Three Words You Never Want To Hear

Unless you've lost someone yourself, you can't really begin to imagine the pain it causes you. You can imagine how you might feel if they left you, but unless you've experienced it yourself, you will never know.

It's hard to put into words the emotion that went through me as I heard Gerard utter those three words. The three words that changed my life. He had said it so calmy, as if it were nothing more than an inconvience.

They say there's an emotional cycle you go through when you receive bad news. First, you'll go into shock, then comes the anger, the denial. That was the hardest part for me. Looking back now, I wish I hadn't been so.. selfish. His last few days and I had been ignoring him, making him feel guilty for something out of his control.

If I could turn back time, I would, believe me. I'd go back as an awkward, spotty, teenager, and I'd make a move on Gerard the second I walked into Mikey's room. Then, I'd cherish every second with him, I wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, not a single word that came from his mouth would go unheard.

I wouldn't have spent time playing hard to get, or teasing him. I would have done my best to keep him safe. But this was something no one could save him from.

Well, except him.

"Mikey, stop hogging the fries, I want some!" I whined, grabbing for the bowl on his lap.

He grabbed it away, mouth full of the potato mush. "I cooked them, so they're mine!"

I heard Gerard chuckle next to me. "You two should see yourselves, you're like children."

Mikey and I looked at each other, and as I burst out laughing, Mikey's grin was gone from his face within a second. The old Mikey had returned, which was what I had been fearing all night.

When Gerard had brought me in to 'talk to' Mikey, we had eventually ended up deciding that I should stay the night. After much persuasion from his brother, Mikey allowed it.

Mikey had been gloomy the moment they had set foot in the room, and I had noticed how it affected Gerard. When Mikey was around, it seemed to bum Gerard out. I had wondered why he was still behaving this way. Had they had a falling out?

It had taken hours for Mikey to loosen up, and at one point he had looked close to tears. Gerard had said something jokingly about his life when he was older, saying that he'd 'own as much candy as he liked' and 'be married to the most gorgeous man alive.' He had shot a look at me at this point, and I had blushed furiously. Mikey's reaction had been unexpected, and I had meant to say something to them, but from the look on their faces, I couldn't bring myself to.

Oh, how ignorant I was.

Now that Mikey's mood had returned, I wondered why exactly. All Gerard had said was that we had looked like children, I didn't see how that could make him upset at all. Come to think of it, how could the future upset Mikey?

I had been looking forward to spending a fun, peaceful night a the Way household. I could tell that now, I wasn't going to get it.

"Yeah, Mikey, you heard him! Hand over the fries, you big baby!" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Mikey gave a half hearted smile and handed the bowl to me. I was startled that he hadn't given up much of a fight, but I was so engrossed by the fries that I forgot about my concerns.

"This film is awesome," Gerard smiled. "I'd loved to be able to go to a magical world like that, y'know? Escape from the real world every once and a while."

We were watching Bridge to Terrabithia, a childish film, no doubt. It had been the only film on at that time of night, and we had thought we'd give it a try. As it turned out, we were actually enjoying it.

"Yeah," Mikey sighed in agreement. Again I wondered what was wrong with them.

"They're so cute," I commented, referring to the main characters. A boy and a girl, in their early teens, the boy named Jess and the girl, Leslie. "What's the bet they'll be making out by the end?"

Gerard shot me a playfully disgusted look. "Frank, they're just kids!"

I chuckled. "You see it in films everywhere, a boy and a girl can't just be friends when it comes to Hollywood, no matter how young they are!"

"So, not true!" Gerard started. "What about in Harry Potter for example?"

"Ron makes out with Hermione," I said matter-of-factly.

"Harry and Hermione are friends, they don't make out!"

"Yeah, they do!" I protested. I could have sworn I remembered them making out with each other in the last film.

"As a vision in Ron's imagination, maybe, but they remain only friends throughout!" Gerard grinned, seeing that he had made his point.

I pouted. "So, that's one film. Name another."

Gerard took a while to respond, almost proving my point. "This isn't a film, but in F.R.I.E.N.D.S they have guy friends that they don't have a relationship with."

