In My Mind Only

Frank and I went back to school the next morning. He looked completely calm, or maybe I was just freaking out for him. I was nervous because there was a huge chance that Ray could retaliate. He hadn’t exactly said much about the incident that was spread around, but I could tell it was affecting him. There have been times over the weekend where he checked his phone and would tense up, and I could only assume that it was someone from his company or Ray.

“Are you ready, Frankie?” I asked him as I pulled into the parking lot. I parked at the far end. He sighed softly and turned to me, giving me a little smile.

“Yeah, I think so. Thanks, Gerard. See you in class,” he said as he unbuckled his belt and opened the door. I watched him walk onto the bus and really hoped for the best. I sat there for a few moments staring at the brick wall of the school before gathering up my bag and getting out the car myself. I sighed silently, jumping slightly as the sound of the bus taking off. I watched as it drove away.

“Maybe I should have gone with him?” I asked myself.

“With who, Mr. Way?” I heard a deep, familiar voice say. I turned my head straight ahead of me and saw Ray with a small smile on his face. I smiled a little bit, and waved.

“Hello there, Mr. Toro. Did you enjoy your weekend?” I asked. He gave me a little smirk, and I felt my cheeks heat up. I loved it when he did that.

“Of course. How could I possibly not?” He chuckled. “Well, are you going to keep staring at me or are you gonna walk inside with me?” He asked as he stepped ahead towards the door.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I said as I walked up next to him. We walked inside making casual small talk. I went in the direction of my classroom and Ray, surprisingly, followed. He noticed the questioning look in my eyes and chuckled nervously.

“Ah, um, I’m still not ready to face them, you know?” He confessed as I was unlocking the classroom door.

“I understand. Would you like to talk about it? I’m all ears and a closed vault,” I offered as I walked inside and put my bag on my desk.

“Well, if you’re really willing to listen, then okay. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it. Frank used to tell me that all the time,” he confessed. I thought for a moment. That doesn’t sound like something he would say. Then again, I didn’t really know who he was back then.

“You’re friends with Frank? You punched him in the face the other day.” I had to act like I didn’t know he was part of the reason he had major trust issues.

“We aren’t anymore. We used to be best friends, but, more than that, we were a couple.” I was surprised he was telling me all of this, but I was really curious since Frank never elaborated more on the subject. I couldn’t help but be curious! This was, like, a romance story you would find online or something!

“Frank and I met when we were in Jr. high, 6th grade, to be exact, and we were inseparable. He was always this kid in the class who would laugh at the dullest of things and have a smile on his face. He was the kid who made you happy to be in a certain class just because he was in it. Eventually, I started wanting to be the reason he was happy, because I loved him a lot. I still do.”

“So what happened?” I asked him.

“Frank was my first kiss, my first love, and my first time. He was my everything, but then I met Jealousy. Life has a funny way of happening. I was on my way to meet him, and I saw her at the park and she looked a little lost. I guess that’s drew me to her, you know, I wanted to help.” I nodded at him to continue. “Yeah, well, she and I ended up becoming too close and I started ditching Frank to be with her more. After we broke up, he kind of faded into the back. A couple of months into freshman year, he started pursuing me, and it bothered me because I still loved him, but I didn’t want to hurt Jealousy. I was so frustrated that I started taking it out on him.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself. I walked over and patted him on the shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Ray looked at me, standing about my height and smiled, bumping his shoulder into mine.

“The bell’s going to ring soon. Feel free to stay until then, but you’ll have to face them sooner or later. I wonder how Frank is going to be through all of this as well,” I asked out loud.
“I tried talking to him over the weekend,” he said as I walked over to my bag to get my lesson plan out. “But he rarely answered me. I really think I should talk to him once JROTC comes back?” He asked. Even though he were really asking himself, I decided it would be best to answer.

“Well, maybe space is what he needs, so try giving him some time,” I suggested. He reluctantly nodded.

“You’re right. I’ll try that,” he said. He stopped talking after that and sat in a desk. I got all my handouts ready and it was then that my cell phone chimed with a new message. I looked up at Ray and he was sitting with his head down, no doubt sleeping. I put my phone on vibrate before checking the message. It was from Frankie.

Frankie: I’m losing control of this company.

I stopped what I was doing and sent a text back.

Me: What happened?

I waited for five minutes before my phone vibrated. I looked at it, prepared to read a message when I saw it was a call from him. I quickly walked out into the hall and answered the phone once I saw no one was in the hall.

