I never told you what I do for a living.

I knew what I did was the right thing to do. I can’t give Frank what he needs. What he needs is a person who feels the same for him as he does for me.

I love him. I love him with my whole being and I want him more than I could want any one in my whole life. But I just can’t give him what he needs. It’s better off this way.

But holy shit, that did hurt.

Somehow, I seem to get myself in the most unpleasant situations and somehow I seem to get out alive. Although this felt like dying on the inside. I felt so stupid. He basically told me he would want to be with me forever and I just walked away from him. Frank is so precious, he deserves more than I will ever be.

As I walked farther away from Frank’s apartment, the night started to crawl over this empty town. I had no clue what was going on, but there were no people out on the streets for a change.

Although I knew it was wrong, I craved for booze. I had a... let’s call it a certain problem, a few years ago. Drinking wasn’t the right thing to do now, but I couldn’t give a fuck at the moment.

After I walked a bit further, I came across an open 7/11. This was the perfect occasion to buy some booze and drink my thoughts away. As I walked in the store, the guy behind the counter looked at me funny. Whatever. I looked like crap and that wasn’t surprising.

The fluorescent light in the store was so bright my eyes were hurting. If vampires could go up into dust, this would be the moment that I did.

I walked into the booze-isle and decided what I was going to drink. I didn’t have money with me, but that didn’t matter. As if the guy behind the counter could do anything to me. One snap with my fingers and he is dead.

It still amazes me what I could do to a human if I wanted too. I once let someone choke just by biting his neck, and that while I even didn’t put much pressure on his neck.

I made my choice and settled for something strong. I felt I needed this right now. Seriously, I couldn’t care less about the percentage of alcohol that was in there, as long as it made my heart a little bit less aching, everything would be okay.

Today I needed something that could make me forget my thoughts. I wanted something that made me forget who I really am. I needed the sensation of being so drunk that I can’t even bring out words.

A few years ago I would’ve hit myself in the face, but tonight it sounded like the most wonderful idea that I ever had.

I pushed the bottle in the inside pocket of my jacket and walked outside. The guy behind the counter was still a bit freaked out, but I got my booze so I couldn’t care less.

“That went easy.” I said to myself. When I walked outside, I looked into a shopping window until I realized the sight of my reflection.

I was right, I looked like shit.

My cheeks were sunken into my face, my face was even paler than it had been before and the bags under my eyes were becoming even purpler. With my shoulders hanging low and a bottle of whiskey in my hands, I looked pathetic.

Even my reflection was looking disappointed.

How could I sink so low?

I started walking. I didn’t care and didn’t know where I was going but I needed to walk. The night was still young and I could do as much as I wanted, if I wanted.

While I was walking, I looked up at the stars. They seemed so far away but somehow they seemed to understand me. I felt lonely and only the stars and moon could give me my so much needed comfort.

There is a saying that basically means that you can influence your own wellbeing, and I totally agree with that. Somehow I seem to fuck shit up every time and I wish I had died that night over 90 years ago. It all seems so hopeless. The one I was supposed to marry was murdered, then that devil-woman Josephine tried to kill me too only to use me as her puppet when she couldn’t kill me and now I lost Frank.

On the way to wherever I was going, I saw a large oak-tree and I let myself fall again the trunk. I roughly pulled off the cork off the bottle of vodka and started drinking it like it was water.

As the bitter flows of alcohol entered my body, my vision started to blur and my body started to lose its balance. This was the kind of state I loved because there was nothing else but me, my bottle of vodka and the warm fuzzy feeling. Plus the fact that I hadn’t drunk in a few days so everything I consumed kicked in harder than I thought.

Somehow, I stood up and walked back to the town for a bit. It was like I could not control myself anymore and my body shifted to auto-pilot.

When I walked through a street with a lot of bars and cafés, I could see two women standing outside. They looked very... familiar. Although I just couldn’t put my finger on it where I had seen them before. I tried to zone out from the faint voices I heard talking inside. The heartbeats still fighting their ways into my ears and I started to become lightly tensed up. My thirst for blood was slowly making its way into me again.

