Gerard POV

I race downstairs when I hear a knock at the door. I check the clock on the way, the time is exactly 5pm. I open the door to see Frank smiling adorably. He’s stood in some ripped skinny jeans and his hair is clearly freshly washed.
“Hey” he grins.
“Uh hi” I reply shakily, worried I might end up fucking today up. I let him in and we walk upstairs to my room “You look nice”
“So do you, baby”
I feel myself blush at the nickname. We relax onto my bed, looking into eachothers eyes, the streams of sunlight lighting up his hazel irises. Gently, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I squirm slightly. I lean forward and softly place a kiss on Franks lips. He pulls me closer and I find my leg wrapping itself over Frank’s. We deepen the kiss, I’ve gotten used to passionately kissing like this, though somehow it remains gentle, fuelled by pure love, not lust or anything. We must lay for half an hour, intertwined in eachother, softly making out on my bed. I’ve never been drunk or high but I imagine this is how it feels and I want this moment to last forever. Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming upstairs and we leap away from eachother. Luckily, my mom only goes into the bathroom to get the laundry.
“So, should we be going now?” Frank asks. I shrug “Where you taking me anyway?”
I frown. Where am I taking Frank? I think we’re going on like a date. But I don’t know where? Oh fuck. My mind races as I rack my brains, trying to remember where we’re going, but the information seems locked away just out of reach. It’s been a pretty quiet day, despite the anticipation of the evening so it’s not even like anyones gonna tell me. Oh fuck.
“U-uh” is all I can stutter out as I feel myself blush and look at the floor.
“You’ve forgotten haven’t you?” he asks with a fond chuckle.
“I uh no, let’s go” I say quickly.
We grab our coats, it’s still pretty chilly out and walk into dark streets. I dislike being out in the dark but itself pretty early so I just bite my lip and hope nothing kills me.
“You okay?” Frank checks. I nod quickly.
‘Be careful, Gerard’ saviour whispers. I hum in response ‘There’s a lot of bad people out there, rapists, murderers and people who only want to hurt you, Frank could be one of them, don’t let your guard down Gerard’
I look at Frank. He couldn’t be one could he? He smiles and points at a cool piece of graffiti, illuminated by the streetlight. No way.
‘But look’ saviour murmurs.
‘What?’
‘Look at the graffiti’
‘What?’
‘Oh Gerard, you’re being so blind. He pointed it out because of it message. He’s trying to brainwash you’
I stop and look closer. What’s it’s message? It’s just a signature isn’t it, with some pretty colours?
“Good isn’t it” Frank comments.
“Yeah, uh good” I reply. I look at him, he doesn’t look like he could hurt me, but I wouldn’t be able to tell because he doesn’t even look real at the moment.
‘Good, of course it’s good’ Saviour comments ‘Nothing is good, anything that is good is a front because nothing truly good will ever happen to us, we don’t deserve anything good, you understand?’
I nod. Of course we don’t. And then I notice Frank looking slightly puzzled by my random nod.
‘Saviour, fuck off’ Party interjects.
‘I’m just protecting him, Party Poison, and doing a better job than you are’
‘No, you’re fucking paranoid, you’re scaring him, let them fucking enjoy their trip to the goddamn fair’
“The fair!” I exclaim, remembering the posters all round town.
Frank says something but as soon as I hear it I’ve forgotten so I just nod. I become aware of how much I dislike being out in the dark. Everything feels so distant but so loud and scary at the same time. I see him squeeze my hand, but it doesn’t feel like my own. I realise I’ve stopped walking. I feel unsettled and want to be at home in my warm bed, not wherever I am now.

