In My Mind Only

“Okay, Frank, come on,” I say, pumping myself up. “This was your idea. You can’t back out! You’re the dominant one, and you can’t let him see that you’re not. You can do this!” I exclaim, watching as the clock was coming closer and closer to five in the afternoon. I’ve taken about three super thorough showers and I think it was good enough. I fixed our bed nice and even cooked a very nice dinner. I hadn’t had much to cook with, but I managed to make it work. It was just spaghetti, but it gave me the perfect chance to lick his face at some point.

As my first two weeks here came and went, I’d noticed a side of me that only came out when I wanted Gerard in a physical way. I became more shameless and started making more advances just to see him flustered. I wanted to make him flustered and whiny for me and it was an odd sensation. With Ray, I just did it because he wanted to and I honestly didn’t care. But with Gerard, I wanted to feel him as close to me as anyone could get. I wanted to feel that love from him.

I froze as I heard the door open.

“Frank?” Gerard called. I dressed differently from how I have been recently. I normally wore sweatpants and an oversized shirt, but now wore only my briefs and a tighter shirt. His faced turned red as he saw me.

“Hey. Welcome home,” I greet him, pushing my body against his and giving him a kiss. He embraces me for a moment before stepping back and letting his eyes trail over every inch of my body. I loved it most when he looked at me with love, yes, but with the hunger I’m seeing in his eyes now, I wanted to melt all over him.

“Smells good in here,” he says, finally pulling his eyes away and looking over at the stove.

“Yeah,” I nod. “I made spaghetti for dinner.” His eyes light up and I smile.

“I love spaghetti!” He exclaims. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go change,” he says as he walks towards our room. I follow behind him and he realizes that I’m there staring at him just as he’s about to lift his shirt off.

“Go on,” I smirk. He slows his actions down as he pulls it off. I lean my body against the frame of the door, my breath slightly hitching as he muscles move about from his actions. He wasn’t the skinniest guy ever, but he also wasn’t overweight. He had a small amount of extra flesh hugging his hips and I loved squeezing it every chance I got. I loved that he would get shy about it, but I loved it more when he embraced that I loved it. I could tell he had some struggles accepting his body, and that’s why I made sure to be extra loving when I’m touching it. He needed to know that I’ll love him no matter what his weight, height, age, religion, whatever. What mattered to me was that he was Gerard Way and no one else. I fell in love with him for being him.

He keeps eye contact as he unbuckles his belt and pulls it out from his belt loops, letting it drop to the floor. His breathing becomes heavier as my eyes find his, ripping away from the movement of his hands after much struggle. I focus all my attention on his eyes, trying my best to ignore the sounds of his pants unzipping and dropping to the floor around his ankles.

“Frank,” he mutters. I give him a small smirk and push myself off of the door frame.

“Dinner will get cold. I’ll be getting our plates ready, so hurry,” I say, turning away from him and making my way to the kitchen. The thing I’ve always loved about being with Gerard and pretty much living with him is the ease of it all. I have no trouble with doing the things I normally do. I’m calm around him and I don’t feel self-conscious when I’m undressed or taking a shower with him or when my stomach hurts and I spend a lot of time in the restroom, which is a big deal for me. Ray made a face at me one time and it hurt me, so I was always insecure about it. But with Gerard, he just gives me a smile and rubs my stomach and ignores the overbearing scent of air freshener in the room and I’m thankful for that. He understands my stomach problem and is always at my side when I need him. So, if I’m being honest, fuck Ray. I’m keeping Gerard for myself.

After getting our plates and drinks placed on the table, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I smile softly.

“I love you,” he whispers against my neck, placing a soft kiss there. I bit my lip to try and prevent myself from smiling more, but who cares? I’m happy.

“I love you, too,” I whisper, not wanting to break the trance we’re both in by speaking louder. His grip tightens around me. “Let’s eat, okay? I’m kinda hungry.” He chuckles and kiss the top of my head.

“Finally! I’ve been waiting to hear those words from you,” he says, taking a seat with a big smile on his face. “Remember, there’s no pressure for you to finish it all, okay?” He always tells me this before I eat something and I’m glad he does. It assures me that he won’t be angry with me and that’s something I’m always secretly afraid of. I take my seat across from him which I don’t mind since it’s a pretty small table.

