Maybe This Could Work...

Gina Elizabeth Lawrence was never a very happy person. Even as a child, before her parents passed away, she never smiled too much, didn’t laugh a lot, didn’t really find any specific joy in playing with her dolls or any other toy. She had imaginary friends, but even they didn’t really amuse her.
Then at age five, her parents passed away in a car accident. And not having any grandparents or any other relative that would take her in, little Gina landed in the system, moving from foster home to foster home for an entire year. But then after she had turn six, a family from Belleville, New Jersey, decided she would be a great edition to their already big foster family.
And just like that, the girl who was used to be alone, was thrown in to a house with three older and two younger foster children, and new foster parents, who could never have their own biological children, so they filled the void by taking in foster children.
A month after she was moved to Belleville, little Gina was sent to school. Like most children on their first day of school, she was nervous and scared and put up a big fight with her new ‘parents’ over even going. But in the end she went and was sat down by a brown haired boy who was more interested in eating his lunch cookies then saying hello to her. In the year before she was sent to Belleville, Gina had thought herself not to speak unless spoken to, to mind her own business and to not be noisy. So she stayed quiet as the little boy next to her stuffed his face with cookies.
Then before the bell rang, the boy finally turned to her, cookie crumps all over his slightly chubby cheeky face and with a full mouth he mumbled: “You want one?”
Gina looked at the boy, her eyes wide from both fear and how cute she found the boy.
“No, thank you” she said anyways, shaking her head. The boy frowned, swallowing the contents in his mouth.
“You’re weird” he then said, leaning down on the table.
“I am not!” Gina defended herself, trying to look intimidating by crossing her arms on her chest.
“You said no to my cookie. That makes you weird” the boy stated.
“It doesn’t! You can’t say that” said Gina.
“Yes, I can”
“You’re mean!”
“No, I’m Frank, not mean”
That’s how their friendship began. It all began with a fight about cookies and Frank thinking Gina thought his name was mean.
Over the next four months Frank and Gina made each other’s lives a living hell. Pulling on each others hair, spitting at each other, calling each other names like snot nosed rain deer or Frank’s personal favourite that just drove Gina crazy for some reason, girly noob.
Then the 15th of December happened. It was the anniversary of her parents’ deaths, so Gina escaped her foster siblings to be alone for a change. To have some proper time to remember her parents in peace, she went to the play ground. She never really went to playgrounds, not finding any joy in them, but this time it was different.
She wasn’t there for more than ten minutes, when someone tripped over her and that someone was none other than Frank. Gina immediately wanted to run away, but before she could even get up, Frank acknowledged her presents and started speaking.
And they talked. And Gina told him about her parents. Frank was the first person she ever told this to and it was there and then that Gina’s crush on Frank came to life. Each day Gina and Frank were together their friendship grew and because stronger and for the next six years Gina’s crush on Frank only became deeper.
Until Frank came out as gay when he was twelve. In all honesty, Gina was really glad that Frank had came out to her, that he trusted her so much, but at the same time, her heart was broken.
She tried her best to always be there for Frank in the next weeks to follow, but she still needed time to be alone, to mend the heart and move on from her love for Frank. After a year since Frank came out, she did and their friendship became even stronger. That’s why she was there for Frank 100% when his mother died, when his dad became a drunk and when all got too much and he tried to kill himself, Gina was there for him. Always!
Just like Frank was for her.
Each anniversary for her parents’ death, Frank would come over to her ‘home’ with chips and popcorn and loads of candy and her favourite movies; Pirates Of The Caribbean. Every time a new movie came out in the series, Frank would be the first in line to buy it and then immediately bring it to Gina’s place. They would make a pillow and blanket fortress in her room, eat junk food and watch those movies.
When Gina was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and then later on with lung cancer, after her foster parents, Frank was the first one to know. After she was first diagnosed, Frank spent the whole night with her in her hospital room without anyone knowing and Frank would just hold her as she cried her eyes out, screaming in to the pillow.
