Party POV

I spend the rest of the day grinning like a fucking idiot. It actually happened. A frankie kiss actually happened. When I arrive home, I check my phone.
Frank: so what did today mean? x
I think for a moment before replying.
Me: what do u want it to? Partyxo
Frank: i don’t fucking know
Me: i’m not so sure, ‘hello this Frank my ‘i don’t fucking know’’ doesn’t flow well ;)
Frank: I hate you
Me: Love ya too
Frank: Really?
I pause for a moment unsure. Yes I do, of course I do, but I can’t be sure. What if he ends up hurting Gerard? He still doesn’t even know G or anyone, he knows nothing about any of us really. I try to think logically despite how much I want to fucking marry him.
Me: Honey, wait until you meet G at least before you commit to anything and put a name on what ever this is. The truth is you know don’t know anything about me yet x
It takes a few moments for a reply.
Frank: Tell me about you then. Please. When can I meet G?
Me: Soon <3
I sit and think for a moment before taking a risk.
Me: But yes, really x

Gerard POV

We pull up to Frank's house and I look out the window as he rushes out, quickly shoving half a slice of toast inside him. He gets in the car and smiles at me, chewing quickly, he seems more relaxed having had gone in yesterday.
“Hey” he murmurs eventually. I shoot him a smile and fiddle with my fingers, suddenly feeling awkward “You alright?”
I nod. My mum must pick up on the awkwardness because she turns the volume up on the radio.
‘He’s cute isn’t he?’ Party whispers.
‘I don’t disagree’ I giggle. We chat for a while and before I know it the cars slowing down. My mum drops us off a few streets away, it’s 8:45 and the street directly outside is way too busy to park. I don’t mind though, there’s not many people around and it’s good to get a few moments alone with Frank. He’s gonna be going to lessons today and I can tell he’s worried about seeing people. Heck I’m pretty scared too but yesterday wasn’t as bad as expected so hopefully it’ll be okay. I want to reassure him but I can’t find the words to do so. We get out the car to a torrent of ‘have a nice day’s and it drives away. I scan my surroundings, there’s no one around and I slip my hand into Franks. He squeezes it and pulls me closer. I look down at him, the morning sun making his eyes glow golden. Rocking forward onto tip toes, he slowly leans in and I close the gap pressing a few kisses on his chewed lips, feeling the lip ring tickle the corner on my mouth. I have no idea what I’m doing but it feels amazing and I want to stand here kissing him all day. But I guess there’s a stupid thing called school that we have to go to.
‘Love is in the air’ Party sings jokingly as Frank and I walk along the road hand in hand ‘Everywhere I look around’
‘Party’ I whine but not really objecting.
‘Where did that song come from?’ they ask suddenly.
‘The 80s I think’
‘No I mean like who even wrote it?’
‘I don’t know, I think it’s just one of those songs you’re just born knowing the lyrics to’
‘Yeah like Mr Brightside or something’
‘Yeah I fucking love the killers’
“I like the killers” Frank pipes up. I feel myself turn a deep shade of scarlet “You were talking under your breath, don’t worry though, it’s cool”
We keep walking, having dropped hands because of the growing amount of people around. I can sense him becomingly increasingly anxious the closer we get to school. I’m aware of people looking at us but I can’t tell whether they’re staring or just glancing normally. Party reminds me that it wouldn’t matter either way. I kinda want to switch but I’m enjoying Frank’s presence and I think they’re resisting a bit. Frank gravitates towards me as we enter the building, his head down and hair across his face. It's clear he wants to disappear into thin air. I'm aware of whispers and looks as we walk along the corridor to registration but nothing more than usual. We go and sit at the back and I can hear his knee bouncing up and down with nerves. Under the table, our fingers interlock, gripping each other tightly.
The day goes painfully slowly, a few people ask Frank questions but most just pretend like we don't exist, just as they do with me every other day, just as I like it. Teachers keep asking how we are which gets a little irritating but I sort of appreciate it.
‘Frankie, do you wanna come round mine?’ I write on a bit of paper as we leave last lesson.
“Yeah sure” he smiles.
‘Hey he should meet G’ Party suggests. He won’t force himself out but if we all allow him to, he fronts if he’s comfortable or something he likes catches his attention.
‘Maybe’ G mumbles.
‘I still dislike how close you are getting to him, you know nothing about him, you don’t know what he could do to you’ Saviour rants.
‘I guess’ I murmur. I mean I really like Frank but how do I know this isn’t an act? What if he just randomly decides to stab me. I mean it’s possible. What if he’s already plotting it? What if all this was some kind of cruel joke? What if he’s luring me in before deciding to flip? How have I been so blind? It’s not like anyone would actually care about a dumb kid like me unless they were going to hurt me.
‘Shh, Frank isn’t like that, I promise, I wouldn’t let him do anything to you, I won’t let anything happen’ Party reassures.
“Gerard?” Frank asks and I realise he’s been trying to get my attention. I look at him, his hazel eyes fill with concern. No, he couldn’t be trying to hurt me could he?
