I'll Mess Up Everything!

I can't fucking believe this. 

"You bastard! You lied to me! You've used me while youve been seeing a side-chick for a while, or am I your side-bitch, something to play with like putty in your hand?! Fucking answer me Gerard!" I shout at him. I look at his face full of regret, sadness and remorse. 
"Frank- I- don't leave me, please don't leave me, I need you in my life nd finally I've got you And I don't want to loose you!" he cried out before exploding into a fit of tears and screams. I did feel slightly sorry for him; I have never felt this angry at him before and I know he deserves it. But seeing the man you love in so much emotional pain and destruction before is agonising to say the least. 
"Who?" I say through gritted teeth. 
"L-L-Lindsey, the girl from the band."
"When?"
He paused and looked at me in the eye. 
"When did you-"
"While you was in hospital okay?! You know, when you nearly died and you left me dead inside. When I was vulnerable and wanted comfort, yeah Lindsey was there, you fucking wasn't." he spat at me. 
"You have no fucking RIGHT to be sour to me, I nearly died, I nearly killed myself because you wasn't there for me you bastard. And what was the best thing to do when you realised that I still needed you? You fucked that slut while I was unconscious, nearly dead, and got her pregnant with your child while all I was subconciously thinking was when I could go back to you. I feel sick even thinking of it. When was you going to tell me then, huh? When you saw me wake up in the hospital? When you propsosed to me? When we made love? When we were standing at the altar? when we was in the park? Was your grandmothers ring meant for Lindsey?" I shouted at him. He looked so vulnerable as I stand before him, shorter, but standing confidently and shaking with rage. Thus was it, I couldn't back swn from this argument now, it was up to him. I expected a sassy reply, something witty and fast, but no. He just stood there, quivering and with tears streaking down his eyes. 
"Aren't you going to say something?" I asked. 
"Frank- I- I can't- I'm so- I didn't want this to happen. I want you. Only you, forever and now this has come up and I know you're mad, but please don't leave me."
He fell to the floor in another fit of cries as he sobbed out 'Dont leave!' continuously. Nothing would calm me down and I needed to get away from this man. 

"I'm going out." I finalised as I grabbed my things and left swiftly yet all I could hear was muffled screaming and begs of apology and sorrow. Don't get me wrong, all I wanted to do was run up to that man and hold him, run my fingers through his hair and whisper comforting words. But this wasn't the case. He betrayed me and I cannot just take that in my stride like the other things. I needed somewhere to go, someone to go to that wasn't associated with Gerard. 

I've never felt so empty in my life, not when I got kidnapped, or a knife held to my throat, not when Gerard left, Bob died for me or for when Mikey had his crash. This I knew was my final point. I began to wonder that if I didn't exist, none of this would've happened, everyone would be alive and well, happy making music or having a normal life. But no, I'm here to ruin everyone's life, even when I think I'm making it better. It's always me, always me making things worse. 
I walked off, hoping that my legs would just carry me somewhere or to someone I know, entrusting them as my mind and my heart is in a completely other place, somewhere I havent been in a while.

Notes

I'm back, I'm so sorry I left forages, My head was really fucked up and I went through a difficult time I'm so sorry. But here is a short re-introduction chapter to get you going again.