rad as fuck.” I defended my bedding.
He rolled his eyes at me. “That’s because you’re actually a teen girl.”
“Well, I am dating the captain of the football team.” I said, batting my eyelashes innocently.
“You got me there.” He said laughing.
“Do you want something to eat, I’m going to go downstairs and grab some snacks.” I asked him.
“Sure, just grab whatever.”
He flopped down on my bed, and I walked out of the room and downstairs. Once I was in the kitchen, I heard my phone start ringing. I felt around in my pockets, before I realized it was upstairs. I figured it wasn’t too important, so I carried on grabbing a few bags of chips before making my way back up the steps.
I opened the door and saw Max with my phone to his ear. “Okay, I’ll tell him.” He said before hanging it up.
“Who was that?” I asked him.
“Some guy whose name I can’t remember, oh wait it was Jared, or Gerard I think?” I felt my heartbeat pick up. I threw the food onto my bed before picking my phone back up. “What did he say?” I asked frantically. “Oh, he just told me to tell you that you and him have to talk soon. I don’t know, I think he was upset that he was talking to me and not you.” He said.
“Then why didn’t you bring the phone to me?!” I felt my voice raising.
“I’m sorry, Frankie I didn’t think he was that important to you.”
“DON’T call me Frankie. And he’s very important. Look, could you please just leave? I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Max slowly stood up and looked at me in the eye. “Is Gerard the ex that fucked you up? The one you never want to talk about?”
“No, Max. Now please, just fucking leave. I need to be alone right now.”
“Okay.” He leaned down to kiss me, but I moved away. His jaw tightened and I could tell that he was pissed.
“Why can’t I ever touch you, Frank?” He said in a low voice. I didn’t reply to him.
“You’re such a fucking tease.” He said before roughly kissing me against my will. I didn’t kiss back, and he stormed out of my house. I was thankful the second he was gone. He had been terrifying me lately. We would have days where he was the perfect boyfriend, but then there were days where he would get abusive over small things. Things like me not kissing him or sleeping with him when he wanted me to.
I wiped his spit off of my mouth, then sat down on my bed. I remembered that Gerard had called me, and I immediately called him back.
The phone rang a few times before he finally picked up.
“Hello?”
I let out a shaky breath.
“Hi, Gee. It’s Frank.”
“I know, I recognized your voice the second you started talking.” He said with a small laugh.
“Why did you call me?” I asked him, getting right to the point.
“I need to see you.”
“You saw me this morning, remember?” I told him, harshly.
“I’m not counting that. I need to actually speak to you and touch you. Please meet up with me?” He asked slowly.
“Okay, where?”
“Well, I’m in your driveway right now.”
I stood up off of my bed and peeked out the window. Sure enough, there he was in his shitty black car. I hung up the phone before grabbing my jacket and skipping down the stairs and out the door.
I crawled into the passenger side. I didn’t look at him, but I could feel him watching me. He didn’t say anything, but just pulled the car out of the driveway and started driving.
This was different for me. Usually when I’m in the car with Gerard, he hums along to some Bowie song and holds onto my hand like it could save his life. But now, both of his hands are on the wheel and the only sound is our breaths.

Gerard eventually pulled into a parking space in an empty park.
He undid his seatbelt, but didn’t get out, he turned his whole body so he was facing me. I turned to face him, too and the second I did, he brushed my cheek with his hand and slowly leaned in. He stopped just before his lips reached mine and he looked into my eyes as if to ask if what he was doing was okay. I gave him a small nod, and he closed his beautiful eyes and closed the distance between us.
Kissing Gerard felt like nothing I could ever explain. It was soft and sweet and even when it wasn’t it was full of so much love that I could feel it in my fingertips as they were tangled up in his bright red hair. When he pulled away, I felt alone again.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“Don’t be. It was just a kiss.” I told him. He looked away from me and shook his head.
“No, I mean. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry about the last six months. I’m sorry for lying to you.” He was on the verge of tears, which is rare for him.
“When did you lie to me?” I asked him.
:I told you I didn’t love you. I was hoping that if I said it, I would believe it. But i can’t.”
I watched him for a while before saying “Why couldn’t you love me?”
He didn’t look at me for a long while, instead lighting up a cigarette.
He took a few long drags before finally telling me.
“You’re just like him. Mikey, I mean. You reminded me of him, and I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t have a walking reminder of him.”
I felt my heart drop.
“Oh god, he didn’t die did he?” I asked quickly.
He shook his head and took another long drag. “No, well almost. My parents decided they would pay a visit to him for the first time in almost a year that he’s been there. They told him that the hospital bills were piling together and he needed to knock of his whole depression shit. They ripped him apart, Frank. It was awful. If I was there, I wouldn’t have let it happen, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t there. I was at home with you. Well, he got ahold of a bottle of pills that a nurse left out for another patient, and he swallowed them all. They were heavy narcotics and should have killed him instantly, but your mom saved him. She got him to throw a lot of them up, but it didn’t work.”
I watched a few tears escape from his eyes and I felt a tug at my heart.
“If he isn’t dead, where is he?”
“He’s been in a coma for about six months now.”
“That’s why you left me, then?” I asked him. He nodded his head.
“‘I’m so sorry, Frankie.” I shook my head.
“Gerard, I completely forgive you. But you could’ve told me, you know? You could have explained it to me and it would have hurt so much less.”
He threw his cigarette out the window, and rubbed his face in his hands.
“I have a bad habit of fucking things up, Frankie.”

Notes