Party POV

“Ooh Frank you are looking damn fine this evening, if you don’t mind me saying” I smile, looking over at my boyfriend. His face breaks out in a smile and I can’t help but smile too.
“Thanks, so do you, Party” he replies. I shiver in the cold and look around and the street I’ve found myself in.
“So where are we off to?” I ask.
“Well, you- Gerard just randomly declared ‘the fair’ a few minutes ago so I’m guessing there” he tells me.
“Oh yeah. Damn it was meant to be a surprise” I groan.
“Well it still was, I mean I only found out a few moments ago”
I hum in response.
“Did I dream it or did we agree to go to the park later?” I ask.
“Nope, we agreed, and I can’t fucking wait” he replies.
“Awesome”
We keep walking for a few minutes until we can hear the hum of the fair in the distance. It’s on this patch of greenery on not much more than a street corner but it looks amazing, there’s rides, stalls and places to get food. As we near, I squeal excitedly and can’t help but speed up. I mean okay, I’m 19 but I’m mentally 5 years old.
“You’re so cute, you know that” Frank compliments.
“I do know that but thank you hun, you might be ever so slightly gorgeous as well”
“Hun?”
“Yes, hun. Or if you don’t like that I could call you baby or darling or sweetie or sugar or bunny or tadpole or lil cornflake”
He giggles softly to my delight.
“‘Lil cornflake’ You’re hilarious as well, you know”
“Again, I do know but thank you, bitesize frosted cinnamon streusel mini wheat”
Frank lets out a chuckle before I race into the crowd, him following behind, our hands linked, in a moment of near awe at all the flashing lights and sounds. We spend fuck knows how long going on every ride, the waltzers, the big wheel, the carousel, even the teacups. It’s somehow very romantic.
“Dude, I’m hungry, do you wanna grab something to eat?” Frank asks suddenly.
“Sure” I reply and feel in my pocket, glad to find quite a bit of change, enough to buy some food at least.
We follow our noses to a stall selling chinese. I have no clue what to order, so just get the same as Frank, sweet and sour, but instead there’s lumps of chicken in mine.
“Where do you wanna sit?” I ask, not really in the mood to pour sauce down myself on our first date because we tried to walk through the crowds while eating.
“Away from all the people if I’m honest” he replies.
“Okay, I don’t know, over there?” I point to a patch behind one of the stalls, sandwiched between a clump of trees and the ferris wheel. He nods and we walk over before sitting down cross legged, sort of away from everything. By that I mean we can actually hear eachother if we talk at a normal level.
“Hey frankie” I say, once I’ve swallowed a forkful. He looks up curiously, it’s too dark to see him properly but I can still tell he looks like some kinda adorable lost puppy.
“Yeah?” he replies.
“I just wanted to say, you’re really fucking gorgeous. Inside and out”
“Aw, thank you” he smiles, looking at the ground, quite shyly “You too”
I carefully, place my hand under his chin and lift it up so we’re looking right at eachother.
“I’m so lucky to have you Frankie” I murmur.
“I’m so lucky to have you” he repeats. We stay in the moment for a few seconds before we’re kissing, I’d barely noticed I’d been leaning in. We kiss quite softly this time, normally we kiss quite lovingly but quite passionately but I guess at the moment, the passion is evident without shoving our tongues down eachothers throats. I can’t help but smile as we pull away, although disappointed the kiss has passed.
“Should we go on some more rides?” I ask, as I finish eating.
“In a bit but I’m not done eating yet” he replies.
“Dude, hurry up” I say with a giggle “You’ve been staring at that pot for like 3 hours now”
“We’ve not even been here for 3 hours”
“It’s called hyperbole” I laugh before picking up some of his food on my fork. I hope he doesn’t mind the cross contamination as I bring it up to his lips. My heart flutters as he eats it quickly, giggling slightly as he chews.
“So do you want me to feed the rest to you?” I ask, teasingly.
“I’m 15, I think I know how to eat”
“See, you’re an ickle baby”
“You’re younger than me”
Oh yeah. So I am. He seems to realise what he’s said because he looks away embarrassed.
“No I didn’t mean like that, I just mean uh, technically, fuck, like physically, you’re 14 years old, like legally, no this isn’t what I mean, sorry” he gabbles, apologetically.
“It’s okay” I reply “I mean technically, physically and legally, I don’t exist”
I scrape out the remainder of my food, disliking where the conversations going. My own existence is something that confuses me a lot, and not knowing is pretty worrying.
“Anyway” I smile, breaking the tension “Are you gonna eat this or not?”
I feed Frank another bite, just like before and immediately we both forget anything that isn’t insanely happy.
“Isn’t this really bland?” I ask “Like how do you survive without meat?”
“What do you mean, how do I survive? Pretty easily” he replies.
“Woah easy tiger, I was just saying, doesn’t everything taste a bit boring, like without the flavour of meat, or the texture of having something to bite down on?”
“Well, do you want to taste some of these overpriced veggie noodles to see how ‘boring’ they are?” he asks, bring a forkful to my mouth.
“Hey you just want to feed me like I fed you”
“Maybe”