Of course, in the morning Frank was thrown out of the hospital room and got yelled at, but he didn’t really care to be honest. He only cared about the fact that he could be there for Gina when she needed him the most.
In the next months of treatments and chemotherapy and medication, through all the weaknesses that grew inside Gina, as she literally went through hell and self-destruction against her own will, Frank was always there, annoying the nurses and driving the doctors crazy. But most importantly, he kept Gina smiling through it all. He was her sunshine and her shoulder to cry on. Her partner in crime and her crazy ass best friend and brother.
At sixteen, Gina met Mikey in support group. Granted Mikey was twenty-one when they met and still had both his eyes, which in Gina’s opinion were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, but Mikey was still all she ever hope for in a guy. He was kind and understanding (one cancer patient to another), and he made her smile, even in times she thought she’d never smile again. Mikey was the first one after Frank that lit a spark in Gina.
Gina never saw Mikey as a friend like she did Frank, so her love for Mikey was obvious to everyone, except Mikey.
Three months after meeting Mikey, Gina met his older brother Gerard. He seemed nice and caring, hot like his baby brother and at the time he had blond hair, slightly curly at the ends. But Gina’s eyes were all on Mikey, not knowing his eyes were on her, none of them speaking of the love for each other. Months went on, Gina and Mikey became really close, spending more and more time together and Gina felt like she was in heaven (minus the cancer).
That’s when everything went downhill.
The medication wasn’t strong enough anymore, so they gave her stronger ones or bigger doses, which Gina didn’t like one bit, since she didn’t like taking pills at all. There were so many pills; Lexapro, Zoloft, Folex, Mexate, Phalanxifor and so much more, which names only doctor’s could remember. They always made her gag. But Mikey did help her; when she had to take the pills he would usually be with her, drawing soothing circles on her back, whispering that everything would be okay.
The meds didn’t help much, because Gina’s cancer kept on spreading through her body, spreading through her lungs, the x-ray scans lighting up like a Christmas tree every time.
So Gina was hospitalised, until things started getting better. That was end of junior year. Now it’s eight months later, beginning of February, and every hope of Gina ever getting even slightly better have gone to hell.
Gina knows she doesn’t have much time left and she’s trying to stay strong and happy for Mikey and Frank and even Gerard, who in the past months has become a great friend to her. So she smiles and nodes, tried to eat as much as she can, even though the doesn’t want to eat at all anymore because it only makes her sick, she takes her meds and she pretends to listen to her doctor when she discuses different treatments they could try to her foster parents.
She does all that, not to convince herself that she may be happy in her last moments, but so she’ll know her loved ones will be okay when she takes her last breath and her heart stops beating, when she says goodbye, one last time.
“Gina?” Mikey’s sweet voice echoes through the empty hospital room, snapping Gina from her thoughts and bringing her to reality. She looked at him, her blue-grey eyes watery.
“Were you listening to me?” Mikey asked, gently squeezing her hand.
“Yeah, of course” Gina says and nods, trying to recall the last words Mikey had spoken. He had been telling her about Gerard’s surprise engagement celebration for Frank and she honestly did want to listen, she wanted to hear how her best friend was happy, but she just couldn’t. Not that she didn’t want to, but her mind kept wandering off, more and more so these days, her thoughts at times so unclear that it took her longer than usual to answer some questions spoken to her.
“Anyways, they’re probably at the hotel by now or headed there...” Mikey finished, his hand reaching to find Gina’s cheek. Gina took his warm hand in to her cold shaky hand, guiding it to her lips and kissing it gently.
“I’m really going to miss you” she mumbled against his knuckles.
“Stop that!” Mikey said, maybe a little too harshly, standing up from his chair and lying down next to Gina in bed, being extremely careful not to unplug any of the numerous cords that were connecting Gina to many many machines.
“You are not dying today, okay? Not today, not tomorrow, not in a week or in a month. You know what the doctors said, if you continue with the treatment they suggested, you can live another six months”
