Drums Of The City Rain
Chapter 5
TW// eating disorder, calories, slight vomiting
Mikey and I spent the afternoon playing board games, our parents hadn’t paid the sky bill for weeks and we’d finally had the tv and wifi switched off so it was back to the old fashioned means of occupying ourselves. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds to be honest, I enjoyed the nostalgia, I will tell you now 17 is not too old to enjoy a game of Hungry Hippos. Despite this by 6pm I was painfully aware we’d had nothing to eat all day. Our parents had awoken sometime late morning and I could hear them downstairs, they seemed to have not noticed they were meant to be responsible for me and my brother so even if I got in a bit of trouble for disturbing them I decided I had to go looking for some food. Not only was my stomach growling, after the recent revelations I needed to make sure my brother had regular meals in him. Easier said than done.
I crept down the stairs trying to gage my parent’s moods from their conversation. The atmosphere seemed surprisingly relaxed and I felt safe to continue, still wary it could change at any moment. “Alright Gerard?” my father grinned. “Yea” I mumbled “Wow Mum, I love your new hair!”. My mother smiled running her hand through her freshly dyed red locks. “Thanks Gerard! Ooh there’s a treat for you and Michael tonight” she replied. I looked at her questioningly, suspicious of the sudden cheery mood but went along with it wanting to stay on their good sides. “Pizza!” she announced. “Wow thanks so much! My favourite!” I exclaimed, maybe milking the good-little-parent-adoring-son act a little. Thoughts of freshly cooked pizza and all the melted cheese and salty pepperoni made my mouth water and I went to sit down in anticipation for the doorbell ringing. “It’s in the fridge if you wanna put it in the oven” my dad told me. My heart sank. I don’t think there’s any feeling worse than expecting a domino’s pizza then getting a cheap ready made asda pizza. I was livid. Nevertheless, I was absolutely ravenous so glad of anything edible.
As it cooked I tried to think about how I was going to deal with this Mikey eating disorder situation. I needed to make sure a lot of this got inside him and stayed there. I checked the calories, there were 1158 cals for the whole pizza. I worked out on my phones calculator that’s 145cals a slice. There’s no way he’s gonna wanna eat that. Ideally, I’d have him eat the entire thing because I’m totally happy filling myself up with a not so nutritious packet of chocolate biscuits and a bowl or two of cereal later but from that diary thing I’d found that looked like it’d go way over his apparent calorie limit. Either way when it was ready I brought it upstairs for us to share. I opened his door and saw his face fell as I put the pizza on the bed. He didn’t say anything but turned away sulkily. “Mikey, come on eat something please” I begged. He couldn’t get out of it by throwing it on my fucking face like before, this time I knew what was up. I picked up a slice for myself and once it hit my tongue I practically rammed it down my throat, god I was hungry. “Mmm, its delicious” I murmured before picking up another slice and waving it under my brothers nose. He glanced round and I knew he secretly ached for it. “You know you want some” I cooed. “Fuck off” he retorted. This wasn’t working I needed to change my tone. “Mikey. Eat it.” I demanded. He gave me the middle finger. “I said eat it” I bellowed, feigning anger. He flinched slightly but didn’t reply. I felt so guilty and decided to leave it for a moment. I ate another slice, savouring every bite this time. “Why don’t you want any?” I asked calmly. “It’s far too unhealthy” he replied. “No it’s not, its extra low cal” I lied “I checked for you”. My brother looked round with a hint of excitement on his relatively blank face. “No, no, it’s still full of fat and sodium” he said almost as if he was convincing himself. “Its low fat too” I lied again “and you’ve had absolutely nothing all day and it’s coming up to 7pm” I added. “Okay, how many calories is it?” he asked reluctantly. “90 a slice” I lied for the third time, surprised he hadn’t noticed. I’m a crap liar. He picked up a slice and tentatively nibbled the edge, but each bite was getting increasingly bigger as his hunger seemed to take over, though he did seem to take about 3 years to chew one mouthful. I smiled encouragingly as I picked up a third slice and he finished up his first. “Want another?” I prompted, he thought for a moment before nodding and starting on a second slice. I needed to leave some for my brother so decided against a fourth slice, picking up my phone (aka useless piece of brick shaped metal now there’s no internet) and scrolling through my photo album to give my hands something to do. To my surprise, I saw Mikey start on a third slice but pretended I hadn’t noticed. Once he was done he made a point of pushing the remaining 3 slices away. They were going cold but I picked up another slice. “Are you sure you don’t want anymore?” I asked undignified with my mouth full. He shook his head and I thought a moment. 145 calories a slice. 3 slices. That’s 435 in total. Still dangerously low but it’d have to do, I could maybe convince him to have some cereal later. “Okay” I replied “Proud of you”. He looked up at me one side of his mouth twitching upwards slightly before grumbling “270 calories” under his breath. I felt a pang of guilt for lying to him. “I wasn’t really angry by the way” I confessed “Up for one last game of hungry hippos?”
