Three Words You Never Want To Hear

It all began on a Saturday night.

I'd only been sat at my apartment all day, watching sitcoms and movies. Usually on a Saturday night I'd be out with friends or family, but on this particular Saturday evening one of my best friends had unexpectedly cancelled on me. We had been planning on going to the movie theatre to see a new horror film that had been released a few days before, it had had a good rating and the trailer looked pretty interesting.

Normally I wouldn't like horrors, but I'd decided to give one a try. Besides, I'd had no other plans.

As it turned out, Ray was busy with another friend who desperately needed his help with something personal, so he'd rung me at the very last minuet to tell me. I'd been a little disappointed but also a little relived. At least now I could catch up on all the CSI's I'd missed. Life had been so simple before I had met him, my main worries revolving around whether I'd be home on time to watch my programmes.

I'd just begun to watch the first episode in the top of my TV planner, when I'd heard the phone ring again. I'd sighed in annoyance and lazily got off the couch to answer it.

I hadn't expected the call I was about to receive. You see, Mikey Way had always been a friend of mine, but I hadn't spoken to him for at least a year. He'd become incredibly busy after he had gotten married, and as much as we had tried to stay in contact, it hadn't really worked. We'd still talk to each other over the phone occasionally, but the last time he had called me had been three weeks after he'd returned from his Honeymoon.

You can understand my surprise then, when he had called me up randomly, or so it had seemed at the time, on a Saturday night twelve and a half months later.

I picked up the phone and pressed it to my ear. "Hello?"

I had heard a shuffling, and the person down the phone seemed to be yelling at someone on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

I recognised his voice instantly. How couldn't I? He'd been one of my best friends since High School. "Mikey?"

"Yeah, hi Frank."

He had sounded out of breath, but I later found out that that had not been the reason for his strange behaviour. "How are you, man? I haven't heard from you for so long."

"I'm.." There was a pause. "I'm alright."

I couldn't help but noticing that his voice sounded unusually strained when he'd said 'alright'. But, being me, I'd pushed the thought from my mind. I was extremely excited to hear from him again. "What's up?"

"N-nothing."

"No man, I meant, why did you call? Not that I don't love hearing from you." I had laughed, not knowing what my friend was going through at the time.

"Oh, sorry. I just wanted to call and see how you are. How are you?"

"I'm feeling pretty good, man. So, listen. I haven't seen you since the Wedding, and I'd love to meet up with you again sometime."

I had heard a faint coughing from the other end of the phone. I'd assumed it was someone laughing. "Oh, that's what I'd called you for. Are you free sometime this week?"

I'd had to check my calendar, believe it or not I was actually pretty popular. "Oh, man, I don't think I am. Would next week be okay?"

There had been an even longer pause, which had worried me slightly. If only I had known why this had actually bothered him so much. "I'm sorry Frank, but could you, maybe, shift a few plans? It's just really important that I see you."

I'd heard the seriousness in his voice, which is why I had decided to do ask he'd asked. "Oh. Of course, man. I can do Monday if you'd like?"

"Monday sounds good. Thanks Frank, would ten o'clock be alright?" He had sounded so relieved that I'd smiled like an idiot.

"Sure. Do you want to come over to mine or..?"

"I'll come to yours, if that's alright."

"That's fine. Hey, are you okay? You seem a little distant." I'd noticed the tone of his voice and the way he was only answering my questions and not asking any of his own. He was usually so lively, always cracking jokes, but he'd seemed off. If only I had known why.

"I've got a lot going on right now, that's all. Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me Frank, you don't know how important it is. Gerard-"

"Gerard?" My stomach knotted at the familiar name. I'd had a crush on Gerard since I had been younger, I'd gone to the same High School as him and he'd always be in the house whenever I 'd gone to visit Mikey. I hadn't spoken to him much, but if I had only known what lay in front of us, I would've cherished every moment with him.

"My brother."

It was such a blunt response that it caught me off guard. "I know he's your brother, I've met him, remember?" I had laughed.

There'd been another agonising pause. "Sorry, what? Oh, of course you have."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Listen, I have to go-"

"-wait. What were you saying about Gerard?"

Another pause. "Frank, would it be okay if he came with us?"

I'd been so caught up in my little school girl crush that I'd taken a while to respond. "Of course. Why does he want to come though?"

"He just.. he wants to get to know you. He feels like he hasn't really made an effort with you." I'd heard him sniff. Of course, I'd assumed he had a cold.

"Well, that sounds great. See you then?"

"Yeah."

So, Mikey had hung up. I'd put the receiver back down and just stared out the window for a little while. I'd pondered over the conversation for minuets, wondering why Mikey had been so off. It wasn't like him to just hand up like that, wasn't like him to be so.. in a daze. I'd thought that perhaps he'd been having some relationship troubles. How wrong I had been.

I'd gone back to watching television after that. I hadn't been able to focus too much, however. I couldn't stop thinking about Mikey and Gerard. Mostly Gerard.

I should probably tell you about the few times I'd spoken to Gerard. My first memory of meeting him was a very distinct one. I'd been visiting Mikey's house for the very first time, and I remember he had taken me to his bedroom first. His parents had been out for work, as we'd been skipping school. It had been my first time skipping school, so I'd been incredibly nervous about getting caught.

He'd told me that he shared a room with his older brother, and at first I'd had no problem with that, until we'd walked in and I'd realised he was in the house right then. I'd been incredibly shy as we'd walked in on him, and it had been the first time I had realised my sexuality.