“But it’s gonna be six months of pills and tests and hospital rooms and experimental surgeries. I don’t want that Mikey, okay? I don’t want to look like a corpse while I’m still alive” Gina protested like every time anyone mentioned treatments or medication to prolong her life. By this time, Mikey was used to it and didn’t even try to change her mind or argue with her about it. He just nodded, said ‘okay’, then kissed her softly. And it’s just what he did now.
“You want anything?” he then asked, leaning his head down on her shoulder.
“Not really... I just want you to hold me right now” said Gina, cuddling up to Mikey’s side, inhaling his sweet sent.
“That’s all I want to do. Hold you forever. And whisper cute shit in your ear and give you forehead kisses till you fall asleep” Mikey said, then kissed her again.
In times like this, Gina liked to believe Mikey had planted roses in her heart, daises in her mind and lilies in her eyes. And the cancer was letting them all die.
“What time is it?” Gina asked after a while. When Mikey would visit, most nurses forgot to even check if he was still there or if he had left when visiting hours were over, so a lot of nights Mikey spent with Gina, holding her fragile body while she slept, the machines steadily beeping.
“How am I supposed to know that?” Mikey chuckled.
“Sorry” Gina mumbled, turning her head to see the clock on her nightstand. It was 10.30 pm already.
“You think Frank and Gee are at the room already?” she then asked.
“Maybe. Why you asking?”
“No reason, to be honest”
But there was a reason. Knowing her time would soon come, she wanted to say goodbye to Frank and Gerard without them actually knowing she was saying goodbye, like she did today with Mikey. He had no clue what she was doing and Gina wanted it to stay that way.
They laid in silence for a while, just listening to each other’s breathing.
“Can I ask you something?” Gina then said, breaking the silence.
“Sure” said Mikey.
Gina reached in the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a piece of paper. She handed it to Mikey.
“Would you please recite this at my funeral?”
Mikey hesitated for a moment, then asked: “What is it?”
“It’s this song that I’ve been writing since I was hospitalised. Don’t worry, I’ve arranged with Gerard that he’ll help you learn it” Gina explained.
“Read it to me” Mikey said, giving the paper back to her.
“What?”
“I want to hear you read it first. It’s your song, so the words should come from your mouth first” Mikey insisted.
“Okay” Gina sighed, unfolding the piece of paper.
“The song is called Cancer” she said.
“Why am I not surprised” Mikey, slightly sighed, but smiled anyways.
“Oh, shut up and listen” Gina smiled, kissing him on the cheek.
“Turn away
If you could get me a drink of water
Cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favourite colours
My sister and my brother, still
I will not kiss you...
Cause the hardest part of this, is leaving you
Now turn away
Cause I’m awful just to see
Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body
Oh, my agony
Know that I will never marry
Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain’t living
And I just hope you know
That if you say goodbye today
I’d ask you to be true
Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you”
Gina put down the piece of paper, letting it rest in her lap as she waited for Mikey’s reaction.
“I can’t recite this at your funeral” he then finally spoke with a shaky voice.
“Mikey please. It’s like my deathwish, so you have to do it!” she said, little in joke, a lot seriously.
“Baby, I just... I don’t think I’ll be able to do it. Maybe you should ask someone else”
“I don’t want someone else. I want you Mikes! You’re my heart, you’re my love”
Mikey hugged her, pulling her even closer which seemed impossible, softly and quietly crying, Gina unwillingly doing the same. They were each other’s comfort, each other’s shoulder to cry on.
“Mikey?” Gina mumbled in to Mikey’s chest.
“Yes, baby?”
“Please make them take the pills away. I don’t want them, ‘cause they make me feel numb and sleepy and weak and I don’t wanna be that” Gina quietly cried, her voice slightly cracking. Mikey didn’t want to do what she asked of him, knowing that if they took the medication away she would be gone sooner than he ever wanted. He never wanted her to be gone, but he also wanted to see her happy, see her be herself in her last moments and not some drug infused zombie that resembled his girlfriend.
“Okay, baby. I’ll make them go away” Mikey finally nodded, more tears falling from his eyes, from the thought of seeing his love so weak, so hopeless and defeated.
Mikey never wanted to fall in love with her, but he did. This small 5’3, black dyed hair and blue-grey eyed girl with a smile that was only honest around people she liked and loved bands and fictional books and cats, changed his life so much and he wouldn’t change a single thing about their journey together over the two years they’ve known each other. Well, there are two things he’d change actually...
