In My Mind Only

That day, I took off from work to stay with Frank. He'd really scared me last night, but he'd been doing a lot of that lately. His emotions have changed so drastically that it's hard to keep up.

"So, let everything out, okay, Frankie?" I asked him. We'd taken a seat on my bed and sat there for a while before I decided to break the silence.

"There's nothing else to let out. Everyone knows and Ray still has my number and Jealousy will ask questions and put me on the spot..." he trailed off. Wait, what? Ray texted him? Never mind, that’s not important right now. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze lightly. He raises his head up to look at me and I give him a soft smile. His lip twitches and I want to frown because it shows that he’s going back to his old self.

“Cheer up, Frankie. Everything will be okay. How about we watch a movie?” I asked. He nodded his head slowly after thinking about it for a while.

“But shouldn’t you go to work, Gerard? I’ll be fine on my own,” he tried to convince me. As much as he’d rarely admit it- this not being one of those times- he wants me to stay. I know he does.

“I’m not leaving you,” I told him. He gave me a small smile that looked full of relief which caused me to smile as well. I studied his face as he went to look through the movies. I always thought he was beautiful. I’m not fully attracted to him, but enough to notice how soft his facial features are despite his hard looks. I watched as his hazel eyes scanned over the movies before him because seeing them slightly light up as he reached for one.

“How about we just finish the Wizard of Oz?” He asked me. I smiled. Like I was going to say no to that movie.

“You know, Ray used to want me to watch this movie. I just remembered. I never wanted to because movies always ended. He was always a big movie fanatic. After he, uh, left me, I made a list of movies that I would watch with him whenever he and I got back together,” he explained as he stared at the movie case.

“You were planning on taking him back?” I asked. I would’ve thought after everything, Frank would hate to be touched by someone who did that to him. I was that way with my own ex. I cringe at the memory of his hands on me during long nights of love making.

“Yes. I even tried to an extent, but that only caused his violent behavior towards me. I suppose after that, I didn’t really care about love. How can you hurt someone you used to say you loved with all your being? I never understood it, but I guess it’s because that’s the way the world works. Everyone is born innocent and the environment of that individual determines exactly who they become. For example, Ray’s father was abusive towards his mother. Hence the reason he became like that towards me. I’m taking a shot in the dark, but I think I always knew that he still loved me. I just didn’t want to hear it.” As Frank talks about Ray, I feel myself become almost guilty. He helped me get with someone who probably still loves as well. He sacrificed his love for mine. He sacrificed Jealousy’s love for mine, but I think all he really wanted was for Ray to be happy.

“I’m sorry, Frank. I wish things had turned out differently,” I confessed. And I mean it. There have been times where I thought that life would’ve been so much easier if I could just keep my eyes off of Ray long enough to not fall in love with him. Maybe it would’ve been easier if I’d fallen in love with Frank or maybe even someone my own age, but that didn’t happen and I can’t think about what-if’s now.

“Gerard, people can’t control these things. It’ll happen. I understand that. Just… please be happy and make sure he’s happy. He used to mean the world to me, so protect him.”
“Do you still love him, Frank, because I can stop talking to him, you know?” I asked.

“You guys are officially talking?” He asked. He gets this type of expression on his face that I can’t really read. A mixture of anger and happiness.

“Um, yeah. We’ve been texting and stuff,” I explain, averting my eyes as I realize that I sound like a schoolgirl with a crush on Justin Timberlake. He chuckles, causing me to look at him defensively.

“What?” I snap.

“You sound like a schoolgirl with a crush on Justin Timberlake,” he says. I freeze. I hate how he does that! He thinks the same way I do and it makes me want to like him a hell of lot more than I like Ray.

“Stop that,” I say. He gives me a confused look and I sigh, waving away an explanation.

“Just put in the movie.” He does and takes a seat on the couch next to me, really close. There’s this feeling in the air between us, a type of content feeling yet bittersweet. I can’t shake this bad feeling, but I push it away and try to enjoy the movie. Once Dorothy found Scarecrow, I looked over at Frank and saw a refreshing smile on his face.

“Stop staring,” he said. I never looked away.

“I’m not staring,” I answered. He turned and looked at me. I looked into his eyes and he stared back at mine. We stayed like that. Never breaking eye contact, never leaning in, and never faulting. He suddenly blinked and then looked away, almost as if all of this was a bad idea.

“Frank.” He looks at me.

“Move in with me,” I say. He gives a twitch of his lips and I take that as a yes. He was too modest to say yes. I smile turn back to watching the movie. After a few moments of comfortable silence, he turned to me.

