Deep in Thought

~~~Gerard’s POV~~~

“Hi Mama!”

No. no no no no nonononononononono. N. O. He can’t be home! He’s supposed to be home next week!!

“Oh Mikey baby! Hows college? You weren’t supposed to get come home for another week! Oh my baby! Any girls got your interest??” I could practically hear her jumping with joy because her dear baby Michael James was home! How lovely!

“Classes got cancelled and I just missed you so much mama.” I miss you Mama, I can't live a day without you mama. Mama mama mama

“Where is Gerard, mama?”

“Oh where he always is. Never leaves that stupid cave of his. You know he snuck out this past week? Just ‘getting’ coffee. He thinks he can get away with that?” oh fuck her. Mama we are all full of lies. What do you tell the teachers you work with huh? Everything's fine at home, Gerard's graduating early, such a good son! And Michael, my baby is in college, doing so well! Its all bullshit.

“Hey Gee! Get out here!” ha ya right, I’m going to go out there and dealing with Mikey’s shit. No thank you! Just fucking great though Mikey always ruins my plans, and in a way, my life. You ruined his, took his father from him. You just had to come along, everybody would have been better off if you hadn’t been born.

“GErrrarddd you crazy motherfucker!! Get your ass out here!” he hit the wall next to my room a few times causing me to fall off of my bed due to me jumping six feet in the air. Fuck you Mikeyway.

“Gerard seriously if you don’t get out here I will drag you by your horribly dyed black hair!” My hair was not by any definition horribly dyed. It was practically opposite of horrible. Okay it was a bit greasy I'll admit that...maybe...

So out I emerged from my hiding spot and into humiliation I fell. Or well walked to it at least. I sat down in the corner of the couch and brought me knees up to my chest. I observed them fluttering around in the kitchen enjoying each others company. I wished she looked at me that way. With love, adoration, respect even?

"Hey fat ass! Get up and help us cook! You never do anything!" Mikey said waving a spatula around.

If you haven't figured it out already my older (a/n okay dont kill me it just works better this way...) brother Mikey and I don't get along. We use to be best friends, we get in trouble together and we play all the time. I protected Mikey from so many beatings, i took the blame for so many things he did wrong. I always looks up to Mikey even though he a total dick to me. I love him and his opinions of me kill me because they're right. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. I thought maybe he'd help me when i was down like i help him. I thought maybe hed take my side and even rescue me when he left for college, but i was so so wrong. I basically raised the kid when our mother was sick and he treats me like shit. Who doesn't though...

"Earth to loner, is anyone home?" He stood in front of me waving his hand in my face. I glared up at him. If looks could kill...

"Come on gerard stop being all emo its not cool. No wonder you have no friends." He scoffed.

"How long are you staying" i said looking dead straight into his eyes

"Oh! Hes staying till... What did you say Mikey? A week from this Sunday? Yes thats right! And i have next week off too!" Mum chirped in.

I shuttered at that, i would be in this house with two of the people i hate the most for a week. I couldn't sneak out, i couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't see frank. That means tonight couldn't happen.

To: Frank
(5:47 pm)
Sorry Frank i cant come over tonite

From: Frank
(5:51 pm)
Ok princess wats wrong? Was it me?

To: Frank
(5:52 pm)
Not u dont worry just family obligations i guess

From:Frank
(5:54 pm)
I guess?? Ok... Gee if u need anything 2 talk or watevr im here k?

To:Frank
(5:55 pm)
Thank you i will i gotta go sorry about cancelling

From:Frank
(5:56 pm)
Dont apologize u didn't do anything wrong. Stay safe baby

Baby? Baby? I don’t want to admit it, but I kinda sorta maybe possibly leaning towards definitely like that. Throwing caution to the wind, I could somewhat say I was falling for Frank. I still harbor bad feelings towards him for taking me to that party, but hes trying to make amends to it.

“So Gee…” Oh no not my nickname…

“There's a concert this Saturday, and another one Monday that I know you’d be interested in. Would you like to go?” He didn’t look at me just kept cooking, but I watched. He was comfortable, relaxed, I know he didn’t want me there to just be there. He wanted me there for other reasons that I had yet to determine.