"Chandler and Monica, Rachel and Ross-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Pheobe doesn't kiss any of them," he pointed out, and I was about to admit defeat when I remembered something.

"She kisses Chandler to try and prove that Monica is secretly seeing him," I pointed out.

"Ah, but it's extremely awkward and-"

Mikey surprised us both by interrupting us, a grin back on his face. "You two are such nerds! You actually know the episode he's referring to?"

Gerard and I looked at each other, first in surprise that he had cheered up again, and then in embarrassment.

"It's a good series," muttered Gerard, and we turned back to the movie.

After another twenty minuets, we were all unpleasantly surprised by the outcome of this children's film. In fact, we weren't sure it could even be classed as suitable for children anymore.

The lead girl, Leslie, had died suddenly, falling from the rope them had used to get to the imaginary land they had visited before. The boy had now discovered that there had been police tape around the area, only to be told his best friend had passed away.

I turned to look at Mikey and Gerard, and there was nothing funny about their expressions. Gerard's eyes seemed close to tears, and Mikey looked... angry.

"You think you're watching a nice movie, and then 'BAM', dead sixteen year old girl," complained Gerard eventually, and I thought he seemed to be trying too hard to lighten the mood.

"I know, I definetly didn't see that coming," I had commented. Oh, how ironic.

Mikey shook his head angrily. "Why is it rated as appropriate for kids? It's sick, that's what it is."

I looked at him in shock. He was gritting his teeth. I turned to look at Gerard, who looked at me somewhat sympathetically. I tried to understand why Mikey seemed so upset, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Mikey, calm down. It's okay. I'm sorry, it was my choice of film." Gerard was patting his brother's back, trying to comfort him.

I had been so confused by this point.

"No," I was stunned to see a tear roll down his cheek. "They shouldn't allow this kind of thing in a kid's movie, heck, even in an adult's movie."

I tried to find my voice. "It ended happily eventually, Mikey."

This had been the wrong thing to say. Mikey stood up in anger, hovering over me. A few more tears were now running free down his cheeks. I gulped, preparing for his anger.

"Death is never a happy ending," He whispered, leaving the room without a backwards glance.

I made to go after him, but Gerard grabbed my arm. He sent me a look of desperation.

"Leave him, he'll be alright," he didn't look too convincing. "Let's go upstairs, get some distance. He'll come back when he's ready."

I nodded, letting him drag me up the stairs. When we had reached his room, we both sat down on the bed. He looked at me, as if trying to decide whether to say something, but then he looked away.

We were sitting far from each other, and even at a time like this, that bothered me. I wanted his comforting arms around me. I could hear him breathing heavily, and I saw that his fists were clenched. I wanted to do something to comfort him, but I didn't know what I was comforting him for.

He needed to tell me.

"Gerard-"

"-no. Frank, no."

"You're leaving me in the dark-"

"-no. I'm doing this for you, Frank. I'm doing this for us." He looked up at me, and there was no mistaking the pain in his eyes.

It took me a few seconds to pull a response together. "I want answers, Gerard. I'm not blind, I can see something isn't right."

"I can't tell you," he almost begged, running a hand through his hair. "Frank, this is much bigger than you think. If I tell you now, it'll ruin everything. I just want to enjoy this time with you-"

"There you go again!" I cried, making him jump. "Why do you keep saying that? You're freaking me out!"

He looked away. "You don't understand, and you never will. I won't hurt you like that."

"Hurt me?" I shook my head angrily. "Gerard, you could never hurt me. You're the sweetest guy I've ever met."

"Please, Frank,' he whispered.

I made my way over to him, crawling. He knew I was coming and tried to turn his face away, but I had already seen the tears on his cheeks.

I pulled him around to face me. His swollen eyes looked into mine. I could see that something was really upsetting him, something he couldn't even bare to talk to me about. And why should he? This was just our first date. Why would he tell me anything so personal?

I hooked his chin with my finger, stroking it. "I don't care what it is." His face flashed with obvious shock and denial. "I'm sorry, but something is hurting you, and it's killing me to see. I'm not going to force you to tell me, but I want to be here for you."

