Never coming home

December 10th, Pearl Harbor
Gerard's POV

There are times in life when you think that nothing lasts forever. In those moments, you just have to live as much as you can. Enjoy everything that life has to offer.
But there are other times, rare ones, where you actually belive, that some things can last forever. That you'll be able to live a normal life. That's the kind of thought that keeps you going. Keeps you alive, fighting. Keeps you grounded. With you're eyes on the target.
I always thought that when this is over, I would get to go back home to Jersey. And I would take her with me. We could buy a house with a white picket fence, have some kids, maybe a dog. Sleep in on Saturdays, have barbecues on Sundays. Make love to eachother, grow old together... That's what I always thought would happen...

I've never been so wrong in my entire life...

As I stand now next to her coffin, the Stars and Stripes covering it, I can't help but feel completely numb. I don't think I've cried ever since she gave her last breath in my arms.

I feel hollow. Empty. Nothing matters anymore. My wish was that I had died in battle, just so I can be with her. Unfortunately, fate would not have it, forcing me to live another day in misery and loneliness.

I don't know how long I've been standing there, just looking down at her coffin. Mikey wanted to stay next to me, but I think that after a few hours he couldn't stand being there anymore, so he just left. I don't blame him. I'm not the best company right now.

Tomorrow she, and the other hundreds that have died in battle, will be transported back to the mainland so they can be properly buried in their hometowns. And these are the ones who's bodies were recovered.
For some, their coffins are the sea, for others, are the eight ships that sunk in that hell of a morning.

I wanted to go with her. To see that she's buried next to her brother as she would've wanted it. But I'm not allowed to. "You're not family" they told me. Mikey and Ray had to drag me away from the officer in charge of the transports, otherwise I would have punched him.

In the midst of all my thoughts, I didn't notice someone approaching me until they spoke,

"Gerard?" Said a woman

I turned around to face whoever called and saw a young girl, probably the same age as Margaret, with long black hair and kind eyes. She was holding a flower crown made of white roses.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. It's just that you looked like you were sleeping while standing" she smiled a bit, "I was just making sure you were still here"

I didn't answer her, I didn't have the strength. I knew she was one of Margaret's friends. I recognize her from the hospital.

"I'm Lindsey. We've never been properly introduced" she says, giving me her hand to shake. I do so, but just keep staring at her.

After a while of just looking at each other I speak,

"You were at the hospital when..."

"Yes... I was..." Her face drops a bit as she clearly remembers the events of that day

I look down at the crown she's carrying, "those are pretty" I tell her

"What?... Oh! Yes. She loves roses. They're her favorite!... I mean... Were here favorite"

"I never knew that..." I say

"Oh... Well... It probably never came up..." She gives me a small smile trying to reassure me.

I turn back to Margaret's coffin. I don't feel like talking anymore. I hear Lindsey sigh and watch her place the crown on top of the flag. I hear her starting to walk away but she suddenly stops.

"She wasn't in a meeting" she says, her back turned to me

"I'm sorry?" I ask, confused

She turns around to face me

"The day she... The day you arrived. Mikey told you Margaret was at a meeting when she really wasn't. He... We made that up."

"Why? I don't..."

"She was so excited to see you that morning. She wanted to look her best for you. That's why she stayed behind. That morning, she was supposed to go with Mikey to pick you up. But when he arrived, Margaret was nowhere near being ready. She was running around the house like a mad woman, trying to figure out what to wear." Lindsey says with a smile on her face as she remembers her friend. "It was such an important day for her. She was finally going to see you and..."

"And?"

"And give you the good news..." She says looking down at her feet

"What good news?"

"I... I shouldn't. The guys told me not to. I just..."

"Lindsey. Tell me. What news did Margaret wanted to tell me?"

"It's no use. She's gone. It won't make any difference other than give you more pain."

"Tell me!"

"But..."

"Tell me!!" I shout at her making her jump back a little. I try to calm down again

"Lindsey... Please... Tell me what was it. I don't care what you think this will do to me, just..."