Later that night, my attempt at a revision session was interrupted with my brother crashing into my room. “You lied!” he yelled, tears rolling down his cheeks, clutching the wrapper to the pizza. Oh fuck. “I- I- I’m sorry” I stammered. “435 fucking calories” he growled. “Its n-nothing” I mumbled. “Let me weigh myself” he demanded. “No” I said firmly. “Let me see!” he cried, diving down to my drawer, which I shielded, trying to wrestle him away. For a child so dangerously underweight he had a surprising amount of strength. Suddenly out of nowhere I felt shot of pain ripple up through my body and the world seemed to start turning the other way. The fucker had kicked me in the balls. Once I came to my senses again I realised he had grabbed the scales and was running back into his room. I froze at a loss as to what to do. “I’ve gained half a pound” I heard him moan. For a moment I sat confused. Firstly how the fuck did he manage that? He’s only had 435calories, that’s nothing. Secondly, christ it’s only half a pound, I gain that much from not farting for a few hours, how could it matter so much? But when I heard the bathroom door slam shut and Mikey’s gagging I realised how much it did matter to him. “Listen, the calories have already been absorbed you ate it 3 hours ago, puking is gonna do fuck all” I called through the door. He stopped gagging and burst into tears but luckily none had come up from what I could tell. After a few minutes the door opened and he pushed past me into his room, rejecting my attempts to give him a hug. Fortunately I had retrieved his scales while he was in the bathroom and hidden them with the rest of his things down the side of my bed so as far as I knew there was no way for him to harm himself so I left him to cry it out. I flopped down on my bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
My phones clock read 00:48am as I became aware of my surroundings, sweaty and shaking from another blur of blood and fire and screams. I lay for a few minutes calming myself, letting my breathing return to normal before becoming aware of footsteps next door. Mikeys. I realised he was pacing, the same rhythm back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. A few minutes passed and he kept going and I decided I should go and check on him. I peeked in his door sleepily and watched him sweating and shaking walk back and forth, taken aback. “3,361” he whispered. He walked 10 more steps in the other direction. “3,362” he whispered again. Wow how had he kept going this long? I needed to make him stop but I wasn’t sure what to say so took a moment to form a sentence in my head. Before I got to say anything he stopped for a moment and looked at the floor, his hand seemed to reach out to thin air before he wobbled slightly sideways, his eyes closing. I ran in but he went limp and fell to the floor with a thump before I got to him. I crouched next to him whispering his name but he was out cold.
Mikey and I spent the afternoon playing board games, our parents hadn’t paid the sky bill for weeks and we’d finally had the tv and wifi switched off so it was back to the old fashioned means of occupying ourselves. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds to be honest, I enjoyed the nostalgia, I will tell you now 17 is not too old to enjoy a game of Hungry Hippos. Despite this by 6pm I was painfully aware we’d had nothing to eat all day. Our parents had awoken sometime late morning and I could hear them downstairs, they seemed to have not noticed they were meant to be responsible for me and my brother so even if I got in a bit of trouble for disturbing them I decided I had to go looking for some food. Not only was my stomach growling, after the recent revelations I needed to make sure my brother had regular meals in him. Easier said than done.