Just as I put the first forkful of food in my mouth, he reaches across the table and holds my hand as we eat. It’s so… domestic and I’m suddenly upset at the fact that I’m leaving him in less than a month. I don’t want to, but I’ve made my choice and I need to follow through with it. I kept my face hidden of anything but happiness as I think to myself once again: I do not deserve this man. He does not deserve to be left alone while I’m away. He needs someone here to shower him with love. Naturally, Ray is a good choice for him.

I can’t have him.

I want to cry but I swallow the lump and continue with my food. When I finally have the courage to look up at him, he’s staring at me with concern in his eyes. I squeeze his hand trying to reassure him as I swallow the food in my mouth. He leaves it alone and goes back to his own plate.

“Let’s watch a movie after this?” I suggest. He looks up at me and smiles, quickly nodding his head.

“You know just what to say to get into my heart, don’t you, Mr. Iero?” He teases.

“If it’s that easy, I need to watch out for competition,” I say, slightly pouting. He laughs and shakes his head.

“I’m only easy for you, Frankie.” I smirk at that and pick up my fork again as I move my foot up his leg slowly. I feel him tense up and his eyes on are on me. I meet them and give him what I hope is an innocent smile as I wiggle my toes in between his legs.

“You are so bad, Frank,” he groans softly.

“So what movie do you wanna watch? I was thinking of the Wizard of Oz. You know, our movie,” I say, ignoring his statement as I continue to wiggle my toes and apply a soft amount of pleasure. He doesn’t say anything as he gripped my hand and the edge of the table tightly, slightly rubbing back against my foot. It sent a shiver across my body as I watched him trying to get off on my foot. Before it could get him anywhere, I pull my foot away and push my plate to the side.

“Sorry,” I say. “I’m full.” I give him an apologetic look and he shakes his head, reassuring me that it was fine.

“Don’t be sorry. You ate a little more today!” He said happily, though I could still tell he was extremely concerned. I really did need to be eating more, especially since I’ve been working out a lot more lately. I need the strength to do that. Gerard wasn’t aware of my physical exercise, otherwise he wouldn’t allow it. Sometimes he seems to forget that I’m going into Army infantry and that I needed to be in tip-top shape, but he’s just so cute when he gets all worried and everything that I just can’t stop him.

I stay sitting at the table holding his hand until he was finished.

“Oh, God, I’m so full. Baby, that dinner was amazing!” he praised. I blushed softly, trying not to smile but his chuckle told me that he knew I appreciated it.

“Thanks, Gee. I’m glad you liked it. Movie time?” I asked. He nodded his head and stood, grabbing both of our plates and setting them in the sink.

“Hey. I love you, Frank. You know that, right?” He suddenly asked, his back still turned to me.

“Yes,” I responded softly. “Why?”

“I’m breaking up with Ray.” My breath caught in my throat and I felt my heart beat quicken.

“Re-really?” I asked, my voice too hopeful before I could prevent it. He turned back around to face me, a big smile on his face and a shine in his eyes that I’d only seen once, when he first admitted he loved me. I bet my stupid smile matched his.

“Really, Frankie. I love you way too fuck much to keep pretending to love someone else and be with them,” he explained. “Do you want to be with me?” He asked. I nodded my head with no hesitation.

“Yes, Gerard. Come here,” I said, holding my hand out to him. He shyly walks over to me, sliding his hand into mine. I pull him into my chest and hold him tightly. He clings to me and suddenly I forget who the older one is, but it doesn’t matter. Age is just a number.

“Frankie?” He asked against my neck. I hummed. He pulled away slightly to look at my face. I look up at him and smile softly as his hands come up to cup my face; he pulled me closer, lowering his face to mine and pushing his lips against my softly, but desperately. I moved my arms from around his waist to his upper back, digging my finger slightly against his skin feeling the minor muscle. He groaned quietly as I sucked at his lip and deepened the kiss. He pulled back softly, looking at me with that look I’ve been wanting to see in his eyes. Nothing but pure love and lust mixed together in his bright hazel eyes.

