I could hear Gerard humming lightly as he gently stroked the pencil across his sketchbook in the corner of the room. I had stopped paying attention to the TV long ago and I was now just staring straight ahead at the small clock that rested on his coffee table. It was broken. The second hand was ticking, but it wasn’t moving anywhere, instead just wobbling every second.

Those two sounds, the sound of a frustrated ticking clock and the sound of pencil against rough paper, kept getting louder and louder in my mind. I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else. It got to the point where both were so excruciatingly loud that I found myself desperately trying to push them away. It felt as though it was just me, alone, pushing up against a humongous brick building. Eventually, after even a bead of sweat had begun to dribble down my forehead, I felt the bricks begin to shift slightly.

Oh god how I wished I had just left the bricks where they were. I hadn’t realised it until now, but my subconscious had been building up the wall to protect me from the reality that was today.

It was Wednesday. To anyone else it was just another Wednesday, but not to me.

One week. It was exactly one week ago today that I lost everything that had ever meant anything to me. The reality hit me as though an entire tidal wave had slammed into me, and then it just kept coming over and over again. Never stopping for long enough for me to be able to catch my breath or recover. It just kept coming.

I felt an animalistic sob rip through my chest and quake my entire body. Tears sprung from my eyes, running down my cheeks in continuous waves. My entire body was convulsing as moans of grief dropped from my lips. I was never going to see them again. My mother was never going to hug me close and tell me everything would be okay when I fucked up. My father was never going to help me out when I really needed him again. I was alone. Completely alone. There wasn’t a single person in the entire world who loved me unconditionally anymore. I had cut myself off from everyone who cared about me even slightly and now I had no one left to help me through the gut-wrenching pain that was slicing up my mind and body.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I realised that Gerard was probably watching all of this. I couldn’t let him see. He would ask questions. He would want to know why the fuck I was suddenly freaking out like this, and then I would have to tell him everything. He wouldn’t make me, but I knew that if I was given the chance when I was in this state then it would probably all come out anyway because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.

Without really thinking about where I was heading I scrambled through a door and collapsed into the corner of which ever room I had fallen into. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in my arms, letting the tears fall harder and harder as for the first time I finally let myself really realise the reality of the situation I was in.

After a while I became conscious of a pair of warm, strong arms wrap around me and I found myself instinctively clinging to the firm body of the person holding me. I buried my head in their chest and continued to cry, even harder now. The entire time he just sat there with me in his arms, rocking back and forth whilst whispering quiet and comforting murmurs in my ear.

I finally looked up through my blurry tear-filled eyes into the warm eyes of my consoler. I couldn’t help but be struck again by how beautiful Gerard really was. His face was so smooth, with a comforting smile that seemed to be slightly crooked, as though naturally smirking. And his eyes were stunning, leaving me awestruck as I got lost inside of them. His black, shaggy hair was rested around his face, a few strands falling over his forehead. I couldn’t help but be struck by the desperate urge to run my hand through it again; only this time I didn’t stop it.

Without even hesitating I lifted my hand and pulled my fingers through the thick locks, the entire time neither of us breaking eye contact, even though I could barely see through my blurry eyes. When he didn’t move away, and my body felt satisfied of that urge but desperate for another, I decided to follow my instincts again. Uncharacteristically fearless of the very high chances of this going horribly wrong and backfiring, I stretched my neck and slowly pressed my lips to his.

When he didn’t return the kiss I began to panic, like I would have expected I would have done earlier. Of course he wouldn’t kiss me back! I didn’t even know if he was gay, for fucks sake. I mean, just cause he was an artist didn’t make him like to fuck guys. I had plenty of friends who were good at art and drawing who actually happened to have girlfriends. One boy, Darren, usually had at least five, but I’m still fairly certain that he is just in denial. Plus, I didn’t even like guys. Well, I thought I didn’t, yet here I was, trying to kiss one. Fuck, this was confusing.