I eat it anyway, and we both giggle slightly. We sit quietly and he eats the last of his food happily.
‘I have a question’ Gerard asks suddenly.
‘Ask ahead’ I reply.
‘Can we go vegetarian?’
I gulp, disliking that preposition a lot.
‘Oh God, what about chicken nuggets?’
‘Please’
‘Why?’
‘Well, I don’t wanna hurt any animals, and it makes me feel kinda sick the fact what I eat used to be living and feeling and breathing’
‘I know but like, it’s nature to eat other animals’
‘But it’s not, humans were meant to be herbivores’
‘It’s called evolution, Gerard’
Gerard goes silent after that and I feel bad.
‘Dude’ I call out ‘I just mean I really fucking love chicken nuggets, like if you get in the way of that I will unapologetically sass you’
‘I sort of wanna go vegetarian too’ G pipes up ‘In fact I wouldn’t mind a bit of veganism’
‘Oh fuck no’ I reply.
‘Yess’ Gerard says.
‘Please’
‘It’s two against one, you’re going vegetarian’ Saviour drops in.
‘Why? Because meat’s been poisoned by the fantasy fucking fairies inhabiting Frank’s body wanting to kill us all?’ I ask sarcastically.
“What’s inhabiting my body?” Frank asks. I practically leap to the otherside of the field. I’m not usually the type to get embarrassed but embarrassed is 200% what I feel right now.
“Apparently we’re going vegetarian”
“Okay, that’s great?” he replies, sounding curious “but what’s this about inhabiting my body?”
“I didn’t realise I was talking aloud”
“You only said that one sentence, probably because you sounded pissed off”
“Well I am”
“Why?”
“Because if we’re veggie, I can’t have chicken nuggets”
He giggles softly.
“Chicken nuggets are overrated” he says eventually.
“Not to me”
“I still want to find out what’s inhabiting my body by the way”
I sigh realising he isn’t letting this go.
“I may have been taking the piss because basically Saviours fucking delusional and tells Gerard all this shit about the entire world being out to get him and that you’re just another person trying to hurt him”
“I know”
I frown slightly.
“How?”
“Gerard told me and Monday sorta confirmed it” he looks away quickly as if he said something wrong. I think hard, I’m not sure what day it is right now so there’s no chance of remembering which of the recent events fell on a Monday.
“Monday, remind me?” I say.
“Nevermind”
“I do mind” I press.
“Um, we were on the way to the park”
“Isn’t it tonight we’re going?” I ask confused.
“Well yeah, but we did have it planned for Monday”
I had no idea but I don’t let it show.
“Okay, go on”
“And I think I met saviour”
“I’m sorry” I reply, not really wanting to hear what could have happened next.
“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t even bad, he just walked off without saying anything and went home”
I fiddle with my -well Gerard’s hair feeling bad, and worried about the fact I have no recollection of what he’s saying.
“I’m sorry, I love you, please don’t let him get to you”
“I won’t” he replies.
“But you are, I can see it in your eyes”
“I’m not, I’m not gonna pretend to know your disorder but he just seems like a manifestation of some fear or anxiety in your entire like system, so maybe if you talk to me and let out that anxiety he’ll chill a bit. I’m not taking it personally, either way”
“Woah, you sound like my therapist”
“I just did some googling, I didn’t know you go therapy?” he asks, as if it’s the weirdest thing in the world, the kid with 5 personalities sees a therapist.
“Don’t sound so shocked”
“No, I’ve just never seen you go”
“Well, I only go once a month to check in now because apparently I’m pretty stable at the moment, like I used to go every other day I think”
We start talking about therapy, how I hate it and skip it if I can, how one time when asked to draw my feelings I just wrote ‘go fuck yourself’ in calligraphy.
“Hey, by the way, you said you did some googling, please just ask any questions. Like I don’t mind” I say, as the conversation draws to a close.
He pauses for a moment.
“Okay, um, can I ask one now?”
“Yeah, go ahead?”
“You said you’re stable at the moment but that implies there was a time of instability, what that was like?”
I bite my lip unsure of how to reply.
“You don’t have to reply if you don’t want” he adds quickly.
“No, it’s okay, after Gerard’s father died” I start, calmly for someone explaining their abusive fathers death.
“I’m sorry” he interjects.
“Don’t even fucking go there” I reply, leaving him looking slightly taken aback “Anyway I was 13- uh 9, I think and 3 years after that is just a blank like I have fuck all clue what happened. To be honest I can’t remember much from before that either, just snippets. I guess that could be considered pretty unstable, whatever happened all then. Because it’s literally an entire gap in my memory”
He hums understandingly, looking for something to say.
Soon the mood lightens as I tell him some of the things that could be considered unstable, that time I went to a gay bar aged 17, but of course actually a lot younger and got returned home by police or that time I met my elementary school teacher in the supermarket but had no clue who she was so stamped on her toe because I thought she was trying to kidnap me.
“Anyway, do you wanna go on a ride now?” I ask, once he’s done telling me about a few moments his anxiety/depression’s gotten him in an awkward situation.
“Yeah totally”
We spent the rest of the night on the cage.