I crept down the stairs trying to gage my parent’s moods from their conversation. The atmosphere seemed surprisingly relaxed and I felt safe to continue, still wary it could change at any moment. “Alright Gerard?” my father grinned. “Yea” I mumbled “Wow Mum, I love your new hair!”. My mother smiled running her hand through her freshly dyed red locks. “Thanks Gerard! Ooh there’s a treat for you and Michael tonight” she replied. I looked at her questioningly, suspicious of the sudden cheery mood but went along with it wanting to stay on their good sides. “Pizza!” she announced. “Wow thanks so much! My favourite!” I exclaimed, maybe milking the good-little-parent-adoring-son act a little. Thoughts of freshly cooked pizza and all the melted cheese and salty pepperoni made my mouth water and I went to sit down in anticipation for the doorbell ringing. “It’s in the fridge if you wanna put it in the oven” my dad told me. My heart sank. I don’t think there’s any feeling worse than expecting a domino’s pizza then getting a cheap ready made asda pizza. I was livid. Nevertheless, I was absolutely ravenous so glad of anything edible.
As it cooked I tried to think about how I was going to deal with this Mikey eating disorder situation. I needed to make sure a lot of this got inside him and stayed there. I checked the calories, there were 1158 cals for the whole pizza. I worked out on my phones calculator that’s 145cals a slice. There’s no way he’s gonna wanna eat that. Ideally, I’d have him eat the entire thing because I’m totally happy filling myself up with a not so nutritious packet of chocolate biscuits and a bowl or two of cereal later but from that diary thing I’d found that looked like it’d go way over his apparent calorie limit. Either way when it was ready I brought it upstairs for us to share. I opened his door and saw his face fell as I put the pizza on the bed. He didn’t say anything but turned away sulkily. “Mikey, come on eat something please” I begged. He couldn’t get out of it by throwing it on my fucking face like before, this time I knew what was up. I picked up a slice for myself and once it hit my tongue I practically rammed it down my throat, god I was hungry. “Mmm, its delicious” I murmured before picking up another slice and waving it under my brothers nose. He glanced round and I knew he secretly ached for it. “You know you want some” I cooed. “Fuck off” he retorted. This wasn’t working I needed to change my tone. “Mikey. Eat it.” I demanded. He gave me the middle finger. “I said eat it” I bellowed, feigning anger. He flinched slightly but didn’t reply. I felt so guilty and decided to leave it for a moment. I ate another slice, savouring every bite this time. “Why don’t you want any?” I asked calmly. “It’s far too unhealthy” he replied. “No it’s not, its extra low cal” I lied “I checked for you”. My brother looked round with a hint of excitement on his relatively blank face. “No, no, it’s still full of fat and sodium” he said almost as if he was convincing himself. “Its low fat too” I lied again “and you’ve had absolutely nothing all day and it’s coming up to 7pm” I added. “Okay, how many calories is it?” he asked reluctantly. “90 a slice” I lied for the third time, surprised he hadn’t noticed. I’m a crap liar. He picked up a slice and tentatively nibbled the edge, but each bite was getting increasingly bigger as his hunger seemed to take over, though he did seem to take about 3 years to chew one mouthful. I smiled encouragingly as I picked up a third slice and he finished up his first. “Want another?” I prompted, he thought for a moment before nodding and starting on a second slice. I needed to leave some for my brother so decided against a fourth slice, picking up my phone (aka useless piece of brick shaped metal now there’s no internet) and scrolling through my photo album to give my hands something to do. To my surprise, I saw Mikey start on a third slice but pretended I hadn’t noticed. Once he was done he made a point of pushing the remaining 3 slices away. They were going cold but I picked up another slice. “Are you sure you don’t want anymore?” I asked undignified with my mouth full. He shook his head and I thought a moment. 145 calories a slice. 3 slices. That’s 435 in total. Still dangerously low but it’d have to do, I could maybe convince him to have some cereal later. “Okay” I replied “Proud of you”. He looked up at me one side of his mouth twitching upwards slightly before grumbling “270 calories” under his breath. I felt a pang of guilt for lying to him. “I wasn’t really angry by the way” I confessed “Up for one last game of hungry hippos?”
