In My Mind Only

When I opened my eyes, they felt puffy and swollen. I wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep in the arms of the man sleeping next to me, but I needed to go shopping for him before he stopped me. I looked at the time. 7:30 am. I smiled and slowly slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Frank up. As I stood over him, I stared down at him face and memorized as much of it as I could before turning to find my clothes. I dressed quickly and went back to the living room to leave him a note.

I haven’t left yet. I only went to get food. I’ll be back.

Eternally Yours,
Gerard

I left the note on top of the kitchen counter and slipped my shoes on before heading out. As I was walking down the steps, I heard the landlady come out.

“Hello, ma’am,” I said as I came closer to her. She gave me a sweet smile.

“Mornin’, dear. Lovely seein’ you here,” she said sweetly.

“Yes, I decided Frank should take a day off from school. He deserves it,” I say. She nods in agreement. We idly chat for a little bit, before I decided to take off.

“It was great talking to you, Evelyn. I need to head over to the market to get Frank some things for the house,” I said as I waved goodbye at her. She waved back as I turned away and got inside my car. I quickly drove to the nearby market and made sure I had everything in my wallet before getting out of the car and walking inside. I grabbed a basket and wandered through the aisles.

“All right. What does he like?” I mumbled to myself. I grabbed some snacks that he could take with him to school like poptarts, crackers, those amazing Uncrustable things, and fruit snacks. Then I got quick dinner things like mac and cheese, pastas, microwaveable dinner plates, fruit, then some things to drink like Sprite, juice, and that Nectar stuff I used to see him drink during lunch at school. After I got everything food wise, I went over and got him some house things like pots and pans, a cutting board, knives, forks, spoons, and butter knives. Walking to the checkout lane, I spotted some cute decorative poster tins and went through them. I nearly screamed when I saw one of the Wizard of Oz. I quickly pulled it out and put it in the basket. The next one in the row was of the Beatles and I grabbed that one, too.

“Well, that worked out. Our two favorite things next to each other,” I said happily as I walked to the checkout lane. As the lady was checking me out, I noticed it was a student of mine. We exchanged looks.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” I asked her. It was the girl with long black hair who always wore bright red lipstick. She pulled it off really well. Her name was Lindsey. She gave me a smirk.

“Aren’t you?” She retorted. I smiled and gave her that one.

“Good one. But, no, I understand. A job is really more important, to be honest,” I said as she was scanning everything. She looked over at everything I had.

“Are you moving, Mr. Way?” She asked. I, too, looked over at my stuff, and then back to her before shaking my head.

“No. These are for, um,” I paused. What was Frank to me? Fuck it. “My boyfriend,” I finished. She gave me a bit of a shocked look before smiling.

“I knew you were too good looking to be straight,” she laughed. I felt myself blushing at her statement before shaking my head in disagreement.

“Hardly,” I laughed. She finished scanning and bagged everything before giving my total. I handed over my card and let her do her thing as I put everything in my basket.

“Here you go, Mr. Way. Have a good day with your boyfriend,” she said as she gave me a wink. I chuckled and walked away after waving to her. She was a good student, but I understand that young people are put into difficult situations. For example, when I was younger, I looked over my brother because our parents were always working and it was up to me to make sure he never got hurt. Although I failed to do so in the long run, I also understood that there was no point in blaming myself. I now needed to live for Mikey and my parents and make sure that I lived life to the fullest for all of us.

As I was putting the bags into my car, I realized that I hadn’t really done anything extraordinary. Sure, I teach young adults the importance of literature, but where is my passion for that anymore? I’ve been wanting to get back into drawing again. The comic book I’d once slaved over now rested in a drawer under a stack of old papers that I’d graded. I sigh as I start my car. Maybe after Frank leaves, I could go back to that until he comes back.

If he comes back. He’d mentioned that he probably wasn’t. Since this was our last day together, I needed to make the most of it. As I parked in his apartment parking lot, I banged my head against the steering wheel. Why does this have to be so fucking frustrating?

