In My Mind Only

Frank and I stared at one another in silence. I had my arms crossed over my chest and was tapping my left foot slightly. I had a stern look on my face, I made sure of that. He stared up at me, looking so small. His eyes look sunk in and his cheek bones were poking out too much. His hospital gown was falling over his frail shoulder, which next lead me to notice how much his collarbones were noticeable.

“Alive and well?” I asked. My heart was falling right out of my chest just looking at his fragile state, but I was still angry. He could’ve died and…and I wouldn’t have even realized how much he needed me. I felt my eyes starting to tear up, but bit my lip to hold them in and will them away.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he stated weakly. I sighed and walked over to him, taking a seat on the edge of the hospital bed. I took his hand and kissed it softly.

“Frank, let me take care of you,” I said. I wasn’t taking no for an answer. He sighed and nodded his head.

“I was about to ask you. Um, my recruiter told me that my drop in weight was a problem. I have to meet a certain weight in order to enter in Infantry. I need you to help me. I know you have problems with my choice in career, but, please, Gerard. This is my dream, and I want the man I love to help me in achieving my goals.” I squeezed his hand tighter. The look in his eyes was full of nothing but love and determination. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to help him leave me? No. I wanted to help him in finding his happiness, so I bit back my own sadness and nodded my head, smiling at him. And you know what? The smile I got in return made it all worth it.

“I love you,” he whispered, sleepily. I stroked the side of his head, running my hands through his messy hair.

“I love you, too, Frank. Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up,” I told him, getting a small hum in response. Once I was sure he was in a deep sleep (he has a small snore), I got up and called a nurse to tell me the details of his condition.

“When can I take him home?” I asked the doctor. She was a woman, maybe in her 40’s. She had kind eyes, but years of the stress that comes with being a doctor was evident on her face.

“Mr. Way, are you his relative?” She asked. I shook my head.

“No.”

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss his condition with you. Do you have any way to contact his parents or guardian?” There was no way in fucking hell I was calling those monsters.

“I’m afraid he and his parents don’t have the best relationship. I’m one of his teachers from his old school. I’ve been watching over him for a few months,” I explained.

“I understand. But I still need to contact his parents. I’ll need to talk to Frank whenever he wakes up.” She was tough, but Frank wasn’t going to comply with her request. I gave her a small smirk.

“Have you met Frank, doctor?” I asked. She shook her head.

“Not personally.” I gave a small laugh.

“Oh, you’re going to have so much fun getting his parents contact information,” I laughed. I waved to her and returned to Frank’s side. With the doctor knowing I was his old teacher, I became more cautious and decided to sit in the chair next to his bedside, keeping my hands to myself no matter how much I wanted to touch him. I stared at his face and thought over the words he’d only told me five minutes. He was almost giving me an ultimatum. Either help him achieve his happiness or he’ll achieve it without me, and he wanted me to help him. He wanted me to want to help him, and after my conversation with Lindsey, I wanted to help him. I wanted to be with him, not Ray. Although he was really nice and treated me very well, he wasn’t Frank. And I wasn’t going to try and change him. I kicked my feet up on the edge of Frank’s bed, and leaned back in the uncomfortable chair. I stared at the white ceiling and sighed, watching the shine of the sunset coming in through the window shades. It looked like something I wanted to paint. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of it, pocketing my phone once again after.

Hours passed and the sun was fully gone before Frank finally stirred and opened his eyes. I leaned forward and gave him a smile. He returned it before giving me an anxious look.

“How,” he paused, “how long was I out?” He asked cautiously. I internally smirked, but turned my face serious.

“It’s been almost a month now,” I sighed. He shot upwards into a sitting position.

“What?!” He almost yelled. I couldn’t keep my baring, and instead burst out laughing.

“Gerard, you’re such an asshole!” He said, giving my arm a weak punch. His knuckles seemed bonier, quickly reminding me of why he was in here. I had to give him something to eat soon. I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, falling into a moment of silence. We stared into each other’s eyes. I let go of his hand just as the door opened and the doctor walked in.

“Oh, Frank! I thought I heard voices in here. I have a few questions to ask you,” she said. He gave her a nod.