“Hello?” I answered.

“They said they aren’t taking orders from a faggot.” His voice sounded cold and distant, but I knew that he was just hurt that the people he considered his family were treating him in such a way.

“So what’s going to happen?” I asked.

“I don’t really know, Gerard. I mean, I may just… step down and let Price take over as company commander.”

“Can you even do that?” I asked.

“Probably not, but it doesn’t hurt to try. Okay, well, that’s not entirely true. I really love all of them, and I’m not sure what I would do without them,” he sighed, “I want to go back home and crawl under a rock.” I smiled at his emotions. It was still going to take some getting used to, because I was used to him being so stoic.

“You’ll be back at school and then we’ll be home soon enough.” As I finished my sentence, the bell rang.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you later today, Frankie. Good luck and let me know what happens,” I say quickly as I walk back into my room and hang up my cell. Ray slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He yawned loudly and stood up, stretching his arms over his head and balancing himself on his toes.

“Thanks for letting me stay here for a while, Mr. Way,” he thanked as he picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulders.

“Of course. Anytime, Mr. Toro,” I said as I tried to hide the blush from watching him stretch. It was a bit wrong of me to think that his groans sounded so exotic, but I was thinking with the wrong head at the moment. Despite my growing blush, I glanced at Ray and watched as he shot me a striking smirk and left the class. I fanned my face and took a couple of deep breaths before class started filing in.

“Morning, Mr. Way!” One of my chirpier first period student chimed as she walked in. She was always nice to be around because her bubbliness rubbed off on the others, making my first period pretty lively.

“How’s your morning, Jamia?” I asked as she took a seat at her desk.

“Great as always! What about yours?” She asked. Yep, she was also super polite. Too much for her own good, I think, but there needs to be more people like her. Maybe I can introduce Frank to her and her liveliness will rub off on him. She seemed like the type of person who could help.

“It was all right. For the first time, I was able to see the JROTC bus take off, so that was interesting,” I said. I was trying to bring Frank into the conversation somehow. Maybe they really could be friends.

“Ah, Frank Iero is such a… cutie,” she confessed as a little blush creeped its way onto her face. I froze. On second thought, I better keep her away from him. I shook my head. What was wrong with me? Frank deserves happiness, and he isn’t going to find it with Jealousy, but maybe he could find it with Jamia.

“Ooh, so you’re interested in him?” I asked with a grin on my face, though I found that it hurt too much to be considered a real one.

“Well, yeah, I guess I am. He’s so mysterious, and he really cares about his class.” As I listened to her speak about the Frankie I’d come to know, I couldn’t fight the part of me that wanted her to stop.

“It seems so. Would you do me a favor and place these on each desk?” I asked as held the stack of papers out to her. I normally do it myself, but anything to get her to stop talking about Frankie. This works well.

“Sure!” She says as she takes the papers from him and passes it out. “Wait. We’re learning about the Wizard of Oz?” She asks me as she takes a good look at the handout.

“Yes. But I decided to do something different from using the book. I’m going to try using the script. I’m really excited about it!” I said happily as I thought about how many fun facts I could also teach the class.

“That does sound really exciting,” she says.

“And once we’re done, we’ll watch the movie and end it with a quiz.” I was glad that I could work my favorite movie into a lesson plan, and I could wait to get started. Soon enough the class started filing in, and once I saw all my students were here, I got up and walked to the front of the class.

“Morning, class! How has your morning been?” I asked. I got a few groans of protest and sleepiness. I chuckled and started passing out the first part of the script. “So, we’re going to be studying the Wizard of Oz script. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, on your desks are 10 questions I’d like for us to answer once we’ve finished reading through the script. Aren’t you guess excited?!” I exclaimed throwing my hands up in the air. Only Jamia exclaimed happily with me before a cricket decided to chip in his two cents. I scowled.

“All right. How about we make a deal?” I said to get them interest. A few of them raised their eyebrows in interest. “If each one of you put it your 110% and everyone makes a 100 on each paper we do on this, I will come to school dressed as Dorothy. Dress, basket, ruby slippers, and all.” They laughed, as if I were joking.

“You can’t be serious, right?” One of them asked.

“I’m very serious. But if you guys are so sure you can’t do it, then whatever then,” I said nonchalantly.

“Wait! Guys, let’s do this!” Another one of them said. I smirked.