All these thoughts, plus many others passed through my mind in the short second that my lips were connected to Gerard’s. I pulled away and was about to start apologising and begging him not to kick me out when I felt a warm, damp pressure on my own lips. Gerard had returned his lips to mine almost the second I had pulled away, despite the fact he hadn’t kissed back when I had come onto him. I was confused to say the least, but I still kissed him back forcefully, my animal instincts taking over.

I hadn’t realised how much my body had needed something like this. I may have been broken emotionally, but my body still craved love and attention. I slid my tongue out of my mouth and ran it lightly across his bottom lip, requesting entry which he granted gladly. I explored his mouth frantically, trying to find every corner and save it to my memory. All of a sudden his lips left mine and I moaned unhappily until I felt him press wet kisses along my jaw and begin sucking on the skin of my neck. I knew I was moaning loudly, but I couldn’t help it. It just felt so damn good.

Both my hands were clinging onto the hair on the back of his neck as I tried to pull him even closer to me. I couldn’t think. Too many emotions were coursing through my veins, engulfing my mind, and the physical pleasure was overwhelming my senses, sending violent shivers throughout my entire body.

We parted briefly so that I was able to tear his t-shirt from his body. I froze for a brief minute, staring at his glorious pale chest. I ran my hand lightly along his front, caressing the smooth granite like skin. He smirked at me playfully before pulling my focus away from his chest by leaping forward to start nibbling on my neck again. My heightened senses were working on overdrive and my hands were trying desperately to touch every part of Gerard that I could. I closed my eyes as I began to moan harder and louder, unable to form words with what Gerard was doing to me. I couldn’t even tell where he was anymore, I could just feel sparks of pleasure all over my body.

He pulled away again and I had expected him to return his lips to mine. Instead I felt him unwrap my arms from around him quickly and then I couldn’t feel any contact anywhere. Accidently moaning again, this time in protest, I opened my eyes. Gerard was standing on the opposite side of the room, backed up against the door. The look of absolute need, desire and lust was clear as day in his eyes as he stared at me desperately, but the slight frown on his face showed that there was a problem.

“Gerard?” I squeaked, my voice embarrassingly high pitched. I coughed to try and clear my throat before speaking again, “Is something wrong?”

“We shouldn’t do this, Frank,” He sighed, leaning against the door in defeat but not breaking eye contact.

“Why not?” I whined, annoyingly sounding like a lot more of a child than I had at all intended.

“You’re upset, Frank. You don’t really want this, especially not with me of all people,” he looked away from me and began to look very interested in an area of space behind me.

“How would you know what I want?”

“Because this is what people always think they want. You just need a comfort fuck, and I don’t do shit like that. You’d be better off going out to some bar and picking up some random chick, than doing this. You would have anyone you could right now, in this moment, and I’m your only option so you’re settling for me. I’m sorry Frank, but I’m just not willing to be used like that.”

It was in that moment when I realised how everything must have looked from his angle, and I instantly felt guilty. I slid back up the wall slowly whilst wiping away some of the tears on my cheeks with the palms of my hands. It wasn’t until I began to walk slowly towards him that he finally looked my way again. I stopped roughly a meter away from him and waited a minute to figure out exactly what to say so that I wouldn’t mess things up. “I’m not using you, Gerard,” I whispered earnestly, “I want you, and not anyone else.” I was surprised to find that I actually meant what I was saying. I couldn’t explain it, but right then I felt a dire need to be close Gerard. Not necessarily fucking him, but to just be near him, touching him, breathing in as much of him as I could. “You’re right, I am upset. But I don’t want just anyone there for me, I want you. I know it sounds weird, cause we’ve only known each other for a couple of days, but are you honestly telling me you don’t feel this, whatever it is, too?” I had been slowly moving towards him and I was now stood so close I could feel his heavy breathing on my cheek as I looked up at him.

“No, of course not,” he breathed, “I just didn’t know if you did.”