I was doing things on autopilot. I don’t even remember the drive back to his apartment. I grabbed the bags from the backseat and made my way upstairs, knocking on the door when I came to a stop in front of it. He quickly swung the door open and looked from my face to the bags in my hand.

“What’s this?” He asked as he stepped aside, letting me pass. I put the bags on the table and turned to face him with my hand on my hip.

“Well, Mr. Iero, I thought I’d get you some food and other necessities,” I said before turning back to the bags and putting everything up.

“How long will you stay?” He asked. I kept my back to him and shrugged my shoulders.

“As long as you want me to,” I said softly. I smiled, biting my lip whenever he came and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I want you to stay for a long time,” he mumbled against my shoulder. I turned around and put my arms around his neck, kissing his forehead.

“Then I’ll stay for a long time.” He smiled and leaned in for a kiss. I licked my lips and closed the distance between us. After pulling away, he finally spotted the tin posters and smiled brighter.

“Where did you find these?” He asked, picking them up.

“The market down the road,” I said as looked around his living room, trying to find a good spot for them. “Any idea where you wanna hang them, Frankie?” I asked. He looked around and pointed above his television.

“Right there?” I asked. He nodded.

“That way I can admire them while watching movies,” he explained with an almost pain expression. I understood what he meant. These two things pretty much summed up our entire relationship, no matter how brief it was. The Wizard of Oz being our movie and the Beatles being our band. He wanted to see them and think of me while doing what we normally did: watch movies.

“What movie did you feel like seeing today?” I questioned. He went over to his small stack of DVDs and searched as if he had the perfect movie in mind.

“This one! I haven’t seen this one yet!” He said, showing me the cover.

“Gone With the Wind? That’s, like, two minutes away from four hours, you know that, right?” I made sure. I didn’t know how long it was the first time I watched it and ended up staying up most of the night because I couldn’t stop watching. I was so angry toward the end of it that I was yelling at my screen for the rest of the movie. I’d watched it with Mikey during his three day leave, when he came home. And the last time I saw him. I missed my brother. He was coming into my head more. I hadn’t done anything great enough for the both of us; it was more like he was the great one, which, yeah, he was, but I needed to do something for us as well.

“Babe?” He said, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. I looked around, not sure if he was calling me that or not. Frank Iero doesn’t call people ‘babe,’ does he?

“Y-yes?” I answered hesitantly. He gave me a thoughtful look.

“You were spaced out. I was just wondering if everything was okay,” he questioned. I shook my head.

“I’ve been thinking about Mikey a lot more lately. I miss him enormously,” I confessed. We’d never really gone in depth into the topic of my little brother, but I guess now was as good a time as any.

“What was he like?” He asked as we took a seat on his couch. I smiled.

“He was so clumsy and geeky, but amazing and just so,” I sighed and turned my head to look at him, “You would have loved him, Frankie.” He grabbed my hand and kissed each one of my knuckles.

“I think I would have, too. He’s your brother, Gerard. I would love your family, even if they hated me,” he acknowledged. I blush at his words. They were so raw. They’d always been.

“They’d have loved you. I have no doubt about that,” I said. It was true. They would’ve loved how strong and confident in himself he was. They would have laughed and admired how straightforward he was about everything, but, more than anything, they would have loved how, when he cared about something, he truly cared for it with all his being. Frank is an amazing person, and I’m truly happy that he loves me out of the other billions of people in the world no matter how selfish that sounds.

“You really think so, Gee?” I froze at the nickname. No one has called me that since Mikey, but it caused me to smile at the familiarity. I nodded as I leaned over to give his cheek a kiss.

“That’s all I get?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I laughed and put my arm around him, briefly hugging him before grabbing the remote and pressing play for him.

“For now, yeah. Do you have work today?” I asked. He nodded and looked at his watch.

“I work at 6 tonight. Short shift,” he mumbled. I refrained from sighing. I knew what that meant. After he left for work, I’d have to leave him. No. Don’t think about that right now, Gerard. Enjoy your time. It’s only a little after eight.

“Well, prepare yourself for a lot of bullshit in this movie,” I huffed. I was still angry. I mean, come on! Ashlee kept saying the entire fucking time that he didn’t want to be with Scarlet! I will never get over it. I looked over at Frank as he put his arm around me and was surprised to see that he had an amused look on his face.