“I’ll, um, think about it,” he murmured, avoiding eye contact with me. I felt my smile vanish, but quickly placed it back on my face.

“Yeah, sure. It was kind of sudden, so I understand. Take your time, Frankie,” I said as I patted him lightly on the head.

“I’m not a little kid, Gerard,” he whined. I stifled a laugh and continued watching the movie. I started thinking about how Frank could’ve been sitting with Ray watching this movie instead of with him if it hadn’t been for Jealousy. I had her as a student, and she was pretty nice, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t some type of floozy. It’s always the nice ones that have the darkest side, I noticed. I wonder if things really happen for a reason, or if life just butt-fucks us without giving us a complimentary reach around. I look at the movie without watching it. I find myself not really paying attention to anything these days. Even today, in the middle of class, I was supposed to be reading a book out loud to the class and just stopped mid-sentence without even realizing it. Ray was the one who brought me back from my thoughts by rubbing his foot against mine, which shocked me and caused me to look around only to find everyone looking at me.

“Gerard?” I heard Frank ask. I looked over at him and silently told him to continue talking.

“Well, I was just wanting to know if you actually wanted me to, you know, move in with you?”

“Of course,” I answered quickly. This seemed to surprise him because it took him a while to answer.

“Why?” He asked.

“Well, I can’t just leave you on the streets, Frank. I can give you a nice, warm place to sleep and food in your tummy,” I explain.

“Tummy? What are you, five?” He sulked.
“Well, what if I am! Speaking of age, I’m your teacher. You missed an important lesson today in class,” I tell him.

“Okay, so teach me.”

“Wait- you’re not going to argue?” I asked, dumbfounded. He scoffed.

“Well, no. I take my school work seriously.”

“Oh, yeah, your resting bitch face says you take everything too seriously,” I laugh. He grabs the pillow he was clutching and throws it at my face. I maneuver off the couch, dodging it just in time.

“Ha! You miss-!” I was interrupted with another pillow coming at me, this one actually hitting me in the face. I throw it back at him and I miss as he moves away, lunging himself at me with the last pillow on the couch. I roll away and grab the one first thrown at me.

“You’re such a jackass, Gerard!” He laughs. I relax a little bit knowing that he’s maybe feeling somewhat better, but then regret it as the pillow he’s holding comes in contact with my shoulder.

“You little shit!” I chuckle as I grab my arm. The rest of the night consisted of us running around my house trying to hit the other. First one to get hit five times loses and has to do something embarrassing that the other one decides. Playing such a game makes me feel like a teenager again, and that thought itself makes me smile. I really hope Frank stays smiling, but even I am aware that that is impossible. This is Frank Iero we’re talking about. Once we were getting ready for bed, I saw Frank check his phone and he frowned.

“What’s wrong, Frankie?” I asked him. He looked up at me and shrugged his shoulders.

“Ray wants to talk. It must be hard for him as well,” he responds. I watch as he plugs his phone to his charger. He climbs into bed next to me and tosses and turns until he’s comfortable.

“Jeez, you’re shaking the whole house,” I mutter.

“Are you trying to make a fat joke?” He asks, peeking out from under the blankets with a glare.

“Yes,” I say as I stick my tongue out at him.

“I still can’t believe you’re in charge of teach kids! The future of our nation! And you’re here sticking your tongue out at me like a child,” he says. I pout.

“Yeah, well, I’m a sexy child!” I defend.

“Only you would think that,” he retorts.

“Nope, Ray does as well,” I say, giving him the finger.

“He’s easy to please,” he laughs. Even though we bicker like an old married couple, I know Frank is a good kid. I really wish I met him before I had that chance to fall in love with Ray.
The weekend passes by in a flash and Frank is obviously nervous about going back Monday. He’s constantly ignoring calls and messages from his JROTC group, and it’s starting to get Jealousy angry. The only reason I know that is because Ray talks to me and Jealousy talks to him. I avoid telling Frank that his girlfriend is talking to his and her ex. Tomorrow, Frank and I go back to school. Tomorrow he faces a possibility of his torment getting worse. All in all, I know that I have to protect him, because that little fucker will end up doing reckless things. And he can’t afford it. Not right now.

Notes

Jeezus, guys, I have huge writer's block with this story. This is a short, shit chapter. Filler basically, but I'll be getting somewhere with this soon. I'll be updating Hospital Bed soon, probably Thursday afternoon.
Well, anyways, enjoy! <3 Feedback would be sexy, serious =-= Tough crowd :3

-OAIF <3