“Let’s put on that movie, yeah?” He breathed out. I smiled and nodded my head. I took a seat on the couch as he put the movie in, watching him and smiling at the man who was mine. I loved him with everything I was capable of giving and even everything I wasn’t. He took a seat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulder, holding me close to him. He smiled at me before giving my forehead a kiss.

Dorothy had just gotten trapped in the Wicked Witch of the Wests’ castle when he Gerard turned my face to his and kissed me.

“You should see yourself watching movies. You’re beautiful,” he said. I chuckled.

“If it were anyone else saying that to me, I’d think they were creepy,” I admitted. He laughed.

“Thank God it’s not anyone else then.” I looked back at the screen.

“You know what I’m noticing?” I said.

“Hm?”

“Well, look. The Cowardly Lion is going into the castle and not running away. The Tin-Man was just upset that Dorothy was locked in the castle and the Scarecrow just had an idea,” I observed. Gerard laughs softly.

“Oh, you noticed?” He asked.

“They don’t need the Wizard. They had the brains, the heart and the courage the entire time,” I exclaimed. “So Dorothy must have always been home, right? Or am I missing something else?” I asked him, turning to him. He laughed.

“You know, Frankie, you noticing all of these things about my favorite movie makes you, like, twenty times hotter.” I raise my brow.

“Only that much? I take offense to that,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He suddenly wraps his arms around my waist and pushes me down to the couch before settling himself on top of me.

“It’s much more than that, but I can’t have you getting to cocky on me now, can I?” He smirked. I pulled his head down and kissed him deeply. I couldn’t stand the fucking tension anymore. I kiss from his lips to his ear before whispering, “make love to me, Gerard…” I feel him shiver under my touch and I move my hips up against his, hearing his soft gasp in my own ear.

“I love you,” he said, running his hands down my chest and up along my sides. He grinds his hips back down against mine, causing an embarrassing moan to escape my lips. I look down between us and see our clothed erections pushing against one another and the sight makes me gasp. Unable to resist the urge, I reach down and push the heel of my palm against his hard member. He gasps against my shoulder rutting his hips down on my hand.

“Frank, Frank, stop. I won’t last much longer if you keep…” he groans, sitting up to remove his shirt. I do the same as him before tugging off my briefs. I keep my eyes on his as they linger on my body. “You’re beautiful, so so beautiful,” he whispers. He takes off his own and I found myself blushing at the sight of him.

We stare at each other for a moment before his eyes suddenly turned darker.

“Turn over, on your knees, Frankie.” I felt my cheeks heat up, but does as he says. I’m feeling more exposed than ever, but I trust him. I feel his hands run over my bottom and up my back before pushing my head down against the couch. His other hand spread my legs more until one is forced to keep me upright by settling on the floor, causing my bottom to raise into the air higher. I’m breathing harder against the cushion anticipating what’s going to happen next and gasp hard as I feel his tongue push up softly against my hole.

“G-Gerard?” I ask breathlessly. I feel him pull away and massage my lower back.

“Relax, Frank.” I nod my head and take a deep breath. I don’t flinch when I feel his tongue again, instead I embrace it and before I know it, I’m withering and pushing back against his face. I’m feeling too much pleasure to care about feeling embarrassed. I’m further taken off guard when I feel his tongue enter me.

“Oh, fuck!” I moan almost obscenely. “Oh, please, Gerard. Just fuck me, please,” I cry out. I feel him pull away and his tongue is soon replaced with a finger. He pushes it in and even though it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex, I know I can handle more. “More. I can handle it, Gerard, please,” I beg. Thankfully, he complies and I feel a second finger being pushed inside me.

“That’s it, Frankie. You’re doing so amazing. I wish you could see how easily my fingers are going into you,” he whispers, but I can hear it just barely over the sound of the Wizard of Oz handing the gifts out to the group. In another situation, I would be laughing, but I could care less about that. I relish in the feeling of his fingers inside of me and gasp out once again when I feel his other hand wrap around my shaft and pump me at an unbearably slow pace.

