In My Mind Only

I sat in the bleachers. I’d talked to Gerard for a few moments before he had to take his seat on the field. I was leaving in a few days and my nerves were beginning to act up. I was honestly afraid I wasn’t going to be good enough. I was afraid I would’ve worked so hard and be told I wasn’t for the military. I shook my head of the negative thoughts. I needed to stay positive. I pulled away from my mind when the band started playing the school’s theme and watched as the graduates began to file onto the field. Immediately, I spotted Ray. With his hair, which I’d admit is still amazing, he was hard to miss. His cap was having a hard time staying on, causing me smirk with amusement. He always had that problem. I switched my focus to where Gerard was sitting and found him already looking at me. His gaze was so loving that I felt my face go hot. He hardly looked away and when they started calling people up, that’s when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw a girl I knew was in one of my classes, back when I attended this place.

“Um, yes?” I asked, my tone obviously confused.

“Um, I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Lindsey. Ballato,” she said, her bright red lipstick standing out. I nodded.

“Yeah, I remember you.” Then I thought for a moment. “Aren’t you supposed to be up there?” I said, nodding to the field. She gave me a sheepish smile before shrugging her shoulders.

“Yeah, but walking the stage wasn’t for me.” I smiled at her a little.

“Same goes for me,” I responded. She nodded, looking up at the field briefly before looking at me again.

“Why are you here?” She asked curiously. It didn’t sound rude in the least. I can see why she was wondering. I looked over at Gerard again and smiled over at him. He seemed hesitant, but returned it nonetheless.

“I’m here supporting someone I love.” She tilted her head a little.

“So the rumors about you and Ray Toro are true?” She asked. This is a time where I can reveal things about me and Gerard. We’re no longer student and teacher and I’m of age. Not only that, but we started our relationship after I’d switched schools. There was nothing wrong with our relationship. I loved him and he loved me. We just weren’t actually together right now.

“We dated at one point, yeah, but he’s not who I’m talking about. That was the old me. The person I love now, he changed me,” I said truthfully. “Gerard can do that to you. He can change you into a better person without either of you realizing it.” I stopped for a moment, thinking about what I said. It was absolutely true. I can’t even recall when I was beginning to change, but I know it was because of him. I focused back on Lindsey and saw her eyes light up in recognition.

“Mr. Way?” She whispered. There was something about she said it. I couldn’t place it, but it seemed like she knew already. I squinted my eyes at her.

“You knew.” Her face stayed still for a moment before breaking out in a small smile. She didn’t seem fazed by what’s considered a forbidden/looked-down-upon relationship and that made me trust her even more.

“Yeah. It was hard to piece together since you two hardly spoke, but I saw you get into his car a couple of times and then when he singled you out for your essay, my mind just started working. I don’t mean any harm, by the way,” she said, explaining what she could with all those other people around. I shook my head at her.

“No, I can tell. Thank you for keeping it to yourself all this time. We appreciate it,” I said, smiling bigger. I turned to look at Gerard and saw that he was now focused on the stage. When I looked over, I saw Ray crossing the stage and that made my heart sink for some reason. I thought that maybe he cared about the fact that I was there more than Ray was, but I pushed the negative thoughts away. It was probably just poor timing.

“Don’t worry about it. I think you two make a lovely couple,” she stated. I felt my cheeks heat up and I quickly turned away from her, not wanting her to see, but her giggle told me that she saw it anyways. “Wow, Frank Iero is blushing? Never thought I’d see anything like it,” she teased, nudging me with her shoulder. I chuckled and looked back at her.

“Just don’t tell anyone I have feelings, okay?” I said, causing her to laugh as I referenced the rumors about me being a robot. We stayed silent for a moment, both looking out into the field. “Hey, can I ask you a favor?” I asked. She looked over at me and nodded. I figured since she kept all of this a secret for a while, I could ask her to do something very important to me.

“What is it?” She asked, giving me a soft smile. Yeah, I think I’m right to trust her.