“Oh, trust me, Gerard,” I chuckled slyly, “I did.” And with that I closed the final distance left between us and crashed my lips against his. He kissed me back desperately, and now it was him who was making frantic movements to rid me of my clothing. Before I knew it we had both shed all material from our skin and our hands were roaming over every inch of each other. I began walking backwards, pulling Gerard with me, until I felt the mattress on the bend of my knees. My legs buckled and I fell down onto the soft bed sheets, Gerard falling on top of me.

Gerard began grinding his hips against mine and the friction left us both gasping and moaning loudly. My moans only grew when he latched his mouth onto random spots on my chest and began sucking on them as his crotch continued to rub against mine, causing my hips to automatically buck upwards. My hands continued to grope at Gerard’s skin and tug at his hair as he covered every inch of my chest, neck and face with wet kisses that left tingles wherever they went.

The intense pleasure consuming me left me very confused, and so it came as quite a shock when I felt Gerard’s slick fingers enter me. He stopped everything else for a brief minute when I screamed out in pain. At first the discomfort was unbearable, but the longer Gerard held his fingers inside of me the less uncomfortable it got. He slowly added another finger, and then another. Soon enough, with Gerard’s lips starting to press and suck sloppily at random spots on my skin as comfort, I grew to find the pleasure through the pain and I was hungry for more. The best I could do to signal Gerard to continue was to moan loudly, as my ability to form words was lost somewhere in the back of my mind. He removed his fingers and my body didn’t know whether to be annoyed or relieved. I heard some rustling as Gerard was doing something, but I didn’t bother to look to see what he had done because I was too busy leaving my own marks on Gerard’s skin.

Gerard pushed me down so that I was laying on my back looking up at him, and then he positioned my legs so that they were open and he was sat between them. He smiled at me comfortingly as he brought one of his hands down to wipe some of the hair out of my face and to wipe away some of the tears that still remained on my cheeks. My eyes instinctively fluttered shut as he leaned down to press a soft, tender kiss on my lips before they moved to rest on other areas of my body, preparing both himself and me for what was to come.

The feeling when he finally pushed inside of me himself was nothing like I ever could have expected. The first thing I registered was pain. He was so much bigger than what his fingers had prepared me for, and it felt as though the entire ordeal before had been of no use at all. Gerard stopped once he was inside of me, allowing my body to adjust to the invasion. He was panting heavily, obviously trying his best not to show the amount of pleasure he was in when I was in so much pain. I was gasping and clenching my teeth to try and cope with the sting shooting through my body, but with Gerard there, kissing my skin and easing the discomfort, I grew used to that feeling soon enough. Once Gerard realised I wasn’t in so much pain anymore, he began to move slowly.

The more he was moving inside of me, the more pleasure I was finding. By the time Gerard had built up a steady rhythm I was screaming and crying out with the intense sensations my body was experiencing for the first time. Gerard was also yelling and groaning every time he pressed into me again and again. We were moving in perfect harmony and I couldn’t help but feel as though we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, however cliché that may seem. I had never experienced a feeling as good as this, where I felt quite so full. It was totally indescribable, and I wouldn’t have been able to quite explain the intense feeling of pleasure even if I did have even a vague ability to think of any words or of anything else other than Gerard.

When I thought it couldn’t get any better, Gerard hit a spot somewhere within me that had me yelling a series of curses with the overwhelming sensation that filled my body. I noticed a faint smirk flash across Gerard’s pleasure filled face through my dropped eyelids when he realised he had found the right place. The pleasure running through every bone in my body was so severe that I was screaming, the only word I was able to come up with being his name. After that he kept pounding into the same spot again and again, weakening every muscle in my gladly ravished body until I lost control of it completely and just let it do whatever it wanted in reaction to the extreme sensations passing through my bones. He was moaning my name just the same as I was moaning his, and all too soon I could feel the familiar feeling building below my abdomen.

