Lilly woke up with what she could only describe as a fuzzy head. She wasn’t in any pain, but it didn’t feel right. She kept her eyes shut, knowing she would get vertigo if she opened them before they were ready. She could feel the warmth of Gerard’s body beside her, finding it comforting as she laid still. She knew it was a side effect from what she took last night. She couldn’t decide if she was angry and ashamed at herself for taking drugs, or oddly proud that she had taken a risk and stepped outside her goody two shoe comfort zone that had help her sail through her teenage years and early twenties with no difficulties. Sure she had drank and tried weed like everybody else but that was a norm most people did while in college so it hardly counted as being outrageous or risky. In fact to not have done either would have been stepping outside the social convention in college. After what seemed like an eternity her head seemed to have finally decided that it wasn’t going to punish her anymore, allowing her to put some coherent thoughts together. She lazily opened her eyes, happy to see the world was no longer spinning. She sat up carefully, afraid of waking Gerard up. She looked at him, unabashedly staring at him while he slept. It was a sight that she would never grow tired of seeing, with his hair falling all over his face, his mouth slightly parted and his cheek pressed firmly into the pillow. A smile crept its way onto her face, her heart starting to beat erratically. She could forget about his heavy drinking, his possible liking for drugs and his mysterious past during moments like this. He looked so innocent, and care free. During moments like this he was simply beautiful and it made her happy to know that someone so handsome would want to spend his time with her, even if he carried a load a excess baggage she hadn’t been prepared to take on.

‘Do that for too much longer and it officially becomes creepy’ he croaked suddenly, making her jolt with surprise.

‘Coming from the king of creepiness?’ she teased.

He laughed, suddenly reaching for her and grabbing her frail wrist. He gently pulled her down and forced her to spoon into him.

‘How are you feeling?’ he almost sounded concerned.

‘Fine. Head’s a little bit fuzzy but otherwise I’m good.’

He nodded, letting out a deep sigh and holding her tighter.

‘I’m sorry’ he muttered almost inaudibly ‘I shouldn’t have gotten those pills. I haven’t done anything like that in a long time, and I shouldn’t have encouraged you to take them.’

‘You didn’t force it down my neck Gerard…it wasn’t that bad anyway. It was kinda fun.’

The corner of his lip twitched, as he repressed a smile. She gathered the courage to ask the question that would plague her if she didn’t ask.

‘Do…I mean…did you use to do them often?’

He stiffened behind her in surprise, unsure if he wanted to answer her. She imagined that in his mind he assumed she would judge him, which was far from the truth. While she had never (until last night) tried drugs, but that came from a personal fear of not being in control rather than a believing recreational use was ‘bad’. In her mind, any adult of sound mind who was aware of what they were doing and the possible consequences were entitled to have a good time as long as they didn’t hurt themselves or anybody else. If she were honest it was his drinking that concerned her more than anything. Occasional recreational drug use was something she could live with, chronic drinking wasn’t. The way he had downed his beer last night was troubling her. He had done it with ease, as though it was a regular occurrence for him. Did he always have a like for drinking, or had the actions of his brother started a dependency on the substance? She wanted to ask but she knew from past experience it wouldn’t end well. Whenever she brought up his past it seemed to cause a knee jerk defensive reaction from him. It irritated her that he was so closed up and touchy about his past. He was holding back from her, and it only increased her insecurity about their relationship and if it could go anywhere. If she could get over her insecurities enough to give it a try then surely he could at least try to be more open with her.

‘I use to dabble quite a bit…but I stopped when I started becoming too fond of them. That was about two years ago.’ His words were slow and delicately put, due in part to his uncertainty about how she would react. She nodded and snuggled into him, enjoying the sensation of his relieved sigh on her neck.

‘What did you use to take?’

‘Can we drop it now?’ he snapped defensively.

‘I’m not judging you, I’m just curious is all’ she cajoled, masking her hurt over his continued defensiveness.

He sighed in anger, rubbing his forehead harshly with agitation.

‘I’ve pretty tried everything at least once bar heroin and crack. Art College is a good place to meet people who like to experiment so it was easy to get whatever you wanted. It was easy to make yourself believe that the art you made was better when you were high. Sometimes it was to be honest. Being high can open your mind; make you see outside the box sometimes. It’s not always a bad thing, but too much will bring you down.’

‘I’m not surprised, art students have nothing better to do I suppose’ she tried to lighten the mood.

‘At least we had fun’ he countered with a sardonic smile.

‘I had fun in college. Just not with drugs. Alcohol was the standard from Thursday to Saturday nights. Unless we had teaching practice, then it was just Friday and Saturday. I went in once with a hangover and it was a lesson hard learned. Nobody can handle a class of bratty six year olds with a pounding head.’

‘You mean little miss goody two shoe actually went in to teach a bunch of children while suffering the after effects of alcohol consumption? I never would have believed it Miss Madden! I’m shocked. You’re a disgrace!’

‘It’s not like I was alone with them! Anyway, I was but a student then. If I did that now I’d really be in trouble.’ She defended herself.

He laughed at her scrunched up face, her imagination contemplating the horror of going in to a group of four year olds with a sore head. She shuddered at the thought, it was probably her worst nightmare.

‘How about we do some more sightseeing today after breakfast?’

‘Sure’ she agreed, her stomach growling at the mention of food.

‘I get first dibs on the shower’ he threw the bed cover off his naked body and stood up.

‘Or we could shower together, save on water?’ Lilly suggested with a seductive smile.
‘I like the way you think woman’ he smirked.

He grabbed her leg with lightening fast speed, dragging her to the edge of the bed. He pulled her up onto her feet and promptly picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder.

‘Hey’ she squealed before giggling.

He responded with a sharp slap to her butt, bringing her into the bathroom and closing the door behind them.

Notes

Hi Everybody,

Long overdue I know...I hope people are still reading this! If you are I hope you're enjoying it :)