I'll Mess Up Everything!

Wait, what?

The crying did not stop and I know it was Gerard, I could feel it and it made my heart quiver and shake, much to my own sadness. I made my way out of the room and downstairs to the direction of my husband. What i saw broke my heart. He was just sat on our little sofa with his hands clutching his stomach, bailing his eyes out. I think he was trying to say something but I could not make it out.
"Gerard wh-"
"No, Frank you shouldn't be here. I can't- you- fuck I- I'm sorry Frank. It's not you." He stuttered as the words were replaced by a cascade of tears that made his face clammy and pale.
"Gerard- please, I'm your husband, I love you and I want to know if you're okay." I tried.
"You know what Frank, I've respected your privacy and troubles for so many years, could you just let me off this once, let me have my fucking time." He near enough shouted at me. I haven't even done anything at all! This is the first time I've seen him today after he just walked out the door to probably go and meet someone at the early hours, to be honest, I should be the one asking him the questions and not him. Calm down Iero, you can't snap at him. You love him, you would do anything for him, and just respect what he wants.
But what he's really asking for is the fucking silent treatment.
"Fine, I'll go while you.... collect yourself." was all I said before I rather hurriedly rushed out of the front door in the same tackie bottoms and my black vest top and I found myself in the brisk, New Jersey air.

It took me a few minutes to realise one thing, who the fuck do I go to!? I know that in the past, I would just go and find Mikey or Ray, but I haven't talked to Ray in quite a long time, that long that I don't even know if he still lives near here, and Mikey....Well, for obvious reasons.
So what is the only thing you can do when you've had an argument with someone and you storm out? Wonder around like a homeless person, that's what.
To think, just years back we were the biggest new band, the next new craze to hit the spotlight and we had made it with what we wanted and what we needed to keep us alive and happy. We've gone from that to this, some of us broken, some dead, while fans and supporters still try and live in our past glory, constantly reminding us of those days and willing us to come back. I love the support, sometimes it's the only thing I have, but in this situation, I really don't think that anything can happen anytime soon and that's being honest. I want it to happen, I want to go back, but I can't.

A car pulls up slowly beside me and honks, making me jump in surprise.
"Frank, you'll catch a cold, come in let's go home." Said Gerard, obviously a little bit more collected from his breakdown. I considered this for a moment, I could just walk away, but he is all I have. Gerard is the reason I'm living and I can't just walk away from him.
"Okay then." was all I said before silently making my way into the car.

Just fifteen minutes later, Gerard and I were both sat in our front room in the most awkward silence I have even witnessed. The tension had risen drastically and I knew that I had to understand why he was so upset.
"Gerard, please please try to understand why I'm so pissed. I'm angry at you for not telling me something, but I'm doing it because I care about you. It breaks my heart to see you like this." I stated as Gerard looked straight at him through his tear stained, baggy and swollen eyes.
"I want to tell you Frank, I need to tell you, but I'm scared- so fucking scared Frankie. I don't want to loose you." He managed. My poor baby, seeing him like this is like seeing a stray dog that's been beaten and battered. I can't take it.
"Please Gerard, I'll love you no matter what." I paused, raised my hand and pointed at my left hand. "You see this? This is my wedding ring, the same as the one that you bare on your own very hand. It's a promise, it's a bind. It connects our hearts together and symbolises our love and devotion to each other over the troubles and struggles we've had through our lives. You hate it when I'm sad, when I have my nightmares, when I remember what has happened- but now you're doing it, you seem to forget the fact that I can also feel it. It's a horrible feeling and you can stop it by telling me what's wrong and being honest." He paused for a second then shook his head.
"You'll hate me. I've done something wrong, I've betrayed you Frank."
"What do you mean?" I asked, curiosity and worry growing in my voice. I don't like this.
Just at that moment, he bolted out the chair and pressed his chapped lips to mine at full force, as if he would die otherwise. You could feel exactly what he was feeling through the kiss, love, lust, passion, yet also worry and sadness mixed with- regret?
"Gerard- never forget I'll always love you-" He pulled away and looked me dead in the eyes.
"I'm a dad." Was all he said before breaking into a cry of tears and regret.

The bastard.
With who?
Why didn't he tell me?!

He's lied to me.

Notes

IM SORRY
I want to apologise for the inconvenience and terrible ways of updating, here's the problem. With Sing It Out, I didn't know exactly what I was doing through it, so the story had a kind of mix of events, feelings and emotions and even surprised me at times, meaning that I updated daily. With this one, I know what I want out of it and it takes me a while to update because I'm so specific and I know what's going to happen. I don't know if it's good or bad or I don't know. Sue me.