I managed to gasp out a vague, “Gerard, I’m gonna–” before my voice descended into moans again, but it was enough for Gerard to understand what I was saying. Before I even had the chance to remove my hands from their tight grip on the bed sheets, Gerard had already wrapped one of his hands around my cock tightly, causing me to instinctively buck my hips up into his hand. The added jolt caused him to pound into me with more pressure than he ever had before, and even though there was more pain, there was also a lot more pleasure too. I could definitely take the pain if it meant having that feeling. I could tell from the sound and the face Gerard had made that he certainly benefited from the action too and so, with his hand still pumping sloppily up and down my dick, I repeatedly bucked my hips as in time with his thrusts as I could.

I came first with a stronger feeling of pure pleasure than I had ever felt before in my entire life, whilst my toes curled and my hands flew from the bed up to Gerard hair where they tugged desperately at the sweaty locks as though holding on to them was the only thing keeping me from getting lost within the sea of sweat and bed sheets. Gerard came inside of me soon after, and the odd feeling only added to my own orgasm. We were both screaming chains of curses mixed in with the others name louder than we had screamed all night, as we both rode out our own orgasms together.

Gerard collapsed on top of me, panting just as hard as I was. He pulled out and crawled upwards so that he was lying directly next to me. Without hesitating for even a second I rolled over and rested my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around him slightly. He rested one of his arms round my shoulder so that it was stroking my arm, and with his other free hand he gently wiped the damp mixture of salty sweat and a few remaining drying tears off my cheeks.

My entire being was filled with a mixture of emotions. Most obviously at this moment, lying in Gerard’s arms, I felt happy and content. As soon as I realised this, I was filled with a powerful feeling of guilt as I realised I shouldn’t be feeling these kind of good emotions so soon after the death of my own parents. I didn’t know whether it was Gerard’s aura of care and comfort that seemed to be radiating off him at this moment that allowed me to ignore the bad things, or if it was just my general lack of emotional commitment throughout my teenage life, but either way I couldn’t decide if I appreciated it or hated it. I appreciated it for allowing me to at least vaguely enjoy this moment with Gerard, but hated it at the same time as it was what was causing the sickening feeling of guilt in my stomach.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gerard murmured after a few minutes of the both of us lying in each other’s arms. He must have been paying a lot more attention to me as I lost myself in my own thoughts than I had expected, seems as he had apparently realised that my expression was twisting into one of guilt and anxiousness.

I knew I should tell Gerard everything. I really should have told him before now. Although, right now this moment was perfect, or as perfect as it ever could be considering my situation, and I didn’t want to destroy it with my pathetic excuse of a life. “No,” I sighed, “Let’s – Let’s just enjoy this moment. Let’s not ruin it.”

“Okay,” he agreed, although I could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of my head, obviously worried about me. I pretended not to notice and buried my head further into his chest in an attempt to get comfortable, and then closed my eyes.

I felt Gerard lean upwards slightly, trying to shift me as little as possible as he dragged the bed sheets up to cover our naked bodies as we lay there, slowly cooling down from our activities. I don’t think I had ever been more comfortable in my life; Gerard’s body was the perfect pillow, and the sheets were unbelievable soft against my still tingling skin.

“Goodnight, Gee,” I murmured, just before I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness, a slight smile still playing on my lips at the memories of tonight.

“Goodnight, Frankie,” Gerard cooed lovingly, kissing the top of my head before leaning back against the pillows, arms still wrapped tightly around me.

Notes

Yey! haha! :) The title is the song by The Wombats (who are an amazing band btw, and their song 'Anti-D' is one of my favourite songs ever and when I saw them play it live it was just the best thing and yeah, you should listen to it) The reason I put it to this song was because I found myself listening to it every time I wrote this chapter because I just felt like it fit, y'know? You might not think it does, but in my mind I had specific parts of the song playing to specific parts of the chapter.

Thanks for Reading!!
xoxo