‘He’s not’ Party murmurs. They’re right I think.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost” he comments, reaching for my hand. I flinch away from the touch without meaning to.
‘Well done’ Saviour murmurs.
‘No, Gerard dude, you’re allowed to let him touch you, it’s okay’ Party contradicts.
‘No he’s not, I know what’s best for him, he’s getting himself hurt’
‘Oh fuck off, you know nothing, I have this under control, Frank is safe’
‘Gerard don’t listen to them, trust me and everything will be okay’
I nod. Maybe he’s right. Saviour’s never let me get hurt before.
‘But I want to be with Frank’ I murmur.
‘Then be with him’ Party replies.
‘Party, stop misleading him’
Party’s not misleading me are they? They wouldn’t do that.
‘I’m not you’re being fucking paranoid, I will look after him, I know Frank, I know he’s not gonna hurt Gerard and if I see any bullshit I’ll dump him immediately’
‘You know nothing, listen to me and I won’t let anything happen’ Saviour retorts.
‘Fuck you, we’re all better off without you’
‘Okay then, let’s see how you cope without me’
‘No’ I squeak ‘Don’t go’
I love saviour a lot, okay he does get over protective but it’s only because he cares. And he’s always there for me, I don’t think I could live without him.
‘Then do as I say Gerard and no one will get hurt’
‘What's that?’ I reply.
‘Stop talking to Frank’
‘Get fucked’ Party exclaims.
‘Gerard, walk away from him right now’ Saviour orders.
‘Gerard, fucking snog him if you want’ Party retorts.
I’m not sure which to do. I mean don’t they both want the best for me? I don’t know what to do and I feel my heart pounding.
“Gerard? Are you okay?” Frank asks. I realise I’ve stopped walking in the middle of the street.
‘Gerard, I said walk away’ Saviour demands.
I begin to turn away, he’s probably right.
‘Gerard, don’t, you can let Frank in’
I don’t know how to deal with the conflicting information. ‘Gerard’ this, ‘Gerard’ that.
“Gerard?”
“Fuck off” I hiss at everyone, clenching my fists.
‘You don’t really want me to do you though?’ Saviour replies.
‘You can’t get rid of me that easily’ Party murmurs.
“I-I what- did I do something?” Frank questions, nervously.
‘Shut up Saviour, Gerard, focus on Frank’ Party yells.
I do as they say. I can hear shouting, between Party and Saviour I think but I can’t make out exactly what they’re saying. I force myself to look at Frank, trying my hardest to block out all the noise in my head. It’s so hard I can’t focus on anything, the yelling is overwhelming. I try to cut through it and pay attention. Frank’s eyes are gleaming in the sunlight and are full of concern. I feel my eyes prick with tears, I hate all the shouting.
“Honey, you’re crying, what’s up?” he murmurs, cupping my face and wiping tears I didn't realise had leaked out away with his thumb. I want to tell him but I’m choked up and I can’t find the words. The shouting is increasing and I don’t like it. I find myself putting my hands over my ears but it does nothing, only making them louder. Frank holds his arms out, offering a hug which I accept.
“Hey it’s okay, I’ve got you” he murmurs, planting a kiss on my head.
‘Same, Gerard, I won’t let anything happen’ Party adds, sidetracking from their argument.
“Lets get you home” Frank murmurs, slipping his hand into mine.
“Are you okay?” Frank smiles as we arrive at home. Everythings a bit quieter now. Still tense but the shouting’s over.
‘Sorry about all that, Gerard’ Party apologises.
‘S’alright’
“Do you have your keys?”
Keys… Keys… I feel in my pocket. Yes. I nod. Frank softly takes them out my hands and opens the door. We go inside and sit on my bed. He talks to me about something, I don’t take it in. Wait he’s holding my sketchbook. Where did that come from?
“I wish I could draw” he comments. I pull it out his hands and open one of the pages.
‘Where did you get this?’ I write.
“You- you put it on the bed, you were just holding it this whole time” he frowns. Oh yeah I was, wasn’t I?
‘Sorry, I forgot’
“Don’t be sorry, are you okay? I mean you didn’t seem good on the way here”
I stare at the blank page.
‘Focus’ Party murmurs.
Yes. Right. Am I okay?
‘Yeah I’m okay, Party and Saviour were arguing. Are you going to hurt me?’ I write. I regret that last bit and rub it out with the eraser on the end of the pencil. He looks at me almost horrified before engulfing me in a hug.
“No, no, no” he mumbles into my ear before pulling away, holding my shoulders and looking me in the eyes “Of course not Gerard, I would never ever do that, I care so much please don’t even think that, no matter what anyone tells you I don’t want you anymore hurt than you already are and even then I wish I could just take all that away, I’d rather die than hurt you”
He must be sincere. I hum in response.
‘Saviour thinks you’re out to get me but Party know’s you actually care and Saviour was telling me to just never talk to you again and Party was telling me to let you in and I didn’t know who to believe and they were contradicting eachother and then they got pissed off at eachother and started arguing and everything got really noisey and I hate shouting and that’s what was stressing me out on the way home’ I write, realising I probably should've used more punctuation.
“Gerard, believe Party-” he starts. I cut him off with a ‘shh’ and he looks taken aback.
‘Sorry, it’s just i’m fed up of everyone telling me what to do, I’ll believe what I want and lucky for you, I think I believe that you’re safe’
“Sorry” he murmurs “But thank you”
‘Sorry’
Just then, my mum calls us for dinner, I didn’t realise it had got that late.