“Maybe if you spread the word, on the days we’re watching the movie, I’ll reenact the musical numbers. That’s if every class makes a 100 on each paper and tries,” I challenged them. The gleam in their eyes said they accepted, and I was happy. I loved dressing up as Dorothy when I could. Haha, they thought they would embarrass me! I take pride in my infatuation!

“Cool, so then, let’s get started. Are you guys ready?” I asked again. They cheered, and I smiled. The rest of the class, each student at least answered one question and I was happy that they all seemed really excited. I mean, even if it wasn’t for the actual script but to get me to wear a dress, then that was fine with me. In the end, they’d learn a lot about how to decipher scripts. It was an important thing to have. To each one of my classes, I challenged them the same way and all of my classes seemed more than enthusiastic. By the time my free period rolled around, I was happy that my class seemed a lot more fun.

“Gerard, I’d like to have a word.” I looked up and saw the principle.

“Yes, sir?” I asked.

“Word in the halls is that you’re offering an incentive to your students,” he said. I smiled and nodded my head. I couldn’t let him see that I was slightly intimidated by his loud voice.

“Yes! The students seem really eager and, today, not one of them even put their head down on the desk. I’ve gotten all of them to enthusiastically answer questions. So far, every one of my students have 100’s on the paper I’d given out today,” I explained happily.

“Gerard, doesn't it seem a little inappropriate? You’ll be wearing a dress, for goodness’ sake!”

“Sir, I have found that if you give the kids something to work for, a type of goal, then they’ll strive to reach it.”

“That should be graduating,” he explained. I sighed and my hand to my face.

“I’m talking about small goals to reach for. You offer a kid candy or a trip to the store or park if he does something really good, don’t you? Same goes for everyone else. We’re all just a bunch of big kids, waiting for out next offer of candy or trip to the park. It’s the baby steps taken rather than the destination that matter.” He gives me a solemn look before nodding his head and chuckling.

“I’m fine with it, Gerard. I just wanted to see if you could hold your ground. A lot of young teachers that come through here have no backbone, but you seem to have an iron one. Good luck with the challenge, Gerard,” he said as he chuckled more and took his leave. Once I was sure he was gone, I let out a breath that I’d been holding and laughed to myself. No, he definitely wasn’t a bad guy at all. I spent half of my free period grading the rest of the papers and was happy when 4th period all made 100’s. I decided to check my phone and saw that I had a few of messages from Frank. Recently, too.

Frankie: Jealousy demanded to know what was going on. I told her everything. Even about me hating her at some point. She seemed to understand and even apologized. She decided that we should stay together.

Hm, that’s odd. No normal girlfriend would be even slightly okay with that, but this is Jealousy that we’re talking about. The girl who thinks that agreeing to hang out meant dating. I read the next one.

Frankie: Really, Gerard? Dorothy’s dress? Where are you going to get it?

I laughed and was about to respond back when I heard someone come in. Speak of the devil.

“Hey there, Frankie,” I said as he took a seat in the desk in front of mine.

“Hey. You were just reading my texts?” He asked. I nodded and he smiled a little.

“So the dress?” He questioned. I smirked.

“Oh, yeah. I’m super excited.”

“I get the feeling that you already have the dress?” He guessed. I giggled and it caused him to laugh.

“That’ll be interesting. I can’t wait to see it.” We stayed silent after that. I thought about maybe telling him about Jamia and giving him the chance at happiness, but something was telling me not to. The feeling was there, and it was deep and I couldn’t shake it away. What’s more is that I don’t think I wanted to.

The rest of the day went by pretty fast and, still, I was glad that everyone seemed to know about my challenge and wanted to take part in it. I had to stay after school to read and comment on journals so I told Frankie to go on ahead without me. He gave me a smile that seemed bittersweet. It was almost like a goodbye, but I shook the feeling away. I would see him whenever I got home and we would watch movies together while eating a nice, home-cooked meal. Yes, my life was good. Or, at least it was until I came home to an empty house. All of Frankie’s things were gone and I panicked. I called him a dozen times, but he never picked up. I sent him a lot of messages, but he never answered them. I knew he wasn’t in any trouble, but I still went to bed that night feel anxious.

“Where did you go, Frank?” I asked as I laid in bed, staring that the ceiling. My mind was filled with nothing but his face, and it was at that moment that I realized that maybe I like Frankie more than I was letting myself on. I knew I shouldn’t, because he was going into the military, after all.

Notes

I started typing this chapter with ending it with something completely different from how I actually did. So that happened.
Anyways, enjoy! <3 Feedback would be very, very, very very great! :3

-OAIF <3