Later that night, my attempt at a revision session was interrupted with my brother crashing into my room. “You lied!” he yelled, tears rolling down his cheeks, clutching the wrapper to the pizza. Oh fuck. “I- I- I’m sorry” I stammered. “435 fucking calories” he growled. “Its n-nothing” I mumbled. “Let me weigh myself” he demanded. “No” I said firmly. “Let me see!” he cried, diving down to my drawer, which I shielded, trying to wrestle him away. For a child so dangerously underweight he had a surprising amount of strength. Suddenly out of nowhere I felt shot of pain ripple up through my body and the world seemed to start turning the other way. The fucker had kicked me in the balls. Once I came to my senses again I realised he had grabbed the scales and was running back into his room. I froze at a loss as to what to do. “I’ve gained half a pound” I heard him moan. For a moment I sat confused. Firstly how the fuck did he manage that? He’s only had 435calories, that’s nothing. Secondly, christ it’s only half a pound, I gain that much from not farting for a few hours, how could it matter so much? But when I heard the bathroom door slam shut and Mikey’s gagging I realised how much it did matter to him. “Listen, the calories have already been absorbed you ate it 3 hours ago, puking is gonna do fuck all” I called through the door. He stopped gagging and burst into tears but luckily none had come up from what I could tell. After a few minutes the door opened and he pushed past me into his room, rejecting my attempts to give him a hug. Fortunately I had retrieved his scales while he was in the bathroom and hidden them with the rest of his things down the side of my bed so as far as I knew there was no way for him to harm himself so I left him to cry it out. I flopped down on my bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
My phones clock read 00:48am as I became aware of my surroundings, sweaty and shaking from another blur of blood and fire and screams. I lay for a few minutes calming myself, letting my breathing return to normal before becoming aware of footsteps next door. Mikeys. I realised he was pacing, the same rhythm back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. A few minutes passed and he kept going and I decided I should go and check on him. I peeked in his door sleepily and watched him sweating and shaking walk back and forth, taken aback. “3,361” he whispered. He walked 10 more steps in the other direction. “3,362” he whispered again. Wow how had he kept going this long? I needed to make him stop but I wasn’t sure what to say so took a moment to form a sentence in my head. Before I got to say anything he stopped for a moment and looked at the floor, his hand seemed to reach out to thin air before he wobbled slightly sideways, his eyes closing. I ran in but he went limp and fell to the floor with a thump before I got to him. I crouched next to him whispering his name but he was out cold.
Notes
Hey :)
So it's half midnight rn which tbh isnt that late but i'm absolutely exhausted, i'm literally falling asleep on the keyboard. Last night I was up puking up like never before, idk i must of had a bug or food poisoning something bc its practically gone now. So yeah this chapter is rlly crap tbh, i havent proof read it or anything so plz plz plz point out my mistakes, i just wanted to get it up bc i'm going away tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow i'm travelling from london to a random village in the middle of nowhere in the west midlands where my aunts live where they basically moan about 'bloody immigrants' and the 'youth these days' so yay 4 me. On the bright side the live on a farm so i'll be living on the back of a horse tbh. I'm rambling but like i said im also falling asleep on the keyboard so forgive me. Anyway this means i probably wont be able to update til sunday evening, i sorry <3
Also I'm really sorry but I have decided on the ending to this already and there will be major character death. I don't wanna spoil it but I'm just warning those who don't like that stuff to stop reading and escape while you still can. Don't worry it won't happen for a long time yet and I'm doing it so I can write a fucking adorable idea I had for a sequel. So yeah I will probably kill u but I'll wrap ur death up in cotton wool n positivity n try to patch u up so in the long run it should be good.
Have a nice day or night tho, whatever ur up to
Plz feel free to comment, plz point out my mistakes like i said n just chat about nothing if u want.
Megan x
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Please come back to this
2/19/16