***

We walk back into my room and kiss eachother carefully, once the doors shut. I’m enjoying this whole kissing thing, I have no experience but I really love how close it makes us feel, though somehow, it’s never quite close enough. Nervously, I run my tongue across his bottom lip, brushing against the lip ring. I’ve never tongued someone before. We slip our tongues into eachothers mouths, massaging them against eachother and I feel heart racing with joy. We sit down on my bed, managing not to break the kiss. Eventually we pull away, before we both suffocate, resting our foreheads together, a grin spreading across both our faces. I look into his eyes, he’s so fucking gorgeous. As much as I want the moment to last forever, it can’t and Frank pulls back first, shuffling further onto the bed.
“Woah I don’t want to sit on this” he laughs, pulling out my sketchbook from under him.
“Thanks” I whisper, barely audible. I note how his face lights up, the same grin as when I started whispering in his ear.
“You don’t have to, I’m not sure if I want to share some of the lyrics I’ve written but can I see some of your art?” he asks. I nod and he hands it to me. I cross my legs and turn to face him and put it on the bed between us. I open the first page but close it quickly.
“It’s gory” I mumble “D-do you uh mind?”
“No I’m good”
I open it up again, there’s a picture of a beaten up zombie. I drew it a while ago, I’d forgotten about it. There’s a bunch of writing all around the edge. Things like ‘late dawns and early sunsets’ and ‘but does anyone notice? but does anyone care?’ and ‘And if I had the guts to put this to your head...’. I’m not sure whether I meant it to be song lyrics or poetry or what.
“That’s amazing” Frank exclaims before frowning as he reads the writing, his eyes darting back and forth quickly “Dude this shit is emo”
“I’m emo” I murmur with a giggle. This whole talking thing isn’t quite so bad.
“Who’s this about?”
“Um a-anyone. Like just what uh killing someone in a like zombie apocalypse would be like”
Frank hums and I go to turn the page, he nods. Next is just a page I coloured in completely black. I just got bored.
“Does this have any meaning or?” Frank asks. I shake my head and turn onto the next page. There's a drawing of a little school boy, with ‘G’ in a box in the corner. That was him.
“G drew that” I say.
“It’s good”
I turn onto the next page, this one is full of squiggles. Again I just got bored. Most of the pages are like that. There’s a couple of pages that are just testing out pens. The next drawing makes me heart sink. One side of the page is coloured in with chalk yellow and the other purple. In the middle but slightly to the right there is a silhouette of someone hanging by their feet, dead. We both frown awkwardly unsure of what to say.
“Did you draw that?” Frank asks.
“Uh did- um” is all I can get out but he nods encouragingly “Did uh Party t-tell you um bullet”
“Ohh right” he replies.
I turn the page and we look through more drawings. I reach a scribble of a family in crayon and feel myself blush as he ‘aw’s.
“So was that Emily?” he asks. I nod. I feel a pang of sadness as I remember her fondly. I try to remember she was simply a repressed part of me and actually she’s not gone at all, instead where she should be, merged into me, embraced in the times I muck around or laugh at something that really only a little kid should find funny.
The mood lightens as I turn the page onto a small cross hatched biro drawing of a… phallus in the middle of the page. I groan and Frank cackles with laughter before I end up giggling too. Jokingly, I pull the bedsheets up, hiding behind them in embarrassment.
“So you do life drawing?” Frank jokes.
“Party does” I laugh, emerging from under the sheets “Party’s an asshat”
‘I’m not’ they exclaim indignantly.
“Party needs to improve their shading”
‘Tell him Party’s shading is on point’ they interject making me giggle again.
“Party says their shading is on point”
“I beg to differ” Frank giggles.
‘Yeah well, tell him Party says it’s actually a life size representation of his’
I burst out laughing again and he wants to know why.
‘I wasn’t joking, please tell him, I’m a comedy genius I wanna see his reaction’
“Party says” I start and already Frank lets out a sarcastic groan. I hide under the sheets again, unable to stop giggling before poking my head out “Party says it’s a life size representation of yours”
Frank lets out a chuckle before pouting jokingly.
“Actually yeah, I agree Gerard, Party is an asshat”
‘Party says he won’t be saying that once I’ve actually gotten to know what his is like’
I gasp slightly and find myself giggling again, although I never really stopped.
‘Gerard says too fucking far’ I say, trying to be stern. I look over to Frank whose smiling but looking slightly bemused by the fact I’m sat giggling at, to him, nothing.
“You don’t want to know” I chuckle eventually.
“Honestly, I’m sure I don’t”
Suddenly Frank’s phone rings, his mum wants him home. It’s 8 o’clock anyway. He picks up his stuff before we stand on the doorstep, it’s quite chilly.
“I uh d-don’t like the streets in the dark, I would walk you but uh yeah will you be alright?” I ask shyly, struggling with talking again.
“Oh that’s fine Gerard” he replies “Thanks for a really nice evening, I really enjoyed it”
I nod in agreement unable to get any words out again. Slowly I lean in and our lips meet, moving against eachother passionately. I’m aware of Party practically chanting some cheerleader song in celebration as we pull away and I can’t help but giggle again.
“What did they say this time?”
“2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate? not the king not the queen but how damn well frerard are kissing. F-R-E-R-A-R-D Frerard! And then a bunch of cheering” I tell Frank, more easily than I expected. He laughs putting his hand in front of his mouth.
“I love you” he murmurs eventually. I’m not sure how serious he is, he had a slight jokey tone.
“I love you too” I whisper, deadly serious. He smiles before we plant another kiss on eachothers lips and he says goodbye and walks away down the street.

