In My Mind Only

I was walking into my second period class when Jealousy pulled me aside, near the wall. I looked down at her, seeing as I was taller than her (thankfully) and she peered up at me.

"So, what do you say?" She asked. I knew she was obviously talking about hanging out after school. The thought immediately angered me, because I knew she didn't mean it. If anything, all it meant was that she still loved Ray and was willing to play with my feelings in order to try and get him back despite her breaking up with him on her own. I forced a nod.

"Yeah, sure. How about the park a few blocks away?" I asked. Though she and I knew I wasn't really asking her. I'm the man; therefore, I make the plans. That's the point of a date or whatever the fuck this was. I watched as her eyes lit up and she nodded her head excitedly. It was those little gestures of hers that made my heart almost flutter. Almost.

"So then, we'll meet up after out last period and head over there. Let's get to class. We're not meant to be late," I said. As "silly" as it sounded, I took JROTC very seriously. I was already planning to join the Army and work my way up to being an Army Ranger. I understood how emotionally and mentally tough you had to be, and, well, look at me. I have little to no emotion whatsoever so I was more than positive that I was fine. I turned my attention back to Jealousy and saw as she nodded and took off in the direction of our class, I followed behind their.

I pulled my phone out and sent Gerard a text.

Me: We're going right after school. I'll be seeing you "working out" at around 3:50?

As I walked into class, I felt my phone vibrate, but i didn't check it. After all, phones were only allowed during free time. I sat in Economics, taking notes as if my life depended on it. Truthfully, this stuff doesn't interest me. It's a complete turn off and it makes me want to die, really, but that's being over-dramatic.

"All right, class. Lesson is over. Do whatever for the next, what, um, 10 minutes. Just try and keep it to a dull roar, please? Thanks," the teacher spoke. He was a middle aged man, who was obviously hung over. Only thing he needed was the blank shades, but he didn't have those so he was suffering. That's an example of why you shouldn't drink. You end up feeling like shit, or worse... You end up with a kid you end up treating like shit. I sighed and took my phone out to see what Gerard said.

Gerard: Why did you put quotations around working out? Are you implying that I don't regularly work out?

I scoffed. He's such a baby. I started typing down my reply when Jealousy came up next to me.

Me: Yes.

"Who's Gerard?" She asked as she peered over my shoulder. I put my phone up and thought over a lie.

"He's my uncle," I said.

"You text your uncle? That's weird," she laughed.

"If you think that's weird, then you're the weird one. Family is family." She sighed.

"Jeez, I was joking, Frank. Have you heard of those?" Great. Now she was mad for something she said. We stared at each other, having a silent battle when the door opened and everyone turned their direction over to that direction.

"Jealousy, we need to talk." It was Ray. I shot him a glare and he shot me one back.

"No, we don't. Besides, I'm with Frank now. So leave me alone,"she told him. Wait... what? Together? I don't remember asking her out. I quickly looked over at her as she took my hand in hers and smiled at me.

"You're dumping me for him?" He asked as if it was the hardest thing to believe, ever. I rolled my eyes at him.

"It would certainly be an upgrade," she retorted. Everyone in the class had to throw in their two cents by screaming "burn!"

"Damn, Ray! She torched your ass!" One kid yelled. I bit down a laugh at the reference. Ray didn't say anything, but instead looked at me and gave me a look that I knew all too well.

"Whatever," then he walked out, leaving the class in complete silence. Jealousy tightened her grip around my hand.

"We're dating?" I asked her. She shyly looked up at me and nodded her head.

"You said you wanted to hang out," she explained. I raised my brow because I was positive that that wasn't how people started dating. I suddenly felt uncomfortable with her hand over mine and I moved it away from hers. I felt uncomfortable and I didn't know why.

Three class periods had gone by since then and it was about to be 6th period. English class. The class I had with Ray, and I was curious about what he was going to do.I'd been texting Gerard and telling him about everything, but I still hadn't told him about Me and Jealousy and whatever it is that we have.

Me: Jealousy and I are dating now.

I sent it and waited for his response. He responded quicker than usual.

Gerard: You asked her out? This quickly?

Me: No. She said when I agreed to hang out, that I was basically saying yes to dating her.

Gerard: I really don't think it works that way..

I sighed and felt really discontent with how things were going.