"She was pregnant." She blurts out

The world around me stops moving. Did I actually just hear that?

"W-what?" I try to say, but my voice isn't working

"She was pregnant. That was the big news. She found out a few weeks ago just before she found out you were coming back."

"How? W-why?..." I can't speak.

"If your wondering if it's yours, it is... was" she says, "And she chose not to tell you while you were in England because she was afraid that you would be worried about her."

The world is spinning. My legs are shaking. My palms are sweating.

"Gerard? Are you okay?"

I don't hear anything else after I plunge into darkness.
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"What were you thinking?! Why did you have to tell him!" I can hear someone whispering shouting. It sounds like Mikey

"He had a right to know! We couldn't just leave him in the dark!" Lindsey?

"There was no point to it! You just made had a nervous breakdown because of what you told him!" Mikey starts to raise his voice. It's definitely him.

"So you were planning on hiding this from him?! For how long?" Another voice speaks up, but I don't recognize it. It's another girl.

"For as long as it took! Kris, there was no point on hurting him like this! She just gave him more pain to bear!"

"Mikey?" I try to say, but my throat is dry. I feel someone move closer to me and hold my hand

"I'm here Gee." He says

"Wh-where am I? What happened?"

"You passed out Gee. You've been unconscious for two days now!"

"T-two days?" I try to open my eyes. I am in fact in the hospital. Mikey is standing next to me while Lindsey and other three girls stand on the other side of the bed. At the end, looking at me with every worry in the world, are Frank and Ray.

"What do you remember?" Mikey asks

"I remember being in the hangar, next to Margaret's coffin. Then Lindsey came by, we talked. She said..." Everything starts to comeback. Everything that Lindsey said. Mags was pregnant. She was pregnant with my child.

"Is... Is it true? Was she pregnant?" I ask Mikey

He nods slowly, avoiding looking me in the eyes

My whole world breaks down right there. All the tears I've been fighting back since she died came flooding back. My entire body hurts. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest for beating so fast.

In my state of desperation I crawl into a small ball and let my tears flow. I can feel Mikey trying to hug me and comfort me, but I push him away. He stays there, looking hurt, but he doesn't move.

The girls leave and Frank and Ray sit down next to Mikey. There's not much any of them can do. So they just let me cry.

After what it seemed like hours, my tears finally run dry.

The guys are still sitting next to my bed. They haven't moved.

"Did you knew?" I ask

"Did I knew what Gee?" Mikey answers

"Did you knew she was pregnant?"

"I did. She told me when she found out."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She asked me not to. She said that she didn't want you to worry."

"Boy or girl?"

"I'm sorry?" He asks confused

"Was she having a boy or a girl?" I ask again

"She didn't know yet... Although... Kristin told me that Mags was wishing it was a girl..."

"A girl..." I whisper. The thoughts of having a daughter make my heart beat faster again. I would've loved having a baby girl... I would've spoiled her rotten.

"Yeah... She even started thinking about names..." Mikey said, breaking my dream

"What names?"

"Gee... I don't think..."

"What names?" I ask again

Mikey sighs before he answers. He stills a quick glance at Frank and Ray who simply shrug, not knowing what to say,

"She thought about Arthur James, if it was a boy... She wanted to combine our middle names... And..."

"Go on." I say

"I told her about grandma... And Mags said that... If she had a girl... She wanted to name her after her...

She wanted to name the baby Helena... Helena Rose."

Helena... My baby Helena... Margaret, Gerard and Helena. That was supposed to be my future if I hadn't lost her...

If she had just came to pick me up with Mikey when she was supposed to... Why did she had to stay behind? She would've looked beautiful in anything...

But there's no use now. No use in thinking "what if?". She's gone. And she's never coming back.

The day she died, was the day my world ended.
My soul died the day I lost her.... My brown haired beauty...

Notes

I cried while writing this. No joke.

There's still two more chapters to come so stay tuned!

As always, votes and comments are more than welcomed and appreciated :)

Stay safe Killjoys <3