“Gerard, would you like to wait outside for a moment?” She asked. It wasn’t a question; it was a demand. I nodded as I made a move to get up, only to be stopped by Frank’s hand on my forearm.

“I wouldn’t like that. He stays here. Thank you,” he said sternly. The doctor gave me a questioning look. I gave her the same smile as before in return.

“Okay, then. Frank, I need to contact your pare-” he cut her off.

“No. Absolutely not,” he answered. She seemed taken back. “Look, miss. I’m eighteen. I don’t need those sad excuses for parents here. So if that’s all, I’d like to go home now. Yes, I’ll take better care of myself and all of that, don’t worry. Mr. Way here is going to help me.” She seemed almost as speechless as Luke Skywalker in the Force Awakens. I wanted to laugh.

“I’ll get your paperwork,” she said before dismissing herself and leaving the room. I let out a chuckle.

“You haven’t changed, Frankie.” He shook his head, giving me a smile.

“I’d only change if you wanted me to,” he said.

“And I never ask you to change,” I replied. He smiled bigger.

“Exactly why I would only if you asked me to. I can trust you. I do trust you.” He reached for my hand and held it as tightly as he could, which wasn’t much. He was still so exhausted.

“Whenever we get back to home, I’m feeding you, and you’re going to tell me what happened for the past three months,” I said using my teacher voice. He hung his head.

“Yes, sir,” he murmured in response. I raised a brow.

“Sir?” I questioned. He gave me a smirk.

“I’ll save that for the bedroom,” he said, his voice growing almost husky. I swallowed the saliva that gathered up in my mouth and covered my face with my hands, blushing deeply. He chuckled at me, and I caught it this time.

“Um, thanks for setting aside your fears to help me, Gerard.” I laced my fingers with his and smiled at him.

“Don’t thank me for that. I’d be glad to help you.” He smiled at me. Once again, his smile made everything worth it. A couple of hours later, I was checking him out of the hospital and bringing him back to the apartment.

“I just need to pick up some clothes and stuff, and then talk to my landlady. After that, I need to talk with my management,” Frank said as I helped him out of the passenger seat. Because he was so weak, he needed me to help him walk.

“Hey, how about you pack your clothes, and I’ll head over to the restaurant to explain your situation?” I suggested. He shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure, if you don’t mind.” I smiled and was happy he trusted me with his job. As I got out his suitcase from the closet, I realized all of his clothes were neatly folded on the floor behind those doors. He didn’t even have hangers to hang his clothes, food to eat, and it was so cold in here. How could anyone live here? I was a terrible… boyfriend? I’m not even sure what I am, significant other? Either way, I wasn’t helping him when he needed it. Despite him not even telling me, I should’ve just known. But, instead, I left this eighteen year old senior fend for himself in the real world. It was sick how the system worked. I remembered those years before I became a teacher. I was so determined to be a comic book artist, but my parents weren’t exactly rich, so it became hard to keep supporting me and Mikey on their salaries when I was capable of working. I tried to balance everything: working, sleeping, eating, drawing, and still finding time to think, but before I knew it, I figured if I didn’t sleep too much, I would have more time to draw or think. When that was kind of working for me, I figured I didn’t need to eat that much so more of my money could go to my parents and art supplies I was running low on. As a result, I lost all of the weight I’d gained in my last year of high school and then some, and my passion for drawing had been drowned out due to my hectic work schedule. Anything for more hours to earn more money. That’s how the systems works. You can’t work for your passion without possibly losing it on the way.

I shook my dark thoughts away and gathered each neat stack and placed them in the suitcase. I gathered his underwear and socks and tossed them (neatly) in their as well.

“I feel like that was just an excuse to touch my underwear,” he teased. His voice still sounded weak and so did the little laugh he did after, causing my smile to falter a bit.

“You know me so well,” I said back. I went into his restroom and got his toothbrush and toothpaste (because I was running out of mine) and put them in the little pouch on the door of his suitcase.