I have to admit, I was very intoxicated at this point so my brain didn’t function properly and I had no clue of what I was doing whatsoever. I stumbled past the bars and noticed it had come completely dark. The light from the streetlights were coming off very soft. The faint light combines with the talking and the smell perfectly.

One of the women was shooting glances at me, but I was so drunk I couldn’t process it properly. It almost looked as if she was smiling. The corners of her mouth curled up in an almost evil grin. The other woman was asking her questions and her talking started to become louder and louder, but I still couldn’t process what exactly she was saying.

When I could see the other woman’s face better, it felt like I was hit in the face with a brick. Time stood still for a moment and it felt like I was back in time for a few seconds. She looked at me and it seemed like she recognized me for a few seconds. By the look she had in her eyes you could see that her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces.

Those eyes were just too familiar. The beautiful hazel colour had lost its life and her lovely brown hair had become pale.

Angelique.

The look of heartbreak started to transform into a devilish stare. All the love she was once radiating had become pitch-black and all the joy she once possessed was crimson-red. The warmth she once was radiating, turned ice-cold.

She was wearing the gold locket Josephine took from her when she… murdered her? I thought she was dead all this time. All this time I lived in pain and guilt only to find out she was alive all along. But in this case, she wasn’t. The way she is right now is not alive. Even if Josephine put her under her spell or turned her into a witch, she wasn’t alive. She was alive just as much as I was and I am a creature of darkness.

Suddenly, I didn’t know where I was anymore and I started to become extremely nauseous. My vision blurred and the area started to spin around me. It was as if the only thing I could hear was a loud screeching noise. My hands flew against my ears and tried to dig themselves inside my head like daggers only to make it stop.

Angelique snapped her finger and Josephine let out a high-pitched screech. Suddenly, all the people around me that were just there a few minutes ago, disappeared.

I should’ve never left Frank alone. He needs me and I need him just as much. In my mind, I tried to focus on Frank, so that if I had to die tonight, I would die with the thought of the one I truly loved on my mind.

Suddenly I got a vision. At first, the only thing I could see were, I think more than a thousand, faces flashing by me. But with a sudden moment, the flashing by stopped at Frank. He was sitting on his couch with his legs curled up and his knees against his chest. His hands were folded over his knees and he rested with his forehead on them. Suddenly, the vision became cleared and I could see his shoulders hitch up and down and I could hear him cry.

I froze.

In my vision, it just felt as if I was standing in front of him, but as hard as I tried I just couldn’t reach him. I tried to grab him with my hands and tried to claw my hands through this dimension I was in, but I just couldn’t reach him. I let myself fall on my knees while I just couldn’t get my eyes off of him. He was so broken and it was all my fault. This all happened because I made a stupid mistake of not listening to myself one again.

In all my frustration, I started to scream. As I screamed, I noticed I was being pulled out of the vision.

“No. no please. Please don’t let me leave him!” I cried. I started seeing flashes of where I was laying on the ground in front of Josephine and Angelique.

“Okay, Gerard. Focus. Focus on Frank.” I repeated over and over in my head.

I was thrown back into the vision of Frank. He was still crying, but he looked confused. He was frantically looking around, still with wet tears streaming down his face.

“FRANK!” I cried out. He suddenly jumped up.

Could he hear me?

“FRANK!” I cried out again. His eyes widened. He jumped off from the couch and put on his coat before he raced out the door. This was the moment I was thrown back with Josephine and Angelique.

When I tried to open my eyes, I could see Josephine and Angelique standing above me with their hands entwined. I tried to listen to what they were saying, but I couldn’t understand as it was in Latin.

I felt myself become incredibly sleepy, but as much as I tried to fight it off, it was of no use.

I drifted away in darkness with the feeling of crying my lungs out.

Frank, where are you?

Notes