Me: Exactly what I thought. Are we getting together after me and Jealousy are doing hanging out?

The bell rang and Gerard still hadn't answered me as I walked into English. But then I knew why.

"Gerard?" I asked. He was sitting at his desk. His normally long black was now a short 50's style cut (see Ghost of You :D). He looked up at me.

"It's Mr. Way to you, Franki-... Frank," he said, "why are you in here so early?" He looked angry, which only made me more hostile towards him.

"I guess you never notice that I'm always the first one in here since you're always looking at You Know Who," he argued. I don't get why everyone loves that son of a bitch anyways.

"Shut your mouth and just take your seat." Was all he said. Being the forever committed cadet I was, I did as I was told. I don't know what the fuck crawled up his ass and died, but he shouldn't direct it towards me. I sat in my desk with my arms crossed over my chest and waited until the class started gracing us with their presence. I looked back at Gerard and he kept his eyes focused on the papers he was sorting and didn't even look at me when he did finally look up.

"Okay, class. I want everyone to pass up the essays I'm sure all of you have been able to complete about 20 times over by now. There are no excuses," he explained with a cheerful smile. As if he wasn't pissy with me a couple of minutes ago. The class groaned. I saw a girl raise up her hand.

"Yes?" Gerard asked her.

"I like your haircut," she said shyly. I rolled my eyes. He smiled happily.

"Thanks! I didn't know if it went well with me or not, but... I decided to take a chance," he explained.

"You would look good bald," another girl replied. I bit down on my lip. I don't get why those girls were always all over his dick, but whatever. It doesn't concern me.

"Frank, do you have your essay?" I looked up and Gerard was standing right in front of me with other papers he'd already picked it up.

"I turned it in on the first day, sir, so it should be on your desk," I said, clearly emphasizing that word to piss him off. I bit down harder on my lip.

"I went through everything up there, but I didn't see anything. You have until the end of the class period to complete it with an extra page included as interest," he said curtly, walking away. I glared up at him.

"You're punishing me because you don't know how to look for things?" I said before I could stop myself. I saw him pause in his step and turn back to me.

"Excuse me, Mr. Iero, but it wasn't up their. Feel free to look yourself, or just accept the punishment and write three pages. It's up to you. I don't care what you do." Then he continued picking up papers. The class was sudden't silent and everyone was looking at us both. They thought he was talking about the essay, but there had to be a deeper meaning in those words. Without realizing, I saw blood drop on my my desk and I reached up to my lip. There was blood on my fingers and I could taste it now; I'd bitten my lip a little too hard. Gerard walked past me and glanced at me, but then fully turned to me. He sighed and handed me a box of tissues, but I just shifted away from him and held my sweatshirt to my mouth.

"Just take the damn tissues," he muttered.

"I have an essay to do, Mr. Way. Please stop interrupting me," I said coldly as I pulled my journal out. I pulled out a pen from my pocket and got to writing. My first essay was only a page and a half; how the hell was I supposed to make it three now? He's such an asshole. Fine. I'll do exactly what I said I would and make it so cheesy that he would puke. I started writing the title angrily.

The One and Only Time I Was on the Titanic, I titled it. I almost wanted to add By Fall Out Boy at the end. He wanted three pages? With this title alone, I could write him a fucking book so someone could make a movie about it in their garage.

I came from a poor family as anyone around me could tell. I was considered rowdy because I knew had to live and didn't have a silver spoon up my ass despite being curious and smart enough to make something of myself. My close friend and I were gambling in this little rundown tavern looking thing, and things were getting intense. He put in everything he had, especially these tickets that had the word Titanic printed on them. I'd heard of that. It was this really big ship and it was set to sail to New York later today. I knew I had to win those tickets and make something of myself in America.

I kept writing and writing until I heard the bell ring. I looked over at how many pages I'd written so far and it was about five. I smirked and put my name on it. I walked up to his desk and stapled it. Only he and I were in the room and he watched as i tossed it on his desk in front of him.

"The One and Only Time I Was on the Titanic? Are you serious, Frank? This is bullshit," he said and tossed it back at me.