We'd walked in to find a shirtless Gerard leaning over his desk, drawing. I'd been glued to his chest, unable to take my eyes from him. I had felt the blood flow into my cheeks as he'd looked up and caught me staring.

"Mikey, I told you to tell me when you had company." Gerard had quickly grabbed for his shirt, much to my disappointment, and had hurriedly put it back on.

"Sorry. We're just gonna hang out here for a little while, okay?"

Gerard had sighed and then sent another glance my way. "Why does he stare so much?"

I'd gulped. I hadn't realised that I'd been staring, and I began to feel confused. I had never had a girlfriend, or a crush, but I knew that I liked the way he looked. A lot. His black long hair almost covered his eyes, and his face was breathtaking. I hadn't felt upset with my realisation that I liked men whilst I was staring at him.

"Oh right. Frank, this is Gerard. Gerard, Frank."

I'd been a blabbering mess as I tried to put together a sentence. "Y-yeah. I'm Frank. Nice to meet you."

They'd both sent me a look of astonishment at how formal I'd sounded, and I had mentally slapped myself.

We'd both sat down on the bed, and Mikey had out in the nearest DVD he could find. Gerard had still been drawing, occasionally looking up at me. I'd pretended not to notice, but a part of me had thought that he'd been chuckling at the way I'd reacted every time he'd caught me staring.

I hadn't spoken another word to Gerard that day, but I'd gone home afterwards and come to the conclusion, that, yes, I was gay.

It had been surprisingly easy for me to accept the fact, far easier than I had expected, probably because all I had been able to think about was Gerard. It's fair to say that from then on I had tried to visit Mikey as much as possible, and I had dressed much nicer than usual.

However, nothing had ever happened between us. Of course not. I hadn't even been sure of his sexuality, and I wasn't going to go make a fool of myself. Well, anymore than I already had. I knew that Mikey would find it wierd if you knew about my feelings, and even if he did accept them, would he allow me to try anything with his brother?

I hadn't had the nerve to make a move, and so, I had later lost out on valuable time with him.

The other time I had talked to Gerard, and properly that time, had been at Mikey's wedding. Of course I had seen him before that, and pretty frequently too, but they hadn't been truly significant meetings. At least, until after everything had happened.. The moment that had changed my life forever.

Anyway, back to the Wedding. We had been dancing at the Reception, and Gerard had just made his speech. It had been pretty emotional, and I still remember every word to this day. It had gone a little something like this, and it still never fails to make me cry my eyes out. Especially after everything that happened.

"Mikey, where do I begin? You've been a brother, a friend, and you've always been there for me. You've been there for me through all the rough patches in my life, despite how I've sometimes treated you. I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done, no matter how much it seems like sometimes I'm just an ungrateful bastard." The Guests had laughed at this. "You helped me through relationship problems, although I didn't have many of them going on, through my drinking problems, through depression, through everything. I can never repay you for that. When you were first born, I was jealous." The guests laughed once more. "I'd been annoyed that another boy was in the house to steal all my parents' attention. But y'know what? I don't know what I'd do without you. You're amazing, remember that. I'll always be here with you, until the end. I love you, and I wish you both a long happy life. To the Ways!"

The guests had all cheered and clinked glasses. I'd stood there grinning like an idiot, and then Gerard had left the stage and was heading towards me.

I'd been extremely nervous, even after all those years of knowing him.

"How'd you like my speech?" He'd grinned, and I had melted inside.

"It was very touching. You're a good brother."

"I know." He'd winked, which had made me feel even more like jelly.

"Gerard, I didn't know you'd had an alcohol problem. Are you okay now?"

I'd meant to make polite conversation, but he had obviously found my question far too personal. "I got over it. The main thing is, my brother is happy now. He's gonna make a great Dad someday."

"He sure is." I had smiled, looking over at the happy couple. Alicia was a gorgeous girl, with glasses that were identical to Mikey's, and they'd both decided to wear them for the wedding. I had been glad they had chosen to, as it made them look all the more cuter together. She had hair up to her shoulders, dark brunette hair, and she was wearing a beautiful dress.

"Frank. I've never really wanted to ask before, but.. are you.. straight?"

I had been so caught off guard by the question that I had almost dropped my wine. I'd held myself together though. Gerard had known that I had had a girlfriend once before, and the relationship had lasted for nearly two years, so I wondered why he had asked this.

"To be honest, no. I've been with guys, but I haven't really told anyone. I kept it on the down low. My relationship with Sarah was more of an experiment, y'know, to see if I really didn't want tone with a girl. It worked for a while, but she wasn't what I wanted." I'd obviously said too much.

Gerard had laughed. His laugh had been like music to my ears. "I didn't ask for a life story. I always knew you two weren't working out, no wonder, you hardly ever touched her."

I'd blushed at that. I had wanted him to know that I was gay for a very long time, but I had told Mikey to keep it to himself. I hadn't wanted Gerard to think any less of me. It was a shame, I could've saved a lot of time with him if I'd have just cut to the chase and asked him out.

"Yeah, it's hard to want to touch a girl when you're into guys." I'd seen the smirk on Gerard's face as he'd raised his eyebrows at me. "I mean, oh that sounded so wrong, I meant that-"

"-I'm gonna stop you from burying yourself a bigger whole. I'm just going to go say hi to the Bride, excuse me."

That had been the last I had heard of him until that phone call from Mikey, and I have regretted not talking to him more since.

Notes