Three Words You Never Want To Hear

What is the meaning of life?

Well, that's a question that has been asked since the beginning of time and a question which has never been given an answer. I've pondered over this question only a few times in my life, and everytime I've tried to draw a conclusion that makes sense and that is reassuring I've ended up starting from the beginning all over again.

The truth is, everyone wants to believe that the answer is a good one. That someday there will be a reason for everyone's suffering. No one likes to admit that someday they aren't going to exist anymore, that they're lives are virtually pointless. You aren't going to remember your life when you're gone, all your memories, interests, friends, family, music tastes, everything will be gone.

Back to how it was before you were born. Nothingness.

Why so negative, you ask? I once believed that there was a reason for life, that when my time came I'd go to a better place. I'd never been too religious, but I had believed that everything would work out in the end. That had been until I had lost the most important person in my life.

When you loose someone that you'd die for, you loose interest in it all. You give up on everything, you don't want to be here without them. It makes you re-think everything.

When I lost him, it was unbearable. I had been a walking zombie, barely alive myself. At his funeral I had sat there in a trance, wishing it were all a dream. Thinking that maybe life in general was just a dream. I had sat there staring at where he lay, not being able to see him, but even if I had been able to, I know I wouldn't have recognised him.

You see, I had always had this vision. A dream, if you'd like. That someday, we'd grow old together, have grandchildren maybe, although he had told me he didn't want children. I'd imagined us sitting together, all old and tired, watching the world pass by us. We'd die together at a very old age, and when the time came we'd both be ready. We'd welcome it.

My dream had fallen to pieces. As I had listened to different family members go up to the front of the Church and talk about him, I hadn't heard a word. Everyone around me was in tears. I sat there in silence, accepting the fact that my life was officially over. Accepting that he was gone, and that someday I would be too.

My story starts off very simply. Three words you never want to hear.

Notes