"Beggars can't be choosers, Mr. Way. I'll see you after school." Then I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked out of his classroom. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't sure I heard a crash come from his room, because I was positive that I did. I walked into the restroom to look at my lip and saw that it stopped bleeding, but the dried blood on my lip looked disgusting. I leaned over the sink to wash my mouth when someone pushed me, causing my to hit my head on the faucet. I didn't even need to look to know how it was.

"Ray." I said. I turned around he was glaring at me just as intensely as he always did whenever he would beat me up.

"Stay away from my girlfriend, you piece of shit. She doesn't want you!" He said as he gripped my by my collar. I watched as my uniform was bunched up in his fists and I tried pulling him off for the sake of saving it, but he was stronger than me.

"If you didn't notice earlier, it was her telling you about she and I. I didn't say a single word. So it's quite clear that she does want me," I said harshly. His grip tightened and I grew angrier.

"Do I have to teach you another lesson, punk?"

"The only thing you've taught me was how how to be an R. Kelly victim!" I growled. I'm sick and tired of his torment.

"Then I'll give you the same lesson this time again." He dropped my on the floor and bent over to punch me in the jaw. Because I was so close to the floor and his punch had so much power behind it, I guess I hit my head on the floor and knocked out because everything went black. One day... I swear, I'm going to kill him...

I woke up later in the nurse's office I'm assuming. I turn my head to the side and I see Gerard sitting there, reading a book. He looks over at me and smiles.

"How you feeling there?" He asked. I looked down at myself and noticed my uniform was stained yellow and I think my hair as well, because it was so close to my nose.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, completely ignoring his question. I was still pissed at how he talked to me earlier and I wasn't going to let that go anytime soon. I know I was an asshole, but I know he knew when I was teasing him. And I was not teasing him right now.

"I found you on the restroom floor and brought you here. Had I known you had pee on you, i would've kicked you over here," he said as he closed his book and put in down on his lap.

"What's your problem?" I asked. "I'm getting real sick and tired of how you're talking to me." I glared at him and he kept his face straight.

"You're my problem. You think you're so desirable. You think everyone wants you. Grow up," he said angrily.

"Me grow up? I'm not the one getting mad at a student for something as shallow as ego," I said back. I got off the bed and stumbled a little, because I was feeling a little lightheaded and then regained composure. I walked towards the door, but then stopped.

"I thought I could trust you, but I'm glad you proved me wrong before I made that mistake." Then i walked out, slamming the door behind me. I didn't know where my backpack was and I didn't care. There was nothing important in there anyways. I pulled out my phone and check the time. 3:40. Five minutes until the last bell. I wandered around the halls until the bell rang and I met Jealousy at the side entrance that leads to the park and we started walking. I noticed the expression on her face as I came into her view, but I gave her a look and she didn't ask. I also noticed her covering her nose, but I pretended not to notice and we continued walking. It was five minutes later that we arrived at the park. We sat there in silence for a while before she spoke.

"Who did that to you?" She finally asked. I wished she was a little like Gerard and didn't ask no matter how much she wanted to know.

"Pleas, leave it be." Was all I said and we stopped talking again. A few moments later, I saw Ray walking down the road. We were in plain view and I didn't know if Jealousy had seen him until she grabbed my hand and held it tightly and then laughed even though nothing was funny. I looked over and saw Ray looking at us, and he started walking towards us, with determination. I was sure he was going to punch me until Gerard stepped in his way. I was shocked because I didn't think he was still going to go along with the plan. He was dressed completely different. He was in shorts, a muscle shirt, and he had these black Nike running shoes on; he looked so different and I still wasn't used to his short hair which threw me off even more. I could barely hear his words.

"Ray, it's not worth it." He means I'm not worth it.

"Let's go for a walk, okay? We'll talk about it." He means he loves you and wants to be with you.

"Come on," he said as he put his hand on Ray's back and took him walking in the other direction. I looked away and then stood up from the bench we were sitting on.

"Frank?" Jealousy asked.

"I need to go home and change. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow..." I said as I walked away from her. I just wanted to be alone, and I knew the perfect place to do that. Home.

Notes

I did a presentation on Vertigo and Gone With the Wind today in my color fundamentals class and I think I did pretty sexy :D
I hope this is good. I'd been dying to update for days now, but I still have no internet at the apartments ;-;
Anyways enjoy! <3 Feedback would be sexy! :3
Also, someone message me. I'm stuck here waiting for my roommate again ;-;

-OAIF <3