“It was really nice of you to pack for me. Thank you, Gerard,” he spoke sincerely. I gave him a smile in return and kissed his cheek. We stared at each in silence for a while, our eyes each raking each other’s facial features. He was perfect. Even his flaws were perfections; they were what made him Frank.

“I love you,” I whispered softly, “so much.” I hadn’t realized I was really saying it until I felt my mouth grow dry with the look his gave me after hearing my words. He looked at me like I was love. He closed the distance between us and pressed his lips against mine. I wasted no time in placing my hands on his face and pulling him deeper into it.

“I love you, too,” he said back after we separated. I helped him stand and carried his suitcase with my free hand. I walked him down stairs to Evelyn’s apartment.

“I’m going to put this in the car. Meet me back there when you’re done here. I’ll run over to the restaurant really quick.” He nodded and I went on my way as he knocked her door. After putting his suitcase in the trunk, I closed it and jogged across the street.

“Hi, I need to speak to a manager,” I said as I ran up to the counter.

“Sure. Let me get him for you.” I read her name tag and thought to myself that she didn’t look like a Jordan. I’m not sure what a Jordan really look like, but her face just didn’t fit it? If that makes sense. I waited idly by the front counter until and older looking man came out. His hairline was already receding and you could tell he’d seen a lot of shit in his days, but he also seemed kind. God, I hope I could read people correctly.

“Hi, my name is Gerard. I’m Frank guardian,” I introduced myself, sticking my hand out for him to shake. He took it, smiling back and introducing himself as well.

“I’m Joe. Is everything okay with Frank? He missed his shift today. I was upset to write him up for a “no call, no show.”” He said.

“Oh, no. I’m afraid you were unaware of his condition. Frank, earlier today, I believe, collapsed and was taken to the hospital. I was told his landlady found him shortly after his fall, because she lives under him. Because of his current condition, I need to keep Frank well-rested. I’d like to ask for some time off for him,” I requested. He seemed hesitant for a moment.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Frank, but I can’t allow time off,” he said, seeming ashamed.

“Joe, you look like you’ve been in this industry for a while, yes?” He nodded. “You seem like a wonderful manager. I’m sure you can appreciate that Frank is probably your hardest worker, right?” He nodded again.

“He insists on working every day and he’s great at what he does. A real people person,” he says. I almost want to laugh. “Well, that’s worded wrong. He certainly great with people, meaning he really doesn’t like them.” Now that’s spot on, Joe.

“Yes, that’s him. I’m unsure how long his recovery will take, but I’ve come here to ensure that he will have his job when he is well enough to return. He’s trying to get better quickly so he can still be shipped off to basic in two months, so could you do him this favor?” I asked. I remember my days of sweet talking everybody I ever needed anything from. I didn’t exactly like doing it, but it always came in handy.

“Well, I would love to have Frank on broad for his remaining two months, and he is a hard worker. You know what? Yeah, I’ll give him however long he needs. Thank you for coming by and explaining the situation to me, Gerard. Have him give me a call when he’s ready to come back,” he said with a smile. I thanked him and shook his hand. Thank God, I still kind of had it, and he didn’t fire Frank. He’d probably kill me. I walked out and back over to my car where Frank, I saw, was lying down in the back, his eyes closed. I got in the driver’s seat and started the car.

“If you’re not Gerard, please get out. I’m too fucking exhausted for this,” he mumbled sleepily. I laughed, causing him to grunt. “Okay, good. Let’s go home, Gerard.”

“We will, but I need to stop by the store,” I said, pulling out of the parking lot. He groaned.

“What for?” He whined.

“I need to buy you stuff you can eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” he huffed.

“Which is why I’m buying broth until you can eat solids. You’re stomach isn’t used to solids and you can’t have foods that are too heavy or you’ll get a stomachache.” He remained silent after that. I wanted to take care of him forever. He hummed in response.

“I’ll let you take care of me.”

“Forever?” I asked. I could almost feel his smile.

“Forever.” I smiled to myself, too.

Notes

A bit of a short chapter, but this is half filler. More interesting things will start happening soon, at which it will then begin to wrap up. I hoped everyone keeps reading for a while longer. Any feedback would be so amazing, because I want to know how everyone is doing?

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OAIF <33