He would wish for his sight back, so he could see that amazing smile of hers, see her light up whenever she spoke about the things she loved. But most of all, he’d wish for her lung cancer to magically disappear over night, allowing them to stay together, to be happy for much more time then they were given.
The universe tends to fuck things up like this. It gives you happiness, makes you feel safe and secure, like nothing can go wrong and then BAM! It takes the things you love most away from you, leaving you feel like there is nothing you could ever do to make things better.
Mikey didn’t know how he could live on after Gina will die, to him, she was his entire world, his will to live. And after she’ll be gone, so will be that will.
Just like Mikey, Gina didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave Mikey or Frank or Gerard even. She didn’t want to bring all that pain on them, even if she was happy that her pain and endless torture would finally be over.
She hated and loved every aspect of her death. She hated what would happen after she was gone, but she loved she would finally get to be with her parents. After twelve years she could finally see them. Don’t get this wrong; Gina wasn’t and never will be a religious person, she doesn’t believe in heaven nor hell, or sins or damnation for this or that thing.
She believes, in her own way, that after we die, we go in to this place she refers to as ‘The Afterlife’ where all the souls or cosmic energy of the body or whatever you want to call it, gather together, where you can be any age you want to be, be with your loved ones if you wish and still watch over the ones you left behind, the ones still living. So she hopes that will happen to her.
When she’ll close her eyes one last time, she hopes her soul will leave her body – she imagines it will look like in the movies, where you’re basically a ghost looking at your own dead body – and then she’ll leave for the Afterlife. Hey, she might even meet her grandparents, who died before she was even born.
‘So this is my life’ Gina bitterly thought to herself.
‘It was full of tears and love and laughter and promises no one will be able to keep. And I want everyone to know that I am both happy and sad and that I am still trying to figure out how that could be. But not knowing what really lies after death, I am also afraid to leave. Knowing that that time soon will come, I also feel at ease.
But I will miss Mikey, because I have never loved someone as much as I have loved him. In my life time, he is my soul mate. I don’t know if I am his, and in all honesty, I hope I’m not. I hope he’ll fall in love again, find happiness again, move on and live his life.
I’ll miss Frank, my Frankie. He’s been my best friend since forever and I couldn’t imagine life without him. He’s like my better half. The doom to my gloom. The Joker to my Harely. The ink to my paper. The lightning to my storm. He’s just... Everything to me.
And I’ll miss Gerard. I mean, he’s a dork, but a lovable dork that will go places with his art. He is just so talented! And I know he and Frank love each other with all of their beings and no matter what they’ll face, they somehow will end up together.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I’ll miss my foster parents and siblings. They were always a big pain in the ass, but they always cared about me, even if I didn’t want to admit that.
All these amazing people in my life... They kept the light in my eyes until the last second, they kept a smile in my face until my last breath. They never left, even if I wished they would leave, just so they wouldn’t have had to see in how much pain I was in the end...

Notes

So... ammm... Hey Sweethearts :)
I know I havent updated in a while, but I have a good reason, I swear! It was my birthday! I turned 18 on the 6th of October and it is the only time of the year that I have to be social and I literally had no time for anything...
But here is the new chapter, which I like to call The Gina Chapter.
And it is also the time I tell you that Gina is based off of me; the things she likes, the way she looks, etc. I just added the cancer and adjusted the character to the story.
If you want to get to know Gina aka Me better, here are links to my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr:

https://www.facebook.com/klara.hribernik.71

https://twitter.com/girlinacoffin

https://instagram.com/girlinacoffin/

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/girlinthecoffin

We can talk or something :)

Anyways, I love you guys very much and thank you for the 100 comments and nearly 80 subscribers (it means a whole fucking lot)
so stay Fabulous, xoxo <3