Touch Him Again, And I'll Kill You

“Oh god, oh god, no, please no. Tell me what I did!What did I do? Why are you doing to this to me, please just let me know you’re okay.”
There was a small click on the other line of the phone that told me that Gerard had hung up on me for the tenth time today.
It was complete torture. I had no clue what was going on with him. He won’t talk to me, and I haven’t seen him in two weeks. I know that isn’t a long time, but it feels like an eternity.
After multiple tries to talk to him, he keeps shutting me out. I went to his house, but he wasn’t home. No one was. He hasn’t been at school either, which isn’t surprising.
I go through my days as normally as possible, but there’s only so much I can take before I lose my shit.

I stepped out of my class and began the walk to my locker. I knew Gerard wouldn’t be there waiting for me, but it was nice to imagine that he would be.
I twisted the dial on the dark grey metal door, then pulled it open and placed my books in it, then pushed it shut. I saw a bright flash of red in the corner of my eye, and turned my head to see what it was. I saw Jimmy in a red shirt standing at his locker.
Without even thinking about it, I began walking over to him.
When he saw me, he looked like he was going to walk away, but I stepped in front of him so he couldn’t move.
“Where is he, Jimmy?”
He rolled his eyes at me and sighed. “Frank, you know, you’re a cool guy and all, but if you don’t move, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“Then do it. Kick my ass. Fucking kill me for all I care, but at least tell me if he’s okay.”
I was stepping closer and closer to him, and I could tell he was getting pissed at me. He tried to walk away again, but I couldn’t let him. I had to know if Gerard was okay, so i placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back into the wall behind him.
It was like a bomb set off in him. In a matter of seconds, he had me pinned to the floor, and he was throwing punch after punch into my face.
“Jimmy what the fuck!” There was a yell from the distance, and soon Jimmy was peeling himself off of me. I rolled onto my side and spat blood out of my mouth and onto the clean white floors.
“Frank are you okay?” I glanced at Lindsey who was kneeling by my side, rubbing my back.
I nodded and she helped me stand back up.
“What the hell even happened here?” She asked Jimmy.
Before he could talk, I cut him off. “It was my fault. I-I pushed him. I couldn’t help myself, he wouldn’t tell me about Gerard.” I felt tears swell up in my eyes. “”I just miss him so much.” I said in a low voice. I didn’t even know Lindsey had heard me until she looked at me with sympathetic eyes.
“Where is he Lindsey. Please tell me.” I begged her.
She looked at Jimmy, then at me.
“He didn’t tell you, did he? Fuck.”
“What? What didn’t he tell me?” I couldn’t stand all the secrets. I needed to know where he was and I needed to know right now.
“I’m sorry, Frank. I really can’t tell you. If Gee wanted you to know, you would.” And with that, her and Jimmy linked hands and sauntered out of the school together, leaving me alone.
I don’t understand this. I don’t know what’s going on with him.
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and dialed his number, then placed the phone to my ear. This will probably have been the millionth time I have called him this week. I know the drill by now. He picks up the phone but doesn’t say anything, waits until I’m done speaking, then hangs up. It’s like a stab in the heart, and no matter how much it hurts, I still call him every half hour.
“Gerard, I know you’re listening to me. I know that you’re there. I don’t know why you’re doing this, and I’m sure you have a good reason, but please fucking stop.” I broke out in sobs.
“What is going on? Please, you don’t even have to tell me. Just say anything. I would give the whole world to hear your voice.”

“Leave me alone, Frank.”
Scratch that. I wouldn’t give anything to hear him say that.
In fact, I would give anything to hear him say anything but that.

“You don’t mean that, Gerard.”
“I do, Frank. I want you to leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with you.” His voice was stern, but it cracked at the end.
“Fine. Just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
“Does this hurt you as much as it hurts me?”
He let out a shaky breath.
“I don’t love you, Frank.”
There was that dreadful click on the other line that signalled that he was truly done with me.
I felt like my world was spiralling out of control and there was literally nothing I could do to stop it.

The last bell for school rang, and the once empty halls filled with energetic teens, who all seemed to be happy with where they were at in their lives.
“Is he still not talking to you?” I turned around and was met with Jamia looking up at me with big brown eyes.
“He um, well I just got off of the phone with him.” I said, trying to keep myself from breaking down.
“Oh really? What did he say? Any good news?” I was so fucking thankful. Jamia had enough hope for the both of us.
“No, nothing really important.”
I couldn’t tell her. I don’t know if I wanted to admit that Gerard never loved me, or if I just didn’t want to hear myself say it out loud.
Either way, it wasn’t something that needed to be said right now.


Gerard’s POV
“You did what to him?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“I kicked his little fucking ass, Gerard. He shoved me into the wall, you can’t honestly think I was going to let him get away with that.”
I was so furious, that my hands were shaking. Before I could stop myself, my fist collided with Jimmy’s jaw. He hit the floor, and was out cold.
“Fuck!” I kneeled down to see if he was alright.
“Gerard, I’m only letting you get away with that because of what’s going on right now. I know you’re in so much pain, and you don’t know what to do about it, but let me tell you. Taking it out on your friends and the only fucking person you’ve ever actually been in love with is not going to help you.”
“Lindsey, I’m fucking lose it. I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t do this it’s killing me. It’s too much.” I buried my head into her shoulder and started sobbing while she ran her hands through my hair.
“Shhh, Gee. It’s okay. I miss him too, baby. It’s okay.” And soon, Lindsey was crying too.

Notes