Then, without warning, he grabbed the back of my head and began kidding me. Hard.

The kiss was so forceful I nearly fell backwards off the bed, but he held me on and pushed me into his lap. I eagerly obliged, entering his mouth completely. All thoughts of what had happened left my mind as we made out.

We were there for at least three minutes. When he pulled away, we were both out of breath, our hearts hammering.

"That's what I call a kiss," I gasped, and he chuckled.

"You know, you're an amazing person, Frank. You know, I will tell you someday, you just have to be patient with me," he smiled, pecking my cheek.

I sighed, but smiled back. I was just relieved to see him happy again. "Then I'll wait, and I won't bring it up again."

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

He leaned in slowly, and I wondered why he was taking his time after the previous display. I waited however, and the anticipation itself was almost as amazing as the kiss.

He pulled away all too quickly however, and I found myself pouting, as I had previously when he had pulled away. He saw my expression and chuckled, lifting me from his lap.

"You are far too light to lift for a grown man," he smirked, teasingly.

I stuck my tounge out. "I am not! You're just strong."

"Oh am I?" He raised his eyebrows. "Well, thank you."

I winked. "Say, would you mind.."

I trailed off. He seemed to know what I was going to say. "I'm not taking my shirt off, Frank."

"Why not?" I whined. "I sleep with my shirt off." To demonstrate my point, I threw mine off, throwing it from the bed.

His mouth twitched as he tried not to laugh. "Still not taking it off."

"Awwh, come on, Gerard. It's awfully hot in here," I crawled back over to him, attempting to straddle him again.

He took control however, strandling me. I was shocked to say the least. Hadn't he wanted boundaries?

He rolled his eyes. "You are such a teenager, Frank. So hormonal."

"Says the guy straddling me," I teased.

"Oh, this?" He looked down pointedly. "This is nothing. You would have done it if I hadn't. I was just taking control of the situation. Don't want Frankie to get too excited, do we?"

"Oh, sure, blame it on me," I laughed, pulling his face to mine.

"Frank, let's just talk," he said quickly, pulling away. He was still sat on me however.

"Okay, but it's hard to concentrate," I realised that I shouldn't have said this, it had given him a reason to get up. Thankfully, he stayed put. I fired the first question. "Does Mikey get like this often?"

He hesistated, thinking about his answer carefully. "No, it's only been recently. He gets upset over.. certain things very easily lately. I don't blame him, and you wouldn't either if you knew."

I nodded. I knew he wanted to change the subject. I had promised to stop talking about it. "So, you haven't told me about your friends. What are they like?"

"Well, Bob's an awesome guy, amazingly talented. We aren't too close, though, we haven't seen each other in months," he bit his lip. "I have another friend, Millie, I met her at Starbucks."

I laughed. "At Starbucks?"

"I love Starbucks, in fact, I'm addicted to it," he grinned. "I was on my own, just drinking coffee, and there she was, giving the waiter a few.. pointers."

He was chuckling. "Gonna let me in on what's so funny?" I asked.

"It's just, she was telling him off for not putting any sugar in her coffee, and then he told her she had to do it herself," he held his stomach, trying to catch his breath. "Her face was priceless, you should have seen it."

"Right," I couldn't see why this was so funny, but mind you, I hadn't been to Starbucks too often. I told Gerard this and he looked appalled.

"You don't go to Starbucks?" He gasped, jumping from my lap, earning a groan from me. "That's insane! I'm taking you there, right now!"

"Now?" I looked at the clock, it was half past twelve. "Gerard, it won't even be open!"

He looked at the clock, and smiled. "Oh, yes it will! The one around the corner is open all night, baby!"

"Why the heck would you need coffee at night?" I questioned.

"They sell food too! Oh, come on, Frank! It'll give us something to do!" He looked so excited, I had to agree.

"Oh, alright," I agreed.

Then, we were off to Starbucks in the middle of the night. To drink coffee. This was one heck of a first date.

Notes