Gerard POV

I nuzzle into Frank. We’re sat on a park bench, looking out over a glittering Belleville, it’s beautiful beyond words. Although it’s dark and we’re in public, I’m in heaven. I’m not sure of the time but it must be quite late and there’s no one around. Normally, in this situation I’d be terrified but Frank makes me feel unbelievably safe, right now I feel like nothing in the world can hurt me and I don’t think that’s something I’ve ever felt before. And I never want it to end.
I think back over my memories of the fair, I’m pretty sure it’s the same night. I remember how they went on the teacups and how they fed eachother noodles behind one of the rides. I think more happened and I wish I could remember it but the fair is also my definition of hell, with all the noise and the flashing lights, so maybe it’s best.
“What’s the time?” I ask.
“Ten thirty” Frank tells me.
I almost throw up in my mouth, I guess I’m 15 in a month and it’s not abnormal for kids my age to be out this late but it’s later than I ever dreamt I’d be out.
“Hey don’t look so scared” he says “You’re alright, there’s literally no one around and it’s only a quick walk to mine from here, we’re perfectly safe, I got you”
I nod, it’s true, I genuinely do feel perfectly safe.
“Wait, Gerard actually, do you remember what I said earlier about anxiety and saviour and shit?” he asks. I think hard but have no idea. I frown and shake my head “Well, basically Party said about how Saviour’s been being paranoid and I said that maybe he’s a manifestation of anxiety in the entire like you but if you talk and express that, he’ll calm down”
I nod. Makes sense.
“So, talk about what you’re scared of, I guess, I mean I won’t judge, I’m Mr Anxiety Expert” he continues.
I let out a slight giggle but shake my head. I do want to but I can’t find the words and sound refuses to leave my mouth.
We sit in silence for a few moments before I somehow manage to talk.
“W-what did Party say to you earlier?” I get out.
“Well we talked about vegetarianism, therapy, they told me about how they stood on their teachers toe in walmart, how they went to a gay bar but also how they forgot a lot of things like how there's a 3 year long gap in their memory and shit” he responds. That. That’s what I fear. I fear it more than anything else. That I might forget all this. What if Frank becomes one of those people I see who tell me they know me but they’re strangers? What if all this becomes just another 3 year gap? Loving Frankie is more than a bunch of time passing when you blink and more than just a section of life chucked in the trashcan by my own brain. And I sort of really want to tell him that but right now I can’t find the words so I just nod and distract myself with the view.
Frank spends the rest of the night talking and stroking my hair on this bench. I try and keep up my side of the conversation but it’s a struggle, he doesn’t mind though. I dread to think how late it is when we finally go and crash at his at the end of the best night of my life.

Notes

I'm so sorry this has taken so long but here, i made it a lil longer than usual. Honestly, I just have really shit mental health, like I'm all over the place, I've been sleeping 19hours straight some days and pulling all nighters others, I've come out to my mum as bi/poly but I've also been the very closest to suicide I've ever been like I wrote a note n everything. It's supposedly school time but I'm not in n everythings just so idek n idk how much longer I can go on like this sigh.
Also I'm v concerned Gerard's smoking again and Frank's dad just died. I wish they could both have eternal happiness tbh
also pinkish is rad af
also i'm seeing atl!!