Notes

yoooooooooo
I rlly enjoyed writing this actually n I hope u enjoy reading it just as much.
It's kinda choppey n changey n the pacing is a bit shit but that's bc I was tryna get in the head of someone with DID and I hope it kinda gives u a feel of time loss n memory lapses and stuff, not just shitty writing skills.

Okay so it's been ages n idek what my life is so I'm just gonna paste what I put in the notes of my other fic, slightly edited to fit rn, explaining whats going on bc I am too lazy to type it out again.

PLZ READ

Hey so it's been fucking ages n i am so damn sorry. I've probably mentioned it in the notes before but i cba to look back but basically I just got evicted and everything been really shitty. And not only have I had a horrible case of writers block on all my fics, I think all this stress isn't helping with my creativity but everythings been really hectic and honestly fanfiction hasn't been my main focus recently. It's currently 3:26am (sidenote: okay so why has it become a thing that in like every update on every fic somewhere in the notes I will mention what time it is, guaranteed to be the early hours of the morning, then use it as a shitty excuse as to why the update is so crap?? We get it u stay up late n can't write). This isn't an unusual occurance tbh. I'm staying @ my aunty's which is okayish, i mean it could be better, after all i'm typing this from a floor that i'm calling a bed. However, today we should get some council temporary accommodation. Basically there's this tiny little bungalow in this block with a communal kitchen but your own bathroom and 2 albeit tiny bedrooms. Which isn't bad, and is so much better than a b+b or somewhere which is where I thought we'd end up. We will be there for 6months to a year so hopefully I should be able to get settled and get back in the swing of updating. Don't expect too much from me in the next few days, moving into a new place will make things very hectic plus idk how long it'll take to set up wifi and stuff. But yeah i am so sorry for the lack of updates but I hope this is a decent explanation and if u could just give me a lil bit more time, I should be able to get a lil bit of my own space sorted, my life a lil bit more stable n a semi regular update routine <3