Chasing the Sun

They had come to a kind of silent agreement to not bring up the events of the previous night. There wasn’t any awkward silence or tension over it but, it was buried underneath the desire to have fun like a normal couple would. Lilly wanted one day with no fighting, no drama or mystery, and no drinking. She wanted to enjoy something with Gerard that wouldn’t degenerate into something that would spin out of their control, like things always seemed to do when they spent time together. She just wanted fun with her boyfriend. Simple, easy, uncomplicated fun with the one person in the world she wanted to spend all her time with. As clingy and pathetic as it was, and even with all the unspoken issues that tried to put a wedge between them, he was the most important person in her life right then. His drinking habits, former drug dependency and New Jersey drawl, they were all part of the package and baggage that came with him, and as long as he gave her his time and affection he would remain an important part of her life. She wanted the awkward conversation from earlier in the morning to be forgotten about and put in the past so that they could move forward. She wasn’t exactly happy with what he had told her, but it was over and done with. There was no point in dwelling on it, it wasn’t going to solve anything or make her feel any better about the situation. Things would always be complicated if she focused on all the issues. Part of her wondered if maybe Gerard was right to be evasive about his past; the more she found out, the more questions it raised, and with that came the realisation that she didn’t know Gerard at all. There were little bits of information thrown at her occasionally but nothing that gave her any true insight into the kind of person he had been; nothing about his life back in America. She knew his reason for running away, but she wondered if there was more to the story than what he’d told her. She didn’t want to think about that today though. They were in a beautiful city, full of art and culture that she knew Gerard would appreciate if she could keep him away from the pub long enough to do some proper sight-seeing.

She was pleasantly surprised when Gerard seemed to be on the same wavelength as her. He grabbed her hand as they left the hotel, gripping it tightly as though to reassure her that he was there, and with her. He was still wary after their conversation earlier; he seemed to be afraid that her opinion of him would change after revealing an unpleasant part of his past. His smile was a little too bright, desperately seeking to repair the damage he believed he had caused. Maybe she should have kissed him and told him that she had meant it when she said she wouldn’t judge him.. She didn’t say it though; she wanted to see him prove…well, she wasn’t sure what she wanted him to prove. Perhaps that he cared about her, and her opinion of him. That he wanted to spend time with her while sober and unrushed that wasn’t a prelude to sex. They had gone for breakfast before taking a trip to Eyre Square in the heart of the city. They had cuddled and relaxed while blending in with all the other people who were there before Gerard then dragged them off to Galway Bay, before they took a trip to the Arann Island. If Gerard’s plan had been to distract her, he’d succeeded. Before the day was out Lilly had walked so much her feet were aching but, that didn’t stop the smile that remained plastered on her face. It wasn’t just the sightseeing that she enjoyed; seeing Gerard take pleasure in their adventure was what made her giddy with glee, his excited grin never faltering as he took everything in. When they eventually made their way back to the hotel room that evening, high from all the adrenaline, Lilly couldn’t remember ever feeling as happy as she did that day.

‘Don’t pout. It doesn’t suit you’ Gerard scolded her in an amused voice the next day on their journey back home, trying his best not to laugh.

‘I don’t want to go back. Why can’t we stay in Galway forever?’ Lilly whined, leaning back on her bus seat.

The bus had just taken off, and with every mile Lilly’s mood plummeted. Their last day in Galway had been so perfect, and now she was being forced back to reality Gerard had whisked her away from for a painfully short period of time. Gerard was still upbeat, in contrast to Lilly’s mood. He could never take her bad moods seriously, a trait Lilly found infuriating. He would just giggle and smile, unintentionally goading her ill temper.

‘Of course he finds it amusing. It’s not as though the guy actually cares about your feelings. He told you himself you’re nothing but a distraction.’

Inner Voice had taken a break while they were in Galway, but now that they were departing from the city she seemed to be returning with a vengeance.

‘Don’t be so down. I took you here to cheer you up. You had a nice time didn’t you?’ Gerard’s voice was light, but she could hear the undercurrent of doubt in it.

‘Of course you did, if you count plying you with drugs a good time’

‘Of course I did’ Lilly spoke a little louder than she intended, trying to drown out Inner Voice.

‘We’ll come back another time. Maybe spend a bit longer if we can.’

‘Promise?’

The whiney plea had been unintentional, but once the words were out there was nothing she could do to take them back. Gerard let out a breathy little laugh, cupping her cheek and guiding their foreheads together.

‘I promise’ he swore, before planting a chaste kiss on her lips.

*********************************

There wasn’t any question about where Gerard was staying that night. He had automatically assumed he was staying at her place, not that Lilly minded that he was staying over without asking. She would never complain about him spending the night in her bed. Those nights were the best; they would make love before he wrapped his arms around her and fall asleep with her head on his chest. Her flatmate Vivian had subtly skulked off to her room, feigning tiredness to give the couple some space. They took advantage of the extra time alone by curling up on the couch, watching the television with vague interest while they gorged on the pizza Gerard ordered.

‘I’m going to go for a cigarette’ Gerard stood up, grabbing his box of cigarettes before going out to the balcony and closing the door behind him.

Lilly had shut her eyes, her head resting on the plush and comfortable cushion when the sound of Gerard’s phone forced her eyes open in shock and surprise. Her heart was pounding from the mild shock. She aimed a glare at the phone, unimpressed that the small piece of technology would make her jump out of skin with a simple beep. She sighed, sitting up and grabbing the phone, intent on bringing it out to Gerard in case it was important. She knew he would be gone for about fifteen minutes, if not longer. He enjoyed his cigarettes, taking his time to inhale the poisons and chemicals that would damage in lungs in the years to come. His took his mug of coffee with him, another indication that he was in no hurry to return. (He had sneaked the coffee into her apartment, much to her annoyance.) Her eyes flickered to the screen, and it was with a gut wrenching pain that she saw the notification that was illuminating the screen, as though mocking her.

‘Facebook message from Jessica Gorden’

The picture of a girl Lilly had seen ion many of Gerard’s photographs accompanied the notification, confirming that it was indeed Gerard’s ex who had disturbed Lilly. Confusion, anger and jealousy all combined together, twisting in Lilly’s stomach; creating a sensation similar to nausea. Her insecurities and paranoia, which had been pushed to the back of her mind, were now back in full force and stronger than before.

Of course he’s been keeping in contact with her. He told you himself that he was in love with her. He’s probably been messaging her this whole time. Silly girl.’ Inner Voice’s tone was harsh, cruel and almost spiteful.

A lump was forming in her throat as the thought raced through her mind, as were the familiar prickling of hot tears that begged to be freed to fall down her cheeks. It stung to think that Gerard had been keeping in contact with such a vile person, but love was blind as she was all too aware of. She rose from the couch, racing to the bathroom and locking the door behind her. She let the tears fall as the feelings of anger and betrayal consumed her.

Notes

What's this, an update?

Why yes, it is. I was sorely lacking in inspiration for this story, but I may have gotten some of it back. So here's hoping for quicker updates on this story.

As an author, comments are the best source of motivation and inspiration. So, if you like this story, please let me know.

Lyra