I’m probably just paranoid, it’s what I do best.

“Uh, ya sure, that’d be cool”

“Cool man! We just need to get tickets for it.”

“Ah, I see, I need to get them yes?”

“Ya man that’d be great” Being used is what I’m here for. I get it.

“Who else is going?”

“Kristen”

“Oh”

“Oh?”

“Oh”

“You need to expand your vocabulary Gee. In college you’ll be using so many new words, and you’ll have to talk more. God! I can’t imagine that”

“Big words huh mikes? I’d like to defenestrate you, is that big enough?”

“Go suck a dick Gerard” Gladly, if it didn’t mean I had to deal with him any longer. I got up and disappeared into my room, Mikey cursing at me and mum joining in all about me needing to eat. I ate… I think.

*

I hadn’t talked to Frank yet, and it was already tuesday. Sunday and Monday had been the best and worst days of my life. The music was the best part of it, as I could lose myself in it. Bodies pressed against each others, sweat pouring from everybodies overjoyed faces; the crowd jumping and thrashing together, lyrics being sung back to the singer, souls in a way intertwining. Peoples hopes and dreams are made at concerts, but that was only the positive side of my concert experience. The wonderful music was accompanied by reminders of how horrible I was, how fat, how lonely, how worthless. Mikey liked to remind me of it all.

We met up with some of Mikey’s college buddies, at the first concert Sunday and they asked who I was.

“Oh this! This is my baby brother Gerard, he had to tag along because he really enjoys music but doesn't have anyone else to go with.” That started my blood boiling, as if it wasn’t already. I thought about asking Frank to come, I just couldn’t do it. Frank had a life he doesn’t want to go to some silly concert with a kid. And plus, if Frank had come, and Mikey was around, Mikey would have ruined Frank for me. Not in a weird way, but Mikey would take him from me, or or, or he would make jokes about me and Frank, Frank could believe him.

So, being me I avoided Frank. Well, not directly I guess. He never texted me so I didn’t text him. Simple.

My mind wanted to over analyze that. Does he not want to talk to you? He doesn’t like you that's why he doesn’t text you. Maybe he’s seeing someone else. Maybe he realized you were bat shit crazy?

I kept trying to reassure myself though that he was just busy, or giving me space and allowing me to make the first move.


I waited to text him, and I only did it when things got bad. And oh boy did they go bad fast. Like when you on a roller coaster and you're going really fast and everything's well, and you're smiling and screaming and enjoying yourself when BAM, your car is suddenly slamming into the car in front of you, you didn’t see it was going to happen, but you knew it was possible. And it did happen and everything's fucked up.

That was Wednesday for me. A metaphorical roller coaster crash. That's when I finally got the balls, or decided to be needy and text him. It was also when I made a huge decision, just to try and escape the crash.

Notes

*Hello this is your captain speaking, sorry for the delay folks we have landed.* or well i have updated. Sorry sorry sorry bad updater, in a way I procrastinate, or am too lazy, or in this case things have been not so good. This chapter and the next chapter... and the next... maybe are actually based on recent events. I'll try to update again soon... i need to also update my other fics... whoops...
SORRY FOR BAD GRAMMAR AND SUCH, I TYPED IT ON ME PHONE and I am to lazy to check it

anywhooo the lovely @jetset life wanted me to tell about the concerts! and exams(ew) well the concerts where amazing. Fall out boy was fun though I was a sardine, because there where sooooooooo many people, alsooo I got a contact high due to like everyone smoking pot. Frank's concert though was literally the best I've been to yet. The homeless gospel choir and modern chemistry where rad af and FIATC was superb! I also got to witness frank throwing a girl out of the concert. My only regret though was I could not meet him. There's always next time... hopefully ^-^ IF YOU GET A CHANCE TO GO, MOTHERFUCKIN GO, there will be no ragrets.
Oh and if you want to see pictures i took from it here is my instagram sorry about my face, ignore it. Exams suck btw dont take them. though i did okay on one of mine and my SAT i have to wait a while for the results.

OKay enough of my blabbing thank you for reading, I'll try to be good writer and update<3