I thrust into his hand and then push back into his fingers a few times before he releases me and lets out a growl as he pulls his fingers out.

“Ready, Frankie?” He asks softly as he bends over me and kisses the back of my neck.

“Yes, please, yes, I am,” I sob. I need him. I need to feel him as close to him as me as possible. I wouldn’t want his with anyone else, ever. I swear on my life that I will never spend another intimate moment like this with anyone else. I feel him softly shush me and hear the sound of him spitting followed by a slick sound. One of his hands grip my waist and then I feel him pushing against my bottom before pushing the head of his member inside.

“G-Gerard, please,” I breathe softly, not even sure if he heard me. His other hand is placed on the back of my neck and pushing me down harder into the sofa as he pushes further into. I feel my eyes water at the love I feel from him, something I never got from Ray or Jealousy, but from a man who used to be my teacher. When our hips finally touch, I hear him moan, the first sound he’s made since he started entering me. The leg holding me up is shaking, struggling to hold me, but I will stay in this position until we’re done. Until we fully belong to one another.

“Frank, tell me you love me,” he demands. I’m so turned on by his newfound dominate nature that I don’t care if he starts demanding me tO jumy off a fucking bridge.

“I love you, Gerard. I love you so much. I want no one but you, oh, God. M-move, please just move.” He pulls out about half way before thrusting back into me and we both groan. He does it once more after adjusting his angle and that when I feel that burst of pleasure that shocks my body and causes my entire body to shake.

“Right there?” He asks, panting. I nod, moaning my approval. “You’re mine, Frankie,” he thrusts into me again. “Just. Mine. Don’t. Forget that,” he growled in-between his thrusts. My moans became so loud that I was afraid the neighbors could hear me screaming out his name. Suddenly he pulled out, causing me to whine but silenced me by turning me over on my back and pushing into me once again. The pleasure was too much, but I did my best to prevent them from rolling back into my head and forced myself to stare into his eyes. His forehead was covered in sweat, some of his messy hair sticking to the side of his face, his jaw was hanging slack as he panted. He hooked his arms under my own to latch onto my shoulders to thrust into me at a better pace.

“I belong- mm- to no one, but -ah!- you, Gee,” I manage to get out. He smiles softly down at me, his stare never wavering as he leans down and kisses me deeply, our eyes never closing. He lowers his body down to my chest and the movement he’s making is causing his stomach to stroke my leaking member. I throw my head back, slightly arching my back. He bites and sucks on my neck as he speeds his thrusts, constantly hitting my prostate and stroking me faster in-between our bodies. I feel the pool of pleasure filling up in my body and I know I’m so close that I’m near losing it.

“Oh, fuck,” I gasp. “I’m c-coming, Gerard. Harder,” I moan. His thrusts became more disordered and harder upon my demand and that’s when I allow myself to let go. I feel my semen spurt out in-between us as I throw my head back as far as my body tolerates, my toes curl, and my legs tighten around Gerard’s waist. He moans loudly as he, too, finishes. I feel him fill me up and it’s a strange thought to have, but I suddenly feel myself wanting to have this man’s children, but it’s brief and disappears before I could question it. He slowly lies down on me and I shakily wrap my arms around him, allowing my legs to fall limply beside him.

“I love you, Frank,” he says as he kisses me once more, deeply. I return the kiss and whimper as he pulls out of me.

“I love you, Gerard. Only you,” I mutter against his lips. And that’s when we finally reach the end of the movie and Gerard whispers in my ear, reciting the movie.

“There’s no place like home.” And I smile because he’s an idiot. I smile bigger because he’s my idiot.

Notes

Originally, I wasn't going to add their first time in this chapter, but I figured it was time. Everyone's comments have motivated me, I assure you, but I dedicate this chapter to pan-a-fan on Tumblr who brought my inspiration for this story back. If you're reading this, dearie, know that I owe you so much. Also, thanks for the 52 subscribers, guys! It means so much to me!!

Feedback would be very much appreciated!

*Next story I update will either be Tuesday's Gone or Kill All Your Friends

Much love,
-OAIF <3