“Could you maybe just hand Gerard something for me? It’s important,” he asked shyly. Lindsey, without hesitation, nodded eagerly.

“Sure! If it’ll help your relationship,” she said. I handed her a folded up envelope that was blank in the front and sighed in relief as I let it go.

“Don’t give it to him until June sixth. That’s when I leave for basic,” I say watching as she looks at it for a moment before putting it in her pocket. “I can’t trust anyone else with it,” I admitted, giving her a small smile. She nodded again.

“How will I give it to him?” She asked him. I pulled out my phone and handed it to her.

“Put in your number and I’ll text you his address,” I said. I watched as she typed in my phone and then when she handed it to me, she giggled. “What?” I asked, brow raised in confusion.

“Well, I just didn’t take you for the sappy kind,” she said, an amused look on her face. I gestured for her to elaborate. “Your wallpaper is of the two of you.” My eyes widened and I covered my face, a blush spreading quickly.

“O-oh. I forgot about that,” I murmured, a little embarrassed. She just laughed and patted my shoulder.

“It’s alright. I think you two are very cute and all that. When I was cashing Mr. Way out from the store I work at, he looked so at ease and he said he was buying things for his boyfriend’s apartment. It was so lovely,” she said quietly. “So were you the reason he got so grouchy for, like, a couple of months?” She asked. I shrugged.

“Maybe. He wears his heart of his sleeve, so it could’ve been. That’s whenever I spent my last night with him and we said our goodbyes. I didn’t think he and I were going to turn into anything else since he was already dating someone else,” I said, wincing as I remembered everything we went through. I’m just glad things are as good as they can be for now. Until I leave. After that, it’s entirely up to him. I just hope me trusting him doesn’t backfire.

I love Gerard and would love to relocate to different places with him and start a family. I smirk when I think about telling our future kids how we met; I can just imagine their faces. Lindsey and I talk about different things until we’re interrupted by the band playing the class song and the graduates throwing their caps up. Automatically, I get up to my feet and turn to Lindsey.

“I’ll text you his address tomorrow. I’m gonna go kiss him,” I say bluntly before running off. The only thing I hear her yell is to ‘go get the guy,’ which causes me to feel nostalgic, remembering when I told Gerard I was going to help him do just that. I ran to the field and looked around for the older man.

Finally, after running around for a few moments, I spotted him and ran to him.

“Gerard!” I yelled. His head snapped in my direction upon hearing his name and he smiled, holding his arms open for me. I crash into him, nearly knocking him down before pulling him down and kissing him fiercely. He kisses me back just as urgently. Legally speaking, we could’ve been doing this since I transferred schools, but he was still with Ray at that time. But now everyone can see that he and I were seriously in love. When we pulled away, we looked at no one but each other and smiled.

“I love you,” he said softly, stroking my face with his thumb. I blushed, biting my lip. I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek.

“I love you, too,” I said back. There was no one but us here. He took my hand and we turned to walk out of the field, back to his place like we’d decided. A lot of eyes were on us, but not all of them. I didn’t care either way. We were doing nothing wrong. He walked us back to his car and opened the door for me. The drive home was spent holding hands and singing along to his Beatles CD and it was a nice night. It was cloudy, windy, and just a very cool night.

“So what did you want to do tonight?” He asked he closed the door to his home and then looked at me. I smirked.

“Honestly, I want to have sex with you,” I said bluntly. I guess he still wasn’t used to my candor, because his face went seriously red.

“My, you’re so charming. Is that how you’re planning to woo me?” He teased. I smirked and nodded to his pants, which seemed to be struggling with holding his erection inside.

“Seems to be working,” I said back, taking off my shirt. I pulled him along into the bedroom by his hand and then stared at his face for a moment. “Have I told you lately how beautiful I think you are?” I asked softly, genuinely curious, because he was. He was very beautiful, both inside and out. He cared for me and a lot of other people and really wanted everyone to succeed. But he was also hurting, too. He missed his parents and his brother a whole lot and that was something I could tell he struggled with. It was something he needed to talk about sometimes and I hoped I could be that person for him. I could tell he was still extremely terrified about me going into the military, but he was still here and supporting me and helping me achieve that when he didn’t have to.

