In My Mind Only

Gerard dropped me off a few minutes before my JROTC bus pulled into the lot. I smiled at the bus driver I'd grown to trust over the years despite him being a near old man.

"Hey there, Bart. Did you miss us?" I asked him. I asked him this every single time I got on the bus in the morning and each time, he would respond with a laugh and say,


"I sure did, Frank!" And I'd locate myself to the sit right behind him. All of my cadets thought I was weird for sitting all the way in the front, while they sat all the way towards the back. I had two very good reasons for doing this.

One: To talk to Bart more and show him that we cared about him a lot, even if the other didn't show it.

and two: because I watched him drive. On the off chance that something happens to Bart, I would know how to operate the bus and, so far, that's working out pretty well.

"How was your weekend?" I asked him over the roaring engine of the bus. We looked at each other through the mirror above him and he gave a little face.

"Eh, it was all right. Spent some time with the family, but for the next few days, I won't be here. My daughter is getting married so I'll be over there doing that. I'm proud," he answered.

"That's good. Family always comes first, right?" He nodded in response.

"Hey, Frank, is this everyone?" One of my cadets, Price, asked me. I looked around and I had no messages on my phone indicating a late cadet.

"Yeah. We're good to go, Bart. Let's head off." He smiled and closed the bus doors and drove away from the school. I looked back at Jealousy, who was sitting in the very back, and discovered that her face was red and streaked with the traces of dried tears. I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

Me: What happened?

I looked over at her and watched as she pulled out her phone and looked up to meet my eyes. We shared a look before she broke contact and I felt my phone vibrate a few minutes later.

Jealousy: Wait until we get back to school and you'll see why my morning has been really fucked up.

Me: Did Ray do something again?

Jealousy: I don't think he hung the posters up, but he did kiss another girl.

Me: What posters?

Jealousy: There are huge posters of him and another girl kissing in certain classrooms and one on my locker. I just... Why would he do that? I gave everything to him...

Me: What do you mean everything?

Jealousy: Frank, we had sex this past weekend... I gave him my virginity, and I feel so dirty and violated now.

I gave this some thought and sat back in my seat fully. I felt my jaw clench itself and didn't realize exactly how much my chest hurt until I found that it was hard to breathe. I forgot that I had to answer her text until I received a new message.

Jealousy: I didn't want to tell you, because I know how... you feel..

Me: What do you mean?

Jealousy: I know you like me...

I paused my movements and let my hand drop into my lap.

Me: What makes you say that?

Jealousy: It was hard to tell at first, but I'm not completely blind.... I'm sure that if I had met you before Ray, I would definitely have dated you instead...

I know what she's doing now. Rebound. I'm gonna have to become a fucking rebound. I scoffed and felt more than disappointment towards her.

Me: Is that so?

Jealousy: Am I right?.. Do you... like me, Frank?

I sighed and took a deep breath before typing out my answer.

Me: Yes.

I'd never felt more disappointed in my life and I almost wanted to cry even, but I would never do that publicly.

Jealousy: I just broke up with Ray. Do you... maybe want to hang out after school today?

Me: We'll talk in our next class. We're almost to the JROTC building, so just try to focus on that for now. We're doing an important orienteering lesson today.

Jealousy: Okay.

I slid my phone into my backpack and let out a shaky breath. I wasn't expecting her to come for me so quickly. I'd have to tell Gerard that he had to come back early. Things were going to start happening now.

In the middle of class, when I allowed them to have a break, I spoke to First Sergeant and told him that I needed to make an emergency call, so I had to step out. I quickly dialed Gerard's number.

"Hello?" He answered groggily on the 5th ring. I knew he was going to bed asleep. He could sleep a whole lot.

"So Jealousy already saw the posters. But a thing happened that I wasn't expecting," I trailed off.

"What?" He answered. He seemed more alert and very concerned that maybe we'd been caught.

"She just asked me out for after school today," I said. He was silent for a moment, before finally deciding to answer.

"Well. what does that mean for me?"

"She already broke up with Ray. You're gonna have to make a move now while he's still sensitive. Come back to work tomorrow, or, like, if I go out with her today, I'll make sure to pick a spot he passes by and maybe you can just "happen" to be there when he sees us," I explained.

"You sound very determined," he noted. I smirked.

"She told me that they had sex this weekend. He's been leading two girls on for who knows how long. I want to hurt him. You never lie. Never," I said through gritted teeth.

"I know you have terrible trust issues and that you really like her, but try not to get too reckless, all right?" He said with his concerned teacher voice. "So text me after this class, since I'm sure it's still JROTC for you, and we'll plan something for after school."

"Okay. Bye, Gerard," I said as I hung up. I turned around and walked back into the class, picking up the book I was working from. I grabbed a dry erase marker and went back up to the board.

"Okay, so, now that we've breaked for little, I expect you all to be in a great learning mood. All right, next we'll practice finding open mine pits. I'll give you the coordinates and you find them. First three to find them can be dismissed to their buses early," I explained and they cheered in response. I wrote down two coordinates.

1. GL01973180

2. GL0367865

"Okay, begin!" And then I walked around the room to look over them and see if anyone needed help. I felt like I was a decent teacher, but I could always be better. I want them to respect me and like me as well so they wouldn't give me too much hassle.

"Sir, I'm a little confused on how to find these coordinates." I looked over my shoulder to see a first year cadet sitting in his desk with his face red. I walked over to him and leaned over is desk to grab the paper he'd written the coordinates down on and then grabbed his pencil.

"Here, this will make it easier," I explained as I separated the number, making them easier to read. The whole class went by pretty smoothly and I dismissed the first three to finish to their buses 10 minutes before class ended. I had everyone in parade rest before dismissing them.

"On your feet," I commanded and they swiftly stood up, hands cuffed, back straight, and looking straight forward and keeping their bearings.

"Secure your gear." And they quickly picked up their bags and went back to sanding at attention.

"Alpha Company... Dis-miss!" I yelled.

"Hoo-ahh, Alpha!" They yelled and immediately began filing out.

As soon as we reached the bus, I greeted Bart and then pulled out my phone as I sat down.

Me: Ray passes by this park on his walk home every day. Maybe she and I could hang out there.

I plugged in my earphone and turned on some Beatles. I found that they weren't so bad after hanging around Gerard for a little bit.

Gerard: What the hell would I be doing by a park?

Me: Do you really want me to answer that?

Gerard: You're right. Don't.

Me: Just go for a jog, or fast walk. Like you're working out or something.

Gerard: Yeah, that'll probably work. So what time?

Me: I'm gonna talk to Jealousy about it, and then I'll let you know.

Gerard: Okay.

I put my phone up just as the song Day Tripper began playing. I laughed a little. Ironic.

Notes

I had some free time while waiting for my roommate to finish her class. My class this morning was 8-12, and hers is 1-5, so guess who gets to wander around the school? :D I hate it =-= I want to sleep and then I want to eat pizza. I'm just feeling grumpy so just ignore me. But don't ignore this chapter! <3
Anyways, enjoy! Feedback would be sexy! :3

-OAIF <3