“What?” I asked, pouting. He gave a small laugh.

“You’re still not over how this movie is, are you?” He asks.

“Well, of course not! Just watch it. You’ll see,” I said. It’s like how I’m always going to be bitter about Jack dying in the Titanic. I’m always going to be bitter about Scarlet not getting her shit together. It’s just how I work. Frank chuckled and focused on the movie as the opening came up.

“Whatever you say, babe,” he laughed. I blushed. He really did call people that. Ray, you lucky son of a bitch, I thought. He was the first person Frank spoke so sweetly to, but that doesn’t matter, because I’m the person he’s with now. I sighed contently as I leaned into his side. I don’t even care how much of a teenage girl I sound like when I’m with him, because it’s pretty much how I feel. I think it suddenly hit me then that I was playing hooky with an 18 year old student so he and I could cuddle on his couch while watching drama movies, because I suddenly worried if he was uncomfortable being with a 28 year old man. I felt myself stiffen at his side, and I know he sensed it, because he was looking at me. Then his hand was on my knee.

“Gerard, what’s wrong?” He asked. I hesitated for a moment. This could lead to a fight.

“Should we really,” I paused, looking at anything but him, “Be doing this?” Suddenly the warmth of his hand disappeared.

“What are you afraid of?” He asked. His voiced was almost strained, as if he were in pain. I forced myself to look at him.

“I’m afraid of you leaving me,” I murmured. He raised his hands to rest on my cheeks, and gave me a soft look. He didn’t answer. Instead, he pushed his lips against mine and pulled me closer to him. I instantly pushed against him, wanting more contact.

“I love you,” he whispered against my lips as he settled himself on my lap, straddling me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer to me.

“I love you, too, Frankie,” I murmured against his shoulder. We stayed staring at each other for a while before the sound of my stomach growling broke us out of our trance. Frank looked down at my stomach and smiled at me.

“Sorry. Guess I’m hungry,” I giggled. He raised himself off of me and headed into the kitchen after giving my forehead a kiss. I blushed at his act. He really was very unpredictable, but that was one of the many things I loved about him. There was never a boring moment with Frank.

“Um, I have ramen?” He suggested. I smiled.

“Sounds great. Make it with love?” I asked, fluttering my eyes at him. He laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah, only for you.” I smiled at sat back, watching the movie.

“So, you seem to be happy,” he asked as he watched me eat the ramen. I nodded, slurping on the noodles.

“Of course,” I said. “You made this for me.” He sighed contently and leaned back into the couch, putting his arm around me.

“What?! C’mon, Scarlet! He’s been telling you that since day one!” I laughed as Frank yelled at his television.

“I told you.” He turned to me, almost pouting.

“Oh, shut up. I didn’t think it would be this bad,” he huffed. I looked at the time and it was already two in the afternoon. I felt myself get upset, but quickly pushed it away. Suddenly, Frank yawned and stood, pulling me up with him.

“Where are we going?” I asked. He dragged me to his room and undressed to his boxers.

“Frank?” I asked again when he gave me no answer.

“I wanna take a nap with you,” he said as he sleepily climbed into bed. I laughed and undressed to my boxers as well, climbing in next to him. He quickly snuggled into my side and held me tightly. I didn’t even realize I was sleepy until he had his arms around me and kissed my chin before settling in a comfortable spot under my arm.

“Hey, Gerard?” He said when I was about to drift off.

“Hm?” I hummed.

“Never stop loving me,” he whispered, but I heard him clearly. I pulled him into me more, and kissed the top of his head, not daring to open my eyes and look at him.

“I couldn’t even if I tried,” I murmured against his silky locks. I felt his smile in the air around and finally allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

Notes

Wow, I'm sorry this took so long and, like, wasn't even that interesting. I'll do better on future chapters! I'm still feeling a bit... ugh, so please bare with me? <3

I hope some of you enjoyed at least a little bit of this.

Feedback much appreciated and needed :3

-OAIF <3