He loved and did nothing wrong, other than falling in love with a couple of his students, which, was it actually wrong? Love is love. There’s nothing wrong with a huge age gap, no matter what people may say. I wouldn’t have even cared if he was a fifty-year old man, I fell in love with him for personality and his heart.

“Frank, you’re too good to me,” he whimpered softly. I smiled, leaning up to kiss him softly as I took off his jacket and ran my hands down his chest. He pressed back into me, moaning softly into the kiss. We separated, stripping each other of our clothes and falling to the bed. “Stomach or back, baby?” He asked me, hovering above.

“Back. I want to see you,” I answered. He smirked and nodded his head, leaning down to kiss me as he spread my legs. I willingly let him, kissing him back furiously. He trailed his hands along my body down to my hardened member and stroked me a few times, causing me to let out a few whines. He pulled away for a moment to gather a small bottle of lubrication and a condom, something that had become the norm despite our unprotected first time. I didn’t mind it, he lasted longer and the amount of time we spent making love is prolonged. I could care less about the pleasure I was feeling, I just liked seeing his face and hearing him enjoying it all. Enjoying me. I just didn’t mind it feeling really good, that was a perk.

After finally prepping me enough, he rolled on the condom and lined up, one hand on my hip and the other holding himself to my entrance. I stared up at him with a lust-filled gaze, panting and anticipating him being inside of me. Slowly, he pushed into me, causing me to squirm and let out a throaty moan. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes tightly, seemingly trying to be patient with me. I pulled him down closer to me and kissed him, sliding my tongue into his mouth, pushing my hips back into him. He let out a small puff of air into the kiss, causing me to smile. I wrapped my legs around his waist and braced myself for his movement. He looked down at me for a moment.

“You know, you say I’m beautiful, but, really, you’re the beautiful one. Everything about you is so unbelievable. For your young age, you’re so wise and understand, caring and compassionate, and, God, I just love you so fucking much, Frankie,” he said lovingly before his movements began. He snapped his hips into me at a steady pace, the feeling building up and making my legs go numb. Moans slipped from my mouth as my hands gripped the sheets. My love for him was going into overdrive and I wasn’t sure if I was going to last much longer. The feeling of him pushing inside of me and hitting into my body was a feeling I’d never get tired of. His thrusts became harder and fast; more erratic as louder moans came from both of us.

I wanted to make this night something we’d never forget. I leave in a couple of days and I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to remember us as a loving couple. As two people who fought to be where we were and make it in our own way. After tonight, I didn’t know when I was going to see him again. I just wanted to make this a happy experience. For both of us. But the thought of leaving him made tears come to my eyes as Gerard’s hips stuttered and he let out a loud groan, finishing and spilling into the condom. A few seconds later, my own body had reacted and I was coming all over our stomachs. He pulled out a few moments later, and then took the rubber off and tossed it into his trashcan by the bed.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered into my ear after he’d pulled me closer to him and held me. I snuggled into his embrace and smiled softly.

“You’re amazing,” I repeated back to him. It was true. He really was. He’d always be the man I’d love, even if we didn’t end up together somehow. I was content with spending the rest of my life alone if our relationship didn’t work out. “I love you,” I said aloud without thinking about it.

“I love you, too, Frankie. Congratulations on graduating,” he mumbled sleepily into my ear. Thankfully, I don’t think he remembered what day I was leaving. Just as he began to snore softly next to me, I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the last time, for a while, in which I’d be in his arms. This was it.

Notes

The last chapter is next, so I'm pretty shocked and emotional about that. I've been working on this fic for over a year and even though I believe this is probably my worst one, I still hold it close to my heart.
Comment, rate, subscribe and all that good stuff because I'm too emotional for my own good ;-;

Much love,
-OAIF <3